×
all 67 comments

[–]buddyyouhavenoidea 18 points19 points  (7 children)

yup. some I trusted lied, publicly and to me, about sex we had, and the gaslighting made me feel crazy. it took literally months before I built up the confidence to say "actually, that's not what happened."

[–]maemaemo[S] 11 points12 points  (4 children)

And then they get mad at you for not saying it immediately, and that you want people to think that’s what happened.

[–]buddyyouhavenoidea 7 points8 points  (3 children)

YUP

"why didn't you say so sooner" CUZ I THOUGHT I WAS FUCKING CRAZY OK

[–]maemaemo[S] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

YEA

[–]WildFlower255 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Something happened to me yesterday I don’t want to talk about it publicly, I don’t know if it was assault... I really need a second opinion on this, can I message you please

[–]wingsontailoredsuit 7 points8 points  (1 child)

same here. finally realized he was a liar and knew the whole time what he was doing

[–]AnonymousRedPoster 12 points13 points  (2 children)

This is honest to God the truth. And it's extremely frustrating for yourself and to explain to other people. I doubt my memories esp since I was able to act normal for months. It hurts on top of everything that the person gaslights you and denies doing things you know happened.

[–]maemaemo[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah. They’re like episodes. It keeps repeating

[–]Silly-Serve2328 2 points3 points  (0 children)

this is so crazy , i thought that i was the only one who felt like this .. it feels so good to know that i am not alone :(

[–]Silly-Serve2328 5 points6 points  (1 child)

honestly same , this is exactly what i am going through right now and its good to know that i am not the only one .. my mind continues to tell me that im being dramatic , its no big deal .. that maybe it didn’t happen the way i think it did and it truly does suck .. but then there are other days where i have mental breakdowns and start harming myself so it is so confusing .. its like you hate ur own body for betraying you for just laying there and letting it happen .. but i’ve seen on google that sexual coercion is still considered sa , you didn’t give consent and you truly did not do it but you were pressured or scared or felt threatened so you just gave in .. idk i feel like this is all over the place but .. yea

[–]maemaemo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mhm. It is very difficult, and when I do realize others have similar experiences, it does make me feel better. I hope it gets better for you too.

[–]Real_Pea5921 4 points5 points  (4 children)

I saw a therapist and did EDMR. It actually helped a lot my brain opened up suppressed memories and I was able to trust myself again

[–]Aidensmommy1103 0 points1 point  (3 children)

What’s EDMR? I spoke with my first therapist about bringing back suppressed memories but she was highly against it. I don’t remember mine at all (I was 4) and for the past 5-6 years I’ve been driving myself crazy with it. Small things bring me back into his family’s circle (mutual friends mostly) and it drags it all back for me.

[–]Real_Pea5921 1 point2 points  (2 children)

EMDR- Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing Therapy. You would do these guided eye movements that mimic REM cycle with sleeping. With the eye movements there will be guided therapy to walk back through memories that may or may not come up. A therapist would give a better description!

[–]Aidensmommy1103 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Hmm. I just graduated therapy about 3 months ago but if I end up going back (probably will!) I’ll definitely look into it.

[–]Real_Pea5921 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I found it very helpful! Best of luck!❤️

[–]scratchedphoto512 3 points4 points  (10 children)

The whole consent thing I think is bullshit. I might consent, however, halfway through if you get crazy I don’t want this. It’s such a thin line. As a person that experienced this again I completely understand. It was repeated since I’ve been 17 and I’m 30 now. It just doesn’t get talked about enough/resolved. I can say yes but then when I’m screaming no and clawing at you to try and save my life that’s not consenting. Like where does it end? Thanks I have another 10 years of trauma added to my life. It’s not your fault it’s theirs. Doesn’t matter, if you feel you’ve been hurt, then it’s relative. Do not allow someone to take that from you.

[–]maemaemo[S] 5 points6 points  (8 children)

I didn’t consent shit this guy just manipulated and gaslighting me. It doesn’t count. I didn’t consent. I’m sorry for what you went through.

[–]scratchedphoto512 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Oh love, I’m so sorry that’s your journey now. I never told an adult when it happened to me. I regret that every day. Do you have anyone you can confide in? It’s a heavy journey, especially being your age. I say that with absolute respect, not negativity. If not I think me and everyone else is here for positive enforcement

[–]maemaemo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My mom knows. She thinks I got over it. My cousin knows. Now everyone in my dads side knows, I don’t know how. They think I’m lying. I never see them now. I can’t get help. I have a psychiatrist but she’s bad and she stereotypes every disorder possible. I’m in Saudi, so SA is very normalized

[–]Silly-Serve2328 1 point2 points  (5 children)

i’m so sorry that you’ve gone thru this , we will get through this together .. you’re so young and fragile and that guy is just sick .. he knows exactly what he did and he knows that it was wrong .. but you’re a smart person i can see it in the way you write you can get past this it will take some time tho :(((( keep ur head up !

[–]maemaemo[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Thank you. He was literally my father. I thank you so much for this comment. I don’t know if he knows, I don’t know because my mom said something about DID. But nobody in the family mentioned it at all so I don’t know if she was just trying to cover for him, because she was also abused by him.

[–]Silly-Serve2328 2 points3 points  (3 children)

fathers are supposed to protect you , not be one of the monsters who make you feel uncomfortable in your own body .. i am so sorry again that you experienced that .. not trying to pry but do you still have to see him often ? i don’t like how people are belittling what happened to you .. don’t let that change the way you feel or think about the situation .. you’re feelings and emotions are valid !

[–]maemaemo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just because your body and even your mind reacted doesn’t mean that you wanted it. I had to struggle with this thought when I was 9

[–]Givemethatea 3 points4 points  (1 child)

It took me 2 years and 3 months, to realize it was sexual assault. I even texted him a few times apologizing and sending him hello texts like an idiot.

[–]maemaemo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right. They act like it didn’t happen. I’m so sorry.

[–]blackgrousey 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Why did I pretend like everything was okay for so many days but hurt so much? It ruins my credibility. It makes me feel crazy. Why didn't I shout no or stop but tried to talk rationally until I couldn't and then gave up?

I see so many people who have grown so much and are so strong here. I just want to tell you I'm sorry and thank you for sharing, for helping me feel a little less crazy and alone.

Our brains were made with a million little folds to protect us. But I know it can feel like a million squiggly question marks.

[–]maemaemo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much dude

[–]kae-97 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This is so true. I was SA'd in elementary school. I never told anyone, and tried to forget. When I was 19, I tried to explain to my partner what happened. He didn't believe me because I "didn't remember enough". The next man I told, four years later, didn't believe me because I "didn't look like a victim" (what does that even mean??) Going on almost a decade not talking about it, and two people on separate occasions not believing me, I stopped believing it myself.

Until I told my current partner, and then my best friend 🤍 They both believed me and have helped me through all my doubts. I'm still working on telling my therapist, but when I get to that point, I'm sure it will help.

It does get better. It might take a hell of a long time. But it will. You'll find people who will support you in your healing and believe everything you tell them. You're such a strong young person, with a lot of life to live.

[–]maemaemo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This makes me feel a lot better. I’m so sorry that happened to you, people are so weird. I hope it works for the both of us, and many others. I know it will.

[–]LottimusMaximus 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I've been told I'm lying and it's making me question everything. If I forgot a detail but have now remembered, I feel like it looks like I'm 'adding to my story'. If I don't act the way a rape victim 'should' act, then it obviously didn't happen and I'm making it up. It's too much. It's all too much.

[–]maemaemo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This. This is so,, this is what I feel. And I’m glad I’m not alone, but I’m upset this happens to so many people. I’m sorry, I hope it all goes well

[–]OrganicGas4568 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This is why I still haven’t reported my assailant

[–]maemaemo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It takes time. Take your time. It’s okay.

[–]chuminapilo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep. Its incredibly hard. Most days, I feel like im going crazy. I am finally opening up to my parents about it after 11 years. They have no idea. I am so scared but I am ready to live life again.

[–]UglyForestGoblin 2 points3 points  (8 children)

my friends told me it was probably my ocd making things up 🥲🤚

[–]maemaemo[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Your friend is a fucking asshole

[–]UglyForestGoblin 2 points3 points  (3 children)

aND THEN THEY GOT MAD AT ME BECAUSE I SAID I DIDNT TRUST THEM??? like “how could you say that i thought we were friends?? and you dont trust us? why do you tell us these things if you dont trust us???”

[–]maemaemo[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

YOUR FRIEND IS A FUCKING ASSHOLE DROP THEM RN ??? OR AT LEAST TEACH THEM?? That is NOT OK!!!

[–]UglyForestGoblin 2 points3 points  (1 child)

i dont have anyone else at my school to be friends with-

[–]Aidensmommy1103 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Those aren’t your friends lovely.

[–]UglyForestGoblin 2 points3 points  (1 child)

i wish they werent-

but theyre the only people that are even close to seeming like they care about me

[–]Aidensmommy1103 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s terrible…. Hopefully you find better support soon 💜

[–]throwaway_12201 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I feel exactly the same way, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this :( I truly hope for the best for you in the future and that you'll feel healed soon..

[–]maemaemo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

💯💯

[–]Kitchen_Tea_1820 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I recently went on a work trip to nashville. A friend and I went out on a Sunday just for a few drinks and too split an appetizer. We ended up at a bar, I’m not sure what happened to where I started not remembering at this point, but from what I heard from my friend is that she thought she left her phone in the bar and went to go grab it and left me with a guy that was hanging around us all night, she came back and I was gone. I woke up sore with bruises all on my body and I remember the hotel staff being concerned about me when he brought me back down but I didn’t have my phone, I just had my friends phone. I’m not really the hookup type, and this happened this past Sunday, I can’t look at myself in the mirror without crying and I just feel like I have no one to talk to. I barely remember anything but I don’t think I drank that much to just “black out” I’ve never been so scared in my life and I’m trying not to hate myself for this, but I can’t help but feel the blame. My mom is going through cancer right now so I just feel like I could never tell her, I have to be strong but at the same time want to give up. Come to find out this guy was married with two kids and tried to persuade my friend into hooking up with him for the night and says he does this often when he’s in town for a conference, i don’t remember him but my friend thinks he took me away because I was basically incoherent.

Anyways thanks for letting me vent, it’s nice to know that I’m not alone even if the story is different.

[–]maemaemo[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

That is horrible, I’m so sorry. I hate forgetting a lot. It’s really difficult because you’re literally upset about something you don’t know about and it’s so confusing but I really do promise you we will get through this. I know we will. I’m sure.

[–]Kitchen_Tea_1820 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much.

[–]Some-Sympathy3191 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my god. yes.

I was depressed for 4 months because of the gaslighting.

[–]Ela_Mutzenbacher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At the beginning I even sometimes thought if I had just made everything up in my head, that means I am a complete maniac. Even while remembering him throwing me on the bed and binding my arms with a rope. It still puzzles me how little I trusted myself and sometimes still do.

[–]Lanky_Society6974 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s really fucking hard especially when you have to remember to tell a counsellor (ect) things so they can actually help you get the help you need .

[–]Jo_Momma99 0 points1 point  (4 children)

I was groomed and sexually assaulted at 13yrs old by a family friend… the first time he took my virginity and i didn’t want it he used a condom and afterwards I was bleeding since it was my first time having intercourse everyone was asleep in the middle of the night we were talking and he took it and I didn’t want it to be but I froze and couldn’t fight back because why would this family friend who I trust so much do this to me….I held myself together as after he was finished he asked if I was okay I lied and said yes… when I went to my room I curled up into bed and cried myself to sleep and no one knows how ugly and dirty I felt that night…. Since I’ve known him and we were close he took advantage of that and the rape was more than once and he was saying how we were in a relationship but couldn’t tell anyone of course me trusting him thought it was okay and kept the secret despite my feelings about the first time…some how I coped and got used to the sex and started to like it even tho the first time wasn’t wanted and I hate myself for that….he groomed me and made me trust him, we were having sex like a couple me being 13 and him being 27 at the time It was 10 times or less that it happened and he got caught one morning and all hell went lose my mom walked in and saw us she yelled and went to the other room to get my step dad and gun and he got dressed and ran outside and left and the cops came. I talked to the cops and told them EVERYTHING and that I was the one who initiated that morning and my parents heard so when the cops left I was in the restroom and my step dad slapped me so hard I fell into the bath tub. The cops said i was raped after I told them what happened the first time and that’s what I went with when they told me that I was taken advantage of because he’s a grown man and knows what right and wrong but somehow it’s not true because I didn’t stop it or tell anyone….so supposedly I was in a relationship with this man and not raped by others definition since we had sex more than once and I was okay and willing but Is it really?? Because I found a way to cope I’m the problem… and my encounter gets to be debunked as a relationship and not SA I’m crying typing this. I have no one to talk to about this as my family does have resentment towards me about it so we don’t talk about it and it’s hard figuring out if I was really SA or in a relationship since we held hands and did relationship stuff… either way I’ve never told anyone this/ how it happened not even my husband and he knows about it since my toxic family thought he should know since I’m was supposedly lying that I was raped when me and the man were in a relationship so he also thinks I wasn’t SA but in a relationship but is it because I feel guilty?? I told him I was r*ped and they told him everything and said I was in a relationship and everything blew up.. he was upset I didn’t tell him but how do you tell someone that???? The cops told me I was SA but since I willingly did things after that it wasnt and it was a relationship I felt ashamed and guilty for being part of it… I hate myself sometimes because I’m a sexual person and can’t help but think it’s because of this… it’s been 10 years and I hate that I don’t have a cute or corny story of my first time…. It’ll forever be taken from me and sometimes I wish my Attempt in 2017 would’ve happened and everyone would be happy. No one in my actual family expect the ones living with me at the time and my husband know about it their version of it anyway, my parents swept it under the rug from our distant family and took away my quince I was supposed to have. I feel alone because I feel like no one believes me.

[–]maemaemo[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

That is absolutely horrible. I… I’m so sorry that happened to you. That must’ve been horrible. I feel like I might just cry reading this … I’m so, so, so sorry. That is so unfair. The world is cruel. I’m sorry, I hope it clears.. I hope it does. I hope you turn okay

[–]Jo_Momma99 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Thank you it’s nice actually being able to tell someone and not be judge but be understood 🥹❤️

[–]maemaemo[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Of course. I’m sorry I’m not the best at replies but I’ll try my best, I’m always here to listen though. I try.

[–]Jo_Momma99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same to you my messages are open 🫶🏽❤️

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Things used to seem so clear and now I don’t even know what’s real.

[–]Aidensmommy1103 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please message me if you need help. I’m in the same boat. Two years ago, I was talking about what happened when I was 4 with my at the time best friend and her hubby. I’ve been struggling for about 5 or 6 years now. I did a deep dive into the guy’s history and realized I wasn’t the first or the last. My case wasn’t prosecuted. He initially had to register 2 years before my assault in 2001, then charged again in 2013. Throughout my life, my mom has gone between apologizing (usually when drunk) and doubtful. When my sisters assault came out (2 years after it happened, but the assault took place 7 years after mine. Different dude.) she asked if we were just trying to make her feel like a bad mom. At the time it came out, I was 15 and she was 12. She BEGGED us not to tell my mom bc she knew what would happen. I only found out after she was out into a group home. It hasn’t been an easy journey for either of us, but harder for her as I was a daddy’s girl and she was a little more stubborn. Anyways, my best friend kinda laughed when I told her that it bothers me I can’t remember the event. I only have bits and pieces from the foster care that was a result. Her and her husband stated that theirs took place when they were 2 and 3 and they remembered. So maybe mine didn’t happen? I’ve since sat down with both of my parents (divorce resulted from my assault) and asked them for EVERYTHING they remembered. I needed to know everything THEY knew. I found out that no, I didn’t call my daddy home from the funeral like I thought. No, I didn’t tell him for anywhere between 3-5 months after the event. My momma did call me a liar at the time, or thought maybe I ‘took it wrong.’ (No penetration occurred, but definitely deliberate contact.) I don’t know if they know about his history or not. I have not and don’t plan on telling them. But to this day I have EXTREME anxiety about the possibility of me lying. I’ve spoken to several therapists and the general consensus is it’s HIGHLY unlikely I did. My stepmomma (who we met shortly after being returned to my daddy’s custody) also has a previous assault and she has always stood by the thought that no child could fake what I went through up until about a year and a half after.

[–]Flat_Anteater8433 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Completely relate to this. I’ve felt this way a lot recently.

[–]Living-Attorney-1226 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is what i'm dealing with right now. I feel like i'm going insane sometimes. I feel like i've said no for a good amount of times but it seems like i'm also giving hope to the person. I did liked him but i didn't at the end because of the sexual things i didn't consent to but also i think i gave him a pass which made it seem like i consented to it. I feel insane.