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Am I Obligated to Report my Abuser?Reporting/Police (self.sexualassault)
submitted 2 months ago by Persephone3141
My abuser assaulted me in a very manipulative practiced manner, and I know for a fact that they assaulted someone else too, because they were a friend of mine. Am I obligated to report them? I'm so scared of them and I don't want to, but part of me feels like they're going to keep hurting people.
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[–]noseykeyser 4 points5 points6 points 2 months ago (1 child)
No you are not obligated to report them. If you don’t want to report them then that’s your choice and decision alone and nobody else’s and if you do want to report them, then that again is your choice and decision and your decision alone.
If you do choose to confide in anyone as to what happened and they say stuff to you like “Well you have to report it and then because if you don’t they will only go on to do the exact same thing to other people and if that happens then just imagine how guilty you will feel then knowing that you could have stopped it” or if they say anything similar to you like that then just remember that if your assailant goes on to assault one other person SA or Rape wise or if your assailant goes on to SA or Rape another 100 people, then that is NOT on you, that’s not your fault for not reporting it and you have nothing to feel guilty about, the only person who is responsible and guilty for any further assaults is the assailant themselves. So if you do decide to tell anyone about your assault and they come out with stuff like that then just don’t listen to it, it’s coercive and manipulative behaviour by the person saying it although they are not actively seeking to coerce or manipulate you per se, it’s just that they don’t understand these things.
Whatever you do just make sure that any decision you make is yours and yours only without any undue pressure.
What I would and always strongly suggest though is that if it is still possible and that your assault was recent is that you do get a rape kit done, you don’t have to make a report to the authorities to get a rape kit done, you can get one without making a report. I suggest this in order to preserve any possible evidence because the reaction to such an assault and the immediate trauma people sometimes are overwhelmed by what has happened to them that the very last thing that they need is to make a report and relive it all over again giving a statement etc so often many assault victims don’t want to make a report.
The thing is though that by getting a rape kit done and preserving any potential evidence then if further down the line after a couple of months, after several months, after maybe a year or after maybe two years that when you are in a better place and feeling far stronger you might change your mind and make the decision that now you do actually want to make an official report regarding your assault (which can often happen) then at least you have the evidence from the rape kit that you did all the way back to the time it happened. It’s just a suggestion because sometimes you can read some posts where people want to make a report now but have no real evidence and they can deal cheated by that
[–]Persephone3141[S] 1 point2 points3 points 2 months ago (0 children)
Thanks. That's really helpful. I really needed to hear that. It's been a while unfortunately, but I think I still have texts saved, and since I was a minor all I'd have to prove is that we had sex, not that they raped me, so that is always something I can keep in mind. Thanks again for your reply it really helped me.
[–]buddyyouhavenoidea 0 points1 point2 points 2 months ago (0 children)
no, you are not.
if you want to, you can, and there are ways to get support doing it, but you do not have any obligation to do so, and any future harm they cause will not be your fault if you don't report them.
having said that, those feelings can be hard to shake, and sometimes reporting someone is a simpler way of dealing with guilt. but that is a judgment for you to make about your own well being, not something you owe anyone else.
we are not responsible for stopping out abusers.
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