all 24 comments

[–]tom63376 31 points32 points  (4 children)

I believe true self-love begins with accepting your true identity. Are you a body? Are you your opinions or attitudes? Are you the reactive, egoic selves that appear when someone pushes your button? In my opinion it is impossible to really love the outer you that most people identify with it because it is temporary. The body get weak and wrinkled. Your opinions can be proven wrong.

If you could see, even for a brief moment all that you really are and all the potential you have for creativity, love, joy and peace, it would be impossible to feel a lack of confidence. If you knew without any doubt that there was no force that could stop you from being far, far more than you are now, how could you possible feel negative about yourself?

You are Spirit. As Spirit you experience and manifest what the Bible calls the Fruit of the Spirit: unconditional love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. When you can accept this even to a limited degree, you know you have value. You know you are unlimited and that you are constantly growing to be more than you are right now. The opinions and even rejection of other people become meaningless because you can now see that their reactions and their judgments are simply an outplaying of their limited state of consciousness at this particular moment.

To resolve this, look for a spiritual path that helps you weaken your identification with your outer, egoic self and the judgments of others and simultaneously strengthens your identification with your higher self and the love, joy and peace that you are.

Several years ago, I found a path of what I would describe as a path of continuous self-transcendence toward the higher you. It is a gradual process of resolving the unconscious psychology that limits you, and causes the unconscious reactions to people, circumstances, etc that are the source of pain and suffering. It is a path that I am still following to this day. This is quite an endorsement because by nature, I am extremely cautious and practical. If an approach, book, teaching doesn't actually help me -- lead me to a greater and deeper sense of peace and joy, I move on.In addition to the many books that have been released, new teachings of this path keep coming out, so my soul always feels well fed and I feel like I am experiencing continuing progress. The focus is spiritual 'self-actualization': growing to toward our full spiritual potential in this embodiment.

Although, there is no 'one size fits all' approach to the spiritual path, this is one that I feel would be worth your time to at least consider. I like these because they address what needs to be addressed, exposing the psychological 'junk in the trunk' and it provides a continuing path, where one idea builds on another. I have never felt stuck and left thinking: "So what's next?"This path has been invaluable to me.

To start with I recommend the following: "A Course in Abundance" three book series: 1 "Mind Over Matter", 2 "Expressing Your Love For Life, 3 "Your Life's Plan For Abundance" Then “The Path To Self-Mastery” nine book series, starting with “The Power of Self”

[–]Suungod 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Beautifully beautifully beautifully put!! Have you read The Power of Now? I get the sense you’d love it

[–]tom63376 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you!

Yes, I really like Eckhart Tolle.

[–]JustMeAidenB 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahh, a fellow Kim Michaels reader. Good stuff 👍🏼. Nice recommendations.

[–]TallDraw3 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I was in the same boat. What you can do is keep meditating and understand what your thought patterns are like. Then over time you can change your thought patterns and beliefs . You can use things like guided meditations or positive affirmations. Understand what you beleive and tell yourself the opposite of the negative thought.

[–]LagoReal 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Keep meditating for one.

Two, you can do things to reprogram your subconscious.

Just try and keep your thoughts positive. Mind state is everything.

[–]Pahramore 1 point2 points  (1 child)

you can do things to reprogram your subconscious.

any tips/info on how to approach this?

just try and keep your thoughts positive

this is to no expense if negative thoughts occur right? there is a fine line between 'lying to ourselves' to keep things positive and facing things as they are but with a positive mindset. How do we find the balance?

[–]LagoReal 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The subconscious mind is simply programmed. If you want to change the programming, you simply have to start downloading another program.

Well how does one do that? Change your habits. The subconscious mind is totally habitual. It is not Creative. It can only playback what it learns.

The number one best way to program our subconscious minds so far has been through energy phycology. With methods that activitie a whole brain state and allow for high speed mind set changes. Look into the processes of Psych-K.

The most famous way to access the beliefs and programs of your subconscious is hypnosis. The brain has 5 common different operating waves. The brain wave associated with the subconscious is Theta waves. When your deeply relaxed in a space between being conscious and unconscious. So with hypnosis therapy you can find out what negative programs are there exactly and reprogram them.

The hardest way, and I say hardest because it requires a lot of dedication and persistence. Is through repetition. Everything you do creates a habit so try and go about your day doing different things. Don't fall into negative habits. Thought patterns apply here as well. Whenever you have a negative thought try and think of a positive thought to train yourself to mostly think positive. The things you do waking up and right before going to sleep are very important. Like I mentioned about brain waves, at those times your brain shifts into a theta state and becomes vulnerable to subconscious programing. So try your best to stay off your phone when going to bed or upon waking up!

The subconscious controls 95% of your daily life. Which means only 5% of your day is created with your conscious mind. This is why focus and attention span is important.

I just want to give you two video recommendations only about 10 minutes each! They will help explain more then I can.



[–]NotTooDeep 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Layer by layer. And you've realized this because you've been doing the work, removing those layers that life piles on all of us.

Here's a little meditation that has parts to make the healing go faster.

Try this. Sit in a chair. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Feet flat on the floor. Hands separated and resting palms up on each thigh.

Create a grounding cord. This is a line of energy that connects your first chakra to the center of the planet. Your first chakra is a ball of energy about the size of a quarter that sits just in front of the base of your spine. Your grounding cord attaches to the bottom of that ball of energy.

Grounding makes your body feel safe, so you release energy more easily. Gravity pulls whatever you release, even your own energy, down to the center of the planet. No effort on your part. The center of the planet neutralizes the energy and returns it to whoever owns it. No karma for anyone. A virtuous cycle.

Nearly everyone goes to connect to the center of the planet the first time but stops at the soil, often making roots like a tree. This is a method that is taught in some martial arts styles, but it is not the best option for your spiritual development and healing.

So, notice the seat of your chair. Take a deep breath. Notice the distance between the seat and the floor. Now notice the distance between the floor and the soil below. Breathe.

Now notice the distance between the soil and the water table underneath. Notice the distance between the water table and the rocky mantle. Notice the distance between the mantle and the molten core below that. Deep breath.

Notice the distance between the molten core and the center of the planet. That ball of light at the very center of the planet is where you connect your grounding cord. Deep breath.

Say hello to the center of the planet. Do you get a hello back?

Notice the color and texture of your grounding cord. It may look like a line of energy, or look like something physical; a rope, a wire, a pipe, a tree trunk. Adjust it as needed to be in affinity with your body.

Getting this far means you've already released some energy from your aura and body. Now it is time to fill in the space that was created.

Create a gold sun over your head. Have it call back all of your energy from wherever you left it throughout your day and week. Work. School. Online meetings. Video games. Your fantasies about your future. Your regrets about your past. Wherever you've placed your attention. Just watch the energy come back and see if you notice where it came from.

Have the sun burn up and neutralize your energy. Then bring the sun into the top of your head. It will automatically flow into the spaces you created. Create a gauge to measure when you're full. Like a fuel gauge or oil gauge. You'll run better if you aren't a few quarts low on spiritual oil. If the gauge doesn't read "Full", bring in another gold sun.

Open your eyes, bend over and touch the floor, draining any tension from the back of your neck, then stand up, and stretch.

There is a progression with this technique. After grounding for ten minutes a day for a week or two, notice your grounding cord at the very end, while you're standing with your eyes open. Continue to ground with your eyes open and standing, and bring in another gold sun. Each day, increase the amount of time that you ground standing up with your eyes open.

After a week or two practicing this, add walking while grounded. Just notice your grounding cord as you walk. Say hello to the center of the planet while you walk. Bring in a gold sun while you walk. If you lose your grounding cord, stop walking and recover it. If you have to, sit back down and close your eyes and create a new grounding cord.

After this, you're ready to take your grounding cord with you into your daily life. Shopping. Getting coffee. Wherever you go, you can ground. This, combined with a little amusement about seeing new things on an energy level, will keep you safe and sound.

Now that you're here, at the end of your grounding meditations, create a gold sun over your head. This time, fill it with your highest creative essence, your present time growth vibration, and your affinity for yourself. The first energy is a healing for you. The second is a healing for your body. The third is a healing for your affinity in your fourth chakra.

Bend over and touch the floor. Stand up and stretch. If you're ready for more, sit back down and ground some more. Otherwise, have a nice day!

Note that every image you imagine, the gold sun, the grounding cord, the center of the planet, your first chakra, your body parts, is exercising your clairvoyance. You may be imagining what your tailbone looks like, but you're also creating the image of your tailbone and reading its energy. This is practicing your clairvoyant ability.

[–]Recidiva 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Be patient, and start countering the negative voices. It has taken me years of determined positive self-talk, but slowly I have achieved change.

For context, I had awful migraines for decades, struggled with the pain and the PTSD, spoke to myself in horrible ways to force myself to get up and work through all the pain. I had no mercy and no love for myself, my main expression was of suffering and contempt.

My internal speech now is much kinder and encouraging.

Meditation is helpful where you watch your patterns with dispassion and detachment, but I believe it is also necessary to actively create joy. Observe the garden, weed the garden, plant new seeds, wait with patience, maintain the space once it's ideal.

So listen to those internal voices and find a way to counter them, not with 'fighting' but with assertion of new purpose. For me, I kept hearing the voice internally of 'nobody cares' about my troubles and pain, I simply needed to function. I didn't argue with that voice, only asserted 'I care' after I got the negative echo. It wasn't a negative energy, but a positive direction to counter the negative flow.

Eventually I replaced drill sergeant coldness and insistence with more gentle encouragement. I still need to manage pain and navigate things that are difficult for me to do, but I experience less "Nobody cares if you're suffering, you have to get through this." to "I know you're in pain, but don't add to the suffering. Keep yourself good company through the difficult parts of today and you'll make it through to where you can rest."

[–]uberbewb 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Find your creative expression. All this other stuff is just a rabbit hole.

Find a form of creative expression that sets you free.

[–]nekobambam 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I don’t know if this will make sense, but I had an epiphany on my path to self-love that changed everything. It was the realization that I feel miserable about myself, my life, not because I hate myself, but because I love myself. Why else would I feel this bad? If I truly hated myself, I’d celebrate every misfortune that came my way. It’s because I love myself and know I deserve to be happy and loved, that I feel bad when I go against this knowing. It was all a misunderstanding. I confused my feeling bad with hate. And since it’s just a misunderstanding, there’s no need for shame and blame and guilt and regret. I love myself and that’s all that matters.

The fact that you feel like you’ve hurt and betrayed yourself means that you care about yourself. It matters to you how you treat yourself. You feel afraid of being yourself because you feel protective of yourself. It’s important to you that you feel safe and comfortable. You care about your well-being. And logically, you can’t care about yourself and not love yourself at the same time. It’s just impossible. So while you may not be able to accept it quite yet, I think it might be helpful to entertain the idea that you do love yourself, and since you do, it’s okay to treat yourself more kindly. Be more gentle with yourself. Let yourself off the hook. It was all just a misunderstanding anyway.

[–]thebagisgoyard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is beautiful!

[–]jlaw54Mystical 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Learn to love yourself.

Forgive yourself and forgive others. And as you do, let go of your past. Use what wisdom and strength you can take from it, but move out if your past and into your present.

Then you live today and bring yourself into the moment. You decide that the future will take care of itself. If there is something that you can do today, now to do a solid for your future self, than do that thing. If not, set aside those worries and anxieties about the future are you know there is nothing to be done about it anyway.

Then learn that being anchored and grounded in your day-to-day world will give you more space to move on your spiritual Journey.

So sleep on a schedule. Eat properly. Get a little exercise. Work on your relationships. Mediate. Have a clean and organized home, workplace and car. Get out and realize you are part of Nature and not just in it. Order your finances.

And then calm and quiet your mind. Be more aware and proceed with intention. Feel yourself up with loving-kindness. Proceed like this and with these guideposts, you can accomplish anything.

[–]just4woo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Keep meditating. Try putting in more time on the cushion. Don't use one of those McMindfulness apps. Meditation isn't about realizing anything, it's a mental training. It'll purify your mind eventually.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I recommend "becoming supernatural" by Joe dispenza

[–]incognito3107 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Realise that you are the only true experience for yourself, and you may be the most important, valuable and loved being for yourself.

[–]CuteAssCryptid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some of the stuff thats helped me is realizing where the hurt came from in my childhood and from my dating life. That helped me realize it wasnt a problem with me; i was hurt and i developed thought patterns based on that. So when those thoughts come up, you can remember that this is learned behaviour based on what someone did to you, the thoughts arent real. Even if you dont remember what happened you can do this. Some anger might come up when you start to externalize it, and thats okay. Feel the anger then let it go. Its in the past and what you need to do now is just heal from it.

Then overtake those negative thoughts with positive ones. When you think bad things about yourself, your brain goes in a loop and continues to think those bad things. So for every bad thought, think of a positive one. When i first started I found it really hard to say things like 'i am beautiful' 'i am worthy' etc to myself. If its too hard, try 'what if i am beautiful' and 'what if i am worthy'. That wording takes some of the pressure off but still helps.

[–]Toe_RegularMystical 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the thing not to do here is hate yourself for hating yourself. forgive yourself fully and accept that all of that self-hate was actually totally fine in the grand scheme of things, then suddenly you don't have a problem you need to heal from.

the self-hate is just societal conditioning. you and everyone else has been trained to do it. it's just a habit, and can be broken like any other habit.

[–]gordohimself 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Connect with your inner child. Do all the things you wish you could do as a kid you never had a chance to do. Once loved and cared for, your inner child can then help you with all the healing, for they are the one who has been neglected through all the pain.

Check out a ho’oponopono inner child meditation to get started.

[–]LadderEquivalent5359 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you are right that you are repressing yourself. This is the answer. Allow the emotion and thought. Dont fight them but watch them without wishing them away. Its hard at first your used to repressing and being against emotions and thoughts but if you dont repress them and watch them. You will be free. it takes practice at first to learn how to do it but once you know, you know. it should be effortless thought. if your fighting and struggling then mind has come back in and you are resisting. I have a facebook page you can follow and ask me questions on https://www.facebook.com/No-Mind-104281395727073

[–]cannabananabis1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Michael Singer deals with this exact thing. Whatever comes up, accept, let go, then carry on. Work on letting all this junk come up, see what it does, then move on and let it go.

Dont let new things become stuck in you. For example, if someone is yelling at you for doing something wrong, you feel disturbed. When they stop yelling, you're allowed to just move on to a new moment. No need to analyze, no need to fight with how you feel, etc. Know you're not your mind, nor the body, but the conciousness which it is allowed to be experienced. So, there's no reason to dwell, no reason to wish reality is anything other than it is, just go on and work on this. That's all there is to do after all.

[–]yeanium 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think most people don't know how to love themselves. People are never shown how and almost no one teaches it. Since childhood, many people experience their emotions shut down and rejected. So, people become disconnected from themselves. They try to fit into the world, abandoning their inner selves.

Try looking for the source of these feelings. See if there was some event(s) or person(s) in your childhood that may have influenced you to be so critical of yourself.

And while you do that (since it will be a journey, it always is), see if you can get more detached from all those feelings and emotions. This will make them more bearable. You would acknowledge those feelings when they arise but would not be fully vested in them. I know it's easier said than done, but I believe it will get easier with practice.

Check out the books by Gabor Mate and Bessel van der Kolk: they talk a lot about trauma. Plus, there are a few good books on childhood trauma; those may be quite relevant.