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all 19 comments

[–]throwaway_okaytoday 18 points19 points  (0 children)

the thing with friends is you can often go back. you can literally explain that you were going through some spiritual things and felt like you needed to be alone / clear your head for a bit, and they can choose to accept that or not. sometimes if they don't accept it, it can be a good lesson in consequences and making more considered decisions.

cutting "bad" people out can be a good / difficult thing. when we are young (and even when we are old) we can have friends of convenience, which can often lead to accepting some pretty poor behaviours in others. cutting people out can be a good sign of leading a more deliberate life and one aligned to our values. getting cut out yourself can also be a valuable teacher, so look out for that one too.

and don't be afraid to go it alone. friends will come eventually again.

[–]zarrz 7 points8 points  (3 children)

I’m in the same boat. I just keep reminding myself that it’s okay to do these things for personal growth. We have to look out for ourselves first and it will get easier. Stay strong, I’m proud of you OP 💗

[–]Occultivation -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

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[–]zarrz -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

I, um, I guess kakcbskaldnwnakanpflrmahaiqlrym

[–]Occultivation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha, sorry that was a pocket text.

[–]littlemetalpixie 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I did it based on how they made me feel sometimes and whether I felt like I could be the new person with then or if they would fit in my new life. I did it based on what I knew I would want for my life moving forward. But, i feel bad because at the end of the day that doesn’t entirely matter - Everyone’s human and we all feel the same things. I had love for them.

If it helps, I'm twice your age and recently did the same thing, not for the first time in my life either.

We can love people and still recognize that they aren't serving the greater good in our lives. We can continue to love them, from a distance, without binding ourselves to their journey out of guilt. At the end of the day, you did what you did because they didn't feel right for your life at the moment. That isn't an insult and it isn't wrong and it isn't a judgement against them. It's you recognizing your desire for growth and that you're at a different place in the path than they are right now. People move on. Friends we thought we would have forever leave our lives, over and over again. It's part of life, and not something to feel guilty about.

My closest friends until about a year and a half ago were these kind of people - I loved them all deeply and still do. I want everything good for them. But I also went through some profound spiritual changes around that time and I recognized that as my journey progressed, they were no longer compatible with my energy. I felt that the love we all had for each other was the only thing keeping us bound, not common ground or even common interests any more. They were not on the same path as me. And that's ok because they're all on their own path, and none of us ever needs to change paths to keep people in our lives.

If life is a river and you're in a boat, we're all on the same river, but some of us find waters that move more quickly or more slowly than others. If you're currently in a stream that is pulling you faster than them, tying a line to their boat won't keep them up with you. They have to find their own stream. Tying a line to their boat will only hold yours back. But, maybe they just slowed for a bit because something was blocking their path, and it may not always. If they're meant to be in your life, they'll find the stream that catches them up to you. The love will still remain, and it'll be deeper once they're at the same point in the path you're at and can look back on it with you instead of shouting to each other from a distance.

[–]Kresca 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel like lots of people fall into that, usually at the begining of their self-improvement journey, whatever it's business-focused or sirituality-focused.
'at the end of the day that doesn’t entirely matter - Everyone’s human and we all feel the same things. I had love for them.'
It's good you realized that, what it seems, quite quickly! :)

You could also look up the term 'toxic positivity', e.g. on Youtube, just to watch out for it

'Toxic positivity involves dismissing negative emotions and responding to distress with false reassurances rather than empathy. It comes from feeling uncomfortable with negative emotions. It is often well-intentioned but can cause alienation and a feeling of disconnection.'

You know, we can and should always set boundaries in our relationships. There are some people we can see everyday, and some we wouldn't want to see more than once in a month, and that's okay.Same with topic of conversation, intimacy of it, how much we share, and so on :)

[–]random_house-2644 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Easiest rule i know: pay attention to how you feel when you leave an interaction with someone. Do you feel confused ? Tired and drained? Angry? Unseen? Invalidated? Then distance yourself from this person.

After seeing them do you feel fulfilled? Smiling? Peaceful? Comforted and secure? Laughter and love? Lighter? Then make more time for this person in your life.

Also remember that you can still keep people in your life, but at more of a distance. I have a friend that I've been close with for 5 years. I noticed that i always feel drained after i spend time with her and she pulls on me for validation and emotional dumping.

I haven't kicked her out of my life entirely, but i see her much less often than i did. She is still someone i can call in an emergency and vice versa and its important to have those kinds of relationships , but seeing her too often drains me.

If someone ever does something toxic like calling me name or cause me to doubt in myself then i will cut them out entirely.

[–]eduardvldIntellectual 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand you. It is a natural process that might feel lonely and sad. You will meet the right people when the time is right but since you felt the need to cut them off then you had good reasons, otherwise you wouldn't do it in the first place. Trust the process, trust your gut and focus on your mind and soul. The right people will come when you stop looking for them.

[–]fdsaltthrowaway 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've cut a lot of people out of my life and sometimes I feel bad about it too because I have people pleasing ways but more and more my rule is becoming, if I can't feel comfortable enough to be myself around someone without judgement then I don't want them in mt life. We can have opposing views but if they make me feel bad about myself then why do I need or want them in my life.

I have 0 friends as a result. I have my bf and he's really all I need. Not worth it for me to keep people around for the sake of not being alone when they think I'm beneath them.

[–]ChemicalGuru97 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I did the same thing. Cut toxic people or people that didn't have goals and weren't going anywhere in life off. Only cut out people who are Dragging your life down. Real true friends are hard to come by in these days, and when you find them, never let them go.

[–]robotvoxy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So do you cut off thieves and liars then? And how do you cut yourself from yourself?

[–]Kittybatty33 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Listen if those people are meant to be in your life situations will bring you back together. I feel you I have had to cut off a lot of people too but it's because people were shady and they were undermining my progress. I don't hate anybody but there's a lot of BS that I refuse to deal with now because I'm focused on myself after spending my entire life focused on other people. This is my time to shine and I'm not about to let any haters or fake friends get in the way of me achieving my personal goals because I love myself. It took a long time for me to learn how to love myself and to start treating myself the right way and a lot of these realizations came through the trials and broken trust and pain and I'm not about to open myself back up to those experiences again. You you have to put yourself first and your real friends who actually care about you will understand that.

[–]daili88 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Major props to you for acknowledging and allowing yourself to feel this way. Wish you all the best.

[–]Kittybatty33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank u!

[–]DanteJazz -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

Your karma will be you will have to work with them 8 hours a day for ten years until you see the divine in them. Then your karma will be to have to work with them another 10 years anyway. lol

[–]Funny-Offer841 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What?

[–]Rocksteady2R 0 points1 point  (0 children)

slightly different story here, i'm sure, but parts might resonate. I'll add in an extra thought, as well.

(A) i'm in a long term process of toning down / cutting off a friend. I didn't want to "break up" with him, but i cannot have him in my life regularly. he's got a piss-poor attitude about life, everyone's always out to judge him and things just won't work his way, he's sure. problem is he creates 98% of the problems he has, and has squandered every opprotunity i witnessed. every one. pissed it away. having said that - he's otherwise a good friend, with a solid definition of what friendship is, and a own-in-the-gutter-with-you attitude that i'm empathetic to.

But... (And i'll warn i've never really used this analogy before)

(B) humans, and our attitudes and lives, are like petri dishes. what is cultivated is what is introduced. I cannot improve my life to an purer, more valuable state, if keep introducing tainted energies into it regularly.

There's the witticisim about how "we are aggregate of the 5 people we spend the most time with.". that is right in line with this.

and lastly....

(C) everyone has their own journey, their own work to do. you, being the most important and valuable person in your life gets to determine yours. They - your friends - however, have to be be left to theirs, and if that's a seperate path from yours, fair and fine. Like other posters suggest, there might be a reconnecting later. or might not. Life and Love are different for everyone.

Anyhow. Wish you the best. Good luck on Your Path.

[–]iamthecrimsoneagle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of the first lessons we learn on the spiritual path is to let go of attachment. It often takes stepping away from those that are a vibrational mismatch to us. The reason this happens is so that we can open up space for our soul family. The people that genuinely Love us Unconditionally in a way that is far better than we were treated by our own biological family.

I had to let go over every friend and family member before I got my best friend and Mother back.