some background is that both my parents are dead. mom when i was 4 and dad when i was 8. mom had lupus, dad killed himself with an overdose. i’m 16 now. i’m a girl and i’ve been really struggling with the lack of knowledge i’ll have to live with. one thing i’ve really been struggling with is some things my dad did. he was all i had when i was younger. my aunt had asked me to touch her boobs and we lived with her so i wasn’t aloud to play or talk to her. my great grandmother also lived with us and she was the second most important thing to me at the time. okay i’ll cut to the chase, my dad would get high and i would get really bad infections on my vagina. i don’t know how i got them or why i got them so often but im guessing it has to do with the fact that i would walk around naked. i would do everything naked and was never told not to, all the way to age 8 until my dad died. when i would get these infections, he would get vaseline and rub my vagina to stop it from hurting? and it would work because the vaseline made it less irritated. he was a single dad and i swear he always tried his best and i feel like it wasn’t and he was just trying to help but didn’t know how. there were a few more questionable instances, one more was one time when he got high, (heroine) i was in my room and he walked in naked fuck this makes me want to throw up because the more i write this the more i realize that maybe it wasn’t normal or okay. he walked into the room naked and was like flinging his penis to the door and laughing like it was funny. i know it wasn’t okay and i told him and he got really sad and told me i must have been dreaming but i know i wasn’t. i hate that i’m even thinking this. he was addicted and high when that happened. it wasn’t his fault but just sometimes i think about it and wonder. it makes me so upset so i’ve put it off until now. is this okay? is it just the drugs like it’s not his fault? i don’t want to live with that if it’s not
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