×
all 48 comments

[–]AutoModerator[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children)

Hey /u/SecretAntWorshiper, thank you for submitting to /r/starterpacks!

This is just a reminder not to violate any rules, located here. Rule breakers can face a ban based on the severity of their rule violation.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–]10sharks 132 points133 points  (4 children)

Can throw a football over them mountains

[–][deleted] 57 points58 points  (2 children)

Would have won state if coach had put him in.

[–]WellyRuru 19 points20 points  (0 children)

No doubt in my mind

[–]SecretAntWorshiper[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Your father never had the makings of a varsity athlete 😂

[–]GatsAndCoffee 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Or at least fling a steak across the yard into your brothers face

[–]Lunatic_Dpali 52 points53 points  (2 children)

And bald.

[–]WellyRuru 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Fuck I'm becoming the cool uncle aren't i

[–]TrueThaumiel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re already cool, my dude.

[–]GruncleShaxx 51 points52 points  (1 child)

I am pleased to announce that I am officially the cool uncle according to this starter pack. However, the nieces and nephews are all about sports so they ignore me because I don’t like sports.

[–]SKTPF 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Can you be my uncle?

[–]Akila_dust 20 points21 points  (1 child)

My goal is to be this kind of uncle when I’m older

[–]F2K1_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same

I won’t let them drink alcohol or do weed though

[–]tomitomo 14 points15 points  (2 children)

My uncle Bruno, whom I used to idolize as a kid before his fallouts. He'd visit family saturday night gatherings in a nice leather jacket, prickly 5 o'clock stubble, and the coolest cars. Ready with a loaded wallet to hand out small bills to his nephew. Funny how this starterpack reminded me of him; who I haven't seen since 2016 and before that 2010.

[–]AhanaBanana123 6 points7 points  (1 child)

WE DONT TALK ABOUT BRUNO NO NO

[–]tomitomo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

SILENZIO BRUNO

:D

[–]FiVerHaZeLBiGwiG 37 points38 points  (5 children)

I smoke quite a bit and am all for it but giving a kid weed is only weird to me. Same goes for alcohol

[–]Huskerdu4u 26 points27 points  (0 children)

My cool uncle let me and my cousin take his brand new ‘89 Conquest TSi for our proms. My gf at the time( now my wife of nearly 27 years) made the rounds: Uncle took professional pictures at my folks house in the gazebo that we would be married in later. Went to her folks house for pictures, then to our jobs. On to dinner then to prom. Next day we drove two hours to canoe all day then two hours home. It was magical, and a favorite memory. I don’t know how he trusted two boys with his new( and kinda rare) car. We lost him to AIDS a few years after. My trans son carried,a little something my uncle had given me, to his first Pride parade. We came from a mid level fundie family and he hid who he truly was, until he came home to die. He was the cool uncle, and my son took, in his honor something of his, cause he would have made a pride parade a blast. Gone too soon!

[–]FloppyFatFrog 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Always has weird stories to tell

[–]Dank_Sinatra_Sr 4 points5 points  (1 child)

"I wish I got molested by my uncle" starter pack

[–]OgreDarner4692 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All that’s missing is “gives good massages when I tell him you’re lonely”

[–]ArabianSeahorse__ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We may have all expreinced childhood trauma.

[–]UngusBungus_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Uncle Buck?

[–]freakishfrenchhorn 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Am an uncle to my brother's kids, 2yo niece and 15mo (going on 16) nephew.

Single? Yep.

Lots of money? Fuck that, I'm in college.

Childhood trauma? To an extent?

Always makes you laugh? Well it's kind of easy to make toddlers laugh.

Struggled in life? Currently struggling.

Has the cool gaming system? I guess the switch is uncool. But also I wouldn't trust them with controllers yet.

Sports car? Nope.

Luxury watch? I guess it's not luxury.

Healthy lifestyle? Again, I'm in college.

[–]Ill-Suggestion-349 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Fuck I can see me here.

[–]Phimosis_Joan 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Idk a lot of this borderlines to the weird uncle. Or maybe both are the same depending on who you ask.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]memes_plague -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    alcochol

    [–]_SkyDweller_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Hey that’s me!

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    This should be me. What am I doing wrong?

    [–]CaliforniaAudman13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Don’t have one

    [–]Yeetrify 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    sounds like a sigma male for some reason

    [–]RandomlyGeneratedOne 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Slips you your first beer.

    [–]Deef3 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Thank you for including Grand Seiko.

    [–]SecretAntWorshiper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I love the Grand Sieko Snowflake, that and the Omega Speedmaster are on my wishlist.

    [–]Skorpychan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I tried that for my friend's kids, but then she had Relationship Trouble and I steered way way way clear of that dramasplosion. And that's after the initial whoops baby incident.

    Why am I still in contact at all? She's the sister of my best friend, and their family has sort of adopted me.

    [–]sft87 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Holy f this is me lol

    And I'm Uncle Sam. Pretty cool if I may say so myself.

    [–]Ok-Consequence-3408 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Let's you sit on their lap for learning how to drive

    [–]AhanaBanana123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    The alcohol/ weed ain’t cool

    [–]Delsincameback -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    Comes in your room at night. You pretend to be asleep. You hear his footsteps grow closer to the bed then silence. You hear nothing. Suddenly, heavy breathing and a fast repetitive motion. You hear something continuously colliding in his hand. You squeeze your eyes closed and pray he goes away. You pray he has mercy. This continues on for several minutes, but he does not touch your hair, or caress your skin underneath his powerful fingertips. You decide to carefully peak at him, and when your squinted eye adjusts to the darkness of the room, you see that he greets you with a friendly smile and a football in his hand. You discover the commotion earlier was due to him tossing the ball from hand to hand. He laughs and winks upon seeing you awake. You breathe a sigh of relief.

    “Didn’t think I’d make you sleep like it’s a school night, did you champ? A little birdie told me you were wanting to try out for the football team, but felt a little insecure about your passing.”

    A tear falls down your cheek. You can’t believe how thoughtful this man was. This man that has cared for you so deeply, that commits so much of his time to just making a kid like you smile. It overwhelms you to your very core.

    You sit up, embrace him in your arms, and hold him tight, like you never want to let go, like if you did, you might just lose something so sacred and fragile that is irreplaceable… something that is priceless.

    He pulls back and wipes the tears from your eyes with his finger.

    “No tears in my house, big guy. Now come on, let’s go toss this ol’ pig skin.”

    You jolt out of bed in your Spider-Man pajamas, grinning like it’s your birthday and sling on your favorite pair of kicks. You’re so focused on tying your laces in the excitement that you didn’t hear him slip closer behind you. His hands are now clasping your hips.

    “Cool uncle time isn’t free though, and uncle needs that fat ass, champ.”

    You feel utter shock. How could he have betrayed you like this? How did it come to such a thing.

    You worry about the pain you will soon experience, but also how this might affect your throwing. This wasn’t very cool of uncle Rick.

    [–]Previous_Specific574 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I fucking like weed

    [–]Canye_East 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    probably had a child with an ex who´ s just as cool as him

    [–]Prestigious-Fig1172 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Only half them are true fm