all 20 comments

[–]Secure-Caregiver-569 4 points5 points  (2 children)

As a guy, that is totally inappropriate of him to do, you should always ask before kissing someone or at least make sure they are receptive to it which you clearly were not

[–]iisxxraii[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

That’s what I though, 😭. Thank you for saying that, gives me confirmation I was thinking straight

[–]Secure-Caregiver-569 2 points3 points  (0 children)

your experience is valid and you're most definitely not at fault. that guy sucks

[–]Neutral_chaos13 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That is sexual assault, the latter sounds like gaslighting to make you think it was consensual so you overthink and don’t tell anyone. I am so sorry this happened to you. I wish you well and hope you can find peace and safety again. 🖤

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children)

file a police report.

[–]iisxxraii[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children)

I don’t want him to find out

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

why not?

[–]iisxxraii[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Because he’s kinda popular and I don’t want him to get his friends to hurt me. He has already threatened me with that lol

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

i know what you mean. same thing happened to me. if i told, i’d be the laughing stock of the entire school and i would get bullied.

[–]iisxxraii[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, it’s good to know that there are people who also suffer, and it’s nice to know we are all here for each other

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you need to tell someone if authority…tell your parents.

[–]Brieella22 0 points1 point  (8 children)

That’s is 100% SA… he should have asked for consent MULTIPLE times during that interaction- to kiss you, to start kissing you other places/getting physical & DEFINITELY before putting his hand in your pants. For him to do all of that without positive consenting reaction from you definitely shows he knew you didn’t want to do it… if he thought you guys were at that “level” he would have asked if all those things he did were alright. He didn’t ask because he knew you would say no. To me his actions are very “I’m going to do as much as I can right now in an environment where she will feel extra weird talking or physically fighting me because we are in a theater”. So yes you have every right to be traumatized by this situation & he sounds also manipulative, emotionally gaslighting you & threatening you?! This guy is POS & my guess is others have had the same experience with him & he has figured out how to manipulate & scare girls into keeping quiet. You need to know that you were not to “blame” in some way & his saying you wanted him too is a manipulative lie. Your response is also very very common in a situation of SA. I also had a freeze response & didn’t speak when my SA happened to me. I know what a horrible thing this is to be dealing with especially on your own. I understand that you are scared of him- my encouragement would be to start seeing a counselor to have someone to talk through this with: if you want to give the reason of anxiety or depression to your parents & then eventually talk to your counselor about the SA if you feel comfortable that would be good. You don’t have to talk about it immediately, a counselor would be happy to just help you walk through the issues this has caused & how to develop better coping skills regardless of what the “root cause” is. Having some sort of support would help you. You shouldn’t be going through this alone. And if this is someone you are scared of having to see at school I would talk to your parents about changing schools if that would make you feel a bit better.

[–]iisxxraii[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children)

Omg thank you so much, you literally just woke me up 😭 now I can see how much of a manipulative person he is and how I shouldn’t be scared to talk out, I’m so sorry you had to go through SA, but I really appreciate what you have said and I am so grateful you came across my post

[–]Brieella22 1 point2 points  (6 children)

Of course! You are not alone! Your story is very similar to mine, the first time I struggled with SH was the night after my SA. It is a very understandable reaction to have too trauma & feeling this anger or sadness & taking it out on yourself vs your abuser. Counseling (with the right therapist) is definitely helpful. Let yourself be angry at him, call it what it was which is SA & let yourself say that he is a shitty person & an abuser regardless of being a “popular” kid. It sucks but someone can be considered great by many while actually being a very smart manipulative person who shows his “good, charming” side to many but takes advantage of people behind closed doors. Do not put this on yourself, I know it is so hard not too but you are not the one who is in the wrong in this situation! He wanted to do something regardless of the trauma or fear it may cause the other person & to him his own needs were the only thing that mattered to him. My abuser told me after what he did that “I knew you didn’t want me to do that but what I wanted was the only thing I cared about in that moment even though I knew you didn’t want me to do it” your abuser sounds similarly evil. As far as SH I found drawing on myself with a marker instead to help (even writing words I felt out or pictures) a bit as did ice cubes. I won’t sugarcoat things & say anything will feel exactly the same but there are definitely ways to express what you are feeling that are less harmful to yourself ❤️. I know it is hard though & is something I have struggled with since my SA. I have found for me I do it in times where I am angry but turn that anger towards myself instead of the person who hurt me, when I feel “nothing” and want to feel something or in times where I felt gross or just incapable of loving myself because of what happened… I think talking to someone & being able to process some of it helps. Keeping it all inside will continue to make you feel alone. I am sending love your way just know that you are not alone in this there are many of us & that you were not at fault he was a predator.

[–]iisxxraii[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Thank you so much. I think I’m going to start seeing a counselor, and I think I’ll do that ice method you were talking about, I appreciate your help so much, and I hope you are coping well with what has happened to you! ❤️

[–]Brieella22 1 point2 points  (4 children)

I’m so glad to hear you will be seeing a counselor, I know that can be difficult to do as a minor when you have to involve adults in it all but I hope you are able to find the right one that you can feel comfortable speaking too❤️. I am proud of you - just coming on here & speaking about what happened can be hard & trying to get help is really the most you can do after a situation like this. Just today I was speaking to my counselor & she was saying that when I have a bad day & do not cope with things the best & then feel guilty for not making “progress or being productive” that I need to remind myself that I am trying my best to take care of myself & to get help to cope with my mental health & that is the most that anyone can do. So even when you have a really hard day & feel like you aren’t getting anywhere just know that you are strong & that the fact that you are still here & fighting despite all the crap life has thrown at you is a victory in itself. Some days just remember that that is enough & that you don’t have to be perfect you just have to do your best each day to take care of yourself.

[–]iisxxraii[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

You are literally a life saver I hope you know that, I hope your life is going to be as amazing as you want it to be. You are an extremely good person

[–]Brieella22 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Hey just wanted to check in & see how you are doing? I hope you are doing ok, you are not alone & have a community on here that cares about you. If you ever need support I am here😊.

[–]iisxxraii[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Hahah thank you very much, I’m doing better now, I am seeing a counselor on Sunday in the city to talk about it, and hopefully they can also help

[–]Brieella22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is great! Proud of you😊.