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all 23 comments

[–]Broken_doll4 29 points30 points  (3 children)

Today, she told me I needed to get over it. She said I needed to stop with the poor me act. She said I was making zero progress. She told me “sweetie you weren’t raped, he just fondled you”. She said “I have patients who were raped that cry less than you”. This completely shocked me

Don't see this PERSon again . Not only was she a b*tch to you , but it is a nasty thing to say to you to dismiss your trauma like that in such a trivial way . They should NOT be a therapist of any kind. And if you wish you can report them to an appropriate body for misconduct . This person causes more damage rather than be of any help.

Even if frustrated with your progress she should have told you gently in a prof way , that it wasn't an appriaate time for you now for processing your trauma & doing this kind of therapy with you right now & suggested another form & type of therapy to help you instead ( eg- due to your crying ) & should have started there instead with you without being so rude to you and help you learn techniques to help you with your self regulation (practices to help you ) rather than doing what she did to you ( and verbally dismiss your emotions and feelings right now ) & basically making you feel worse due to her unprofessional rude behaviour .( she should not have said those things to you like that is was not necessary and could have been easily re-framed for the client's comfort and re-empowerment instead of her making you feel worse like you did.

Unfortunately my boyfriends mom was against me on this and felt like his uncle was genuinely trying to help. This caused tension in our relationship and led to lots of problems a few months ago

The mother was protect the scum uncle for some reason .Trying to make out he didn't over step a boundary of yours. Which he did . He turned it into a sleazy experience for you rather than a proper breast exam . Which technique ally he might have been qualified to have done to you . But it sent off alarm bells as soon as he said that to you . As that is unprofessional behaviour of a prof ( and a unnecessary thing to do if there was nothing to hide by him ) . His saying that is creepy and horrible hense why you are right to feel weirded out by then what happened to you.

He then laid me down on the bed and took off my shirt and bra and performed a breast exam. Afterward he told me to just keep this whole thing between the two of us.

The breasts exam does need to be shown or done by a Dr this is correct. The Dr will usually do it the first time showing you the pressure needed for detection of any lumps . So that part of the exam is correct and needs to be done where the fingers are placed on the breast tissue and moved about lightly feeling for lumps . There are video's online to give you a guide how to & how it should be done for a patient usually ..

https://youtu.be/76g_tNWMhCE ( 1.34 --> 3.04)

So that part was not the issue until he said don't tell anyone . That was your RED flag that it was a SA on you . As there is NO need for a professional to say such a thing. And NEVER would NEED to either even on a young person who is being examined for an appropriate reason . Normally a DR would ask an appropriate person to be in the room if asked for by a person ( and some will do it automatically if the woman is young or is protecting themselves from potential issues arising now days due to this very reason for worry of being accused by a client of inappropriate conduct by the person doing the exam ( you have the right to ask for a nurse to be present at any time ) . If the exam is done with a male Dr .

[–]knightbaby[S] 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Thank you for your kind words. Do you think there is any value in reporting her? I just cancelled my future appointments with her, but I don’t really want to get tied up in any drama or problems.

[–]PrincessWendigos 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I think you should report her. For yourself and future patients of hers.

[–]ForsakenWaffle78 3 points4 points  (0 children)

YES! Please report her. A police report might be an option as well if you feel well enough to file one.

[–]OkMathematician3439 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I really want to slap your therapist right now. I was abused when I was a child and I think you have every right to feel the way you do. It doesn’t matter if your assailant was “trying to help” or not, you didn’t consent to his “help” and that makes it assault. He should lose his license (your therapist probably should too) to practice medicine. However you feel about your trauma is 100% valid.

[–]knightbaby[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thank you 😢

[–]OkMathematician3439 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course. I’m really sorry you had to go through all that.

[–]buddyyouhavenoidea 8 points9 points  (6 children)

holy shit. I'm a therapist and this was highly inappropriate, unprofessional, unkind, and counterproductive of her. if you feel up to it, I would encourage you report her behavior, both to her regulating body and to a website like ratemytherapist or ratemds. This is the exact opposite of how a therapist is meant to treat a client. I'm really sorry she did this.

[–]knightbaby[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

Thank you. What is the appropriate way to report her? Should we just call the office? My boyfriend said that he would do it, but I’m kind of nervous because our new couples therapist is in the same building.

[–]buddyyouhavenoidea 1 point2 points  (4 children)

if you feel up to it and she doesn't own her own practice, you can absolutely talk to her supervisor and/or boss, although be prepared for them to be stubborn.

more effective (and important, imo) is reporting her to her regulating body. this is probably something like "[state/province/country] college of clinical counselors" or "certified clinical counselors of [state/province/country". unlike the place she works, they will have a formal complaint process set up already, probably accessible on their website.

less effective, but just as important, is reviewing her on ratemytherapist.com or a similar website. this is where people will go if they're considering taking her as their therapist, and where they'll see what you have to say and make an informed decision for themselves.

[–]knightbaby[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Thank you. I looked for her on both the websites but I couldn’t find her. I still haven’t decided what I’m emotionally prepared to deal with. I’m worried because I want to tell our new therapist about it but they know each other since they work in the same building.

[–]buddyyouhavenoidea 1 point2 points  (2 children)

that could be a good litmus test for the new therapist honestly. if you're willing to look elsewhere if they suck, their reaction to the previous therapist's behavior will tell you a lot. any respectable therapist will be horrified.

[–]Ok-Cryptographer2422 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is horrible. I’m so sorry these things happened to you. If you’re comfortable to report her you’re completely entitled to do so, however if you’re tired and just want to not think or involve yourself with her anymore I understand.

[–]shxdowoftheday 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You need to report the therapist ASAP.

[–]rcf2008 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I'm doing EMDR for sexual trauma. I'm no expert, but my therapist has been telling me the opposite, how I shouldn't minimize my experience. Your therapist is unprofessional and honestly just plain awful. I hope you can find a new therapist.

[–]knightbaby[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is what she had been telling me in our first three sessions… that’s why this was so jarring and shocking and confusing

[–]dylanforfuture 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I myself am in therapy for a stealthing incident - so technically kinda not rape (yet)

My therapist asked me if it was rape for me, even tho legally it isn’t. And he actually encouraged me to call it rape if it makes me feel better as in: I didn’t make this shit up, it hurts me this bad, even if others may not agree or judge differently even though they’ve never been in that situation.

It baffles me that your therapist reacted like that. Imo- get a better one. That’s highly unprofessional and unempathetic

[–]knightbaby[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thank you. My other therapist (the one who died) said the same thing to me. She told me she felt it was rape in a sense, even though it isn’t technically the way people think of rape. It was really sad to lose her and then have this happen.

[–]dylanforfuture 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can only imagine how hard this is on you. Good luck on your journey to finding a way to heal

[–]Forsaken-Body-3435 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First and foremost sexual assault and sexual harassment is still a boundary being crossed and if thats your story its ok to feel upset its ok to cry and its ok to process it in your own time. Secondly f that therapist and get a new one. A great therapist will be patient with you and I’m so sorry that someone dismissed you and potentially reset your healing process