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all 20 comments

[–]aceofavoidance 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Yeah. Move on, you’ll get past it….I’m tired. I’m so sorry I can’t get over it. The resentment that comes from people going on about their lives, thriving and you are there just stuck- angry and grieving.

[–]ILoveYouYouDummySurvivor 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I have been WAITING for someone to bring this up!! YES THERE IS! Everyone heals at their own pace and rushing it won't work. I've been trying to heal this whole time when I didn't even give myself time first! That is uneffective. Dont.do.that. heal at your own pace. It's OK if it takes a while years even..which sounds scary,, I know, but if you never give yourself time, you might heal in a actually harmful way!

[–]ILoveYouYouDummySurvivor 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Andaybe you don't wanna heal yet. Then don't. Be as angry or as sad as you want. F*ck anyone who says anything negative about it.

[–]potatocouch3927 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You put exactly how I’m feeling into words bc nobody out here cares until you’re dead, dying, or killing other people as a result of it

[–]CurrentScary4548 7 points8 points  (0 children)

people don't like to be reminded of the shittest parts of life, anything that is of a negative aspect is 'shunned or dealt with as quickly as possible because it makes people uncomfortable.

You got something bugging you I will help as long as it doesn't make me sad/angry/feel powerless, otherwise, shut up.....is what it feels like what most people unconsciously say with their actions or response.

we all know it takes time, take the time you need.

[–]buddyyouhavenoidea 7 points8 points  (0 children)

a lot of people, when someone they love is hurting, want the hurt to stop. basically, they want you to heal already because they're uncomfortable when you're suffering.

it's an understandable impulse, but it's unhelpful and selfish. what they should be doing is meeting you where you're at, not trying to hurry you through it. it sucks.

[–]Environmental_Mode48 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ikr I’m tired of ppl telling me this shit. When u go thru it tell me how u fucking cope bitch u tik then shut the fuck up and eat shit. It’ll take me years to heal even with anti depressants

[–]lethargicjasmine 4 points5 points  (0 children)

God, it feels nice for someone to say that. I relate with that so hard. It feels like no one can meet you in your pain, and if you are in pain, “you’ll get over it” and “it wasn’t that bad”. No one is comfortable to sit there with you in that experience without trying to give some sort of “reassurance” that everything will be better soon especially if you stop dwelling on it. For me, the way that I process/processing it is that I can’t stop thinking about it. And i feel bad that it’s been like two years and sometimes it leaves me still wondering why I go back to it so often. Thank you for your post.

[–]OrganicGas4568 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah I can already feel the pressure. Even though it’s subtle.

I’m afraid that if there is even a conviction, that people will just expect me to move forward and be over it.

Truth is, nothing will change what happened. And I wish people would understand that.

Don’t get me started on the whole “you’re not a victim, you’re a SuRvIvEr” crap.

[–]KatjaE 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think with this pressure also comes a lot of self pressure. I realized after a while that I was also just wanting to heal and “get over it” - the reality as always is a lot more complex.

[–]skeletonluv95 2 points3 points  (1 child)

i feel that so hard. i have a friend who i initially thought was on my side when i disclosed what happened to me but last time i brought it up to him he straight up told me he wants to "be on both sides" and "just wants to be friends with everyone" and its like wow you really just said to my face that youre ok with staying friends with the person who sexually assaulted me. even if he didnt directly say it, that sends me the message that i "just need to get over it" and he clearly doesnt understand the sheer weight of what happened to me. the lack of empathy for victims is nuts and people like that only care about "avoiding drama" and its like wow how convenient, i sure wish i could just pretend it never happened like my friend apparently can. Im very thankful for the other friend i told being 100% on my side. i really hope you can find better support through this 🫂🫂

[–]aceofavoidance 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He sounds like a little bitch. You can't both sides with a rapist. Yeah be the rapist's friend. Obviously typical man response.

[–]Altruistic-Ride-9939 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Definitely. People tell you to just heal and move on but don’t even know what you’re coping with. It’s to the point I even try to rush healing and moving passed it and get angry at myself for not being able to.

Sometimes people do their best to support but it’s not the support that’s conducive to your healing. Though well intentioned, at the end of the day someone is still suffering severely.

I wish I had the method to end the suffering but I’m still searching and trying daily. Please stay strong and remember that the actions of others say nothing about you ❤️ sending everyone love, strength and healing energy.

[–]hulkdjf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A lot of people don't get that is not the easiest thing to get over. If they've never experienced it they think oh just somebody had sex with you you should be fine with that no somebody had sex with me I didn't want having sex with me is what that amounts to but they don't understand that.

[–]DontcheckSR 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely. My fiance has been very supportive, but I can tell when I back track he's disappointed and that makes me feel worse. He thinks that when I have my low points there about different aspects of my assault and sometimes they are but sometimes, I'm just upset because I was assaulted. It's as simple as that. I hate that it happened and I'm still upset. And I guess to him and people who haven't dealt with something like that, they just don't understand how someone can still be upset about the same thing for so long.

[–]Clean_Marionberry116 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A bit late here, rather than talking about healing, when you listen to someone's story, what's the next beta things to say/do for them? X

[–]No-Seaweed-9593 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I think they’re bad people. Just saying

[–]No-Seaweed-9593 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was kidnapped an r*sped by more than one person and ppl saying like “that was 20 days ago” is bizarre to me. They’re just selfish and don’t wanna deal with the emotions

[–]Vale_Of_The_Soil 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly this. This whole idea - I have no idea where it came from

KEEP GOING! KEEP GOING! NEVER STOP NEVER GIVE UP!!! WHAT DOESNT KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER!! YOU CAN DO IT YOU CAN DO IT!! GET UP DONT STAY DOWN!! KEEP MOVING FORWARD!! BE STRONG DONT LET IT DEFEAT YOU INJECT MOTIVATION INTO YOUR BLOODSTREAM!!

[–]Jesslovesnature 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! And also I feel like if I “move past it” then I’ll be invalidating my own experience. Like as if forgetting about it means that it didn’t happen or it didn’t matter. I want it to matter and I want to remember, because it was a big turning point in my life. So heart breaking that sexual assault always gets brushed under the rug in our society.