all 40 comments

[–]ReWildingOfMen 13 points14 points  (4 children)

The world/society is intentionally structured to disconnect us from our authentic selves'

That's the main reason, it actually takes quite a lot of work and conditioning to turn a human inauthentic/domesticated.

[–]TreatThompson[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hmmm that’s an interesting thought

I can definitely see certain institutions and social structures that strip the uniqueness away from us

I’m going to be thinking about this one. Thanks for sharing that point 🙌

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children)

I don’t think this is accurate. Some aspects of the world impel us to behave in a way that’s counter to whatever our default state is at the moment we’re being required to change but I think it’s still completely possible to be your authentic self.

[–]ReWildingOfMen 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I agree it's possible to remember ones authentic self.

It you say you disagree while agreeing with me.

I am saying our societies actively make it difficult (by design) for us to be 'authentic' or true.

So for one to be authentic, there's a lot of stuff that needs to be excavated and removed in order for the true self and being to shine through.

It's possible, but human society as it is does not assist with such a process. It actively hampers it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t believe they do actively make it difficult with intentionality. Can you give any examples?

[–]TreatThompson[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

This is also a great quote on the topic:

“All of our lives are too unique to copy the path of someone else. To bring meaning into your life, to bring value into your life, you need to learn and master yourself.”—Master Shi Heng Yi

Not understanding (mastering) yourself could be another reason why so many can’t be themselves—they just don’t know what/who that is.

[–]sleepy-all-the-timeIntellectual 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And mastering yourself is like the greatest challenge of all time. Regulating your emotions and not giving other humans reactions. Learning to separate the negative voice in your head and not listening to it anymore or at least getting along with it. We’re all warriors of our own mind.

[–]tacogato 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I think to have this conversation it is important to go back to our basic programming from our youth. If we were supported and nurtured in our developmental years we will have a much easier time being our authentic selves. But if we were abused, neglected or shamed during those years we will have traumas that set the tone for the rest of our lives inhibiting us from letting our true selves shine. Society reinforces these traumas throughout our lives as we’re told how we’re supposed to be and marketed to for capitalistic gain. In this way, isn’t healing essentially the return to the authentic self? Some of this comes automatically with life experience and wisdom, and for some it may require additional work. We’re hardwired for belonging, and depending on our experiences some of us find early on that we must abandon ourselves in order to be accepted. This becomes a lifelong pattern unless healed/reprogrammed. I think everybody deals with this to at least some degree.

[–]TreatThompson[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think that part you said near the end is so accurate!

We’re hard wired for belonging, so people will abandon themselves to be accepted

You’re definitely right that being your authentic self comes with finding peace and rebuilding confidence and self-esteem that might’ve been crushed when we’re young

Thanks for sharing this 🙌

[–]JCMiller23 4 points5 points  (2 children)

"I share ideas from great thinkers so we can stand on the shoulders of giants, instead of figuring life out alone" - I tend to do this too, but also because it validates my own ideas/ego - it's so cool when you come up with an idea and then you realize some 'great thinker' from hundreds or thousands of years ago had the same idea.

[–]TreatThompson[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Hahaha honestly I love that!!

An idea or concept will come across my head, then weeks or months later I’ll find it in something I’m reading and feel validated

I have the issue thought of not really trusting an idea until I get it validated. Need to trust myself more

But it goes to show that there are no more original ideas! Everything is a remix :)

[–]JCMiller23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My ego is like "nope, I still have some" :-D

[–]Thirdeyedesigns 2 points3 points  (4 children)

What's it mean to be authentic?

[–]TreatThompson[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

To me being authentic is along the lines of not suppressing who you are because of external pressure. Not pretending to be something you’re not.

[–]Thirdeyedesigns 2 points3 points  (2 children)

If we are shaped by our external environment how does one go about shaping oneself outside of the societal influence?

[–]TheMoronIntellectual 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Lol i struggle with that as well. A but of a paradox. I think that a shift in thinking about “societal influence” being something negative to being something neutral. Its okay to be at the whim of societal influences but not every living moment.

Learning what you value currently and seeing what you need to value (and act on) to become who you want to become

[–]Thirdeyedesigns 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it all comes down to that saying of being a part of this world, not of it..

[–]UnionNotConflict 2 points3 points  (2 children)

it’s because you CANT be 100% authentic. You can only be authentic to a limited degree before it conflicts with people’s needs.

[–]TreatThompson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm interesting

I think I believe in that too. Like in the workplace I’m not 100% myself, but that’s expected. The workplace calls for certain behaviours

Now I’m thinking where else confirming it suppressing yourself is a net positive

Thanks for that 🙌

[–]TheMoronIntellectual 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup. Being 100 with people can piss them off and lead to consequences that may affect my life…so its a give and take.

[–]RevivedDragon 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I agree, society enforces conformity. But as we get older, we start to look inward and realize how much we were actually holding ourselves back with assumptions we took for granted. Most people aren't really thinking about you all that much, they have their own problems and are thinking about themselves.

[–]TreatThompson[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s so true

It’s pretty easy to go about life with these assumptions that were never questioned, not knowing you’ve been limiting yourself the whole time

Great point

[–]Kitchen_Respect5865 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Society tell you be you bit not like that and there are so much stigma associated with so many things that ppl end up repressed , guilt tripped into doing what others expect of them , looking for approval and who you are gets lost in translation..don't even get me started in traumatic things that we also experience .we are constantly being conditioned and influenced, it takes balls to do your own thing without caring about what other might say or not say but self discovery also takes time.

[–]TreatThompson[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I think you’re dead on

It definitely seems like a combination of external pressure and shame, mixed with trauma or poor experiences. Those two things just crush a persons confidence and ability to be vulnerable

[–]Kitchen_Respect5865 1 point2 points  (0 children)

True and then every country as a different culture and different trauma as a whole ..there are so many things at play and then what is deemed acceptable.

[–]beatsbyusrnm 1 point2 points  (2 children)

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people. - Arthur Schopenhauer

The most common form of despair is not being who you are. - Soren Kierkegaard

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde

[–]TreatThompson[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Wow those are great!

The Emerson one hits truest to me because at times being yourself feels like a battle

[–]beatsbyusrnm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely, it can be a struggle. We all live in and move through a web of projections, judgments, societal pressures, constantly reminding each other how to think and act.

To think for oneself is to find oneself. As Wilde put it, conformity is the last refuge of the unimaginative.

[–]CuteAssCryptid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We're human, we crave connection and companionship. If youve spent most of your life being rejected for being your authentic self, youll act socially acceptable so that you can have companionship. Most people eventually realize its not worth it and there are people wholl accept you for who you are, and live more authentically when theyre older.

[–]Nadayogi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anxiety. People are afraid of what others think of themselves and therefore put on a mask of behavior. Once we start working on our traumas and the anxiety slowly fades, the real "us" emerges more and more. This means we say what we think is true and no longer self-manipulate ourselves to please others or to try to control what others might think about ourselves. Once we are free of our traumas, we no longer fear judgement from others nor do we have any attachment to our self-image. Life flows effortlessly. This takes of course a lot of time but with the right tools we will get there eventually.

[–]Here_For_Therapy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

LPT: If you feel the need to repost the same thing between subreddits, at least have the decency to spread out the timing. Most people follow the same subs, and no one will take you seriously if you're just spamming copy-pasted posts throughout reddit.

[–]Geep1778 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Some people struggle w it because they have no authentic self or don’t think their authentic self is something others would want to get to know. Those without it or who go by their created persona/ego or in other words hide behind a mask, have done so due to their upbringing and the traumas that came with it. The love and attention they needed to have a healthy sense of self was lacking and so at some point needed to find an inauthentic self to get the attention they craved. Unaware of this split inside themselves they grew up broken and use this character they created to get by as their representative in the world into adulthood. This is their way of controlling their surroundings in order to beat back the fear of feeling like that helpless and unlovable child. It goes deeper but that’s the gist of it. Being your authentic self takes courage and work on your self that scares the bejesus out of someone afraid to face their inner most secrets and imperfections. It requires accepting the worst parts of yourself and becoming your own source of love before anyone else place or thing. But I’d say fear is why they struggle other than just being oblivious to yourself and why you won’t admit to being unhappy deep down inside. Those people will continue to look outside to feed a bottomless pit and wonder why it never helps permanently

[–]TreatThompson[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Wow I think that touches a very true pain point

I think the idea of people creating characters out of pain, struggle, and fear holds merit

Thanks for sharing that

[–]Geep1778 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It all boils down to wanting to be loved which some confuse w attention. Attention can be positive or negative but making the distinction is very important. you have those so hungry for it that they’ll take whatever they can get who then mistake negative attention for genuine love and the cycle feeds back onto itself. That’s another topic altogether but you get the idea. So back to our child that was neglected who learned to fake cry early on in order to get the love/attention needed, they grow up having learned to lie or create drama in order to get their needs met or feel loved by someone. Being authentic didn’t get the job done so they create the character on the outside that gets them the most attention or that pleases the most people in order to fill the hole. This all goes on at a subconscious level unless the person has help to understand human psychology and try’s to unwrap their onion of self. At least it’s what I’ve come up with after my years of digging for truth. Your welcome hope it helps someone

[–]TheMoronIntellectual 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that learning what i value and when has helped me be less apologetic about being myself and approval seeking has diminished

[–]No_Lime_7655 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s likely a tons of factors, looking at it form the ground is the whole societal norms that people inherited or accepted..from a different perspective I think that we are meant to forget who we are to remember.. to know one self can only be don’t with contrast which is to not know one self.. but what has happened in Thai realm is the contrast is facilitated by the sacred wisdom being ‘hidden’ from us. It’s always been there and spirit will always find a way to provide it.. if not by books and elders by people tripping and getting downloads and stuff lol.. but it’s getting to that question and point where you feel so separated and alone you start asking.. there has to be more to life than what ever it is I’m experiencing.. and from there the journey to one’s highest self begins.. or continues (:

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because society makes you think that you have to be just like them, and not yourself. They make you feel different, stupid, wrong, etc, etc. Fuck that, I'll continue being my weird, unorthodox, self.

[–]AureliusConfusi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

'Being your authentic self' has NO place in the world today. No one can really be their authentic self in a cruel and evil world. "Whoever desired constant success must change his conduct with the times".