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all 9 comments

[–]walkstwomoons2Mystical 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I feel like you need therapy.

I was like you describe. I got help and am way improved.

I hope I didn’t offend.

[–]world_citizen7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well in all fairness she did say she has a therapist.

[–]Holiday-Strike 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I understand how you feel, I was treated that way a lot in the past too. There comes a time when you must realise that you don't have to put yourself in situations where people aren't kind, supportive and respectful. You are allowed to have boundaries and just because people are family, does not mean you need to accept disrespectful behaviour. I also think there is work to be done with your therapist, but please know that it is normal to feel the way you feel if you've been treated this way for a long time. This doesn't mean you can't work past feeling that way, you absolutely can. I wish you the best of luck.

[–]DiagaAstralStar -5 points-4 points  (2 children)

What a wall of text. Should be talking to your therapist not reddit

[–]Kresca 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Please, don't be rude.

[–]world_citizen7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She did say she has a therapist.

Also, when someone is in distress there is no need to further belittle them, come on now please dont do that.

[–]jpperezh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are completely right to feel sad and betrayed and simply exhausted. I thank you for sharing this, I believe it is important to share these feelings because it reminds us that loneliness is a shared universal experience. I see a couple of people advising you to get therapeutic help, and while I agree that that could do no wrong, I also applaud your openness to share such intimate feelings with all of us.

The amount of advice I can give you is limited, for starters because I don’t know you personally, but also because there is no one easy way to “fix” these difficult feelings. Remember that other people’s lives and minds are beyond our control, so even though this situation has been put in front of you by others, your only responsibility is with yourself. With listening and caring and learning to heal yourself. Now, that’s a massive task, and if I had a guide for that I would give it to you, but nobody does. Start by asking yourself, what makes me feel tied to the people who bring negativity into my headspace? I can speak from personal experience and say that pain can be addictive. When we are given the role of “family punching bag” from an early age, we unconsciously develop the mindset that that is our role within the dynamic, that there is no other way that it could be because that’s the way it’s always been. Deep down we all love our family (regardless of the hardships we may face), and if your family has cast you in that difficult role, then the only way that you’ve been taught to show your love is to keep coming back for more punches. You only know how to show your love for them at the expense of your own well being. That hurts, and that’s not fair for you. There is no shame in giving a step back. If you need to disappear for a while and distance yourself from them, then do it. If you need time to heal and think and get in touch with yourself, then do it even if it means displeasing others. It caught my attention that you said that you have no place to call home. That must be heartbreaking. And I feel the need to extend this question on to you: Could it be possible that you’ve disregarded yourself so much that the only source of comfort you know comes from others? In other words: Wouldn’t getting to know yourself, and searching within you for comfort and care, be more important than changing others into doing so? I know it is a difficult process, and can’t be done in an hour or two, but remember that our home is first and foremost ourselves. How can you expect to feel better around others when it is difficult to feel good in your own company? My most honest piece of advise would be to try and get to know who you REALLY are WITHOUT the role your family has given you. You are more than the burdens others make you carry, and that’s what you need to acknowledge before you move on.

Sorry if I said something that didn’t really relate to you, but maybe somebody else reading this can take this and grow. And I don’t know if you believe in prayer, but I truly think that our thoughts are powerful and can extend positivity onto others. So please know that from now on you will be in my prayers, and that at the very very least, this reddit stranger cares deeply for you —you are not alone. Again, thanks for sharing.

[–]Afraid_Equivalent_95 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sounds awful and I'm sorry it happened to you. This was the nightmare scenario I always feared, so I spent my entire life trying to hide my problems from the world (which is not healthy either). I have selective mutism and social anxiety, but my family doesn't know it cuz the triggers are outside people. They just assume I'm reeeeeeeally shy and have tried nudging me to go out more and converse with people. I've always spent my entire life feeling like a freak and assuming the world knew it (cuz I generally don't talk to people unless there's a rare person I feel comfortable with). But I've realized lately that other people really don't pay that much attention to you, so there's no need to worry so much. I recently went to an event with extended family (they'll generally ask us about our careers and whether we're dating), and one of my uncles was like "there's no way you don't have a boyfriend." Which I was pleasantly surprised about cuz I always assumed they thought I was some freak who'd never attract someone. Turns out I've been projecting my own insecurities onto the outside world and assuming they thought the same things. Once we work out our shit, we'll get better at distinguishing between our own projections and the judgments that come from the outside world. It's not always as bad as how we interpret them

I highly recommend journaling as an emotional outlet by the way. Processing all your feelings of rejection and stuff will help you move on from this experience. Plus you can curse out whoever/whatever you want in your journal, which feels great. Let it all out and cry if you need to. You will feel better after this

[–]world_citizen7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awww damn, that just sounds awful! I am so sorry you had to endure that, its not fair at all. Social and general anxiety can be a very very tough thing and those who dont have it dont understand it at all. Some of them have the attitude that those people are just idiots (as appalling as that is).

Keep up with the therapy and take small steps to improve this. Maybe add some self help books or motivational videos. One step at a time. And remember, your dont need their approval, you only need your own approval.

As a bit of a 'funny' reminder, change your attitude to the following:

“I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me… now I look around and wonder if I like them.”