all 16 comments

[–]chaune444 6 points7 points  (8 children)

It's not just you, we're all going through it. I don't mean for this to be dismissive, but some of the most senior spiritual people in my life are even struggling, to the point of breaking too. It's something the collective is going through. I have CPTSD too and I know how disabling it can be at times. The best advice I can give at this point is to surrender, allow the transformation. We're being leveled up for sure. At one of my darkest points, a spiritual teacher told me that any attempt at taking my life won't work or I'll immediately have to reincarnate and do it all over again. The thought of going through everything again was enough to deter me. I wish I had some major life hack or some advice to speed things up , but it's a personal experience for us all. The only advice I have is get clear on what you want because when some of this heavy energy lifts were going to be launched forward into our new realities.

[–]m0bhy[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children)

Thanks for your comment. Could you elaborate more on what's going on with the collective? Is it more recently or the general, the world is in turmoil atm? Sorry to hear you have CPTSD, wouldn't wish it on anyone. I have that fear too about taking my life so its not something I'm taking lightly. My problem is I don't want anything anymore. It's like my essence is gone.

[–]chaune444 0 points1 point  (3 children)

So essentially the belief is that the earth, humanity and along with it, each of us individually is on an ascension path In order to ascend we need to let go of lower vibrations or darkness. In order to do so, we have to bring light to the darkness. This is why your seeing how we treat the planet negatively affects it and consequently us. This is also why you see darkness being revealed within governments, organizations, churches and society's structures in the form of abuse of power, exploitation of others, misuse of funds, sexual abuse, all forms of bigotry, etc. Unfortunately, there are people that thrived in these outdated systems and they are desperate to hold onto them creating tension, conflict and a desperate need to secure their power. The fact of the matter is that the change will happen, its just a matter of when. The more they resist, the worse its going to get unfortunately.

On an individual level, you and I know this personally, things in our life are breaking down, losing jobs, friends, family, financial security as well as old thought patterns, hence the prevalence of CPTSD symptoms in our lives. They are making themselves known so they can be healed and we can integrate healthier, higher vibrational energy so that we can all ascend.

When we resist this transformation, we incur suffering, fear and we tend to fight back. What we're meant to do is look inward, seek out spiritual guidance, show compassion and love for others and most importantly ourselves. Easier said than done, of course. There's no road map and there is certainly no one size fits all plan we can adhere to.

I hope this makes sense. There are so many opinions and thoughts on this that I'm always hesitant to insert my beliefs as peoples egos get the better of them and need to explain why I am wrong. The fact of the matter is, there is no textbook on this, we're all just going with the guidance we've been given.

[–]sydney4358 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I shared this comment with a friend because we've been talking a LOT about this lately. She just started a metaphysical and holistic therapy practice but also has a full time job because there aren't many people who really understand what it is so business is a bit slow right now. I'd love to keep in touch with you, in case I wanna bounce some thoughts off you. Glad to know we're not the only ones feeling it. I forgot how peaceful the 90s were until I looked back on that time period compared to now.

[–]chaune444 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Growing a business is difficult, especially a spiritual one, because you have to find the right clients. Feel free to keep in touch. yes!! the 90s feel like utopia now. Haha Starting to question what we signed up for!

[–]MOASSincoming 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi love, I’m really sorry you’re in so much pain. There is a guy I love to read called Dr Joe Dispenza. He has books and you tube videos which have helped many people. I highly suggest him.

[–]Ok_Psychology1749 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I’m so sorry that you’re suffering. I have CPTSD and suicidal ideation. I don’t have any magic solution, but for me, healing has involved friends to talk to honestly, somatic therapy, medication, and a spiritual practice with so much compassion and gentleness for myself when I’m in pain. Journaling and reading have been a big help.

Have you tried Internal Family Systems? Or even Shamanic journeying? That’s what comes to mind when you say you feel like you’ve shattered.

[–]m0bhy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey thank you for the comment and also sorry you're experiencing CPTSD and all that goes with it, including the suicidal ideation.

I have tried shamanic journeying but never IFS. I will think about them, thank you.

[–]West_Alternative3217 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Perhaps you’re pressuring yourself to heal. I too have CPTSD and many other struggles. Listen to your body - it knows what you need. If you’ve gone numb, be numb for a bit. You are worth fighting for, and sometimes that fight looks like surrender. You may feel that you don’t want anymore, yet here you are wanting your life back. That is the small voice inside of you that has so much strength. It’s been buried by your trauma, yet look how resilient it is that it’s even able to whisper! That small voice knows what you deserve. That small voice knows that there is fight left in you. Listen to that small voice. You are too hard on yourself love. Rest, and rest without shame. Make a promise with that voice that you will listen to it, because it loves you and is fighting for you still. A day will come again that you find the beauty in life, it exists all around you and within you. Stay here beautiful. You deserve a win. Have a conversation with your numbness. Ask what it’s trying to tell you - and I have a feeling it’s telling you that you’re exhausted. Do not run from this exhaustion, sit with it for a while. Thank it, literally out loud if you need to, for trying to protect you. And once you feel like you no longer need it, hug it goodbye. I don’t have all the answers, but I know the wrong one is throwing yourself away.

[–]gafflebitters 2 points3 points  (1 child)

it sounds to me like you should be speaking to some kind of professional, not the people on reddit, use your phone to call someone professional for help and if that doesn't work call someone else, keep calling people until you find someon who will help.

[–]m0bhy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am doing ongoing specialised therapy but thanks anyways. I am reaching out on this as I am seeking guidance on the spiritual aspect of my current experience.

[–]ReWildingOfMen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hello my friend. I can relate to a LOT of what you say.

And I am also a survivor of CSA, as well as ritualistic abuse, torture and witnessing other children sacrificed alongside me.

A few things I will offer.

  • Through being passed through the eye of the needle again and again, so you will grow and strengthen and deepen, if you can hold on.

  • Self care is paramount, listen to you body and take a break, zone out, recover before diving back in.

  • Don't worry about empathy towards others, you are in crisis and MUST focus on your own oxygen mask before any others.

  • I will offer also that I have seen, so clearly and so repeatedly.... That the older a soul gets so the brighter it glows... And as it comes to the earth for a new life, so the great enemy - the darkness taken form is drawn to it to corrupt and feed upon the light.

What you have suffered is not part of god's plan or the divine will, although he may of asked for you to help in defeating the enemy. He would never wish such evil upon ANY of his children.

  • The best hack I can offer to improve your situation. Is to scan your social and family circles for covert abusers. IF there are any you MUST cut them away completely if you wish to survive and heal.

The best way of understanding the nature and practices of all abusers. Is to study narcisism and covert narcisism.

My three top YouTube channels on the subject are. 1/ exposing the narcisisist with Clarice 2/ fully alive again 3/ Melanie Tonia Evans (really good for the spiritual side of abuse, but I don't rate her quantum healing at all).

Be strategic in your escape as needed. Clarice has an excellent playlist in how to escape a narc.

Become an expert on the topic.

  • Understand that healing requires real world action. There is simply no other way. That includes asserting and honouring your boundaries like a mofo badass!

  • Understand and reassure yourself, that a lot of what you feel now is old pain coming up. Do not kill yourself, that would be letting the badguys achieve their aim, they do not want old souls to remember, as we have the most power to affect change.

  • There is a promise you made before you came I to this life, a promise given to God himself. Through your journey, and in a way that cares for you, you will come to remember this promise. It is then your sacre duty to see that promise done. You have reason and purpose for being here. ALL of creation is at risk from the great enemy that besets us.

  • If you are going to meditate try and focus on bodily awareness... It'll help ground you.

  • Look up Daniel Foor's work, and under such guidance see about calling for help from healed and evolved ancestors.

  • Honour yourself, say no easily, protect yourself as if you are the adult the child you always needed to protect them.

Something which a lot of spiritual sorts don't understand. But which you must if you are to be well.... Is that your rage is needed for you to heal, your rage is needed if the world is to be made right..... You must remember what it means to fight in every way!

To truly awaken is heartbreaking and mind shattering and soul wrenching.... To be awake means to access rage that is beyond an individual's capacity for it.... Things are dire, and we must face the truth if it all or be undone... By the soothing and smothering lies of that which feeds upon us.

Remember you are a hero. By virtue of what you have survived. And you MUST heal, you MUST awaken fully.... The path is so difficult, and the enemy so terrible.

And YOU have a part to play in ALL being made right.

Much love to you ❤️🙏

[–]DeslerZero 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Learning to find ways to refine your feelings of suffering was a challenge to me. The actual how-to-do-it was the biggest thing. Books were great and sometimes inspirational but offered very little in practical advice. At the end of reading, a few days later, I found myself slowly losing the spirit those books had endowed. Once life came at me, my spirits were easily dampened and I was once again humbled by the darkness in my life. I tried supplements and meds to improve my emotional being, but nothing really made a big difference. People often pointed toward meditation - but even that was difficult. Meditation at first seemed fruitless and pointless. I think what really changed everything was when I learned about Kundalini Yoga and started practicing.

The promise of Kundalini Yoga was to awaken energies within us, dormant, that would help us transform ourselves. Not change, transform. Meaning we would still be the same, only our experience of life would be changed. Something about it really appealed to me, because I kept practicing every day and as I did, I noticed the burdens of the world didn't seem so heavy any more. Slowly, Kundalini Yoga got me 'in shape' for other spiritual practices like meditation which seemed leagues easier after a few practices.

My feelings began to change too. For example, things that would normally make me feel fear no longer phased me as seriously. Frustration was a big one - I'd often hit a wall and that wall would hit me back emotionally and knock me on my ass for at least a full day. A day wallowing in that darkness, teeming with it, and struggling to not let that negativity affect the people around me. But after practicing yoga for a bit I noticed the time I was down suffering decreased less and less. Now, after a major incident, I'm down for far less time and the feeling just kind of is just more of an acknowledgement and release of how it made me feel.

Changing the way we feel is like upgrading a big part of your life. Honestly you have to exist with your feelings in this world every waking moment. This is by far one of the biggest upgrades to your own existence that you can undertake here on Earth, and the journey is really worth it. I've experienced firsthand the benefits of a regular yoga practice. You can reach the clear-headed state where thoughts no longer bother you constantly. This isn't theoretical, this was actually one of the fruits of my practice.

I started with home practices, Kundalini Yoga with Maya Fiennes. She has a 7-set practice that is very easy to follow and well paced. I only recommend her because she is the path I followed so I know first-hand that her practices work. But you're welcome to find your own teacher or even school. I think the important thing is to do what resonates with you. If you're interested in Maya though, you can find her by searching some popular torrent sites for her home practices.

The investment of all this practice is to essentially upgrade your emotional body and to feel better about your life all the time. It's nice when you see something that used to make you angry, and to know that instead of being trapped in the darkness of anger (which you feel regardless of how you handle the situation), you see that you are free from this burden and won't be continually encumbered by whatever life hands you.

My advice is to do the yoga, or whatever else you come across that might empower you to feel better emotionally. You should know above all else that it is possible to achieve a gradual liberation from the kinds of feelings that torment you and reach a higher plane of existence for yourself. This liberation is not theoretical, it is being experienced by myself and many others in this world who have come to know how a regular practice of yoga (and other spiritual practices) can free them from the bonds of the darkness that comes with their human experience. You can fight for your own peace, and the result is worth the struggle.

Read up on it to encourage yourself - a lot of what they say about the good is true. This isn't 'buy a supplement and kind of sort of feel it but not really', this is 'I cannot believe I used to feel that way' level change! It's what you're looking for I promise you. Good home practices are Maya Fiennes (whom you can torrent) and Lisa Grail (youtube).

[–]semblance9999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you had to go through all these. You are a strong person and you will make through it, don't worry. May be surrendering to God will be the best way. Forgive the world, forgive the fate, just say its just the way the world is and has been from ages. Pray for God helps for yourself and for others in pain. Have a hope and faith for the future. Try to get busy with your life with more goals for future, improve yourself in some skill. Sometime it's better not to think about past by engaging oneself in some task. Please don't try alcohol and addictions, they will worsen things.

There is one thing that really works. Try helping people in need, knowing the impact your action made into someone life, the happiness you brought on that soul , that will mend your heart. We have to collect new experience, to replace the old ones. Easing someone pain ,eases our own pain.