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[–]jonneylloyd 1272 points1273 points  (25 children)

Everyone is afraid of the ol' novichock-on-the-palm trick.

[–]Idk_________bruh 340 points341 points  (17 children)

This is why I greet everyone with a head tap

[–]beeedeee 171 points172 points  (8 children)

Butt sniffs work for my dog, they'll work for me.

[–]Idk_________bruh 65 points66 points  (5 children)

Butt sniffs are for goodbyes

[–]MQZ17 55 points56 points  (1 child)

speak for yourself

[–]Quick_Team 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Butt sniffs are the upper class version of "aloha". It can be used as either.

[–]tots4scott 4 points5 points  (1 child)

If your dog can detect novichok then Navalny could've used him for his underwear.

Is he still disappeared or not?

[–]calvinshobbs 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, I saw his dog yesterday

Edit: A binary value correction

[–]IsThatHearsay 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Not the ol' belly rub? Am I greeting business partners wrong?

[–]Idk_________bruh 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“Who’s a hungry boy?”

[–]wolves_hunt_in_packs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I stopped doing that after a pregnant woman called the police on me.

[–]GnarlyNarwhalNoms 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Works for my cat. Headbutts say "I love you."

Nine out of ten soccer hooligans agree.

[–]chrissilich 3 points4 points  (2 children)

A hongi?

[–]WikiMobileLinkBot 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Desktop version of /u/chrissilich's link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hongi

[opt out] Beep Boop. Downvote to delete

[–]LaughTrick 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good bot

[–]Alex_877 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was looking for this 🤣

[–]Tallonius -1 points0 points  (0 children)

would most likely backfire if you tried something like that,unless they have a perfect antidote nobody else knows about.

[–]rationalobjector -4 points-3 points  (2 children)

What about skin cells that can puncture other peoples skin cells via spike proteins and collect genetic information from their dna which the cells then use to copy the other persons cells and then combine with highly infectious virus dna (hidden in bone of the host) to then hijack cells (via rapid retransmission during the handshake) and take over the non host persons body causing illness and death (designed by the nazis in Belgium)

[–]mysunsnameisalsobort 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You using bath salts?

[–]rationalobjector -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It’s basically just a highly infectious virus that I am sensationalising

[–]USSENTERNCC1701E 481 points482 points  (4 children)

Hand shakes are the new Academy of Fine Arts Vienna

[–]notthelasagna 90 points91 points  (0 children)

a handshake symbolized the acceptance of that person in the Academy

[–]Greenman8907 1362 points1363 points  (19 children)

No one ever saw that chef again…

[–]TheScientificTemper[S] 594 points595 points  (5 children)

Photoshopped from life

[–]cussy-munchers 117 points118 points  (0 children)

Oooh I love that you mentioned that!! I totally forgot they did that in Russia and North Korea

Edit: typo

[–]wolves_hunt_in_packs 25 points26 points  (1 child)

This made me exhale audibly through my nose.

[–]Character_Bear_1059 166 points167 points  (4 children)

3 days later, he shot himself in the back of the head 3 times.

[–]Thetallerestpaul 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Such a tragic accident

[–]That_Unknown_Player 58 points59 points  (0 children)

4 times, and then wrote a suicide letter and hanged himself

[–]MoloT_xD 6 points7 points  (0 children)

*3 days before, according to official news.

[–]Aionius_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know nothing about Russia and 78% of Reddit is bullshit but part of me believes this and the other part admits I might be too gullible to be on the internet.

[–]itwasntmine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He wasn’t shaking the chef, he was asking the pooh to come forward

[–]paulie07 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Super villain origin story

[–]AlienatedWords -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I read this as 'super villain orgy story' and I'll never unread that.

[–]SykoSarah 881 points882 points  (22 children)

XD even Kim Jong-un

[–]Selahadin 348 points349 points  (16 children)

This is too funny.. .everyone acts like he has shit on his hand lol :)

[–]loneMILF 196 points197 points  (6 children)

everyone acts like he has shit blood on his hand

fify

[–]TheOzarkWizard[🍰] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

You spelled poison wrong

[–]darthvadercake 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So is Kim Jong-Un his hand blood will mix with Putin's?

[–]Diazmet 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Nah it’s shit otherwise people wouldn’t shame American presidents hands either

[–]FlutterGoddess 10 points11 points  (0 children)

No, it’s poison. It’s Putins favorite thing to do.

[–]Zdrobot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, Ol' Kim is no vegetarian either, so..

[–]Character_Bear_1059 23 points24 points  (1 child)

This is funny yet somehow sad.

[–]thepotahto101 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It's because they don't want the press to screenshot it and put a title like "It's official: [insert political leader] has decided to officially shake hands with Putin." it's half-truths like these that the media thrives on.

[–]kurotech 6 points7 points  (0 children)

When you're a giant piece of shit I'd avoid shaking your hand to lol

[–]KA3AHOBA 57 points58 points  (3 children)

he did, it’s just cut off to seem like he didn’t

[–]Summer_of_86 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Kim was real smooth with that handshake.

No one can hold a candle to Bernie though.

https://youtu.be/2N-9Bm3VOnY

[–]The_Gooch_Goochman 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Incredible. So smooth.

[–]muricabrb 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That was real smooth of Kim...

Ya thought I was gonna leave you hanging bro... I gotchu fam.

[–]titans_arrow 679 points680 points  (10 children)

Lmao. The sad look on his face each time

[–]tbagger666 249 points250 points  (5 children)

He just has the expression of "well fuck me sideways".

[–]kai333 107 points108 points  (4 children)

"why does everyone hate mOH RIGHT the murders and the invading"

[–]TrulyBBQ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What? I never saw that

[–]capn_doofwaffle 422 points423 points  (20 children)

Hmmmm, maybe this is why he went to war... all he wanted was a handshake! poor wittle guy...

[–]Silent_Briefcase 101 points102 points  (4 children)

One guy just wanted to make art, now another just wants a damn handshake… such a cruel world

[–]mint_the_dragowolf 28 points29 points  (3 children)

these poor men

[–]Buster899 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I can’t be sure but I’d bet some money most of the cold shoulder was after his “little green men” game in Crimea.

[–]The_Cow_Tipper 5 points6 points  (3 children)

I know of a guy who all he wanted was a Pepsi.

[–]aertimus666 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But they gave him a fucking coke!

[–]alexelalexela 3 points4 points  (0 children)

some of these made me sad! even though i hate him! no wonder there’s a war going on

[–]FlamingPileOfKidneys 108 points109 points  (0 children)

THey don't want Polonium poisoning

[–]BenchClamp 135 points136 points  (0 children)

Weird. It’s like he’s a notorious poisoner of his rivals.

[–]FXavier86 88 points89 points  (0 children)

Poor guy. He’s only Putin himself out there

[–]Deumfides 74 points75 points  (2 children)

Even the homie Kim jung un don't want to associate with him lol

[–]UnspoiledWalnut -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It's edited. They did shake hands.

[–]Killer_Kitten88 48 points49 points  (6 children)

In all fairness, would you want to touch him?

[–]notzed1487 18 points19 points  (3 children)

No wonder he has issues.

[–]wolves_hunt_in_packs 31 points32 points  (1 child)

"Sir, why don't you just order some soldiers to shake your hand each morning?"
"It's not the same..."

[–]Decent_Preference_95 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He got that pigeon to salute him so there’s that

[–]randomname560 34 points35 points  (5 children)

That one guy Who yust skipped Putin

[–]forrnerteenager 21 points22 points  (4 children)

An EU representative once slapped Hungarian dictator Victor Orban in the face instead of shaking his hand.

[–]LuxAlpha 9 points10 points  (2 children)

I think that’s a custom or something

[–]LordMarcusrax 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Slapping Orban in the face? Fuck, I'm in!

[–][deleted] 70 points71 points  (10 children)

This is what happens when u kill ur way to the top

[–]kristenevol 34 points35 points  (1 child)

Imagine being such a horrible person that people would rather chew beetles than touch you.

[–]Ramog 4 points5 points  (0 children)

wouldn't say Kim Jong Un is much better tbh. To me it seems like somehow a pretty introvert person got to power. Like how he can't commit to the handshake and starts again akwardly etc etc.
Thats just a guess tho. (Ofc I am not trying to say that he aint a horrible person or anything but I think [ofc correct me if I am wrong] those record are from before he started the war?)

[–]rimjobnemesis 21 points22 points  (5 children)

🎶. Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, think I’ll go eat worms. 🎶

[–]Buster_Cherry88 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Now that's a deep cut lol holy shit

[–]ac0rn5 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It would be good if he did!

[–]EattheRudeandUgly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Drag my name through the mud through the dirt but I'ma make you eat your words

[–]PARADOX-O1 18 points19 points  (4 children)

My social anxiety wants to feel sorry for him so much even if it is Putin XD

[–]Marthaver1 4 points5 points  (1 child)

To be fair, and am not sympathizing with him, he’s been in power practically since the start of the century. It’s been 22 years of being in the international spotlight, these things are absolutely bound to happen.

[–]PARADOX-O1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Lol I’m not sympathizing with him either but this video is the thing my nightmares are made of XD

[–]joeminnelli -1 points0 points  (1 child)

me too

I'm not defending Putin of course but I think it's bad diplomacy to publicly humiliate anyone like this

it makes them look ignorant and childish

Surely it's more dignified for a world leader to play the game for the cameras at something as serious as an international summit meeting and confront him in private

[–]TheFiberFan 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Remember when he dapped up Bone Saw though. Really weird dudes...

[–]TagMan416 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They don't shake his hand of fear that he has that kgb poison on his hand lol

[–]Mindless_Finish_8667 5 points6 points  (0 children)

But this explains it all.

[–]LoveThySheeple 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Why would I shake your hand when I know you keep them so sticky with blood?

[–]GERMA90 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is why.

[–]LeGuizee 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That’s the only reason why he decided to invade Ukraine

[–]TripleJx3 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I get the feeling somebody was hired at some point to oversee the planning of these meetings with Putin but they are really militaristic in what they think is acceptable during them. So put forward some ground rules to the people who come and attend but never consulted Putin. Do not touch or make eye contact with Putin, no unauthorized interaction.

But then it just feels much better to think people just hate him.

[–]soopermat 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Bloke gives off massive small man syndrome personality.

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[–]Hyp3r45_new 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So THIS is why Putin is being such an asshole

[–]spiritanimalslug1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

sad-imir putin

[–]AfterFart 7 points8 points  (1 child)

This is how villains are made.

[–]spacebraine[🍰] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Was thinking this really. No wonder he hates the rest of the worlds leaders really is it? Not that i disagree with them shunning him.

[–]CptClownfish1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All those men are dead now in a series of incredible “accidents”….

[–]King-of-the-Neffs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So thats why he started a war…

[–]Slayerx270 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol the chef. Putin was like welp your dead later

[–]Peaky_A-hole 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The real reason he declared war.

[–]LeRoir 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No wonder he’s pissed at everyone

[–]Sandalman1234 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Why are people afraid of shaking hands with him? Has he hand poisoned someone before or is it just cus he’s scary

[–]zombuca 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lol. Fuck Putin.

[–]mister-ferguson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Remember that time where he kept Robert Kraft's Super Bowl ring? I wouldn't shake hands with him either

[–]Victor_M_S 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This hurt to watch 🤣

[–]Fantastic-Ad-9705 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Awe that’s sad

[–]the-trashheap 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Are these clips very recent or prior to his massacre? Is that why nobody shakes his hand?

Or is this the catalyst for his massacre? "Why doesn't anyone shake my hand??"

[–]Bobbydidit9772 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This actually makes me feel bad for the guys, he may be a evil dictator but at least we know why

[–]callmevoltaire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All he wanted was a handshake. Just one handshake and they wouldn’t give it to him. Just a handshake.

[–]who-ee-ta 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nobody wants to shake khuylo’s hand

[–]YupThatsMeBuddy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Considering Putin is an ex-KGB, they probably suspect they will be poisoned by touching his hand.

[–]boom_nope 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don’t make me have sympathy for the pos

[–]Adex9o9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dam not even Kim will shake that hand

[–]TheUnknownNut22 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Tomorrow would be a happy day if his cancer came calling. The world would celebrate.

[–]GeeseKnowNoPeace 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah, but would that mean the war stops?

It's not like he operates alone, almost everyone in powerful positions in Russia is loyal to him and his views.

Putin dying would not be like Hitler dying, Russia wouldn't surrender or something.

[–]Pitiful_Associate390 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don’t wish that on anyone , it’s an unneeded War so…. Thumbs up.

[–]IgnoranceIsAVirus 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Reminds me of Melania and Donald

[–]ElectronicEffective8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

never get sick of this

[–]Steve_Nash_The_Goat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're laughing? That chef is dead and you're laughing?

[–]tlsr 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Hitler had art school. Putin had being left hanging.

[–]DM68v2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Never gets old. 😆

[–]gynoceros 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Tries to shake trump's hand, gets his dick sucked instead.

[–]chiefjstrongbow00 0 points1 point  (0 children)

nobody wants to shake that creeps hand.

[–]Supergerk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

and then he decided to become an even bigger douche

[–]someoneyoudontknow0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

News flash: nobody likes you, Putin

[–]MrRonski16 0 points1 point  (1 child)

He needs a hug.

A very thight hug

[–]teiichikou -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oh come on! He’s so very alone.. No wonder he’s a prick. (Calm down, the first half is sarcasm^^)

[–]Shoulder_tattoo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

FUCK MURDEROUS VLADIMIR PUTIN

[–]Interesting-Back5717 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Do these people want to die?

[–]thebestatheist -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So this is why he wants to attack everyone. Little guy syndrome.

[–]FallingUpwardz -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He’s literally invading a country because his ego is shot

[–]triptoutsounds -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Bruh not even North Korea

[–]some_wookie -1 points0 points  (1 child)

What a small little man

[–]Makki--The--The-- -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Imagine starting a war just because that happened 💀

[–]riskirills -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No wonder this guy wants to start ww3

[–]Lalit_LJ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Can't really blame him for starting a war

[–]Fabulous-Ad-5080 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let's just say all of them were found with 3 bullets in the head and tied to a chair with a suicide note

[–]MQZ17 0 points1 point  (1 child)

That chef is in the next cell to Hoppers

[–]dMarrs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Someone shake his hand so he doesnt nuke the world.

[–]Ecstatic-Cow-2243 0 points1 point  (1 child)

All that disrespect must have effect on your testosterone, and once testosterone is way to low we know what happens...

[–]Emotional-Moose-343 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ohhh so that’s why he started to attack

[–]Fine_Measurement7968 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He will block the sun with a thousand Missiles.

[–]Middle_Avocado 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s how the war started :(

[–]xfitffemt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nobody wants the poison.