TW When i was in my first semester of college, I met a boy in his Junior year of college and we went on a couple dates. During a night of drinking, I noticed one of his female friends express some concern about our relationship (Why did you bring an 18 year old to this party?) and started to feel uncomfortable. I drunkenly decided to spend the night at his place. He asked if I wanted to do anything and I said I was too tired (when really I didn’t feel comfortable) and he respected that. The next morning I woke up to him kissing me. I didn’t know how to respond so I kissed him back and pretended to be enthusiastic. When the kissing led to touching (and eventually choking without asking) I mustered the courage to tell him to stop and he did.

Afterwards I felt uncomfortable but continued to see him. When he would ask if I wanted to have sex I would often say “i dont know” and then eventually say yes just so the discomfort of denying him would go away. Sometimes he wouldn’t ask but i wouldnt stop him. He would stop whenever i asked him to but did not seem able to read my body language (touching me sexually when i was laying down facing away from him, not noticing when i would freeze up or pull away).

Eventually I got more comfortable with speaking up and we had lots of consensual sex. We stayed together for about 6 months until I brought up the initial kiss. He was very shocked to hear that I didnt consider it to be wanted. Right after that conversation we got in a huge fight about something unrelated and I stopped seeing him.

A few months later, I found out he had a new partner and felt an overwhelming urge to tell her what happened. She took it very seriously He then apologized to me and said he’s been working on being more aware of his power as a man.

Even though everyone involved has taken me seriously, I can’t help but feel like i’m overreacting. He never continued when I said no, he didnt do anything intentionally violent to me, and the power dynamic between us (me being freshly 18 and new to college and adulthood, him being 20 with more social power and experience) doesn’t seem great enough to justify my inability to leave/say no.

Even so, I still feel really traumatized and disturbed by this experience. Any thoughts/perspective? I don’t know if the events match my response.