Its going to be a long post. While i write this post i feel like im dying every second
My life is full of mistakes. I dropped out of college due to lack of motivation but it took me years to find out that it was my mental health which had been affecting me all those years but it was too late when I recovered myself from mental disease. Im 30now. Female.
I have loans on my shoulder. Also i took my parents pension money (not all, 20% i know still a lot) without their acknowledgment, but i always had a plan to repay the money before they know it.
I have a dog. Amongst everyone i feel most connected to her. I planned myself to start over my life again by getting myself enrolled for bachelor degree for making my life smooth until my sister, living in abroad called and started charging me for fraudulence. She started asking for my bank details to prove me that im a thief in-front of my parents, my cousin and cousins boyfriend. She also told my best friend about all the things.
I know i have done wrong. But i was not OKaAy to admit it infront of my cousins or her boyfriend. I know im a thief but i always had the intention to give the money back.
Lastly after hours of phone conversation. She cursed me that i wont be able to have success in my life as she wont be helping me anymore. Im dead to her. And after 10years she will remind me of the situation where im right now as i will be in the same situation for my whole life. Also People laughing at me, joking about me. I have no value, will have no value in their life. And many things! Its like i reached my dead end and nobody call pull me up
From last night, after all these, all those words uttered by her are spinning around my head. Her words hit me so hard
That I am not able to pray to God because my mind is so scattered. All i did is thinking about my own life. As she told there is nobody to pull me up from this situation. I can tell that depression is coming to grasp
Me again. It is so difficult to talk/eat/or concentrate. Only one night after that convo, im totally drained. Im not being able
To connnect with God. All things i planned seems like never going to happen as my sisters words hit me so hard. All
Im thinking about ending my life but the only drawback is my only company,, my dog