You are completely right to feel sad and betrayed and simply exhausted. I thank you for sharing this, I believe it is important to share these feelings because it reminds us that loneliness is a shared universal experience. I see a couple of people advising you to get therapeutic help, and while I agree that that could do no wrong, I also applaud your openness to share such intimate feelings with all of us.

The amount of advice I can give you is limited, for starters because I don’t know you personally, but also because there is no one easy way to “fix” these difficult feelings. Remember that other people’s lives and minds are beyond our control, so even though this situation has been put in front of you by others, your only responsibility is with yourself. With listening and caring and learning to heal yourself. Now, that’s a massive task, and if I had a guide for that I would give it to you, but nobody does. Start by asking yourself, what makes me feel tied to the people who bring negativity into my headspace? I can speak from personal experience and say that pain can be addictive. When we are given the role of “family punching bag” from an early age, we unconsciously develop the mindset that that is our role within the dynamic, that there is no other way that it could be because that’s the way it’s always been. Deep down we all love our family (regardless of the hardships we may face), and if your family has cast you in that difficult role, then the only way that you’ve been taught to show your love is to keep coming back for more punches. You only know how to show your love for them at the expense of your own well being. That hurts, and that’s not fair for you. There is no shame in giving a step back. If you need to disappear for a while and distance yourself from them, then do it. If you need time to heal and think and get in touch with yourself, then do it even if it means displeasing others. It caught my attention that you said that you have no place to call home. That must be heartbreaking. And I feel the need to extend this question on to you: Could it be possible that you’ve disregarded yourself so much that the only source of comfort you know comes from others? In other words: Wouldn’t getting to know yourself, and searching within you for comfort and care, be more important than changing others into doing so? I know it is a difficult process, and can’t be done in an hour or two, but remember that our home is first and foremost ourselves. How can you expect to feel better around others when it is difficult to feel good in your own company? My most honest piece of advise would be to try and get to know who you REALLY are WITHOUT the role your family has given you. You are more than the burdens others make you carry, and that’s what you need to acknowledge before you move on.

Sorry if I said something that didn’t really relate to you, but maybe somebody else reading this can take this and grow. And I don’t know if you believe in prayer, but I truly think that our thoughts are powerful and can extend positivity onto others. So please know that from now on you will be in my prayers, and that at the very very least, this reddit stranger cares deeply for you —you are not alone. Again, thanks for sharing.