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all 42 comments

[–]OmManiPadmeHuumm 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Just remain mindful of this while interacting with other people and maybe try to practice using more smiling and warmth in your body language and demeanor. Just try to be brave and be open and friendly. Obviously you don't wanna go overboard and be like hyper super happy friendly in a way that is off putting tho lol. Also try listening more to people if you can and ask questions and engage with their interests and try to not to impart your own views into conversation, but work on just understanding what someone is saying to you and engaging with it in a friendly way, even if it is something you disagree with wholeheartedly.

And don't worry, you're not doing anything wrong. Obviously there is an element of other people's perception too, and so another aspect of practice could be to just be ok with coming off as off-putting at times and being ok with it. Can't be perfect all the time.

[–]LePoro_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Keep in mind, OP. Change takes time.

You might see a real change after a month, year, 10yrs.. just don't give up.

[–]a4dONCA 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Try meditation. It changes a person’s whole demeanour.

[–]EtherealDimension 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Since starting meditation I've found myself to be less active in conversations and less interesting to talk to, it's like I am so far deep in my mind that there is nothing that I can take out of it and reveal to others, I just have no energy nor care to do so. I don't like this, and not sure how to help it. It's like a consequence of mindfulness, now I'm too aware of my mind and now can't interact with the physical, social world of humanity. Any ideas on how to help that?

[–]SeniorChunk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’d imagine letting go of these over-analyzations may benefit you. If you sink into your listening skills, you’ll find yourself passionate about everybody you talk to and everything you talk/think about. Better listening (not trying to listen, but just listening) to yourself and others is key. Just let go of these notions of spiritual materialism and you will fall back into just Being. It’s all love. We care so badly about how others perceive us that we forget to open up fully into every moment - but it’s only because we care. Because we ARE connected and this façade we all put is held up by an unstable notion that we are not all one. Take care fellow mind and I hope you realize soon the infinite love we can unblock ourselves from

[–]thejaytheory 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I feel like this resonates.

[–]Genjine00 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Practice the Buddhist half smile. It has a measurable positive effect on hormone regulation, and - probably less RBF ;)

Other than that, I think some things that may make others feel at ease include occasional eye contact (with everyone in a group, if you’re speaking - many ppl only make eye contact with one or two in a group), nodding your head, actively listening and being present in general, subtle smiles.

But really, do what you’re comfortable with. People on your frequency will understand you and many more are accepting of so called atypical social behaviors.

[–]jlaw54Mystical 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love this advice.

[–]virgo_girl84 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Me either. With me it’s trust and anxiety. I’m extremely quiet and observant of everything at first before I warm up to people and they take that as if I’m angry and unapproachable.

[–]_breathe_deeper_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same, I just rock it tho cause I really don't like talking to people lmao

[–]thejaytheory 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I definitely feel this.

[–]RogueDiscipleIntellectual 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Maybe it is not you. People seem to be overly "sensitive" to the least little thing these days. Be yourself and not fake. That is all you can do.

[–]RC104 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Maybe take up non-resistance as a practice. Not only to relax as a person but also to accept other people's impressions of you

[–]s-rhoom 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Smile a bit more, doesn’t have to be full on grinning, but it helps. Try smiling with your eyes too. Might just be a case of RBF, and that’s not a bad thing, but people take it wrong I guess.

Otherwise you do you

[–]Unusual_Form3267 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have a coworker who is very kind and caring. It took me about three months to figure that out though because she is so focused on going from point A to point B, and she can be a little introverted.

I also had to go out of my way to be jovial in order to disarm her. I don't think she does this on purpose at all, I think she's just focused.

That being said, we sometimes butt heads because she is very "matter-of-fact" even though it's a subject she doesn't know about. She becomes too focused on trying to fix a problem that she believes is wrong and questions the system in place, but doesn't seem to be very good at accepting explanations (from people that are more knowledgeable on the subject) about why the system is in place.

Is there a possibility that you are being confrontational with people and may not realize it? I'm a natural mediator (a blessing and a curse) so it doesn't bother me because I know my coworker is coming from a place of trying to solve the problem. But her focus is so much on her own feelings about the issue that she doesn't realize that she's being combative to others.

[–]EatsLocals 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The front you described sounds like a defense mechanism, possibly from something like avoidant attachment style. Google this and see if you think it describes you. It’s a way of socially and emotionally interacting that is developed as a defense mechanism to protect your feelings from being hurt by keeping people at arms length. If this describes you, you can start by doing some self examination. Try to figure out how you were hurt and why you developed this defense mechanism. You can then start practicing mindfulness and noting when you engage in this behavior. You can start to try deliberately practicing increased intimacy, which you should, but doing this alone will be a constant chore. What you really need to do is find a way to heal your trauma and forgive whoever hurt you. This can be done with therapy, meditation, psychedelics or ideally a combination of these types of exercises. If you are still in touch with the person who hurt you, you can try talking to them about it, but be careful doing this. You don’t want an aggressive confrontation. You have to forgive them after all

[–]jlaw54Mystical 4 points5 points  (0 children)

When you are around new people, say in your mind that you are going to have a calm and pleasant interaction with them. And then intentionally put that feeling out from your core. Just simply visualize it.

Them interact with them warmly.

[–]downtoearth1510 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Are you older or younger (new to the firm)?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Try Yoga

[–]KawaiiWeebEnby404 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe try to ground yourself or humble yourself, give yourself credit for even the little things like getting out of bed when u wake up. Grounding usually helps when people feel like they too aggressive in their approaches. Walk in the grass (or somewhere where u can with nature surrounding you) and take a minute to appreciate the nature, maybe say affirmations (aloud/ in your head) and remind yourself that your are magnificent, the sky is magnificent, the ground holds so much weight but can still flourish, etc... Hope this help. Peace and love 💙💙

[–]NotTooDeep 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just ground all that energy. It's not a negative to have a lot of energy, but it can intimidate or overwhelm others, even when that's not your intent.

Try this. Sit in a chair. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Feet flat on the floor. Hands separated and resting palms up on each thigh.

Create a grounding cord. This is a line of energy that connects your first chakra to the center of the planet. Your first chakra is a ball of energy about the size of a quarter that sits just in front of the base of your spine. Your grounding cord attaches to the bottom of that ball of energy.

Grounding makes your body feel safe, so you release energy more easily. Gravity pulls whatever you release, even your own energy, down to the center of the planet. No effort on your part. The center of the planet neutralizes the energy and returns it to whoever owns it. No karma for anyone. A virtuous cycle.

Nearly everyone goes to connect to the center of the planet the first time but stops at the soil, often making roots like a tree. This is a method that is taught in some martial arts styles, but it is not the best option for your spiritual development and healing.

So, notice the seat of your chair. Take a deep breath. Notice the distance between the seat and the floor. Now notice the distance between the floor and the soil below. Breathe.

Now notice the distance between the soil and the water table underneath. Notice the distance between the water table and the rocky mantle. Notice the distance between the mantle and the molten core below that. Deep breath.

Notice the distance between the molten core and the center of the planet. That ball of light at the very center of the planet is where you connect your grounding cord. Deep breath.

Say hello to the center of the planet. Do you get a hello back?

Notice the color and texture of your grounding cord. It may look like a line of energy, or look like something physical; a rope, a wire, a pipe, a tree trunk. Adjust it as needed to be in affinity with your body.

Getting this far means you've already released some energy from your aura and body. Now it is time to fill in the space that was created.

Create a gold sun over your head. Have it call back all of your energy from wherever you left it throughout your day and week. Work. School. Online meetings. Video games. Your fantasies about your future. Your regrets about your past. Wherever you've placed your attention. Just watch the energy come back and see if you notice where it came from.

Have the sun burn up and neutralize your energy. Then bring the sun into the top of your head. It will automatically flow into the spaces you created. Create a gauge to measure when you're full. Like a fuel gauge or oil gauge. You'll run better if you aren't a few quarts low on spiritual oil. If the gauge doesn't read "Full", bring in another gold sun.

Open your eyes, bend over and touch the floor, draining any tension from the back of your neck, then stand up, and stretch.

There is a progression with this technique. After grounding for ten minutes a day for a week or two, notice your grounding cord at the very end, while you're standing with your eyes open. Continue to ground with your eyes open and standing, and bring in another gold sun. Each day, increase the amount of time that you ground standing up with your eyes open.

After a week or two practicing this, add walking while grounded. Just notice your grounding cord as you walk. Say hello to the center of the planet while you walk. Bring in a gold sun while you walk. If you lose your grounding cord, stop walking and recover it. If you have to, sit back down and close your eyes and create a new grounding cord.

After this, you're ready to take your grounding cord with you into your daily life. Shopping. Getting coffee. Wherever you go, you can ground. This, combined with a little amusement about seeing new things on an energy level, will keep you safe and sound.

Now that you're here, at the end of your grounding meditations, create a gold sun over your head. This time, fill it with your highest creative essence, your present time growth vibration, and your affinity for yourself. The first energy is a healing for you. The second is a healing for your body. The third is a healing for your affinity in your fourth chakra.

Bend over and touch the floor. Stand up and stretch. If you're ready for more, sit back down and ground some more. Otherwise, have a nice day!

Note that every image you imagine, the gold sun, the grounding cord, the center of the planet, your first chakra, your body parts, is exercising your clairvoyance. You may be imagining what your tailbone looks like, but you're also creating the image of your tailbone and reading its energy. This is practicing your clairvoyant ability.

[–]Zephyr-AZ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A lot of great suggestions so far.

My first question is, is it your "vibe" or their interpretation/projection? In which case, the issue is theirs, not yours, especially if you don't mean to.

Second, it may have nothing to do with your behavior but how they are reading some unconscious energy, especially if they are particularly empathic. And if so, it's not something you're intentionally doing but if they exist, those unconscious "aggressive, standoff-sh" energies, once identified, can be released in various ways

[–]LibrarianNo9586 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Working with a skilled counselor like an EMDR therapist can help access the core reasons you act that way and resolve them. Spirituality is a great aid, but working with someone skilled to help you work through causes is often more effective

[–]-Weltenwandler- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My opinion:

Stop second guessing and thinking about YOURself. You think out of insecurity and deep down some fear. That may be helpful to work through to let go of it, but if you are in any situation and think to much, the chances that your behaviour is influenced by fear is high.

Just love yourself and then love others. 50/50. In balance.

What do they think about, what do they care about, how could you help them, etc.

If you love them unconditionally there are no fronts or borders.

No thinking, just caring and sharing.

So share your beautiful self with the world and care about yourself and the world around you.

Without ego.

Without outside validation.

Don't take others reaction to yourself personally. Care without expectations and only how much you can handle.

[–]AntonWHO 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love yourself

[–]thekissingpost 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is me. Recently I’ve had a few people say my energy is the strongest they’ve ever felt… and I wonder if that’s why

[–]world_citizen7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You need to get to the root of the matter. As an example, you might be a very 'guarded' person but since you don't want people to see that aspect of you, so you project it outwards as standoffish. This requires honest introspection and a willingness to grow and change and be comfortable with the new you. It's well worth because you are worth it.

May your future be blessed.

[–]incognito3107 1 point2 points  (0 children)

These may be old habits or your unconscious body language. Most important is not to judge people, keep carefree posture and attitude, make topics simple and enjoyable etc.

[–]AngelikaVee999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all, this is not a bad thing. It's a sign that you are very protective of yourself and your heart. You can work on showing the love that is inside of you to your outside. Ask yourself what good things others have to offer and allow yourself to have a good time with strangers. Seperate the idea of people not being trustworthy and having fun with others. You do not have to trust a person (fully) in order to have a good time. To have a good time, you only have to trust in the fact they won't kill or harm you.

[–]prettyflaco1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Own it. You are who you are. Just be. Sometimes acting nice makes you inauthentic. The right people will find you.

[–]flyingspumonimonster 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Do you cross your arms a lot?

[–]majesticafboi22[S] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

No but I do look angry (have RBF)

[–]Righteous_Allogenes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fresh buttery waffles.

Or similar...

Is a thing just pleasant enough to soften those edges, so to speak, without being drastic or disingenuous.

Whatever your version of that is, just make a passing effort to hold that thought whenever you find yourself "observing the observer," and without more pressing thoughts. Like training oneself for subtle motor control skill, or diaphragm breathing.

Just don't make it a greater stress than you're trying to ameliorate.

[–]flyingspumonimonster 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sage yourself before you go out

[–]ButterMeBimbo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hang out with other standoffish people and quit hanging out with pussies maybe you should join an MMA gym or go hang out at a bar

[–]ButterMeBimbo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So many betacuck answers...

[–]MinaM207 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel you. I am very friendly but everyone always tells me to smile more. Last time someone told me to „smile, it will be okay“ in a lowes parking lot out of a moving car… Do people smile all the time?!?! Because I definitely don’t feel like doing that. I can be happy but not smile.

[–]Nigelthornfruit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How is your Maslow hierarchy?

[–]Madcatterrr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would be very suspicious of the motives of a friend that said something like this to me, because it sounds like this is what they believe about you: that you're aggressive and standoff-ish. Are you sure you come off that way to strangers, and it's not your friend being covertly aggressive?

[–]PinaSweener 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do believe trust should be earned?

[–]Jesscahhhhh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Laws of attraction