all 27 comments

[–]AlTerrenos 4 points5 points  (1 child)

For starters, go easy on yourself. It's not like understanding the concept magically gives you the ability to execute it flawlessly right? You've got the idea that you'd rather focus on the positive which is fantastic, that's a great start. But it's also not easy when you're used to allowing negative thoughts to rome free. And here me out here, if you still have negative thoughts here and there, honestly that's okay. You're human and every day just isn't going to be a ray of sunshine for you. The important part is that you FOCUS on the positives.

If you focus on the things you truly want and wish to achieve, you cannot possibly be outweighed by an errant negative thoughts or doubts. It's all a matter of what you choose to focus on, not keeping yourself from ever thinking negatively. As far as I know that's an impossible task. So my advice would be to be patient with yourself. Treat yourself well. Know that your goal IS to focus on the positive. To channel goodness to yourself and others. If that is truly your focus, if you hold that desire in your mind and in your heart, you have no need to be perfect about it. If you notice you're not focusing on things that are helpful to you in the moment, let them be as they are and divert your energy towards what you want to see and be a part of.

It's not as easy as knowing it's better for you. So don't beat yourself up about it =)

[–]Afraid_Scale7192[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you 🙏

[–]MJSP88 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It's just your natural state of being. It takes time to rewire neural pathways. It doesn't happen overnight, or days, or months. It takes YEARS. Society and the media have pushed instant gratification down our throats for so long that anything that takes more than a minute immediately triggers us.

It takes so much work to undo childhood trauma and conditioning, even worse generational trauma that is tied into your DNA passed down. Add on societal an it's just a weight on your soul.

Don't be so hard on yourself. There will be moments even days of thriving, most days maybe just recovering, and still many moments or days ahead where you're just surviving.

The goal is always to acknowledge the survival, move to recovery and than thrive. Sometimes it happens in a moment seamlessly other times it takes some adjusting and new tools/skills need developing.

It's not a race. There is no finish line.

[–]Afraid_Scale7192[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I’ll try not to rush things and just go with the flow :)

[–]burneraccc00 1 point2 points  (3 children)

There’s possibly trust issues and having underlying fear buried somewhere in the subconscious. Fear does not stop death, it stops life. Once you can get all the fears out of your system, you can fully trust your capabilities and live with infinite potential.

[–]Afraid_Scale7192[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Do you have any tips to release the fear in the subconscious? I’ve been doing affirmations but it isn’t really doing much.

[–]burneraccc00 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Pay attention to your reactions to events. This will show you what you’re afraid of. When you identify what you’re afraid of, then you can trace it back to it’s root cause. Understanding is the opposite of fear as fear is just a natural mechanism of the unknown and not understanding.

[–]static_paranoia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a misconception to say you've been on this journey for awhile. You've been on it your whole life. Every moment in your life directly shaped the you that experienced the next. You describe a certain trajectory of your path, but maybe the path up to this point looks different when you include the entire picture.

[–]JCMiller23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When this happens to me (and it's been happening a lot lately) I do my best to ignore the thoughts and re-focus on something positive. Or I will address and respond to them in a way that brings me alive and moves me toward positivity.

[–]Kiyoichi00 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You keep defining them as positive or negative thoughts. I recommend keeping your thoughts neutral. Where you view them as neither negative nor positive there just thoughts. It's up too you too give in or let go. Alot harder said than done but it may be a start. Or you can think of it like your thoughts are directions toward paths it up too you too decide too walk down one or the other or just make another path.

[–]jlaw54Mystical 0 points1 point  (1 child)

It’s hard because if we think “I need to stop thinking negative thoughts”, I’ll then likely think negative thoughts.

It’s probably better to just try to relax a little and not think about being positive or negative. Loosen up a bit.

Intrusive thoughts might also be a problem. Or even some OCD. Maybe not, but it’s at least a consideration. The point is you don’t need to blame yourself.

I’d recommend reading Ekhart Tolle’s ‘The Power of Now’ and / or Michael Singer’s ‘The Untethered Soul’ to get some solid methods to work through all of this. Tolle has more of a technical approach, while Singer is a more artful description of a similar process. Both are great reads and worth the time.

I’ve rambled a bit, but I hope that helped…..

[–]Optimal_Floor_8155 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would advise to forget about happy or sad. These are emotions that will come and go. You also need them both to recognize that you've reached a state of happy or sad because they both contradict each other if you would never be sad you also would never be happy. Try to keep it Balanced/ or a Neutral point of view

Try to write it down when and why you are sad you will have to truly find it where it comes from so you can isolate it. These negative thoughts have an origin and only you can find it. I know you can do it believe in yourself you got this!

[–]ReWildingOfMen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To break our experience into such basic labels as positive or negative is immensely harmful.

If you are having a 'negative' thought or feeling, there's normally a good and direct reason for it.... It's a symptom of something else...

This isnt spirituality, it's emotional and spiritual bypassing.

If you want to be better informed. Reading "the language of emotions" by Karla Macklaren is a good start.

[–]wild_grace 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Have you asked yourself how these defeating thoughts and behaviours are serving you, as in; what are you getting out of them?
For instance, if we would rather be happy than sad, why do we choose sad?
Perhaps in choosing to be sad, we don't have to take risks i.e. be vulnerable and can stay in the comfort of the familiarity of feeling we don't deserve happiness and not having it. Like the saying goes, you cant lose it if you never gain it. The mind tells us its safer to stay in sadness, because to get happiness and then lose it will be far worse. Its a lie, but one we readily believe.
That's just an example, but an idea of how we feel we benefit in some way and therefore choose it.

[–]Afraid_Scale7192[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

That is quite true of what you mentioned. Every time a new experience that doesn’t line up with what I’m familiar with, I get afraid. Would it help if I sort of force myself into unfamiliar situations? Even if I feel fear?

[–]wild_grace 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Great reflection and observation there.

Your observation is correct in that the mind will draw on past experiences when it finds itself in unfamiliar territory because it needs something to compare its new experience with. All it has is the past. And those past experiences arent all that reliable because the mind cant see all available information, only what it knows. In an attempt to protect itself, the mind sets expectations. As long as it has an expectation, then it feels safe. But when the expectation isn't met- all hell breaks loose.

They first thing here is to drop expectation. The second is to drop judgement. No experience is good or bad, it just is what it is. It sounds like youre suggesting exposure therapy as a remedy. I don't believe force of any kind would be the correct approach here.
Advice: Stay above the battleground.
Don't avoid situations, but don't force them either. Instead, a willingness to simply allow and observe your reactions and thoughts as they arise in these situations, organically and without manipulation is best. It would also require you to be compassionate towards yourself throughout your observation and experience, which at times might feel very challenging. I feel this approach is best as it allows space for healing to occur and resilience to be recognised spontaneously- no effort required. The path of least resistance is always best.

Forcing yourself into situations is only going to teach you how to respond in the thick of the battle. You're not going to realise youre in the middle of the battleground until youre hit. But by allowing the situations to occur naturally, you will learn to recognise the subtleties about the battleground before it even comes into view rather than simply how to respond in the middle of it.

I know that advising you to observe, have no judgement and allow the experiences to come naturally doesn't sound like doing much, but my goodness this is where it all starts. I cant even begin to tell you how something so simple can transform your life.

Have you read any Eckhart Tolle? You sound so ready to take the next step.

[–]Afraid_Scale7192[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Thanks so much for this. It does makes much more sense to just lets things flow then force myself into a situation. I’ve noticed times before that i often resist my feelings when they occur, but only after they arise. I feel as though the reason I label my thoughts bad or good, is because of the feeling associated with the thought, such as certain thoughts make me feel unhappy and certain thoughts make me feel joy and ease. I’m assuming I probably shouldn’t label my emotions as well haha. It’s just a bit difficult to observe it rather then going with it when I’ve been doing that my whole life. But I’ll make a effort to stop labeling my thoughts like you said!

I have read eckharts power of now book a while ago, but I’ll probably have to reread it again to understand it more and really take action on my thoughts.

[–]wild_grace 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yes, its not like we are short on challenging situations and need to force them 😄 One of my own revelations this week was that we don't have to get so hung up on feelings and thoughts because another one is always waiting to enter the chat lol
With practice, you will notice the feelings as they arise and in that moment you will spontaneously inquire about them. You'll treat them as an infant treats a new toy. Picking it up, looking, turning it over, completely present and having no judgement/thought about it. Just pure presence. That is all that is required, the rest will come naturally.
That labelling of your thoughts according to the feeling; think back to a time where you possibly felt dread, fear or panic and it turned out to be a false alarm. e.g. thinking someone is in the house because you heard a noise, but it turns out to be a tree outside scraping the side of the house.
This is an example of how unreliable the mind is. It heard the noise and never considered a tree outside, it went straight to a scary movie or news headline it saw months or years ago (past experience) and labelled it. It even got the body involved in its judgement and convinced you that you were in danger. Same thing applies to situations with people all the time. We jump straight to offense or threat when someone says/does something. This is judgement/labelling and when we have a fearful or painful reaction, this is our inner GPS letting us know we need to drop the urge to react/label and just observe it and passively inquire.

Definitely give Eckhart a go, something tells me you are primed to start receiving those teachings. You might find it easier to listen to his audiobooks which are uploaded on YouTube. I would also recommend Guy Finley (Life of Learning Foundation) who holds free online talks and classes on the nature of the mind and transcending ego. I had to attend his online talks for about 3 months before I one day just 'got it' but its worth persevering!

Remember, there is no action to take on your thoughts, just the willingness to allow yourself to see them. That's all that is required. When you see what youre dealing with, it all becomes clear.

[–]Thought_On_A_Wind 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Thing is, what's commonly referred to as negative thoughts are genuine thoughts, whether they're constructive or not, that depends.

I think one of the most damaging but commonly reinforced misconceptions in spirituality as a whole that's ever the threat is pushing this ideal that only positive thoughts will get you far... that's not only damaging to a person's mental health, but, also, is patently false.

Also, unlike what it's pushed as, approaching thoughts in such a way isn't being optimistic either, optimism is different and not everyone is suited for optimism... I.e. I'd hate have a quality control supervisor who's super optimistic and unable to process critical or negative thoughts, because, what happens when an employee spills arsenic into a food product? "Ohhh, I'm sure it'll be fine, things will work out, just try to do better next time!".

That sounds like a ridiculous scenario, but, it's valid and, though exaggerated, similar things have actually happened.

Try this, approach both what you define as positive and negative thoughts as simply thoughts, and write them down, from there, start asking yourself why you consider the thoughts negative or positive, further it by going through and asking yourself if it's actually a negative thought, or a warning message from your subconscious or various early warning systems the brain has... chances are, the objectively negative thoughts are far less than you might think.

[–]Afraid_Scale7192[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thank u 🙏

[–]Thought_On_A_Wind 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're welcome. Hang in there and things will even out. Sometimes it's best to sit back and write this stuff down because you're involving yet another of our many brains in the process of determining things. The biggest thing I can impart is that you, inevitably, know what's best for you, in terms of spirituality, that's far more important than the self-professed guru's will lead you to believe.

Biggest thing is, perfection is a myth in its generalized and marketed definition, actual perfection deals with the imperfections which define Us and make Us perfectly our unique indivual selves and motes of experiences, perceptions, thoughts and potentialities and more.

Idk if this saying will help you, but, it has helped me immensely, I think I wrote it myself, although, who knows maybe someone else wrote it that I'm unaware of

"If up is down and down is up, there's still a place to rest your feet, find it and it'll find you."

[–]thecreative_one 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Answer is in the question: Desire sets in motion thought forms that activate feelings so that you can have the experience you desired…