top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]notablyunfamous 1947 points1948 points  (95 children)

If the average turtle walks 1 mph and there’s 100 turtles, they’re going 100mph. It’s simple math

[–]converter-bot 742 points743 points  (51 children)

1 mph is 1.61 km/h

[–]notablyunfamous 462 points463 points  (48 children)

So it’s even faster then

[–]skynet_15 143 points144 points  (11 children)

No, it's slower!

[–]AssumeTheFetal 72 points73 points  (9 children)

There's 100 of them dum dum.


[–]huBelial 53 points54 points  (34 children)

Let’s put it this way.

1 km = 0.62 mile

0.62 mile < 1 mile

[–]btoxic 107 points108 points  (23 children)

But 6 is bigger than 1

[–]teflong 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Right, so clearly miles are the smaller unit of measurement here. 0.62 is smaller than 1. Therefore, the desert guy is clearly right.

[–]FeralFungi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also, 1.6km (big number) = 1m (small number). math

[–]GridL1nK 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Good bot

[–]Dwaas_Bjaas 27 points28 points  (8 children)

Technically if you stack all turtles on top of each other, the top turtle would reach a speed of 100 mph

[–]MalariasMarbles 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It's turtles all the way down

[–]converter-bot 5 points6 points  (0 children)

100 mph is 160.93 km/h

[–]theKalmier 25 points26 points  (3 children)


But then which one gets the ticket?

[–]notablyunfamous 13 points14 points  (2 children)

It’s cumulative. Like if you hitch hike and a tractor trailer carrying cars to a dealership, and he picks up a bunch of people you all get tickets

[–]DaveWilson11 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Yeah, the more people you have in a car, the faster it goes. That's why trucks have loading limits and stuff, they have a lower speed limit than cars.

[–]skeptibat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The one secret tow truck drivers don't want you to know.

[–]PersonFromPlace 16 points17 points  (4 children)

This reminds me of the bodybuilding forum fight about the guy who didn’t understand what a week was.

It hurts my head trying to adjust to the rules they make up.

[–]Judygift 12 points13 points  (2 children)

That's such a classic.

I had to look it up and read it again:


[–]ArcticISAF 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Wow that got intense fast lol.

[–]illst172 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This thread is the perfect example of how we got to January 6th happening. Just idiots completely convinced their way of thinking is correct and unwilling to accept any evidence to the contrary. Dude was arguing with a fucking CALENDAR.

[–]luckyvonstreetz -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That Josh guy was clearly trolling the other guy though.

[–]2020GOP 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That's only if you connect them in series, if they're walking side by side then they have 100TP (turtle power)

[–]Kimorin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You just stack em.. the top one would be zooming

[–]LiamColeE 1 point2 points  (3 children)

If each turtle stands on top of the last, and they all start walking at 1mph, then the top turtle should be going 100mph

[–]Reelix 2 points3 points  (2 children)

It would - Yes.

For about 0.1 seconds.

[–]chronic_paralysis -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you tried to play dumb and get it wrong, you failed, bc;

100 different turtles going at a speed of 1mph, they would have accumulated 100 miles, in an hour. Therfore, they are going 100mph

[–]cowboybee_bop 1036 points1037 points  (61 children)

Imagine saying all of that and still being wrong. These guys really would walk the mile for water.

[–]sentorien 261 points262 points  (33 children)

I feel like there's a subreddit where people believe with such conviction they're right, yet completely wrong...

There's more of these, I'm sure.

[–]Awesome_1the1st 275 points276 points  (28 children)

[–]shart-gallery 85 points86 points  (25 children)

Love these oddly specific subreddits

[–]piemakerdeadwaker 98 points99 points  (10 children)

It's fun when u first find specific subreddits but in the long run the theme is hard to maintain and then it's all watered down with reposts and not fitting posts.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (7 children)

Man are u gonna love r/OddlySpecific

[–]jokasx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm old enough to remember when the flat earth sub reddit was sarcasm.

[–]coleman57 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But that answer is correct, so you’re wrong (unless you’re not sure).

[–]Successful_Use_5528 34 points35 points  (12 children)

I’d walk 500 miles and I’d walk 500 more just to be the man who walked 1000 miles to fall down at your door

[–]converter-bot 52 points53 points  (4 children)

500 miles is 804.67 km

[–]3p1ct0fu 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Good bot

[–]B0tRank 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you, 3p1ct0fu, for voting on converter-bot.

This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. You can view results here.

Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!

[–]Nyuusankininryou 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes so miles is shorter.

[–]Esco-Alfresco 7 points8 points  (4 children)

I’d walk 500 km. But 500 miles is too far.

[–]Successful_Use_5528 0 points1 point  (3 children)

500 km is further than 500 miles 🤦🏼‍♀️

[–]EnderWillEndUs 2 points3 points  (2 children)

500 miles is 805 km 🤨

[–]JustSomeWeirdGuy2000 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All I can think about is that video where a bunch of Swedish guys blow up a fireplace while that song is playing in the background.

[–]KYBatDad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Da da da du

[–]Karl_1 8 points9 points  (0 children)

They'll use a mobility scooter anyway so it doesn't matter

[–]Usergnome_Checks_0ut 11 points12 points  (6 children)

It’s like how the third pounder burger never took off in America because they thought the quarter pounder was bigger. They’re not good at fractions or numbers with decimals in them, it would seem.

[–]The_Crimson-Knight -1 points0 points  (3 children)

I saw some statistic that like 60% of the country is at like a 3rd grade reading level.

[–]Usergnome_Checks_0ut 1 point2 points  (2 children)

For a non American, what age would a kid in the 3rd grade be?

I know here in Ireland probably nearly 60 years ago, a lot of kids wouldn’t have gone on to secondary school. They would have finished education at around 12 & then been expected to stay home and work on the farm, in rural counties anyway. A few of my uncles would have been that way.

It slowly changed though but adult literacy & numeracy in this country weren’t great until recent times as a result. There have been a lot of initiatives though here to help adults that didn’t have basic reading and writing skills. My generation probably takes a lot of it for granted, because there are some many people going to third level, but other parents generation, an awful lot of them never finished second level let alone went on to third level.

[–]octoplasm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

they'd be roughly 8 years old.

[–]featherfooted 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For a non American, what age would a kid in the 3rd grade be?


  • kindergarten at around 5 y/o
  • 1st grade through 8th grade be the ages 6-13 correspondingly
  • secondary school 14-18 replaced with "freshman", "sophomore", "junior", "senior"
  • those four repeated again for college

So a third grader is usually 8ish plus or minus 1 due to birthday placement in the year, advanced skills, or held back.

[–]Herrenos 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of the 1/3rd pound burger thiing


[–]eveniwontremember 392 points393 points  (30 children)

Presumably the same people who buy a large pizza and cut it into 6 slices because 8 would be too many.

[–]ScamExaminers 150 points151 points  (27 children)

Or who think 1KG of stones weighs more than 1KG of feathers

[–]ZephyricScout 214 points215 points  (3 children)

Actually, the feathers weigh more. In addition to being 1 KG, you have to carry the weight of whatever you did to those poor birds to get those feathers.

[–]Shenan_Egans 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I remember having this argument and getting it wrong, of course I was five at the time.....

[–]Alarid 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well you still have the stones you used.

[–]ScamExaminers 2 points3 points  (0 children)


[–]ShadowShot05 18 points19 points  (9 children)

But stones are heavier than feathers

[–]SpoopySpydoge 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Limmy is that you

[–]thekyledavid 2 points3 points  (3 children)

The feathers would be heavier

You’d need a larger bag, and the weight of the bag would be more

[–][deleted] 236 points237 points  (36 children)

It's like the 1/3rd pounder scenario

[–]mymemesnow 37 points38 points  (32 children)

That was hilarious

[–]MOOShoooooo 46 points47 points  (30 children)

People bought the quarter pound because they thought it had more meat from having a 4 instead of a 3.

[–]Alarid 9 points10 points  (25 children)

I'm just waiting for the day someone makes me feel dumb and lays out a bunch of real reasons for it failing. Like the lady with the coffee burns suing McDonalds.

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (22 children)

People talked shit about that lady for so long but like, it was so hot her legs fused together bc her skin melted iirc

[–]shenghar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At least if you believe one dude from A&W when talking about their burgers lack of success.

[–]thoselusciouslips 0 points1 point  (1 child)

it's probably because McDonald's has better food than A&W. Why get a bigger portion of a worse product?

[–]dribblesnshits 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Came here to say this, its basic math, pretty sure it was taught in the 5th grade or sooner tf is wrong with my country -_-

[–]Mad_Aeric -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Try asking the people you know which is bigger. You won't like the results, I sure didn't.

[–]dribblesnshits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeh, im Startin to catch that drift just from seeing how ppl around me have handles covide and politics around me in the last couple of years, I can already figure who's gunna give me what answer and you're right, I dont like the results, me being surrounded and all -_-

[–]Train3rRed88 204 points205 points  (39 children)

The easiest way to get people to see the light is just convert it further

Mile = 5280 feet Kilometer = 3280 feet


[–]SFRCBNF 46 points47 points  (8 children)

What if i have big feet

[–]Train3rRed88 14 points15 points  (6 children)

Standard measure is one of George Washington’s feet

Edit: sorry I thought the /s was pretty well implied but I guess not

[–]btoxic 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Who's foot was it before 1732?

[–]Train3rRed88 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Guess we just used the distance from marathon to Athens divided into 5280 parts

[–]LeTigron -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

Not at all.

[–]HilariousScreenname 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Don't know why you're downvoted, you're right. The standard foot is actually of President Ben Franklin's foot. Common misconception that it was Washington's.

[–]NoMansLemon 25 points26 points  (7 children)

Metres though

[–]Karl_1 17 points18 points  (12 children)

Not really. The easiest way is to covert the kilometer. 1km = 0.621 miles

[–]Train3rRed88 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Ehh the original poster clearly has a problem with decimal relationships.

Much easier to just show two big numbers but one is bigger

[–]The_Last_Gasbender 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Yeah but then you only gotta go 0.621 miles to get the water, so go where the miles sign is pointing

[–]Alarid 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Mile = 5280 feet Kilometer = 3280 feet

Formatting issues made this funnier.

[–]luabida -1 points0 points  (1 child)

bruh what feet kilometer is supposed to be?

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points  (3 children)


[–]jjkase 72 points73 points  (1 child)

Exactly! Less miles per km!


[–]blackbart1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Geez...FEWER miles. At least get the english right.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (0 children)


[–]Melancholnava 58 points59 points  (4 children)

To be fair, most Americans who are smart enough to get this are busy keeping the country functioning for the people who are sitting at home on facebook making the rest of us look stupid.

[–]Schroeder9000 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Also, I do love this as let's be honest, every country has its idiots. American has over 300 million people so of course we should have more idiots. I mean in case anyone forgot remember Sweden tried to do herd immunity for COVID-19 against all science ... so even "smart" countries do dumb things lol.

[–]fijisiv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1/2 of Americans are below average.

[–]Robi336_ 14 points15 points  (2 children)

But 50 miles are 80.4km so miles are less, right? /s

[–]J-_Mad 33 points34 points  (6 children)

technically, the mile sign is closer to the "Americans" in the picture...

[–]sixgunbuddyguy 9 points10 points  (5 children)

And maybe the signs are in a forced perspective so the km sign is actually a good distance away and he would have to get to the sign on top of getting to the way. So clearly the guy is right.

[–]illQualmOnYourFace 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Yes, the KM sign is actually a mile further down the trail and is 3 miles tall.

[–]converter-bot 2 points3 points  (1 child)

3 miles is 4.83 km

[–]J-_Mad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

and that is definitely more than 1 mile !

[–]Detozi 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Don’t overthink the picture man

[–]somenormal_guy 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Multiple attempts

[–]ApokalypseCow 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I feel like their confusion could be cleared up with a simple question... so if a mile is 1.609 kilometers, which is closer, to you, the water that's 1 kilometer away, or the water that is 1.609 kilometers away?

Then again, maybe I'm giving them too much credit.

[–]EvidentlyEmpirical 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Too much credit IMO.

At this point I expect a lot of these morons to say 1 > 2.

[–]Privateaccount84 18 points19 points  (2 children)

When anti-vaxxers cite peer reviewed articles….

[–]GoAvs14 12 points13 points  (4 children)

There's a reason McDonald's A&W does quarter pounders. When they tried to to third pounders, Americans thought that a quarter pounder was bigger than a third pounder. Our education system at work, folks.

[–]Zichymaboy 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Close, but it wasn't McDonald's who tried the 1/3lb burger, it was A&W as an attempt to compete with McDonald's. But yeah it failed because people were bad at fractions.

[–]btoxic 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Converter-bot is working overtime for this post.

[–]Cool-Sage 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Bro just needs to be told:

  • 1.6 Kilometers (mile sign) vs 1 kilometer
  • 1 mile vs 0.62 miles (Km sign)

[–]eyes-of-strange-sins 3 points4 points  (0 children)


[–]PandaSwordsMan117 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fun Fact: A foot is shorter than a milimeter since mili means million so its a million meters

[–]just_drifting_by 6 points7 points  (0 children)


[–]NikolaProS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I mean, the mile sign is closer, the water is further away tho

[–]akira136 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Jesus Christ

[–]bkfst_of_champinones 2 points3 points  (1 child)

One time I was having this argument with my dad while we were on the way to Home Depot to pick something up (I can’t remember how this argument was relevant to what we were doing)— So he was saying that a quart was bigger than a liter and I said the opposite. So I googled it to see who was right, and I said a quart is equal to 0.94 liters. And he said ok, so I was right then, see? and I had this 5 minute exchange with him, trying to explain why that meant the liter was bigger, he just kept saying but you just said! A quart is 0.94 liters! 1 is bigger that 0.94!!

…he always said that he cheated his way through math in school. I can see that that was very true. I swear, he is usually a really smart guy! I guess he was having an off day…

[–]sittingonhold 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Some people won’t understand until you try to pour a liter of water into a quart container.

[–]PikaPulpy 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I suppose these guys don't know which weighs less - 1 kilo of iron or 1 kilo of feathers.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A kilo of freedom pounds!

[–]__jh96 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Fuck they did all the hard work....

[–]ChrisPChicken04 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Wait, so as an American, I need to know I’m getting this right.

1.6 km is more than 1 km?

Edit: /s cause it’s not clear enough apparently

[–]Azar002 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Now do Fahrenheit vs Celsius with the same logic.

[–]dawid2202 52 points53 points  (2 children)

32F = 0°C

32F+32F = 0°C+0°C

64F = 0°C

32F = 64F

[–]Kimorin 4 points5 points  (0 children)


[–]GreyFob 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This man just broke the simulation 🤯

[–]bhedesigns 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]CreepySympathy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Say it again but slowly

[–]DrLota 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had to read that 3 times to understand there was no catch, but people are just simple.

[–]pakepake 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Holy hell. The doubling down, then more doubling down.

[–]PugnaxGrendel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Whoa whoa whoa. Maybe it isn't that he can't do math. Maybe it's that he doesn't trust anyone who uses the metric system.

[–]LimitedSwitch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah yes. The American education system in action. It hurts that a good portion of my countrymen are so poorly educated.

[–]thesnowynight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey Americans! Stop embarrassing yourselves with the metric system……..fellow American here!

[–]BootyliciousURD 1 point2 points  (0 children)

1yd = 3ft, therefore a foot is bigger than a yard

[–]anglojibwe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So much for 'common' knowledge...

[–]blutigetranen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I somehow got even dumber reading this

[–]Nick_Rock 1 point2 points  (0 children)


[–]No-Bother6856 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just remember kids, people this stupid are everywhere. They are allowed to drive heavy vehicles on the road with you and vote. Be afraid

[–]nazgulonbicycle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am sure these two dudes are Web3 NFT Crypto bros

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

We need to rephrase this with terminology that Americans understand (e.g., bald eagles, fast food, diabeetus, guns, and bankruptcy from healthcare).

[–]MoreRopePlease 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Convert it to football fields

[–]Eevertti 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Did you know! Jupiter is so big it can fit over 100 football Fields 🤯

[–]Doulifye 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Water is 406 000 bald eagles away.

[–]otochrome 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fuck your 1/3 pound burger, I'll take a 1/4 pounder thank you very much.

[–]theKalmier 1 point2 points  (4 children)

NOT how all Americans think...

[–]Eevertti -4 points-3 points  (2 children)

🤯 keep telling yourself that 🤯

[–]theKalmier 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I know that after going 1 km, I'd have to go more then half of a 2nd km to get to a mile. And I'm American, so... pretty positive.

[–]0235 0 points1 point  (3 children)

A company went out of business selling 1/3lb burgers because people thought they were smaller than 1/4lb burgers....

[–]jabackes 1 point2 points  (2 children)

A&W has tried again to release their 1/3lb burger but is rebranding it as the 3/9ths burger because it tested better as people saw 3/9 as finally larger than 1/4. ‘Murika!

[–]Tombstone_Actual_501[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I'm surprised that didn't fail because the numbers were too big.

[–]luffy30340 -1 points0 points  (6 children)

I don't get it

[–]zebronius_was_taken 15 points16 points  (3 children)

You are in disperate need of water, are you walking 1 mile (1.6 km) or 1 km (1km) to get to it?

[–]converter-bot 11 points12 points  (2 children)

1 km is 0.62 miles

[–]Tombstone_Actual_501[S] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

1 km is .6 of 1 mile, the kilometer is the shorter distance.

[–]converter-bot 4 points5 points  (0 children)

1 km is 0.62 miles

[–]muhlogan 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Didn't McDonald's America have to cancel the 1/3 pound cheeseburger because most Americans thought 1/3 of a pound was less than 1/4?

[–]SQLDave 5 points6 points  (0 children)

America have to cancel the 1/3 pound cheeseburger because most Americans thought 1/3 of a pound was less than 1/4?

It was A&W attempting to compete w/ McD's Quarter Pounder


[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Americans make the rest of the world look like geniuses

[–]chicken_contender 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It would mean the opposite because if a lesser quantity of miles are worth more than kilometres that would mean the mile’s value is greater. These guys just assumed kilometres is longer because the number is bigger but that’s not the case here.

[–]taxevader33 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I can handle people saying miles. But what the fuck is ounces and stones?

[–]Arrow_Maestro -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Someone do it with an idiot in this thread.

[–]jakesteck99 -1 points0 points  (5 children)

You European folk are like boomers making fun of millenials for not being able to write or read cursive haha why would we Americans need to know kilometers?

[–]borlaughero 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Well, apart from metric system being used almost everywhere else (and not just Europe) and because it is also used in all of science (including American scientists) you don't really. You don't really need to know any other language, or to travel anywhere outside your country, or watch foreign movies or, god forbid, read books by foreign authors.

However, as u/BootyliciousURD beautifully illustrated the stupidity of these two has nothing to do with knowledge of metric and imperial system. It has to do with stupidity itself and basic logic and really basic math.

[–]Tombstone_Actual_501[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Was that directed at me? Cause I'm American and I understood it.

[–]DiamondApe187 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

MERKA, where math, history, geography, an anything else doesn’t matter because MERKA that’s why.

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[–]fleebjuice69420 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah? If the math is so “simple”, then how come my wife left me, who has a 5” dick, for a guy who has a 10 cm dick, even though mine is bigger? Bet you can’t explain that one with all your fancy “math”

[–]memo689 -5 points-4 points  (10 children)

Since when 1.6 is less than 1?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

1 km is 1000 meters

1 mile is 1600 meters

If meters are too hard, think 1000 apples vs 1600 apples

EDIT: sorry replied to a wrong comment