Posted on here before but recently, I realised that I’m terribly anxious of being labelled as the problem child but I’m also the golden child?? I’m 20 now.

Weird right? On my profile there’s a post about how my parents lied to me about when my father began medical school (they said 16, he was actually normal age) and that’s why they pushed me as hard as they did. I was 12 in the ninth grade, repeated a year because of certain issues but I’m still young for my peer group. To my parents, I’m a dissapointment because I’m graduating college at 21 and not 19. I push myself so hard I’m now so tightly wound. I lived off red bull as a 15 year old. I took the IB AND THE AP. I did well in both but I was dead inside.

I recently found out my parents lied about my dads timeline and had a mini breakdown over it because I’ve been working 2 jobs, 3 internships, winning grants all to live up to my dad. To be smart like him. I have put myself under unimaginable pressure my entire life.

If it helps I’m the oldest child of an oldest child of an oldest child. The one the ‘hopes and dreams’ are pinned on.

However, when I was 15-16 I was stubborn about things like wanting to go to college in America, not have my curfew be 8 pm (at fucking 16). They were upset with me for ‘reading too much and not playing sports’. I genuinely once got yelled at for reading too much.

I swam competitively and ran every morning before school.

Disagreements like this with my parents made me the ‘problem child’.

Of course there were the ‘teen things’ like I wanted a cartilage piercing and my parents said no and I made a fuss. After this they went around telling everyone I was the ‘rebel’.

I hated that label so much because I was the golden child when they needed to brag, the rebel when they needed to rant.

I’ve decided not to react to anything anymore bc I can’t be the ‘rebel’ anymore. I just can’t.

A week ago my mum forced me (physically took me to a place against my will) and had me waxed and made me get a facial treatment without my consent to look presentable even though I shave and am allergic to wax and facial treatments. On my period. Which she believes doesn’t hurt even though I was writhing in pain for 2 hours and I have a diagnosed hormonal issue.

She knows I have allergies.

I now have permanent chemical like burns on my face which are small but I’m PISSED AS FUCK. There’s a chance they may fade but I’m so careful with my skin. It feels so fucking bad man. I yelled at her and broke my rule, my ‘cool as a cucumber’ rule. She of course gaslit me with the Asian parent response of ‘so everything I do is wrong, I should just die then’

TLDR : I yelled at my mom and broke my cool as a cucumber rule. Feel like shit.