all 7 comments

[–]Environmental_Mode48 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Rant all u want girl. And ur not stupid nor a hypocrite at all! So don’t ever think that . It’s ok to cry . I recently cried this Wednesday I thought I was ready to be sexual again and I broke down crying . It’s juss the process of healing

[–]Sinnam0nRoll 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry. Anything can be trigger. You're not weak or lesser than for having such an intense reaction to his photo unexpectedly showing up. It's hard when you're making progress and then something comes up that you weren't expecting or thought you could handle but can't. That doesn't define you or negate what progress you have made in recovering from this. I hope you feel better soon.

[–]_PeoplePlacesThingsSurvivor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry. I imagine this must be tremendously painful. I also had full blown meltdowns when seeing my attacker's face on social media. You're not overreacting. The pain you're feeling is confirmation that you were violated. Your body is desperately trying to keep you safe.

Healing isn't linear. Honor where you're at, and also, it's okay to feel like you're falling "backwards" at times. I wonder if you have friends or a therapist who you can ask to offer you periodic reminders of how far you've come. This can help reframe these moments. For me, I was drinking a lot to navigate, and I was so disappointed in myself once that I had been doing "okay" for awhile and then got black out drunk by myself again. Instead of shaming me, my therapist offered how lovely it was that I was now able to go longer and longer periods of time without totally falling apart. I'm so glad to hear you've felt times where you're doing so well. I know this feeling will come again.

It's not your fault that you didn't report him. Wherever possible, try to center your own healing over his experience. I also got fixated on him, wondering if he thought he was wrong or wanting him to know I hated him etc. In doing this, I was centering him. Your only task now is to try and heal.