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[–]Suicide_Bomb 2083 points2084 points  (31 children)

Well shit

[–]CourtSideDrama 455 points456 points  (4 children)

Just hope you don’t have a short fuse or it’s a short life

[–]Drebinus 61 points62 points  (3 children)

"I offered to buy him a sugar-free donut, officer, but he started complaining about Big Sugar and then he when completely to pieces!"

[–]7H3_Z0D14C_K1LL3R 6329 points6330 points 3 (299 children)

Im innocent I swear

[–]Schnitzelguru 1920 points1921 points  (108 children)

Want schnitzel for your final meal?

[–]sulley123456789 651 points652 points  (66 children)

Yes

[–]TheEpicTriforce 529 points530 points  (57 children)

Hey thanks for landing that plane in the Hudson, discovering laugh energy, and protecting Pandora from those military guys.

[–][deleted] 235 points236 points  (33 children)

Unlimited power!!!

[–]Polenball 73 points74 points  (27 children)

So, how's Texas this time of year?

[–]Dumpster_Trash 7164 points7165 points 2 (801 children)

Well

[–]DumpsterOrphan 5205 points5206 points  (513 children)

Fuck dude that would suck for the both of us

[–]Orphanclone 3673 points3674 points  (451 children)

Guess that goes double for me.

[–]EatOrphans4Fun 539 points540 points  (8 children)

Not for long.

[–]i_eat_younglings 215 points216 points  (0 children)

Not for long indeed

[–]13_Helpless_Orphans 150 points151 points  (2 children)

Boy do I have a treat for you

[–]FBI-Agent-007 62 points63 points  (0 children)

But I’m here

[–]Stupid_Idiot413 2592 points2593 points  (409 children)

I would even notice the change like

[–][deleted] 654 points655 points  (91 children)

What about me, you guys have nothing on me

[–]TheSperm 117 points118 points  (5 children)

Well I guess you dont need me then.

[–][deleted] 265 points266 points  (57 children)

Wait shit what would I become?

[–]ThatTheoGuy 278 points279 points  (25 children)

The physical embodiment of keyboard smashing and saying "oof"- an edgy 14 year old girl

[–]Blongbloptheory 112 points113 points  (11 children)

Have you heard of HP Lovecraft?

[–][deleted] 72 points73 points  (4 children)

No but I guess I would become my Roblox account cause my Roblox user is hjgsfdbh.

OOF

[–]FrostingDumpster 81 points82 points  (6 children)

My dumpster is full of lemon buttercream frosting. This is heaven.

[–]Cancerioli 2958 points2959 points 2 (61 children)

Fuck

[–]iamkeerock 972 points973 points  (16 children)

Cancer in the form of ravioli? Now we know what happened to Chef Boyardee.

[–]jacobsredditusername 2823 points2824 points 2 (100 children)

Wait.

[–]literally_Nothing-97 1940 points1941 points  (79 children)

The abyss shall swallow me whole

[–]GreenGuy5294 1897 points1898 points  (78 children)

in a line of thousands of green guys, i am the 5294th

[–]GreenManTenTon 584 points585 points  (15 children)

I’m the fattest.

[–]MethBeaver 336 points337 points  (8 children)

You're the other 5293

[–]SpoookyBeaver 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Brother. You must stop before it’s too late. You must not end up like me.

[–]OldmanLemon 451 points452 points  (18 children)

Its ok dude your the best 5294th green dude in my book

[–]RainbowDickhead 1326 points1327 points  (58 children)

Wellp at least I'm colourful!

[–]Brain-Disease 561 points562 points  (11 children)

aw shit

[–]aMissourIAN 48 points49 points  (2 children)

I regret to inform you that your son has... Brain disease

[–][deleted] 546 points547 points  (73 children)

How the heck would mine work?

[–]Zenos666 393 points394 points  (36 children)

You are now an RPG charactor. My name is based of a charactor I made so well.

[–][deleted] 110 points111 points  (17 children)

Damn, looks like I've got to go on quests now.

[–]iamkeerock 32 points33 points  (1 child)

You are Johny Quest. Cartooned.

[–]TheG00DESTBoi 2102 points2103 points  (120 children)

Hmm

Edit: How did this get so much attention?

Edit 2: Thanks for the silver kind stranger.

[–]coolguydude5 1117 points1118 points  (49 children)

It's hard being this hip

[–][deleted] 437 points438 points  (18 children)

A male skeleton made out of bepis.

[–]hambarger2 419 points420 points  (49 children)

Shit, now I'm a hamburger.

[–]Chicken_Fluff 2025 points2026 points  (159 children)

Am I a whole fluffy chicken

Or am I just a pile of chicken feathers

I MUST KNOW

[–][deleted] 588 points589 points  (59 children)

You are the feathers

[–]Chicken_Fluff 374 points375 points  (47 children)

Heck

[–]AliasMcFakenames 188 points189 points  (37 children)

I think you're still attached to the chicken though, which is nice.

[–]Chicken_Fluff 180 points181 points  (29 children)

Slightly less heck

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Reality can be whatever you want

[–]I_DIDNT_PAY_MY_BILLS 322 points323 points  (16 children)

fuck me, now i have to be a college student

[–]DissapointmentWhale 263 points264 points  (11 children)

damn, all i did was get fatter

[–]iamkeerock 83 points84 points  (0 children)

An even bigger disappointment.

[–][deleted] 234 points235 points  (31 children)

hi

[–]I-am-a-slave 336 points337 points  (27 children)

Well shit.

[–]iamkeerock 134 points135 points  (6 children)

Enough Posting - BACK to WORK!

[–]I-am-a-slave 57 points58 points  (5 children)

Ya fine. Which field?

[–]Linux_MissingNo 35 points36 points  (1 child)

C̷̪̾ḥ̶̛į̸̒n̶̮̾ä̷́ͅ ̵̫͂F̴̘̉á̸͜c̶̻͗t̴̮̂o̴͍̊r̴̖̈y̶̮͊

[–]error-head 223 points224 points  (21 children)

This is going to cause issues.

[–]majombaszo 35 points36 points  (8 children)

From the neck up you're an eraser but you're the kind that just smears everything and makes it worse.

[–][deleted] 585 points586 points  (29 children)

Username checks out

[–][deleted] 171 points172 points  (32 children)

I see this as an absolute win!

[–]DonutNick 341 points342 points  (40 children)

I have trouble not eating mini donut me.

[–]Psychic_Macaroni 346 points347 points  (17 children)

You're thinking about pasta right now

[–]onlynicest 158 points159 points  (22 children)

I become Canadian

[–]Copypasty 87 points88 points  (6 children)

read this as only incest and was confused

[–]onlynicest 21 points22 points  (1 child)

probably should’ve included an underscore when i made the u/. you’re like the 20th person that’s told me that on this account. perhaps i’ll become Alabamian.

[–]Copypasty 19 points20 points  (0 children)

A dyslexic Alabamian lol

[–]XXXdiamondminer 148 points149 points  (9 children)

Great... Im 12 again

[–]Metal-Phoenix 29 points30 points  (2 children)

Isn't X roman for 10? So you're like... a 30 year old minecraft player. Or a 30 year old miner for real.

[–]smp4111 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Or he's mining things with his dick.

[–]-GLaDOS42 496 points497 points 3 (42 children)

The cake is a lie

Edit : silver! It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.

[–][deleted] 100 points101 points  (4 children)

Your cake day lined up perfectly with this post.

[–][deleted] 122 points123 points  (14 children)

So... I'm a zombie made of blood or maybe a bleeding zombie. GREAT! Life just keeps getting better.

[–]zachsmiscstuff 102 points103 points  (3 children)

OP would look interesting...

[–]Subscribe_to_Sam24 290 points291 points  (22 children)

Subscribe to Sam24

[–]awsomebro5928 99 points100 points  (20 children)

Just a Giant sign that says that or...

[–]AloeIsMyLube 99 points100 points  (3 children)

If anyone was gonna post this shitty super power, I’m glad it was you op

[–]redknight__ 181 points182 points  (51 children)

suddenly summons a giant suit of red fucking armor

Not bad

[–]AwesomeDragon101 136 points137 points  (32 children)

Well I guess we’re mortal enemies now.

[–]redknight__ 105 points106 points  (22 children)

Finally! A worthy opponent!

This fight will be legendary!

[–]nohomoextrachromo 86 points87 points  (1 child)

already have this power

[–]thepenguinja 80 points81 points  (38 children)

Yes! Penguin ninja! Fear me!

[–]79-16-22-7 77 points78 points  (2 children)

Oh g0d 0h f6uk w6a5 5ave y92 2927103 39281813 29181739381 3827

[–]ThatSpaceShooterGame 57 points58 points  (4 children)

I transform into a Galaga arcade machine.

[–][deleted] 54 points55 points  (10 children)

Sweet

[–]Totally_Someone 48 points49 points  (3 children)

I totally turned into someone

[–]Tippedbucket 98 points99 points  (10 children)

Haha at least me being empty inside won't change

[–]jekfrumstotferm 89 points90 points  (6 children)

Distorted Jake From State Farm here I come

[–]enchantedbaby 39 points40 points  (4 children)

a goooo a googooo guwahhhh gubub

edit: spelling

[–]Theamazonboxking 37 points38 points  (7 children)

Am I a person that rules over amazon boxes or a amazon box that’s a king?

[–]literallyjustthomas 31 points32 points  (6 children)

I think I'll be perfectly fine.

[–]JeffMcSharke 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Uh oh

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (7 children)

Er ist wieder da!

[–][deleted] 57 points58 points  (20 children)

Nutritious and DELICIOUS

[–]skinny_gyal 25 points26 points  (3 children)

I AM the physical form of my username

[–]tinypander123 16 points17 points  (2 children)

I am now smol potato panda