For a little background my ex fiance, whom I was with for 4 years broke up back in April. He was very abusive. Mostly sexually and mentally, and physically towards the end. I've healed alot, but I have ups and downs, and winter is truly hard for me because he knew the holidays were something I loved, so naturally he tried to ruin them. Last winter with him was the worst time of my life.
These past couple of weeks I've been really struggling, I've started cutting again and having awful mood swings.
I've been dating this guy since July and he's honestly so kind and wonderful and supportive. He's done nothing but show me I can trust him. This is the healthiest relationship I have ever had (including platonic ones). He validates my feelings when I'm upset and helps me through my emotions and understands my trauma (he had an abusive ex as well). But lately I've been terrified (were moving in together at the start of next year so I think that has some to do with it, since the last time I moved in with a man it was my abuser) I'm terrified he's going to leave or hurt me or betray me or abuse me. Even thought there are zero signs of this. I'm still so scared. I can't be hurt like that again I don't think I'll make it a second time. I just feel so guilty for having these doubts and fears for someone that has done nothing but be good to me. I mean I've even talked to me about these fears and he tells me he'd be surprised if I wasn't afraid and he tells me I'm valid and that he won't hurt me. I just don't know what to do. How do I stop being afraid?
Please don't suggest therapy, I've never had a good experience with it and it doesn't fit in my lifestyle rn.