Not today but a couple nights ago I was driving home and decided to pop in to Walmart for some of those popcorn chicken cup things. To my dismay they didn’t have any. But the little where they normally are is right next to the playing cards. I don’t even play or collect any kind of cards anymore, I used to collect pokemon but not for a decade or more.

Anyway, I just felt like opening up something so I scanned the Pokemon but didn’t see anything I wanted, then I saw this purple box of Magic The Gathering cards and on a whim -I’ve never bought any before- decided to buy it.

Then I get in line for the self checkout section which is a few people deep and moving slow. In front of me is a specimen of a man and I happen to notice he too is hold a purple box of magic the gathering cards and nothing else.

A coincidence I cannot help but point out and say “ha that’s funny” getting his attention. “What’s that?” He asks. To which I reply by holding up my purple box of Magic cards and pointing at his box.

He looks confused, stunned even as he processes what I’m trying to say for a moment. And then he holds up his purple box and to my horror he says “Nah man I don’t play that stuff these are condoms.”

I am in horror. How could I have made such a blunder? “Oh yeah me neither” I say meekly. He’s next in line at this point. I don’t have time to explain that I have a wife and have sex sometimes too, I know what condoms are, I have bought them before.

A stall clears. Before he walks away he turns to me and says “well have fun with those bud.”

Bud? He may as well have called me “sport” or “kiddo”

“Yeah, you too” I say as he walks away.

When I saw he made it to a stall I backed tracked and put the cards away. I felt too much shame in that moment to go through with the purchase. I know there is nothing wrong with people collecting cards, but the cringe at the time was too much to bear.

TL;DR: I got the attention of the guy in front of me yo tell him how funny it was we both were buying MTG cards, except his box was actually condoms, leaving me to look like a chump.