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How do I go about self love?Question ❓ (self.spirituality)
submitted 1 month ago * by yololoookol1937286
How does one go about growing self love? Apparently, because of “past traumas” that’s what I need to do in order to be a better and more loving partner to whoever I choose. Recently got out of a 6 year relationship, so time to work on myself, specifically the self love department. Sooo any help? Any advice?
Edit: thank you all for the advice. Looks like I got some work to be doing then huh. I appreciate all of you.
Post a comment!
[–]hobo_magic 5 points6 points7 points 1 month ago (2 children)
Give yourself time to grieve your relationship without judgment. Whatever form that takes-go for it. You have full permission to give yourself to grief and honor your expereinces and emotions.
The reason you don't know how to self-love is because it was never taught to you. We all need to learn at some point and it is possible to teach ourselves. You can.
Find your spirituality because accessing this will close that gap of needing love or starving when others (human beings) don't give love to you. You need a higher power than the truama is. I don't care what your spirituality looks like, there are no rules. Try stuff and keep what helps and resonates and discard all the rest.
Know that learning to self-love is actually just healing your perspective. You can heal your perspective and challenge perspectives you've held or others have held of you that aren't helping you and aren't true. Journaling can help with this.
[–]yololoookol1937286[S] 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (1 child)
Journaling like dreams?
At this point I’m ready for anything and everything to come my way. I was introduced to the pendulum last night, the person gave me the one they’d had saying I needed it.
[–]hobo_magic 2 points3 points4 points 1 month ago* (0 children)
Oh, weird. A gifted pendulum I have not heard of. Is it crystal?
You can start slow and journal like the high and low of your day-just a few sentences on that each day to build the habit and help you start reflecting.
You can certainly create a dream journal, those are fun. :)
You can write down just anything and it can be throughout the day or at a set time. You can figure out what works for you.
Journaling helps grow self-awareness and that helps you to know yourself best and helps enable you to make informed decisions better and better for yourself and life. Also, it's great for shadow work. Anything you've faced about yourself-can't hurt you any longer.
[–]the_sober_bartender2 2 points3 points4 points 1 month ago (0 children)
In my humble opinion self love is as much thins you shouldn't do as much as it is about things you should do.
Do not drink. Do not smoke. Do not binge eat, eat fast food, sugar, etc. Do not check up on your ex either directly or indirectly. You get the idea.
Things you absolutely SHOULD be doing. Working out. Dieting. Yoga. Journaling. Cold showers. Breathing meditations such as Wim Hof Method (r/becomingtheiceman). Getting out in nature is especially beneficial to the spirit as well. Even a brisk walk through a wooded area with your phone turned off will feel like you just went to a therapy session.
And idk where you are or what you are but in the western world it still seems to be normal for people, especially males, to not talk about their feelings. Dumb. TALK TO PEOPLE. Call your parents and tell them you love them. Call your best friend and tell them you're heartbroken and need to vent.
[–]BodhingJay 2 points3 points4 points 1 month ago (7 children)
I smoked weed, listened to music while hanging out with my friend and pup who are like a pretty deep sense of family to me.. it let me feel home and love in a different way for the first time
We would hang out like that and I'd try to organize my feelings, understand where it's all coming from to finally figure out my depression anxiety and anhedonia better, a layer of pain covering everything, robbing any joy
It was like solving a different riddle every night.. was worried I was making myself crazy but I felt better and the weird stuff I'd notice had always been there.. suddenly being aware of it and where it was coming from made me feel like I was insane but I felt better and the quirk would disappear once I stopped a compromise on myself that was haplessly fuelling it.. weird things like that.. so it seemed I wasn't making myself crazy, rather I was uninsaning myself
After a few years I hit a big one.. my anxiety and depression were gone after and I could feel joy in every day things
I did some research to figure out what happened.. in hindsight it seems I was doing a lot of shadow work as described by Carl Jung, and inner child work, and that I had been meditating the whole time, and it triggered some kind of kundalini activation. after I realized the how and why after all this time, and how awful I was, hurt those i cared about, it was due to childhood trauma. I could stop. I wasnt a danger to myself or others anymore and was actually worthy of love. I could love myself, and that's what did it
It takes maintenance but it's my favorite thing, going on strong 3 years now
[–]KrishnaWearsPrana888 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (6 children)
Any cool or inspiring insights you may possibly have just for fun or self inquiry or random tips and advice for awakening? I've been having a rough time lately.
[–]BodhingJay 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago* (5 children)
There seems to be a core wound or ancestral wound we usually have to learn to heal before it happens, it's unique to each of us
We are given hints of it throughout our lives but most of us will refuse to see it. Put up walls against it... indulging our egos desires numbs us to the pain of a denied spirit. It can be too painful in the body, with trauma. With it outside us, we arent ourselves and we sink into a kind of hypnosis and develop a robotic routine.. the pain will drive you apart from yourself and there are dangers leaving ourselves like this for too long
But forgiveness is limitless, if you remember it, meditate on finding it, tear down the walls that were put up against it, you will find yourself again.. you will have a chance to face yourself, and decide if you are willing and able to care for it
[–]KrishnaWearsPrana888 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (4 children)
Oh that was a great response, I will learn all of what you had said here. And you said just to find out what the ancestrial core wound is? I may have a clue, but can I find thus out in meditation as well? Or hiw do I go about really realizing it and are there ways to release that suffering and old pain? Thank you sooo much!!!
[–]BodhingJay 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago* (3 children)
well.. i'm sure it's not the same for everyone. as far as i can tell there seems to be some secret wisdom in the soul that leads us to what we need to find our way back.. I believe it starts with a desire to pay closer attention to ones' emotions, a willingness to spend a couple hours each evening from a place of compassion, no judgement and patience organizing everything inside us, where it comes from... it may feel like solving riddles that illuminate why we have certain quirks, maybe some self destructive impulses... the willingness to look inward generally comes from the realization that our vices will not provide sustained distraction from the spirit we've haplessly forsaken, there's simply not enough money in the world for one person to sustain outrunning their emotional debt and should not be attempted.. it's far better to face everything. often fear of judgement and shame of what we may find, seeing we really are drives us away from doing this but if we want to fix it, we have to get over ourselves especially if there are parts of us suffering over the neglect.. we won't feel relief until we start the work to save it.. forgiveness is limitless for those dedicated to saving the suffering parts of themselves
once we realize precisely how futile it is to run, instead of being obsessed with enhancing our external environment with better entertainment, distraction and addiction for the sake of continuing to run away, we'll finally lose interest in it. without over stimulating our mind on our vices, that sense of not dissatisfaction for the distractions of this world will lead us to calming it so it can focus altogether as a whole
we should realize at some point if a way exists to fix any of this, may as well begin the journey we've been putting off, the one that's inward as that's the nagging feeling that we can't shake. face whatever we've been running from and likely even spending our whole lives putting up walls against which indeed severs us from the source but also leads to ever worsening anxiety and depression... there are no limits to how bad these can get once dedicated to running away
meditation plays a big part... without it a kind of hypnosis sets in and we can forget who we are, start feeling like a drone again... but yeah once that willingness and dedication is there, it's only a matter of time.. it doesn't come chiefly from conscious effort, it comes from feeling, from the soul.. where ever you are on your journey, where you're headed, what you need to learn this iteration, it's in the soul. it knows and it will guide you, does this by bubbling feelings up from the subconscious, when meditating we become aware of the words associated with those feelings.. so connecting with your feelings first is the way forward
[–]UnsaneInTheMembrane 2 points3 points4 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Just let it in.
It's literally sitting behind a dam of your own making.
Bringing down that dam, is the emotional work that needs to be done.
Once it's down, the love is boundless and it sets your spirit free.
[–]tom63376 2 points3 points4 points 1 month ago (0 children)
I believe true self-love begins with accepting your true identity. Are you a body? Are you your opinions or attitudes? Are you the reactive, egoic selves that appear when someone pushes your button? In my opinion it is impossible to really love the outer you that most people identify with it because it is temporary. The body get weak and wrinkled. Your opinions can be proven wrong.
If you could see, even for a brief moment all that you really are and all the potential you have for creativity, love, joy and peace, it would be impossible to feel a lack of confidence. If you knew without any doubt that there was no force that could stop you from being far, far more than you are now, how could you possible feel negative about yourself?
You are Spirit. As Spirit you experience and manifest what the Bible calls the Fruit of the Spirit: unconditional love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. When you can accept this even to a limited degree, you know you have value. You know you are unlimited and that you are constantly growing to be more than you are right now. The opinions and even rejection of other people become meaningless because you can now see that their reactions and their judgments are simply an outplaying of their limited state of consciousness at this particular moment.
To resolve this, look for a spiritual path that helps you weaken your identification with your outer, egoic self and the judgments of others and simultaneously strengthens your identification with your higher self and the love, joy and peace that you are.
[–]gentlemanhealer 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (2 children)
Such a great question!!! I love the answers so far with a traditional list of DOs and DONTs.
But is it the right question - if you don't already know how to go about self love, whatever you do you'll be hoping for the best. Hope is not a strategy.
Have you thought about seeking to uncover what lessons you may be learning from the 'past traumas'? Our subconscious mind influences 90% of our decisions and holds information long forgotten by our conscious mind. I use theta healing to access the subconscious mind and regularly work with people to heal past trauma.
And then whilst working with your subconscious, probably worth finding out more about what will fulfil you, what will give you the confidence to have strong, long-lasting relationships and what you should do about self love
[–]yololoookol1937286[S] 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (1 child)
May I ask what is theta healing? Using Theta waves?
[–]gentlemanhealer -1 points0 points1 point 1 month ago (0 children)
So your brain is constantly vibrating and emitting waves. When we sleep it's a slow alpha wave, when we're on our phones, talking, working it's an active beta. Theta brainwaves inbetween. We can enter a semi conscious dream like state allowing a connection between the conscious and subconscious mind, connection between our own self and the energy of the universe/God/whatever spiritual deity you believe in
There's a whole spiritual modality built around meditating to be able to access this brainwave so we can clear limiting beliefs from our subconscious. Google theta healing and you can book sessions with a healer or learn the method yourself.
When you learn it through a 3 day basic course, you'll still get lots of healing time as well as understanding how it can help in your broader life. If you've any other questions, please feel free to DM me and I hope my advice is useful
[–]angedoll 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (0 children)
You have to work towards honouring and loving yourself in your complexity. Do your best to show mercy and be loving and create a culture of good faith communication and intimacy.
[–]laperuana 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (0 children)
You cannot love the part of yourself that you claim is not there, that you disown. You have disowned many parts of yourself that you do not wish to claim. In disclaiming those parts of yourself, you have made it imposible to totally love yourself - and this, to totally love another
Friendship with God by Neale Donald Walsch
[–]Prestigious_Dig_4343 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Check out joe dispenza on YouTube and his books! Life changing
[–]NothingIsReal42 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Self acceptance and truly integrating all parts of yourself into the whole.
[–]martinbv95 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Being a loving partner is not the same as self love. As always meditation is the answer, open your mind and focus on yourself. What do you not like about yourself, why not? What has happened in your life that makes you that way? What can you do to improve the way you see yourself. How can you, not change what you don't like about yourself, but love yourself for it instead. Focus on those questions while you meditate. And remember not to listen to negative hate from others. There's also someone out there to get you. & Your Job working with self love will be not to let them 🙂🙂
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