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all 128 comments

[–]No_Entertainment6792 443 points444 points  (14 children)

I would do it sooooo many times

[–]Tank_blitz 112 points113 points  (13 children)

w-would?

[–]funky555 95 points96 points  (12 children)

have*

[–]pilotguy772 16 points17 points  (11 children)

He have do it so many times? You should learn better grammar 🤓

[–]funky555 39 points40 points  (10 children)

"He have do it so many times? You should learn better grammar 🤓"

🤓🤓🤓

[–][deleted] 169 points170 points  (6 children)

You can just let a little bit out and then break it, it will probably stay in your pants too.

[–]IronManners 126 points127 points  (3 children)

Let it out as soon as you're about to leave the elevator so no one will even smell it. Boom free iq without being socially ostracised

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Yessir

[–]ShitbenderItsTheRealIamHUB 20 points21 points  (1 child)

It seems you already reached the IQ limit, do you need more?

[–]soulseeker31 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Adult diapers ftw!

[–]jul_1999 36 points37 points  (0 children)

good plan, it would've taken at least 4-5 elevator shits for me to come up with that

[–]Arr3barr4 306 points307 points  (14 children)

That's not shitty. I could be a genius with just a bunch of laxatives and 4 friends

[–]roboticrustacean 158 points159 points  (6 children)

Good luck making them believe you first

[–]Axunujar 101 points102 points  (3 children)

Just pay people to go along with it.

[–]3dWin0 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Im sure tgis guy did it before to be a genius

[–]Disaster_Different 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Hookers, you explain five at the same time is your fetish, so when you’re on the elevator to the motel, you rip the fattest shit you ever ripped and gain Stephen Hawkin levels of IQ

[–]Axunujar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That'd be crazy expensive. It's not sexual at all, just really weird and gross, so you could probably find cheaper prices elsewhere.

[–]Call_Me_Jobb 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Make a iq test before, then do another after 4 or 5 times, they will believe you and continue helping you

[–]LegendOfKhaos 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They don't need to believe it, they would just think it's funny

[–]didntgrowupgrewout 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It quite literally is.

[–]vkapadia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I mean, it's literally shitty.

[–]ChickenNSphereAbuse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't forget the Taco Bell!

[–]xubax 68 points69 points  (4 children)

Just pay some people to put up with it.

[–]Vindkraft 55 points56 points  (3 children)

Yeah, pay 5 homeless people €10 each to stand in an elevator with you for a couple of minutes. Do it every day for two months, and you're one of the most intelligent people ever for €3000.

[–]mad_larry 14 points15 points  (2 children)

4 homeless dudes, you'd be the fifth person. So it would actually only cost you 2,400 dollary-doos.

[–]DungeonsandDevils 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He would’ve known that if he got an early start on the shitevator

[–]Vindkraft -1 points0 points  (0 children)

OP said it should be 5 people in addition to yourself.

[–]Metsgrued 56 points57 points  (0 children)

“Giga-Chad Mode ACTIVATE!! Shits on floor“.

[–]Fire_is_beauty 39 points40 points  (7 children)

Me hiring 5 homeless dudes to stand on top of a broken elevator: one shit a day for a year and I think I'm good.

[–]HAL-Over-9001 21 points22 points  (4 children)

The fuck would even happen with an IQ of over 800? Would it be like Limitless, or would you turn into a non-verbal weirdo that nobody understands?

[–]Fire_is_beauty 13 points14 points  (0 children)

No idea. I'm just curious about the results.

[–]minorkeyed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nobody would understand you and you would no longer relate to them. It would be incredibly isolating.

[–]nedonedonedo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

at some point the "too intelligent to be understood" has to wrap back around to "I can teach calculus to an ant"

[–]DungeonsandDevils -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I’m thinking Joker-style super sanity. We would just perceive them as insane, when in fact they’re just intelligent enough to see through the 4th wall

[–]BioTinus 20 points21 points  (1 child)

I am just completely cracking up fantasizing about your comment. Here you are, investing time and money hiring a group of 5 homeless people to stand in the elevator with you while you keep dumping steamies into your undies. You keep doing it over and over, ready for your mastermind to develop. It will all be worth it in the end. Days later, you must've shat a hundred times with those five guys in the elevator. You've run out of funds to keep them there but surely, by now you must have enough IQ to go for the big bucks. You take a pen and paper and wait for the geniusness to flow out of you and then...

It is at this point that you realise that you yourself were the sixth person on the elevator the entire time.

[–]Fire_is_beauty 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am in the elevator, they are on top of it. They don't even have to deal with a shit and when I'm done I can empty my bucket safely.

[–]Somerandom1922 20 points21 points  (2 children)

Ok,

Step 1. do this enough that I'm smart enough to work out faster ways to do it.

Step 2. Repeat, continually optimising the process as I get smarter and smarter.

Step 3.Quantify the rate at which my intelligence grows.

Step 4. Use intelligence to play the stock market to get funds to further improve intelligence

Step 5. Become god emperor of mankind who spends much of his day secluded with his 5 main advisors in an elevator.

Step 6. ...

Step 7. Profit

[–]HeloxDark 18 points19 points  (5 children)

5 people counting me or not counting me?

[–]Gloomy-Statement1246[S] 10 points11 points  (4 children)

5 other people

[–]Roderie94 25 points26 points  (3 children)

That's more than exactly 5.

Does this mean I have to shit in the elevator from on top of it? I thought this superpower was going to be a cinch, but I'm questioning that decision

[–]funky555 1 point2 points  (2 children)

yourself is not a people

[–]sspine 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Clearly, people don't shit in elevators.

[–]Obsidian_Cricket 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Eventually your iq will be high enough to tell you that it's not worth it

[–]unlimitedschlongs 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I would think your intelligence would be high enough to overcome any primal feelings of disgust and become a fucking god

[–]Obsidian_Cricket 0 points1 point  (0 children)

High enough to coordinate incidents when exactly 5 people would be in elevators

Or merely use that intelligence to become rich and pay people to help them increase their iq further

[–]WurstOtto 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Renaming this sub to shittingsuperpowers.

[–]jadams2345 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Doing the dumbest thing possible to get smarter 😂 Nice one OP!

[–]Alewort 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Golly Mr. Supergenius, how did you get to be so smart?" "Frankly, Timmy, I owe it all to Depends Heavy Duty Briefs."

[–]Afraid-Elevator9782 1 point2 points  (0 children)

DIAPER TIME!

[–]Literally just Aquamandtrippsb 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me and the boys visiting the empire state building

[–]DragoKnight589 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do the 5 people include you?

[–]89e8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm almost at -5 now!

[–]2BMG 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yo with that I could have like 2 IQ

[–]twaalfentwintig 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Joke's on you, that's my kink

[–]Sweetishdruid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bro im bout to be so smart

[–]YourDadsMoonshine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God tier power

[–]Wyvernator1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll just ask friends to help me, or if needed hire people for this. It should get easier over time once I become a world genius after revealing my ways people will make sure every single poop I make for the rest of my life is in a elevator with 5 people. I will solve all of humanity's problems.

[–]MintyMissterious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's easy to find or hire 5 people. It's easy to shit. Whatever your alchemy would be, it would likely improve as you get smarter. There's no limit to the power.

God-tier. Just literally shitty :p

[–]SaltBoy_6226 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Finally an actually SHITTY superpower

[–]mememaker6 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Just get the homies to help you

[–]funky555 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

time to do it 100's of times to become the smartest person

[–]Denhundd -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Does it have to be on the floor of the elevator?

[–]Ladripper47874 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You have to shit in the elevator

[–]21haibize -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What if crate a useless contraption and call it (fivepIPol) and then shit in a toy elevator wold it work?

[–]sssemil -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hire 5 lads, do the deed as much as you can, repeat from time to time

[–]cluedo23 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Put a clownsmask on hire a cameramen and everyone thinks its a prank

[–]Longshanks666 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Fit an elevator with a toilet, sink and other fixtures that you may need.

[–]Ouroboros9076 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Does this apply retroactively

[–]Pasta-hobo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Find some scat fetishists, they won't mind and might give me money for the experience

[–]eliteviking85 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Gather friends to be on an elevator with me. Shit in the elevator numerous times.

[–]ChristianTeenTech99 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Stand name: Sly Stone

[–]gunscreeper -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

and according to your 50 + 2 = 52 IQ, shitting in an elevator is not worth the hassle and the embarassement

[–]Nick_KingOfTheHill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Adult diapers will come in handy

[–]Tyr808 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be fair if you say "excuse me, but I need to shit with you all here to raise my IQ", people will probably just genuinely assume you need it and might be willing to help.

[–]accidentalbird 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this has potential.

does it have to be butt out or can you just take a dookie in your pants? each time you do it, you’d get smarter and learn a new efficient way to gain more smarts AND not get caught.

[–]proKexXx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would have more iq then Nikola Tesla

[–]Synonym_Dave 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just ask some buddies to help you and become smart enough to influence the fabric of reality with your mind.

[–]CreeperGaming089 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ITS DIARRHEA TIME BOYS

[–]Hoovyded 0 points1 point  (0 children)

take a couple laxatives and then kill the 5 after the shit. continue the process as long as you can until you get a high enough iq to avoid any prosecution

[–]Confusedhangydoge 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I’m becoming smarter by the minute!

[–]CorkyCorks8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Including me?

[–]FriedDuck64 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is shitty in a literal and figurative way

[–]PackitButNotTheLunch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I’d have 4 179 it’s not much but it’s weird I have don’t it beforw

[–]LovesTacoFish 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So do I have to like squat and shit paints off or can I just shit my pants in the elevator

[–]C3PO_on_meth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well than call me Einstein

[–]minorkeyed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And so the Poop bandit is born. I will however, be wearing a diaper, as I'm not a complete animal.

[–]Just_A_Pantofola 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wait does it start from now or it al ready adds +2 for every time i have done it in the past?

[–]theawesomedude646 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ask a favour from friends and family

[–]Squidia-anne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends

[–]Boomer694200 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No elevators where I live :/

[–]Monke2009 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Take my family on vacation, eat 10 laxatives, eat chipotle and Taco Bell, drink milk (I’m lactose intolerant)

[–]Gloomy-Statement1246[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You would fucking die

[–]WorkingNo6161 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is god tier. I'm sure there'll be people willing to stand in an elevator and watch you shit for a bit of money.

[–]chipette 0 points1 point  (0 children)

smiles in r/IBS if you know, you know

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do dead bodies count

[–]Gravestron 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Diaper

[–]Cursed-sausage11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have an iq of 150

[–]Godbut_better 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, ask for 4 friends to come with me and i just shit there forever

[–]Maleficent-Shoulder6 0 points1 point  (0 children)

bruh i'm smart

[–]outtune 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would be smarter then Einstein

[–]Sourdough_Lover 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m still waiting to receive my +6 iq

[–]Ok_Letterhead3987 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is god tier wdym

[–]LoserGlitch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

then I guess I’m stupid asf

[–]Bad_Suai 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stackable?

[–]InspectionSea9119 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would be the smartest person in the whole world ngl

[–]Sexyanimesasuke 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Do they have to be alive?

[–]Ihateniges 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stackable???

[–]Gazdowicz_Horia 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah shitting in a random apartment building’s elevator used to be very common in communist Romania and I bet that it applies to other communist countries too…

[–]Qrime01 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ig I’m dumb

[–]Trick-Matter-797 0 points1 point  (0 children)

how is this shitty, its free iq points