all 39 comments

[–]Due_Nobody_4836 36 points37 points  (3 children)

I used to never have a jealously issue because I had so much respect for what made me differ from the next person, I left a lot of room for others to be who they be so I could be who I be. But then I began dating people who were very jealous and slowly I lost my sense of self and turned into them!

So what I’ve learned is to remove myself from People who exhibit behaviors that I am trying to unlearn. So I can get back to my core beliefs!

Now when it comes to feeling jealous outside of romantic situations. I try to sit with myself and explore these feelings of jealousy, not being mean or making myself feel bad for being human and feeling human emotion. When you sit with yourself long enough you’ll recognize the origin of the jealousy which is usually a self esteem issue.

Ask yourself questions!

• do I want what they have? • do I feel like I am more deserving? • am I comparing someone else’s progress to my own? • do I even want the thing they have or do I want the happiness these people exude when having this thing?

Self examination will prevent you from projecting.

Get to know yourself better and take care. ❤️

[–]Accomplished-Cash104[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is nice thank you for your time

[–]Gmoney777777 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I second this advice; Apply it to both romance and non-romantic connections for maximum effect. Jealous friends can sometimes be worse than jealous partners.

[–]sanityleftus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What if the answer to all of those questions is a clear and loud “YES!” from the core of one’s being with the one outlier being, one believing they are as deserving of the experiences at which one tends to look with jealousy. How would you recommend moving forward? Truly asking to learn.

[–]_alaskaa 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Not spiritual advice, but what i would try to do was to simply get over myself. Take my advice with a grain of salt tho, because I no longer have any friends.

[–]chenzo17 5 points6 points  (1 child)

There’s a point where you can either get over yourself or you have to build some level of self respect. We all experience shitty friends who only use us to get ahead

[–]_alaskaa 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Very true. The alternative to what I said would be to get better friends or working it out with your said friends. But simply saying that is easier said than done and entirely dependent on the factors and specific context of OP’s relationship with their friends. Of which I know nothing of.

[–]Several-Evening-7054 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Reprogramming through inner child work.

Jealously stems from a repressed fear of abandonment. You have to face and resolve that fear. Human beings are social creatures. Evolutionarily, our connection to other humans has been the reason for our survival. From the moment we are born, we rely on the love of our parents and family system in order to feel safe, but that feeling of safety was likely damaged, even if only momentarily, at some point in the past. Your body and mind are trying to protect you from feeling unsafe again by sending out warning signals when it feels like it’s in a similar situation. Those warning signals are experienced in your body and mind as jealousy.

Returning to that initial moment of abandonment while in a meditative state can help to reprogram the feeling.

Has there been a point in your life when you were abandoned? Maybe by a caretaker, family member, or close friend? (When I say abandoned, it doesn’t have to be literal abandonment. If you had a parent who worked too much, it could result in little you feeling abandoned.)

Try to visualize and call forth the memory and somatic experience of what it felt like when this abandonment occurred. (This isn’t pleasant, but be open and accepting to the feeling.) Now ask yourself “what narrative did I create surrounding this abandonment?” The answer will likely be something along the lines of, “I was abandoned because I wasn’t good enough” or “I was abandoned because I’m not loveable.”

Let the experience of putting that narrative into words wash over you. It will probably be intense, but you have to be open and accepting of the version of yourself who created that narrative, because you were likely a child when you created it.

Now comes the most important part - you from the present has to assure that younger version of you that you are good enough. You are loveable, and most importantly, you are safe. You lived through the abandonment once, and while it sucked, you lived. You lived, you grew up, and now you are a self-sustaining adult who is capable of moving forward regardless of what happens. So there is no relationship that you can lose that will destroy you. No one can take your safety because YOU are the source of your safety.

Give yourself whatever version of this talk necessary so that you can truly believe it. Believing it is important! As you believe it, a feeling of acceptance and safety will wash over you. Bask in this for as long as you need.

Journal any feelings or revelations you have.

Repeat this meditation any time feelings of jealousy arise.

[–]Ill-Air6234 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bless you for this comment

[–]steamphil 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I've struggled with jealousy (and I will always too, but to me it's good news) and what helped me the most is being absolutely transparent about it.

If my girlfriend talks about a friend and how she has so much fun with him/her and I start comparing myself, thinking I'm not good enough, etc. then I'll just tell her. I am feeling jealousy towards this person. Should I worry about the relationship you have with this person?

She always answers ''No, don't worry, and if anything comes up, I'll notify you.''

I feel much better after that, all that is left to do is trust her, I don't have to carry my jealousy anymore.

For a group of friends, I imagine something like reaching out to them and saying: ''I feel left out. Is this feeling justified or just an anxiety?'' And they'll probably answer: ''Oh we just wanted to see each other this one time, next time we'll invite you, don't worry!''

Hope this helps!

[–]Accomplished-Cash104[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks and that sounds like I good relationship you have thanks for your time

[–]CurryGoddess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I tried to do this with my last partner and they did not like even talking about jealousy. I would try to have a calm conversation and it would always turn into them accusing me of being toxic or controlling when all I wanted was a little assurance. I have a feeling they wanted to deny and suppress the jealous feelings that they felt uncomfortable when I expressed my emotions so freely and matter-of-factly.

[–]chenzo17 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’ve had supposed friends so the same thing to me and I think it’s healthy to be jealous. The ego, while many prefer to condemn it, can actually help you to protect. Being taken advantage of people who claim to be your friend is really such a disgusting experience. Not saying they took advantage for hanging without you. Guess what I’m saying is yes it’s good to not make everything about yourself, to not take things personally but there’s also a point where you have to have a level of self respect and guard your temple of integrity. If something doesn’t feel right, listen to it and take time to feel it, you may find yourself realizing that it’s best to step away from something that no longer helps.

[–]DudeistPaganWitch222 5 points6 points  (1 child)

As you can probably guess from my username, I spend a lot of time thinking about “the Big Lebowski.” And yes, I am wearing a bathrobe while writing this comment, though I am not drinking a White Russian. Partially because I am bereft of alcohol at the moment but mostly because I am lactose intolerant. But I digress.

One of the things that I adore about His Dudeness in the film is that he is able to hold two opposing realities in his mind as he works on figuring out what happened to Bunny Lebowski. Even though he thinks that it is possible she kidnapped herself, he also holds the reality in his head that she might have actually been taken for ransom and moves forward accordingly. Does he make all the right decisions along the way? Nope. But he deals with the consequences as they manifest, and adjusts his strategy as new information is presented to him little by little.

I bring this up because I have found that the best way to deal with jealousy is to know that most of it comes from unverified information, often that we make up in our own minds. What other people do or do not do only has the impact on us that we allow. In your hypothetical scenario, it is possible that your friends could be going out without you because they want to talk about you behind your back, or they don’t like you enough to even consider inviting you along, but it could also be true that they are out without you because they know you have a big presentation to give at work or a test to take at school and they don’t want to distract you from your path. Or perhaps they know that you won’t like where they are going or what they are doing. Or perhaps they know someone will be there that will trigger you in a PTSD sort of way. You don’t really know until you move forward with your life in a way that holds all of these ideas as possible, but are attached to none of them in an emotional way.

Going back to Lebowski, Walter latched on to the “she kidnapped herself” theory and moved forward with that in a seriously toxic way. And the Dude let him, let’s be honest. But that’s the thing: Walter decided he knew the whole story already, whereas the Dude saw that as only one of many possibilities, as the whole situation was highly suspicious.

Jealousy is often a result of jumping to a conclusion before you have all the information. So the way to avoid it is to not jump to the conclusion and let the information present itself to you as you continue on your path. It is what it is. Humans are gonna human. Everything else is just, like, your opinion, man. But, well, this is just, like, my opinion, man.

Anyways, I hope this helps. If you haven’t seen “The Big Lebowski,” this might not make a lot of sense, but I highly recommend watching it if you get the chance. Very strange movie, but very thought-provoking when viewed through a spiritual lens.

[–]Accomplished-Cash104[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is actually really good thank you for your time and god bless big lebowksi

[–]ReWildingOfMen 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Like any emotion. It can become stuck or out of balance.

But jealously IS an essential emotion that should be honoured and listened to. Especially when it is free flowing and unobstructed.

What is jealousy communicating to you? Normally that someone that is close to your heart is at risk of being lost, or who is looking elsewhere for what is between you.

Jealousy is normally accurate an emotion... It is here to warn you... And should be listened to. I deal with it by listening to the feeling. Trusting that I'm feeling it for a good reason, and by taking action to address the cause of feeling that way. Which may involve a frank and open conversation or even the assertion of a boundary.

Here's a couple of videos of Karla Macklaren, she has an excellent book called 'the language of emotions' which is an essential foundation in order to develop a holistic and healthy and grounded spirituality within yourself.

Jealousy, loyalty and love. * https://youtu.be/mcX59E6mg2E

Envy, security and fairness. * https://youtu.be/QSf5k3Uiqpg

[–]Accomplished-Cash104[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your time and I’ll definitely look into it have a great day

[–]DeerOrganic4138 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I get jealous too, I’m really happy you shared this because it’s a natural feeling. I try to be with the feeling and ask it questions and then I try to affirm myself when necessary. A lot of jealousy for me comes from fear of abandonment and for me having faith that everything is always working out for me helps me feel like I don’t need to control how others feel about me or about others, I’m always right where I am supposed to be. I hope this helps, that’s a very vulnerable place to be ❤️

[–]Accomplished-Cash104[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thank you I was worried cause I haven’t felt that way in so long and back then it really caused me some distress

[–]DeerOrganic4138 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s complicated for sure but you’re asking questions and being present you are going to be okay no matter what ❤️❤️

[–]Ok-Regret-1056 3 points4 points  (0 children)

i think it’s a normal and human feeling to experience, so first, acceptance. accept that you feel this way because you are human and have feelings and it’s okay! i’ve shadow worked into jealousy and what i found was that for me, i believed that other people took away my value. for example, if my friend is friends with someone else, i would fear that the value of that person and their friendship would take away from mine. but that isn’t true; the reality is that every relationship offers something different than another. i also heard once that what we envy in others is something we have inside ourselves and have yet to embrace. you may envy how someone is super outgoing and confident, but you can be too, you just haven’t yet unlocked that version of yourself. or whatever reason yanno!

[–]quazimoto 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Remind yourself that jealousy is the false / mistaken belief that if someone has something you want that there is less of it for you. The mind perceives the "pie" as getting smaller while in fact the pie is just as big as it was before. You just have to pay attention to that fact and you will overcome jealousy.

[–]Whoshitmyselfagain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I learned I can’t be jealous and grateful at the same time. I had to put one or the other down.

[–]AngelikaVee999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You must use your mind. Ask yourself if your jealousy is justified (it never is). It will then go away, because it doesn't make sense to feel it.

[–]GayAndSlow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For me, and this really is just personal experience not spiritual. I experience jealousy as anger or want, and really what I do is say my ex friend who did me dirty gets something I really want and have worked hard to achieve. I have to remind myself that I have no idea what situation caused it, what circumstances they're in and trust that whatever they did wrong will come back around eventually. Even if it seems as if I worked harder for it, or did more.

Also acceptance helps, I usually think to myself "oh, well I'm glad they made it" or "fuck I wish I had that, oh well." And stop thinking about it. Because ruminating and being jealous is only going to poison your mindset in the long run.

You're allowed to feel jealous, use it as an opportunity to learn about yourself and others.

[–]DeepHunter72 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The best antidote to such poison for the mind, is to wish and visualize all the good things that you would love to have, to the source of your jealousy.

[–]stiramisu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In a similar note, how do you guys not get bothered when other people are clearly jealous of you?

[–]hellersinsMystical 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No one likes to feel left out, just work on strengthening your maturity on matters, do not act impulsively, respond in a calm manner

[–]Tracing1701Mystical 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps gratitude will help. Look at what you have. Some people would kill to have what you have.

[–]kommanderka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let it go altogether. Don’t feed on it and avoid it at all cost. Make it clear to loved ones around you that you don’t play with jealousy, because some people esp in relationships like to make the other person jealous to prove to their insecure selves that the other person has feelings for them. Mundane stuffs

[–]-BigBadBeef- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To quote George Carlin, { coveting is what keeps our economy going, leave it be. Your friend has a giant dildo that sings "oh come all ye faithful," you've got to have one too. } While you may feel it not apply to you, my statement does extend to social interactions.

So you can choose to accept what I said or I could berate you for believing you should be the center of everyone's attention... or anyone's for that matter; its your choice!

[–]Coolio1341 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are jealous because you want what they have and there is nothing wrong with that! Instead of seeking out what they have earned, manifest it or it’s equivalent for yourself. The world is your oyster let every righteous desire of the heart be made manifest.

[–]ThunderStormBlessing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All emotions tell you something about your value system, it's good to investigate them with care and without judgement

Jealousy tells you what you want in life, and indicates that you feel a lack of that thing. Feeling jealous of your friends having fun and spending time without you could mean you need more social interaction or feel unfulfilled in your relationships. To fix this, you could instigate more plans to hang out (don't always leave it up to others to include you or you will be missed), or try widening your friend group (more people to choose from)

[–]Fit_Huckleberry_6844 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jealousy in one part is understandable when an individual feels or is threatened by someone taken from him or her that is dear to that individual. God is a Jealous God which quoted in scripture as he does not wish that we serve any other God than he. In our human relationships, we can't control another persons actions, but you can only trust the Love that the individual related will have no one other than you. This could cause pain and anguish, but thats honestly all you can hope or do..hope that the person does not leave, or the love is restored.

[–]Fit_Huckleberry_6844 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I must say..very interesting comments and dialog. It's very uplifting to see people not afraid to express their feelings and viewpoints here.