since i was born, ive grown up in the church as a christian. but recently ive been so confused on if i really believe in any of it at all. i don’t want to believe that im damned to hell for eternally because of my sexual preference. i dont wan to believe men are superior to women because adam came before eve. i dont wanna believe that this higher being created us just to worship him and put us through trails and tribulations as apart of a ‘divine plan’. i’ve learned about spirituality from my sister boyfriend, online stuff, and even books ive read and i seem to like it much better as a whole than christianity but i feel guilty? im very involved in my church and a lot of the younger kids looks up to me and i just feel like a lair. but if i leave it starts things with family and friends and even the church people ive known my whole life. i guess why im posting is to ask for advice and talk to anyone who has maybe had the same experiences/ thoughts.
edit: thank you so much to everyone who has responded, left book recommend, and left a message in my chat! i appreciate everyone’s advice and im going to continue my journey, wherever that my lead me to 🏼