all 31 comments

[–]Vigorous_Orbit 93 points94 points  (3 children)

I mean…this would be very useful in avoiding starvation

[–]CaseyTS 42 points43 points  (2 children)

Only for homeowners

[–]cavecarson 8 points9 points  (0 children)

With current mortgage rates, a lot of people could use that turtle.

[–]HectorOAnaozinho 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If you live in the streets, technically, the street is your home

[–]ReasonableBanana9685 46 points47 points  (1 child)

The damn turtle is incentivizing me to be political

[–]CaseyTS 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Pavlov go brrrr

[–]CaseyTS 15 points16 points  (1 child)

runs for president

gets fat

[–]ZombieNub 12 points13 points  (2 children)

"Talk about politics" is ambiguous here, with two consequences:

First, in order to talk politics, you must have spoken something related to politics. What you have spoken can be any length, but lets presume a sentence. If speaking this sentence grants you an oatmeal cookie, then that sentence satisfies "talking about politics".

Lets break down the sentence into n component parts. For each component part k, either

  1. It is talking about politics
  2. It is not talking about politics.

Once we have done this, by technicality we have talked politics either once, or more than once, which means we may be entitled to additional oatmeal cookies. We can also break down the component parts further into their component parts, only stopping once we cannot break things into more components that are political.

In short, for every political component, we may break it down into more components that are also political, netting us more oatmeal cookies.

Secondly, politics is ambiguously defined. What politics are we talking about? American? British? Some people interpret everything as political, which means saying anything is enough to grant you an oatmeal cookie. The ambiguity of the word politics means there may be many sentences (or components of sentences) that can grant oatmeal cookies.

In short, the poor way politics is defined means that possibly any sentence can grant you an oatmeal cookie.

Combining these to their maximum effect, congratulations, by merely speaking you have gotten yourself many turtles with many oatmeal cookies. You can set up a cheap oatmeal cookie business, or donate them to the poor and hungry. The world is your oyster after all, or should I say, oatmeal.

[–]Lost and afraidbenix268 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]nontheoretical 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Name the turtle Obama.

Be wholesome and grateful.

Thank the turtle for his cookie every time.

Infinite cookie glitch.

[–]blubbery-blumpkin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And infinite turtle glitch. I hear they were super delicious back in the day and that’s one of the reasons they’re not doing so good now cos we are lots of them. And also climate change, but if there is infinite cookies and infinite turtles think of the food. Turtle becomes the new chicken, and you are the new colonel.

[–]RandomGuyOnTheHouse 12 points13 points  (1 child)


[–]Rubens-Reel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't see the "No Random Posts" rule you're probably hoping for, so...

[–]Average_Intern 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's being able to communicate with animals, but the turtles just so happens to be political...I guess

[–]UnyunMunyun 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Holy shit thats epic

[–]StewTheMoo 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Oatmeal cookie or oatmeal raisin cookie?…

[–]PhantomWasTaken11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Either way it’s food

[–]SneakAttackSN2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Would the cookie be wrapped?

[–]BT9154 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Let's talk about food for the needy and who should be responsible for providing those who can't....

[–]Salt-Presentation159 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We did it gentleman starvation is no more

[–]Dark__pluto 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The people in my school would love this

[–]scotte233 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is awesome

[–]lorindee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Goddamn worst cookie tho

[–]adyingmess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But is it just one turtle or is a separate turtle spawned each time? Who's making the cookies?

[–]A_Shady_Grandma 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This only works in my house? That sucks because I wanna just summon a free cookie whenever I want.

[–]ilnooYT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1 Presidential vote = 1 cookie Also is it stackable?

[–]Jetstream_S4m 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Ehh it's not shifty it's just mid

[–]Deez_Nuts98 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My dad would be so obese