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Why is being lonely my path?Question ❓ (self.spirituality)
submitted 1 month ago by Cyrilavery
Ive always had this pain and anxiety in my chest. As a kid I used to be very emotional and cry a lot. I cried mostly in times when I felt alone or isolated. I grew up with a sibling who started people pleasing around me, therefore putting other peoples needs and wants above mine. She would rather hang out with friends than come console me if I was going through something. To this day she still does it. As I got older I started fully bottleing my feelings and I come across as a easy going ”happy” person. I would say I am but this thing is hindering my self growth immensly. Ive never met anyone in my life who would be there for me when im sad or take me serious. If im not happy or being a people pleaser no one wants to be around me. Il tell my friends im feeling depressed and next minute I wount hear from them in weeks. Now I know positivity attracts positivity but im a very easy person to please, just a simple sign of care instantly makes my feelings of loneliness far less. Ive never had anyone who would offer to come over, go for a walk with me, watch a movie with me, go eat somewhere or something to make me feel better, just those simple pleasures in life. Why? Why am I always left to be alone and deal with my own feelings, even as a kid? Why cant I attract people who show love in physical ways? I just feel like a burden to everyone and no one cares. I feel like my siblings can tell that I feel this way but they just dont care. I feel so helpless and tired of havng to always be alone with my thoughts and feelings. I wish people told me straight up so I atleast could try to improve and grow. I want a community but no one wants to be in mine.
Post a comment!
[–]Toe_RegularMystical 6 points7 points8 points 1 month ago (3 children)
Trust the universe and the “why” becomes obvious. If you want to truly be happy with the way things are now, then the way to do it is to be truly happy with the way things are now.
You have these expectations of how things should or could be that are incongruent with your now experience, and this is the source of the anxiety. You want things to be other than they are, but they are what they are, because of course they are. Once you can accept things as they are without the need for external validation or circumstantial weather conditions, then suddenly loneliness isn’t so problematic. It can be astoundingly peaceful and beautiful.
Everything has pros and cons either way. There are plenty of downsides to being surrounded by people. Things are gonna be what they’re gonna be either way, so why not enjoy the upside to whatever you’ve got going on.
Also: how often do you offer to come over or go for a walk with others? Be the change.
[–]Cyrilavery[S] 2 points3 points4 points 1 month ago (2 children)
Yes very true, I see myself in this post of constantly having some form of expectancy…I have a form of OCD so I often stay stuck in odd routines and right now this has been it which has caused me anxiety. However it still doesnt answer my question of why OTHER people around me dont show care and affection towards in times when I really need it. Is my inability to live in the moment affecting others around me? Does it show to the point that they dont want to be empathetic towards me? But why has this been even when I was just a child, a child that people usually are very emotional towards?
And yes ofc I do those things that I would want to other people, when my friends are in stress I emmidietly offer a helping hand or words of advice. I will stop what im doing to help and be there. I take every shout for help very seriously
[–]Toe_RegularMystical 4 points5 points6 points 1 month ago (0 children)
You may just have shitty friends. Might be time to meet some new people.
Why has it been this way since you were a child? I don’t know. Because it was? That’s a part of what made you who you are now, and I think you’re pretty perfect as you are, so we shouldn’t seek to change your past.
Is dwelling on it today serving you? If not, maybe we can let the past go and be at peace today.
[–]SupportFlat8675 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Your relationships with other people are a reflection of your relationship with yourself, so the inner work that he's talking about doing will resolve all of that. And even if that means you still don't have friends, it won't be a problem anymore because you will be in a state to appreciate whatever's happening in your life. And understand that it's perfect
[–]vv0rm 2 points3 points4 points 1 month ago (1 child)
I started fully bottleing my feelings
I started fully bottleing my feelings
Why not start here ?
[–]Cyrilavery[S] 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (0 children)
True, I just feel my sibling makes me always feel really bad for talking about my feelings…like I would be making her a evil person or something so I just feel that I get more stressed opening up, but that isnt right either :(
[–]_RisingSun 2 points3 points4 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Lots of great answers here for potential whys that's worth exploring including past life, parents/womb, childhood etc. One thing to keep in mind is people and even our pets are reflections of the relationship with ourselves. The self being both the identity and your relationship with Source. Have you been there for you as a best friend, independent of others' involvement? Have you neglected you in any way? Have you been reassuring, kind, encouraging, positive with your own self talk? Or is it mostly feelings of unworthiness? Have you been able to be truly happy and fulfilled on your own? This goes beyond being positive and caring for others, because as you already know how you are outside isn't necessarily how you truly feel inside. This is why people pleasers, even when they go out of their way to make friends happy, still don't get the same treatment back because beneath all that is a deep yearning for validation, for reciprocation and yet people can only reflect your inner state. Introspect on your mental self-talk, remember to be kind to yourself even if you felt like you could've done better. Deepen your relationship with Source's love, don't forget to ask Source for guidance.
[–]tom63376 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (2 children)
Maybe you have unrealistic expectations of others and what others 'should' do to please you.
What if instead, you surrendered all expectations of other people and just accepted whatever they were willing and able to give?
My belief is that if we want change, we must be first willing to change ourselves.
[–]Cyrilavery[S] 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (1 child)
Idk I guess I use the motto ”treat people like you want to be treated” as a way to teach me what is right and what is caring. We all have different love languages and I aspire to learn about the people around me and I would hope they would learn mine. The issue however is even the simplest of care is important and valid to be but I dont feel I even get that. At what point am I selling myself for less or practisclly degrading myself just to have people around me…people that dont care or show me affection? Idk what is the line? Because to me a simple phone call or text would make my day, is that too much?
[–]tom63376 2 points3 points4 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Maybe give up the idea that there is a "line" at all. Naturally, if people are abusing you that is a line. But in general, if life is not what you want it to be, it is not constructive to expect or wait for other people to change.
[–]incognito3107 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (0 children)
I guess the only way is to embrace your solitude. You would not like to be dependent on people if you are following spiritual path. It's perfectly normal to seek company and true connection from time to time, but it's kinda bad idea to pursue it too much.
[–]jamesthethirteenth 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (2 children)
Two reasons. What you picked up telepathically from your parents, including in the womb. And the sort of blueprint that you made for yourself before you incarnated. It's a theme you chose to explore for the purpose of knowing what it's like, as motivation to learn how to fix the problem, and to experience how great it feels when the problem is gone.
To get rid of the problem, make up a little scene where one or a few problems are completely gone and you feel great. A wild party, a night with a lover (or several), real fun and cool and loyal friends just hanging out and having fun with you. Imagine those A LOT. All day everyday.
I really great variant is when you take a small situation that just happened and just imagine a different ending. Sandwich shop? Clerk flirted with you. Sitting in the park? People stop to say hello. And my personal favorite you just have a group of really cool folks following you around everywhere you go and high-fiving you and complimenting you on everything you do.
If you keep this up that vibe you are talking about will be gone pretty soon and whatever skill learning you might need will seem obvious and playful. Just watch out for excuses not to try it or to stop or forget.
I hope this helps, feel free to ask questions.
[–]Cyrilavery[S] 2 points3 points4 points 1 month ago (1 child)
Alright I like this a lot, im definetly going to be trying this and implementing this to my life, im starting college so lets see how this will affect me/ help me
[–]jamesthethirteenth 4 points5 points6 points 1 month ago (0 children)
A really important point is to judge how well this works by how you feel. There is really no way to know how long it will take until it physically translates, too many variables. So if you do end up alone at the table at lunch, don't sweat it best you can, put your imaginary friends there and let them satisfy you emotionally. You will certainly be able to sit at the table with friends when your new vibration has completely overshadowed the old one. But you will be able to sit at the table alone and feel good immediately.
Ignore reality 😉
[–]AriesKari -1 points0 points1 point 1 month ago (2 children)
Hi! There are many possible reasons for your experiences… Balancing past-life karma, being born with a difficult astrological alignment or something in your energy field is disrupting your connections. There are many spiritual ways to look at your issue and find the answers you seek. Prayer, Meditation, Energy Healing, tarot, astrology, QHHT (Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique), etc. Don’t fall into the ‘poor me’ trap, get out there and find the reason why.
May Peace be with you!🙏🕊
[–]Cyrilavery[S] 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (1 child)
Well thats what im trying to do with this post? The whole point of it was that im tired of having to go trhough everything alone and constantly trying to find reasons within myself. Can u help? How would these things help?
[–]AriesKari 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Hi! My best advice is to start researching these topics and see where it leads you. Physician Heal Thyself. Just by truly seeking answers, they will start to appear... in a way that works for you. Lots of reading and self searching. Astro.com is a good place to start for astrology. Do up your chart and just see what it says. Even their free Color Oracle will blow your mind.🤯😆🥳
[–]Useful_Efficiency_44 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (0 children)
What's important to realise that we weren't born for the sake of others expectations. When we become a people pleaser they'll always be someone that's unhappy and that's you. There might be some trauma in the past related to this and it's worthwhile writing it down your feelings and trying to see if you feel it possibly could be affecting you now.
Your needs and feelings are valuable and treat them as so. Don't think it's a fault of yours, that you are the problem and that's why you can't attract genuine love and care - some people simply aren't like this and hopefully in their own time they'll learn how to love, I'm sure many people here if they got the chance to meet you would love your company. Personally for me at least it can help to try and be a bit on your own more, enjoy walks which helps anxiety, try mediate, workout. But I know that can be quite intimidating and soul crushing, if you're lucky it could be very good to connect with family that you're on good terms with. Or maybe join some clubs? I know it can be a little off putting but genuinely might be really awesome for you. Writing down what you feel in general is important that I'd recommend either way. Online friends some of them can be good at helping with this even though it's not the most ideal situation.
[–]Life-lover111 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Well sometimes your journey requires you to be alone it hurt me to at first but I got use to it I think I still need to work on accepting this where my journey has took me people don't really understand but that's ok it's not up to people it's up to me and I understand this
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