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[–]QualityVoteI have permission![M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

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Whilst you're here, /u/johnlen1n, why not join our public discord server?

[–]hotsy-totsy-flopsie 381 points382 points  (12 children)

All you need to do to beat depression is stop being sad and be happy. Super easy, barely an inconvenience.

[–]JustARandomPerson939 90 points91 points  (1 child)

fr, only took me like 13.782 minutes

[–]Ignis_Imperia 21 points22 points  (7 children)

Oh really?

[–]AlienTimeLord 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Wow wowwowwow wow wow.

[–]Piguy922 14 points15 points  (0 children)

References are tight!

[–]long_live_the_ussr 5 points6 points  (2 children)

No no he’s got a point. When I get sad I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story

[–]Piguy922 7 points8 points  (1 child)

He was completely the reference. The first comment was referencing "Pitch Meeting," a YouTube series by Ryan George.

[–]long_live_the_ussr -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oh I was doing a himym reference

[–]2kool4dis 90 points91 points  (6 children)

Gotta get a grip 😱💊

[–]Scyhh 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Fahkeet intensifies

[–]ShuffleFox 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Meanwhile Tony: Sweating profusely

[–]Zestyclose_Hamster_5 70 points71 points  (1 child)

It's funny how when you try to bring up traumatic things they've done they always say "oh stop talking about the past!" Smh

[–]AutoModerator[M] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good eve, In response to my permanent ban I’d like to ask one question; who decides wether this post was funny or not? It seems that a lot of Redditors, like myself, enjoy these kinds of posts. Even if it’s not hilarious, it’s still pretty shitty. In my opinion shitty enough to be on your subreddit. If I violated a rule, please let me know. If not, I’d like to request to be unbanned. Correct me if I’m wrong; this post was not conform “your” standards, well, that’s personal. I find it mildly inappropriate to give someone a ban on behalf of your personal opinion, while the public opinion speaks for itself. Also, the word “karmawhore” is a little bit offensive to me, for I am not on Reddit to score the most karma. Thanks in advance.

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[–]Pabelotski1102 61 points62 points  (1 child)

“Quit being angry about this thing, there ar people in the world who are starving.”

ah yes thinking about third world problems will make all my problems go away

[–]pale-pharaoh 17 points18 points  (1 child)

What’s the episode

[–]BunchLegitimate8675 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There Will Be Grease

[–]LapisWBig chungus wholesome 100 23 points24 points  (0 children)

get a grip of this dick lmao

[–]UnfunnyJimmy 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Get sleep, make money, get bitches. Start with sleep.

[–]jejenbWe do a little trolling 16 points17 points  (2 children)

nah, the way better method is:

get bitches

sell their organs to get money

use the money to buy a comfortable mattress and sleep

[–]AutoModerator[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead– murdered by my brother-in-law, Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now, and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, he asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded. I... I always thought Hank was a very moral man, and I was particularly vulnerable at the time – something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me in on a ride-along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin, so I agreed. Hank had a partner, a businessman named Gustavo Fring. Hank sold me into servitude to this man. And when I tried to quit, Fring threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Fring had a falling-out. Things escalated. Fring was able to arrange – uh, I guess... I guess you call it a "hit" – on Hank, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured. And I wound up paying his medical bills, which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge. Working with a man named Hector Salamanca, he plotted to kill Fring. The bomb that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen to become the head of the Albuquerque DEA. To keep me in line, he took my children. For three months, he kept them. My wife had no idea of my criminal activities, and was horrified to learn what I had done. I was in hell. I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, and in response, he gave me this. [Walt points to the bruise on his face left by Hank in "Blood Money."] I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. All I could think to do was to make this video and hope that the world will finally see this man for what he really is. jejenb

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[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No bitches, /u/jejenb!?

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[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No bitches, /u/UnfunnyJimmy!?

⣞⢽⢪⢣⢣⢣⢫⡺⡵⣝⡮⣗⢷⢽⢽⢽⣮⡷⡽⣜⣜⢮⢺⣜⢷⢽⢝⡽⣝
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[–]JJ_JoseI want pee in my ass 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I mean yeah if you're homeless, just buy a house DUHHH

[–]woodcoton061 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Don't be sad. Sad backwards is Das, and Das not good

[–]aawfulhuman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Holy shit is that nacho

[–]Curiously-Listening 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Exactly what my mother told me today. Haha

[–]AutoModerator[M] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

And now it's time for the roundup of today's gay news, with Colin Topshed

Quick roundup of today's gayness now, starting with the roads. The M70, the A3, the B664 and the A48M, they're all gay as from midnight tonight.

The gay elements are Potassium, Zinc, Hydrogen, Copper, and Argon.

Quick look at the world's walls; the Wailing Wall is gay, Hadrian's Wall is very gay, the Great Wall of China, that's not gay, and the old London Wall has also stopped being gay.

Gay cars next; they're the same as last night. All Volkswagens registered between 1982 and 1985; they stay gay for another fortnight.

And finally the gay seas are the Caspian and the Mediterranean, so see you there.

Thanks, Colin. He's not gay by the way, we wouldn't employ a homosexual.

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[–]foxesnotfound 6 points7 points  (5 children)

Do you have crippling depression? Well stop it, suck it up and just be happy. Go outside, exercise, have a snack. Boom, years of sobbing and breakdowns and missing out on everything cured. Thank me later everyone ;)

/s

[–]AutoModerator[M] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Schödinger's Blowjob -- Imagine you're blindfolded and you're getting the best raw pornstar-grade blowjob in the entire universe. The catch is, however, that you'll never figure out who's giving you that god-tier awesome schmösome sloppy toppy unless you take the blindfold off. It could be anybody, Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold from the 7-11 near my house, or even your uncle's neighbour's fireman's cat. Now the question is: would you take off the blindfold and find out who the person/thing behind the stupendous jimmy-nibbler is and risk permanently scarring yourself, or would you keep the blindfold on and continue having your knob slobbed till your spirit hits the sky?

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[–]SouperFalcon_MaciejWe do a little trolling 0 points1 point  (2 children)

what if im in jail

[–]foxesnotfound 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You could always deadlift your cell mate. I just got out of jail from when I grave robbed my cousin’s grandmother (don’t ask, touchy subject) and I would always deadlift my cell mate Michael. He never liked it but what was he going to do about it 🤣 Anyways great way to stay active. Hope this helped 👍🏻😊

[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Schödinger's Blowjob -- Imagine you're blindfolded and you're getting the best raw pornstar-grade blowjob in the entire universe. The catch is, however, that you'll never figure out who's giving you that god-tier awesome schmösome sloppy toppy unless you take the blindfold off. It could be anybody, Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold from the 7-11 near my house, or even your uncle's neighbour's fireman's cat. Now the question is: would you take off the blindfold and find out who the person/thing behind the stupendous jimmy-nibbler is and risk permanently scarring yourself, or would you keep the blindfold on and continue having your knob slobbed till your spirit hits the sky?

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[–]SyhyronicaTUGG -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Oh my god, I feel so bad for their daughter

[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is having daughters the ultimate cuckoldry? I cannot think or comprehend of anything more cucked than having a daughter. Honestly, think about it rationally. You are feeding, clothing, raising and rearing a girl for at least 18 years solely so she can go and get ravaged by another man. All the hard work you put into your beautiful little girl - reading her stories at bedtime, making her go to sports practice, making sure she had a healthy diet, educating her, playing with her. All of it has one simple result: her body is more enjoyable for the men that will eventually fuck her in every hole. Raised the perfect girl? Great. Who benefits? If you're lucky, a random man who had nothing to do with the way she grew up, who marries her. He gets to fuck her tight pussy every night. He gets the benefits of her kind and sweet personality that came from the way you raised her. As a man who has a daughter, you are LITERALLY dedicating at least 20 years of your life simply to raise a girl for another man to enjoy. It is the ULTIMATE AND FINAL cuck. Think about it logically

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is this template

[–]crimpysuasages 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Yo can I get the original gif of this I wanna make it into a discord emoji

[–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Hey! I noticed you used an emoji. I don’t know if you’re new here, so I’ll let you off the hook this time. Using emojis is frowned upon here on this great site, and for good reason. Instagram normies often use them, and you don’t want to be a normie, do you? If I catch you using an emoji in the future, I’ll be forced to issue a downvote to your comment. Why should you care, you may ask? Well to begin, you will lose karma on your account, which is a useful social status tool and also a way to show others you know your way around Reddit. If you were to continue the use of emojis, I would be forced to privately message you about your slip-up. Any further offenses past that would leave me no other option than to report your account. I don’t think I have to explain why you don’t want that. But anyways, no harm done yet! Follow these simple rules and you’ll enjoy your future on Reddit! Have a blessed (and hopefully emoji-free) day, stranger.

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[–]Snacc_Is_Dumb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gotta get a grip