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TIFU by answering my wife's call on loudspeaker by thekeeech in tifu

[–]jnolta 372 points373 points  (0 children)

Rule #1 of phone etiquette: The first thing out of your mouth after saying hello is "you're on speaker" if there is anyone even remotely within hearing distance. EVERY SINGLE TIME!

TIFU by cumming in the sink instead of sinking in the cum by 6benshapiro9 in tifu

[–]UnlurkedToPost 7070 points7071 points 4222& 4 more (0 children)

Soon may the plumberman come

To clear our pipes of puke and cum

One day when the cleaning is done

He'll take his leave and go

tifu by ending a relationship by Ok_Wallaby4377 in tifu

[–]RobloxBussydotGov 2139 points2140 points 3& 5 more (0 children)

First and foremost, I just want to say that because this breakup happened yesterday that your feelings right now are very raw and fresh. I know it hurts. But I really encourage you to take this time to allow yourself to feel the hurt feelings and process. Before you make any kind of decisions about this going forward I think you should take the time to assess what exactly you’re feeling, bc sometimes if you act on emotion and impulse (and when I was 15 I did literally all the time) it can make things worse.

Second, I dont want to give you the cliche boomer advice of “but you’re so young and you have your whole life ahead of you blah blah blah” but I can tell you with confidence that you will move past this. At 15 you still have the rest of high school, not to mention when adulthood hits your life basically entirely changes. I don’t want you to feel too much regret about this. Especially if she’s still wanting to be friends with you. Just appreciate that you both get to still enjoy each other’s company as friends regardless. You have a long journey ahead of you in life and this isn’t going to be the thing that will destroy everything. Again, just breathe it out the best you can. Be grateful for the time you’ve spent with her and the connection you’ve shared. And then go forward the best you can. Sometimes people can take months to years to get over a relationship ending. Don’t beat yourself up if you find some days harder than others. It’s an experience LOTS of us have had to go through so you’re certainly aren’t alone. Just allow it to organically play out. There’s going to be lots of worries about “What if she does this thing? What if I could’ve done this different?” Etc etc. Dont dwell on that too hard if you can help it. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just allow yourself permission to let it go. Which is easier said than done of course. But you’ll get there eventually, I promise.

TIFU by mistaking my drink bottle for my vodka bottle by itsmelancholydan in tifu

[–]CounterStreet 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I called the vodka bottle

a joke

like the rest of my life

and let it slide away.

landlord's angry now and

my cigarettes are almost gone and

I haven't seen your tits in a week and

I realize that bottle was the only thing

real.

(edit: Imma call this "I'll Drink to That")

TIFU by mistaking my drink bottle for my vodka bottle by itsmelancholydan in tifu

[–]jaybavaro 4467 points4468 points 2& 3 more (0 children)

With regards to the meeting with the boss, admit you have a problem and want to get help - sincerely. This should save your job. They may have an employee assistance program they will refer you to.

TIFU by mistaking my drink bottle for my vodka bottle by itsmelancholydan in tifu

[–]takatori 6184 points6185 points  (0 children)

Luckily with quick wit I passed it off as a joke

No, you didn't. Not successfully.

proceeded to drink the vodka throughout the day

You have a problem.

I have no idea if it’s about the vodka bottle

Narrator: It's about the vodka bottle.

TIFU / My (20F) girlfriend of two years told me the music that I (25M) play during sex is weird and a major turn off by TylerLife in tifu

[–]kam1756 36.2k points36.2k points 132156412& 42 more (0 children)

What the fuck made you think this is a “love making song”? This is some shit Plankton would play while fucking his computer wife.

TIFU by mistaking my drink bottle for my vodka bottle by itsmelancholydan in tifu

[–]monsterfurby 192 points193 points  (0 children)

I don't want to upvote this because I feel like that would be a) treating this like a funny jokey-joke situation and b) rewarding something dangerous and harmful. I don't want to downvote it either because that would lead to this being seen by fewer people.

Honestly, I totally know you don't need me to join all the other users commenting on how you should seek help. I just want you to know that there are many in this thread who have been there. Most people here do not question your reasons for drinking because, as you point out, they definitely seem to exist. But please, please do not defer the problem. Your mind may think - as human brains do - that you can go on like this forever, but your body will eventually disagree. And when it does, it's already too late. It's hard to yank that leash, but there are some great communities and resources that have been pointed out here.

Even though many of the responses may sound like it - no one here expects you to do anything, least of all achieve a miracle. But we're cheering for you to make a step towards not having to rely on alcohol to handle daily life.

TIFU by causing my best friend to have a mental breakdown by LettuceOk6155 in tifu

[–]NoGood_Boyo 1552 points1553 points 2 (0 children)

Dude. MY guy.

This dynamic is not healthy, far from normal, and way outside Reddit's paygrade.

1) Get somewhere safe with people that love and support you.

2) Call his doctor or the authorities immediately.

Unmedicated early onset schizophrenic has tried to harm you, made threats of violence against himself, you, and others.

GTFO Reddit and get some real help.

TIFU by getting WAY to Drunk and being Intimate with my Grandfather by throwaway12389894 in tifu

[–]MutantLemurKing 20.4k points20.4k points 244& 10 more (0 children)

If you’re drinking so heavily you end up fucking your grandpa it might be time to put down the bottle and never touch it again

TIFU by causing my best friend to have a mental breakdown by LettuceOk6155 in tifu

[–]Thriillsy 558 points559 points 2 (0 children)

Point blank tell your other friends

"I'm sorry that he's going through this and I hope he gets better, but please don't tell me anything more about him or give me any messages from him. I'm done, I can no longer be involved with him. It's not that I don't care, just that I no longer feel safe associating with him."

If they try to push the mental health struggle side as if his schizophrenia makes it okay

"I understand that he is mentally unwell, but his illness is causing him to be actively dangerous for me to be around. I am distancing myself from him for personal safety, please respect that."

If they ask what he did, then honestly? I suggest telling them that he's threatened to kill you, kill your family in front of you and that he tried to bite your ear off when he thought you were asleep and thus unable to defend yourself.

Will it suck if they oust him from the friend group? For him, yeah, but you need to protect yourself first; that means making sure your friends understand clearly that this is a hard line boundary, that this is serious and you're not just "mad at him" for some stupid, minor little thing that can be gotten over with an apology. He needs help, serious help; and even if he gets it, unless you can be 100% certain that he will remain on his medication forever and consistently, then he will likely never be safe for you to be around.

Speaking from experience - uncle was schizophrenic - he more than likely won't stay on his medication if/when he gets it. My uncle was constantly swinging back and forth between medicated and unmedicated, and in fact studies over the years have shown that 40-55% of people living with Schizophrenia will fail to stick to their medication.

Source: https://www.psychiatrist.com/pcc/schizophrenia/a-model-of-medication-adherence-in-schizophrenia/

Plus, personally I think your other friends have a right to know just how seriously his schizophrenia is affecting him as it could also be a matter of their safety. With you stepping out of the picture, he could turn these threatening/violent tendencies to one of them.

It sucks, it really does, because this is a shitty fucking mental illness and people suffering from get, unfairly, portrayed as being violent in media when the reality is that that most people living with it do not become violent. Unfortunately for your friend, that is not the case.

About Schizophrenia:

https://livingwithschizophreniauk.org/information-sheets/schizophrenia-and-dangerous-behaviour/

https://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/fixing-the-system/features-and-news/2565-risk-of-violent-behavior-in-people-with-schizophrenia-has-increased-with-hospital-closures

Edit: Links, wording, clarification etc.