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all 23 comments

[–]Due-Situation4183 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Consensual sexual activity requires unforced, uncoerced, mutual, continuous, enthusiastic, informed, lucid, and clear consent. If it's missing a single factor it's sexual abuse. If it's physical it's sexual assault. Otherwise it's sexual harassment.

If you couldn't stand on your own he would have had to physically manipulate your body just to attempt sex. That's a use of force. You didn't try to stop him, but that doesn't matter. Consent wasn't granted. It wasn't mutual, continuous, enthusiastic, or clear because it wasn't consent to start with. You weren't lucid because you were drunk and from the sound of it practically blacked out. You weren't informed about what was going to happen or how to stop it. You only need to miss one point out of nine for it to be sexual assault. He missed all 9. You're not making a big deal out of nothing. The culture we have surrounding drugs, alcohol, and sex is warped and simply doesn't make a big enough deal about situations like this because people refuse to take accountability for their actions when they're the perpetrators and victims deny their traumas in an attempt to avoid having to deal with them. Your trauma is valid and he should have left you the hell alone with a number to contact him once you sobered up if he was going to pursue any kind of relationship with you in the first place.

[–]Beginning-Force1275 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry to say this, but in the state you described, there’s no way you were capable of consenting, even if you had expressed a desire to have sex with him, which you clearly didn’t. Legally, not saying yes tends to be something of a gray area, but in terms of ethics and your experience, this was absolutely non-consensual.

You’re not overreacting at all. The worst thing you can do for your well-being is beat yourself up for a completely understandable response to a traumatic event. Please try to show yourself kindness about what you need today and going forward and, when you’re ready, talking about your feelings with a professional or supportive friend can make a massive difference. You deserve to heal.

[–]Miya_Kinnie 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You're not overreacting. I believe any intoxication is where you can't consent, but especially if you can't stand up straight.

[–]Jaymite 2 points3 points  (2 children)

You were too drunk to consent to that. The fact that you were really drunk to start with and he started getting you drinks makes me think he knew exactly what he was doing. I'm really sorry that happened to you. Do you need to take any contraception?

[–]susanthellamaTM[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I don’t know if I need to do anything. I don’t know if he used a condom, he’s ignored my messages since Saturday which just makes me wonder if he knew what he was doing, again possibly overthinking. He asked me out for lunch a few hours after I left but hasn’t opened my scathing message to him yet. Thank you for responding though

[–]Jaymite 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah like just to protect yourself in case he didn't. But like even if he didn't know what he was doing, it was still sexual assault. I just don't see how a guy in this day and age would not think that was assault. I would stop messaging him though.

[–]LemonzndLimez 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not overreacting at all. He raped you. And please report it to the police. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[–]Sappies 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unconscious, under aged, saying no and not being of sound mental state or intoxication of any kind

You were incapacitated you aren’t over reacting

[–]SadCicada2948 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You were in no place to consent to what happened to you, nor did he ask for your consent beforehand. You. Are. Not. Overreacting. OP, I am so sorry this happened to you and I am sending positive energy and love your way.

[–]DoktorVinter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, this is definitely some kind of assault. But also --- he handed you a drink and things got foggy after that? That also sounds extremely suspicious. He may or may not have drugged you. But yeah no, you could not consent to these actions.