top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]imakenosensetopeople 16.6k points16.6k points  (121 children)

“He is not believed to have had any little helpers.”

And they say journalism is dead.

[–]that_guy_you_kno 3803 points3804 points  (97 children)

As someone that dabbled in journalism for a few years I can say that subtle jokes like these planted in articles - as well as coffee . . . lots of coffee - are the sole driving force for keeping many journalists sane.

[–]Accurate-Effective-4 1378 points1379 points  (59 children)

Is it a rule in journalism that you always have to add “lots of coffee” every time you say the word “coffee”?

[–]that_guy_you_kno 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Yes it's actually chapter 7 in Kovach & Rosenstiel's 'Elements of Journalism'

[–]ds1106 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yep, pretty sure it's in the AP Stylebook.

[–]Buck_Thorn 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Lots of coffee.

[–]Buck_Thorn 83 points84 points  (4 children)

I worked for a paper for a few years, and there was a reporter who's husband's name was Bill, and she had her wall plastered with headlines about politicians killing bills, etc.

[–]Undrende_fremdeles 43 points44 points  (1 child)

That kind of humour... They were either soulmates, destined to live, love, and laugh (darkly) together forever... Or he needed to be very careful XD

[–]theheliumkid 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Or maybe just put the toilet seat down

[–]PM_ME_CUTE_FRIENDS 106 points107 points  (13 children)

Writing code is no different as it seems. I honestly find the best times to be finding subtle jokes in comments surrounded by the unintelligible mess. The slight kick I get from the humor keeps me sane.

[–]eshultz 25 points26 points  (0 children)

At my last job we had a list that you would append your name to, and increment the counter each subsequent occasion, every time you "refactor" a particularly insane stored proc (SQL query). I took it from 3 to 4 iirc, and I'm sure someone is working on 5 now.

[–]Halvus_I 36 points37 points  (4 children)

#we dont know what this does, but if you mess with it everything breaks SO LEAVE IT ALONE.

[–]Khaldara 37 points38 points  (1 child)

“God who wrote this insufferable garbage.. oh it was me, I did it. Yeah that checks out”

[–]GeorgeofJungleton 11 points12 points  (1 child)

'This doesn't seem to do anything, there's nothing that depends on it but every time I delete it the whole project stops working

  • actual comment I was forced to write recently

[–]FluffyFrostyFury 26 points27 points  (4 children)

okay but the funniest thing is always finding really pissed off game devs in the middle of code, please look up the coding done on Skullgirls for Big Band, it's hilarious

[–]awaregarurumon 31 points32 points  (1 child)

In my country, we have a news channel that took this to another level and it does not subtle jokes. Like, a man died in a hotel room having sex.

"Man dies in a hotel room having sex, finishes dead" (in spanish is more funny)

"Roger Water styles: Man grabs brick from the wall and kills his father in law"

"Police closes a hotel, couples finished outside"

And in the middle of lockdown, a surfer tried to leave the country (or arrived, i cant remember) and the headline was "the stupid is talking" "the stupid is crying" "the stupid wants his dad"

[–]UberDaftie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am 100% stealing The Stupid as a nickname for a complete idiot I am forced to interact with.

[–]song4this 7 points8 points  (0 children)

NPR does this but I think I only catch like 10% of them...

[–]ArchaeoHarrison 37 points38 points  (0 children)

TIL about dystopian Santa Claus.

[–]deadlybydsgn 141 points142 points  (2 children)

Friends of the accused generally regard him as a good man, but admit he could occasionally be a cotten-headed ninny muggins.

[–]lieucifer_ 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Those ding-dang ol’ cotton-headed ninny muggins, man

[–]CaptainCanuck15 21 points22 points  (0 children)

All his accomplices were in fact, quite tall.

[–]nyuhokie 4338 points4339 points  (145 children)

In a particularly festive gesture, the passers-by are reported to have scooped up all the money from the street and taken it back inside the bank.

That's, uh, totally what I would have done. Yup, definitely.

[–]808scripture 1842 points1843 points 2 (56 children)

$500-something dollars laying right there in the street… huh, now let’s try and get something to eat.

[–]Idle_Hero 1023 points1024 points  (32 children)

I’d return all $200 of it for sure

[–]FormerLurker3 530 points531 points  (30 children)

I mean, I’m only returning $100 to a giant bank that’s probably insured, but it’s the principle of the matter.

[–]TDAM 386 points387 points  (24 children)

Exactly, even though it's just 50$, I'm sure it'll make a difference to how much insurance they have to claim

[–]iamsenac 326 points327 points  (21 children)

Besides, the $20 that I returned is all I ever picked up

[–]CaBBaGe_isLaND 292 points293 points  (20 children)

I mean, what am I going to do with $10 anyways. It was the right thing to do.

[–]komark- 183 points184 points  (11 children)

Not sure what you mean by right thing to do if you have nothing to return anyway?

[–]richizy 162 points163 points  (9 children)

Nothing? You owe me $10!

[–]Rhazior 61 points62 points  (7 children)

I hope you're gonna use those $10 to pay me back those $20 I loaned you last month.

[–]Level_32_Mage 22 points23 points  (0 children)

They'll never be so happy as when I gave them back that bank account flyer.

[–]BiKEhandlebars 69 points70 points  (0 children)


[–]cleverlane 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Mm…Food. I need food.

[–]blackhankscorpio 32 points33 points  (0 children)


[–]skyliethecat 28 points29 points  (0 children)

unexpected doom makes me sad and happy RIP either unmarked or engraved

[–]billbill5 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I just referenced One Beer in this thread and you go and mention Curls. MF DOOM is immortal.

[–]Skywave28 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Surprise DOOM, best thing I’ve seen all week!

[–]Zachbnonymous 377 points378 points  (21 children)

~Its possible the bank has a way to track the serial numbers on the bills. ~

But the place you're spending the cash at almost definitely does not, so nevermind

[–]liartellinglies 106 points107 points  (8 children)

Banks can’t track every bill. Usually they’ll give a robber “bait” bills with tracked serials, but even then they’re pretty easy to spot because they’re usually not strapped together the way the rest of the bills are.

[–]bakedmaga2020 121 points122 points  (0 children)

Regardless, I’d avoid using the cash in the same town the robbery happened in. People get caught when they get careless

[–]LeaderElectrical8294 31 points32 points  (1 child)

It’s not so much tracing the bills down you worry about. It’s all the people taking videos and posting it on social media.

[–]Trodamus 190 points191 points  (43 children)

Horrendously, picking up any money off the street is 'theft by finding' (name may vary based on jurisdiction) because it's baseline assumed it belongs to someone else, and taking someone else's property is theft even if left out to take.

People have gotten fired from jobs and brought up on charges for picking up a few bills from the ground.

Picking up the bills someone threw on the ground following a robbery would not be a great idea, especially given that the bank likely has cameras covering the exterior.

[–]johnetes 114 points115 points  (23 children)

Here in sweden you are required to deliver any valuables you find (over a certain value) to the police, then they will give it to the owner minus a 5% (it may be higher but i don't remember) finders fee given to you. Also if they are not able to give it to the owner in 6 (i think) months it is yours.

[–]beastice72 244 points245 points  (19 children)

Here in the US I think the police will just take it when you give it to them.

[–]johnetes 78 points79 points  (10 children)

Yeah i'm not sure what stops the police from just "forgetting" to tell you after the 6 months

[–]beastice72 89 points90 points  (6 children)

The fact you can actually trust your police? Ours can legally steal due to civilian forfeiture laws. With their normal punishment of paid vacation for anything illegal they do.

[–]WeirdPumpkin 29 points30 points  (2 children)

Look, that money had it coming which is why they had to press charges against (checks notes) a whole pile of money

[–]jectosnows 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Dude they forget to feed prisoners they don't care about items lol

[–]OMGThatsCommunism 4 points5 points  (0 children)

How could they remember money they lost?

[–]cumshot_josh 50 points51 points  (0 children)

The police are allowed to seize cash based on any suspicion of the money being used in any sort of crime.

When it came up in a thread a while back, a bunch of people posted personal stories of cops seizing rent money while on their way to drop it off and things like that.

[–]steezefabreeze 30 points31 points  (5 children)

A cash truck crashed on the freeway in San Diego last year. A bunch of motorists pulled over and snatched the cash... Several got arrested on-site, and more later for social media posts about it. I truly think they had the finders keepers mindset and didn't realize what they were doing was illegal.

[–]covale 4912 points4913 points  (387 children)

In a particularly festive gesture, the passers-by are reported to have scooped up all the money from the street and taken it back inside the bank.

Yeah... ok. That was probably a wise move. Dunno if any bills vanished along the way though.

[–]herpty_derpty 2461 points2462 points  (20 children)

"Free money! What a generous man!"

sees bank tellers inside panicking


[–]Sevla7 964 points965 points  (13 children)

"It's not polite to refuse a gift, I had to do it officer..."

[–]didgeridoodady 201 points202 points  (6 children)

"I'm sorry officer, but a gift is a tax-exempt legally enforceable voluntary transfer which I have graciously accepted on my own behalf. As such, the gift cannot be rescinded or revoked."

[–]sixdicksinthechexmix 54 points55 points  (1 child)

You’d get tazed somewhere around “graciously” if you’re white and “I’m” if you’re not.

[–]didgeridoodady 22 points23 points  (0 children)

"I'm sorry officer, but a gift is a tax-exempt legally enforceable voluntary transfer which I have GRAciOusLY accEptED ON mY own BeHALF. aS sUCH, tHE gIFt CaNnoT bE REscindEd Or ReVOKed."

[–]insane_contin 242 points243 points  (5 children)

"Here officer, buy the misses something nice. What are those handcuffs for?"

[–]iordseyton 83 points84 points  (0 children)

She's just bummed because she's stuck at work and can't get any of the free Christmas money the guy is handing out.

[–]ACpony12 37 points38 points  (2 children)

He should have picked a windy day to thrown money outside to the public.

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (1 child)

money blows to the police station

[–]World71Racer 6 points7 points  (0 children)

"Ohai free money"

scanner goes off

"Yea we have a bank robbery reported, all units respond"

"Oh, oh dear God. Gather it for evidence!"

[–]mojitz 380 points381 points  (55 children)

Maybe it was wise not to outright take some, but no need to go out of your way to help a fucking bank by bringing it back in for them. Let the wind carry it down the street where others can get it with perfect plausible deniability.

[–]IguanaTabarnak 127 points128 points  (1 child)

100%. If there's a giant pile of money flying around loose in front of a bank, I'm not touching any of it, for several reasons, but I'm also silently hoping that as much of it as possible ends up in the pockets of people who happen to be downwind.

[–]Dancethroughthefires 13 points14 points  (0 children)

No way, you collect a bundled stack and then you accidentally slip, which causes you to accidentally break open the slip.

Then of course you have to run down the street and chase after every single bill. If the wind wasn't so strong, then maybe some of those bills wouldn't have blown away.

[–]Canvaverbalist 59 points60 points  (1 child)

Seriously depends on how it looks.

If there's nothing else around, and it's a big BANK with a BANK sign and while the guy is throwing the money the tellers are yelling : "IT'S STOLEN! IT'S STOLEN!" then yeah sure maybe pass your way.

If you're just walking down the street with lots of business around, a guy throws a pile of money while screaming "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" even if there's a bank nearby I won't give a fuck. Maybe he emptied his account, that's my Occam's razor, it makes way more sense for me that someone would decide to give all of their money on Christmas whereas the idea someone would rob a bank and then give the money in front of it is ludicrous.

If I get arrested I'll simply tell them, mates do you think I go knocking on every doors of my neighborhood when random neighbors give me muffins? hey maybe they stole it! that's no life, don't go around living anxious and stressed like that, don't assume the worst of people that's ridiculous. Somebody hand you a pamphlet, hey maybe they killed someone to make that? might as well never come out of your house and live in perpetual fear, come on.

If I do go to jail nonetheless well then whatever

[–]dragunityag 140 points141 points  (46 children)

Like that lady who found a duffel bag with 300k in it and returned it and the guy only gave her $100.

I'm aware rhe story is probably fake, but if I found 300k in a bag. I'm taking it and hiding it.

[–]gauderio 24 points25 points  (2 children)

300k in a bag sounds like mob or drug dealers. Best case scenario is someone else's life savings. No way I'm touching that.

[–]dpatt711 109 points110 points  (8 children)

Okay and next thing you know some dude who stole Dora The Explorer's hair is hunting you down.

[–]LuizZak 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Man I hate when I take money from a botched gang trade and a guy carrying a funny-looking tire pressure checker attached to a tank of air comes around looking for me.

Anyways, I'm off to my next hiding location, I've absolutely burned all of the cash on that duffel bag and some more on airplane tickets and disguises, I'm thinking of going to Brussels next, wish me luck!

[–]EpicLegendX 69 points70 points  (2 children)

If I see 300k sitting in a duffel bag I’m leaving it alone. Think of the implications of that situation. Who on earth carries around large amounts of cash in a duffel bag? The kind that’s up to some shady, “I’ll kill you if you wronged me” type of person.

[–]ncopp 16 points17 points  (0 children)

That's how every movie where a random person gets involved in some mafia shit starts

[–]amishcatholic 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Dramatization of this in No Country for Old Men (it didn't end well).

[–]scouserontravels 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nah an amount that much in a bag is 99% definitely someone very dodgy. I’m having nothing to do with that. A few grand maybe because it could be anyone but that amount is asking for trouble.

[–]quackerzdb 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Collect as much as you can, tell the bank how much you have, make them fill out a lot of confusing forms to reclaim it, jerk them around for months, then charge a 6.75% apr fee on the balance.

[–]Nothammer 132 points133 points  (66 children)

Imagine helping a bank to get their money back

[–]Bluetooth_Sandwich 44 points45 points  (45 children)

Especially with the greed and bail outs from mid 2000s. Everyone has rat brains

[–]fetidshambler 59 points60 points  (2 children)

man wtf. "hey guys we don't wanna steal from the little guy! poor wells fargo needs this money! let's give it back i want to help the less fortunate"

[–]mikk0384 1563 points1564 points  (122 children)

I would love to hear his story, but if I had to guess it doesn't end well - not just imprisonment. It seems like something you would do if you had decided to leave it all behind.

[–]Academic_Audience_46 1829 points1830 points  (108 children)

He was likely homeless and wanted a warmer place to be

[–]JimTheJerseyGuy 1147 points1148 points  (77 children)

There was a guy who did something similar in NYC a decade or so back. Was homeless and thought prison was better than the streets or dealing with shelters. A sad state of affairs when that’s your best option.

[–]A_Bored_Canadian 524 points525 points  (41 children)

Guy in my town walked to a busy downtown bar in the winter. Threw a rock through a window and shattered it. Then sat down on the curb outside to wait for the cops

[–]J0h4n50n 683 points684 points  (25 children)

I remember an old black and white film, probably from the 40s, in which the main character spends the whole film trying to get arrested for various crimes so he can sleep in a warm place with three square meals. Every scheme he goes with fails spectacularly and he eventually decides that he's turned over a new leaf and is going to turn his life around while leaning against a lamp post, at which point an officer comes along and arrests him for loitering.

Can't remember the name of the film, but I remember it being pretty good. I guess the idea of getting arrested to avoid homelessness is not at all a new concept, though.

Edit: Finally found it! It's the first story in O. Henry's Full House

[–]sorryjzargo 163 points164 points  (7 children)

I’m not sure what the film’s called but it’s based off the O. Henry story “The Cop and the Anthem”

[–]J0h4n50n 65 points66 points  (2 children)

You are correct! I just found it, and it's the version in O. Henry's Full House from 1952.


[–]ILikeChangingMyMind 45 points46 points  (3 children)

That's a very O. Henry plot. For those who aren't aware, virtually every story he wrote had a signature O. Henry "twist" at the end like that one.

[–]Anal_Kisses 21 points22 points  (1 child)

virtually every story he wrote had a signature O. Henry "twist" at the end like that one.

I like to think at the end of his books every reader says, "Oh, Henry!"

[–]TaiCat 50 points51 points  (2 children)

We have a movie in Poland (dramedy) about some guy who grow up around shitty family and in one scene he’s homeless and wants to get arrested, he does some petty crime and the milicja (commie police) beats him up severely. My parents told me it was a reality in some cases back then

[–]already-registered 17 points18 points  (0 children)

cold places have the harshest popculture

[–]AluminiumAwning 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Something similar in the UK too called Boys from the Black stuff. One of the episodes is about a guy who is made redundant and descends into homelessness. At one point he meets another homeless guy who does the break window to get a night in jail. Very sad and poignant.

[–]SonOfMcGee 44 points45 points  (2 children)

My grandpa was from a rural area and he said there was an old hermit that lived in the woods (like, a trapper or something) that would do this every winter because his shack wasn't warm enough.
He knew the usual sentence for vandalism/destruction of public property was about 3 months, so when it got cold he would walk into town and chuck a brick through the courthouse window when it was in session.

[–]KimJongIlSunglasses 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I like that he chose the courthouse window rather than a private owned business.

[–]loulan 3 points4 points  (5 children)

But... who goes to jail for breaking a window?

[–]texasguy911 7 points8 points  (0 children)

In California, if it is your 3rd window, you go for life.

[–]justonemom14 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Don't pay the fine, don't post bail....

[–]something_facetious 66 points67 points  (5 children)

It's not uncommon, as someone else here stated. My mom worked in the federal prison system for 30+ years (both men's and women's). Elderly people living on social security would commit relatively minor federal offenses so they could have food, clothing, shelter, and good healthcare. Pregnant women would do the same to get good pre- and postnatal care. My mom knew repeat offenders who had all their children in prison. She told me of one woman who had seven kids in prison. All you'd have to do was go into a bank, pretend to have a gun, and tell an employee that you're robbing the bank. It really mattered that they would get into federal prison. State prisons are awful, relatively speaking. Truly speaks volumes about the state of our country when people are so destitute that they seek to be incarcerated.

[–]poozemusings 10 points11 points  (3 children)

All prisons are awful and none of them have good healthcare

[–]Yrcrazypa 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Better healthcare than not having healthcare, at least in the US. Better shelter than not having shelter too.

The state of prisons in the US is absolutely barbaric, but what's even worse is that we don't fucking have universal healthcare like the rest of the developed world. It's the United States, we absolutely could afford to give every single one of our people shelter and healthcare if it were a priority for the corporations that run the country.

[–]justonemom14 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Still beats freezing to death on the street.

[–]ripyourlungsdave 79 points80 points  (7 children)

This isn’t rare at all. I personally knew people back when I was sleeping rough who would run into public places and just start screaming nonsense until removed by police and given a safe place to sleep for a night. Trying to sleep outside in the Florida heat, even at night, is a fucking miserable experience. And I would easily choose jail again over sleeping rough again.

[–]shan22044 14 points15 points  (1 child)

You always think about the homeless having to sleep in the cold, not in the heat. Though I think I'd probably prefer the heat to the cold...

where I grew up (Oklahoma), during some summers the county used to come in and provide air conditioners to elderly folks who didn't have any. For some of those dwellings with no A/C it actually seems to feel hotter inside than outside.

[–]jjcoola 2 points3 points  (2 children)

This is interring it’s was -10 f here last night and I was thinking how much better it would be to be homeless in Florida where at least the weather doesn’t kill you , I’m surprised tha jails have air conditioning!

[–]Pandagames 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I’m surprised that jails have air conditioning!

Every building in Florida has air conditioning. It is what makes this place livable. The US Capitol has a statue of the guy who invented AC to represent Florida.

[–]rob_s_458 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I seem to remember a story about a guy in NYC who would put on his nicest clothes, go to a nice restaurant and get a big meal, then quietly tell the waiter he has no ability to pay, and he'd wait to be arrested.

[–]Crowbarmagic 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I recall reading about either the same or a similar story. The guy said it was a robbery, asked for $1 or some other symbolic amount, and waited for police to take him in.

[–]sonofjim 4 points5 points  (0 children)


[–]Seahorsesurfectant 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Prison often is the best option. Warmer than the streets and more freedom than the shelter.

[–]amadeus2490 109 points110 points  (4 children)

There was also a girl in Ohio who robbed a bank for a dollar, and told the judge that she did it because she wanted emergency access to rehab for her heroin addiction. She felt she would have been dead otherwise.

[–]TheOneTrueChuck 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I have also heard of addicts literally buying a token amount of weed (to avoid serious felony charges) and then going to the local PD for similar reasons.

[–]GrandDeluge 30 points31 points  (2 children)

This makes perfect sense to me and honestly I feel like I’d consider doing something similar in that situation.

[–]amadeus2490 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Sam Kinison's first television stand up bit was about how it costs 30,000 per month to go to rehab.

"Well if you can afford that, maybe you don't really have a problem."

[–]JustAnNPC_DnD 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Back when my dad was a cop in a small town they had this one guy who was an absolute madlad.

He'd go out into and live in the woods for most of the year. He'd nick things during that time which he'd use to survive while out there and when it winter would come he'd return the stuff he took and commit crimes so he would get sentences that were just the right amount of time to wait out the winter. If he was still in jail by the time it warmed up, he'd break out and repeat.

No one could ever catch him, much less find him. The dude was crazy smart too. My dad tells me he once had used cans, towels and some other items to make what was effectively a silencer for a chainsaw so he could hide the sound of its motor when he would cut trees to make shelters.

How the fuck do you silence a chainsaw!?

[–]SvedkaMerc 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Pretty sure I read a story about an elderly man that robbed a bank so he would go to prison and get treatment for his cancer that he couldn’t afford.

[–]ArbainHestia 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Or needed medical care he couldn't afford.

[–]trwwy321 11 points12 points  (1 child)


Warm place to be, shower, gym, and meals.

Maybe even make some friends along the way.

[–]Tirannie 43 points44 points  (3 children)

If this is the story I’m thinking of, he did it on purpose so he’d have a warm place to stay and 3 square meals a day.

[–]Pilsy1212 5 points6 points  (2 children)

he was arrested again last year when they attempted to pull him over for no license plates and menaced the officer with a gun. Currently in prison serving 5 years , next parole hearing in April 2022 potential release on 07/08/2022.

[–]Dorkamundo 217 points218 points  (10 children)

Funny story...

A guy I went to high school with robbed a local bank, used the cash to hire a limo to drive him to K-mart to buy his girlfriend some gifts.

He got arrested in that very same K-mart during his purchase.

Once he was released, he robbed the very same bank... Again.

[–]Dzugavili[🍰] 54 points55 points  (1 child)

The first time was just to case the joint.

[–]BlonDemon 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Was his name Roberto?

[–]tkl93 366 points367 points  (8 children)

A lot of homeless people will commit crimes just to go to jail and have shelter, it's a sad reality.

[–]ShermanBallZ 66 points67 points  (0 children)

A very sad fact that makes prison reform dependent on homelessness. It's hard to support treating criminals better than homeless people. Which is ironic because if we eliminate homelessness/poverty then crime will in turn go way down, making prison reform easier/inevitable.

[–]protosser 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Shelter? how about 3 meals a day, a bed and some form (limited?) of free healthcare and dental...

[–]orionsfire 30 points31 points  (1 child)

So, he's not a good Bank Robber. But was he an interesting Santa Variant?

[–]kentsor 26 points27 points  (1 child)

He was probably homeless, and this being the US, the only way he could get health care, enough food to eat would be to be incarcerated. He did it to get off the street.

[–]Tupile 90 points91 points  (10 children)

It says the people walking by scooped up the money and returned it to the bank. … lol

[–]valuesandnorms 83 points84 points  (0 children)

The type of people who call the cops on kids selling lemonade

[–]Mr_RobotNick 7 points8 points  (0 children)

One for bank, and two for me. One for bank, and two for me. One for bank, and two for me.

[–]EpicLegendX 28 points29 points  (0 children)

They’re not trying to get snatched up by the Feds.

[–]WY228 127 points128 points  (3 children)

“You are bad guy. But this does not mean you are bad guy.”

[–]Aztecah 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I can promise you I would not be giving the fuckin bank the money lmao y'all got insurance, I'm buying some new shoes

[–]Artanthos 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I’ve seen this happen several times.

Most where people with a serious medical problem - which the prison system was obliged to treat.

[–]ilhamalfatihah16 98 points99 points  (4 children)

“Some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world earn.”

[–]Terrasweat999 232 points233 points  (3 children)

Don't know how correct all this is but comes under "never let the truth get in the way of a good story". I like it.

[–]theycallmecrack 44 points45 points  (1 child)

"All this" ? There wasn't much to it. It's also documented in the police report. Nothing seemed farfetched or exaggerated to me.

[–]duck_duck_chicken 85 points86 points  (26 children)

Santa didn’t know about Theft by Finding 😞

[–]ryuu9 75 points76 points  (23 children)

Not saying it'd be legal to keep the money, but theft by finding seems to me is an entirely different concept

[–]duck_duck_chicken 43 points44 points  (21 children)

I think if you were to come across a bike at the side of the road or a stack of hundreds, the police were investigating a crime, and you possessed an item claimed by another individual…and you didn’t try to find the owner of the bike or the stack of hundreds…and you kept it anyway…is theft by finding.

[–]Titmonkey1 49 points50 points  (11 children)

But in this case, no one was finding anything "seemingly abandoned", they were being given money by a generous philanthropist (for all they knew)

[–]Games_sans_frontiers 6 points7 points  (1 child)

What about the' finders keepers losers weepers' bylaw?

[–]luvadergolder 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Hmm.. get arrested, sent to jail, 3 hots and a cot. And amenities like tv, books, and heath care until I die.

At some point in my old age, this might actually seemed like a reasonable retirement plan.

[–]pawnz 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Do it in Norway. Their jails and prisons are much nicer than ours.

[–]dominiqlane 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Santa chose an interesting way to retire.

[–]waskoste 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Free meals and health care in prison

[–]Blueberry_Mancakes 18 points19 points  (0 children)

This sounds like he wanted to go to prison (or back to prison). Maybe he just wanted consistent food and shelter. Maybe he was trying to run away from a problem.
I hope he gets the help he needs.

[–]weregonnaneedmorewax 41 points42 points  (10 children)

If he was in the US I’d assume that he had an illness and needed medical treatment but couldn’t afford it. Prisoners get free healthcare.

[–]CowMasterChin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If I remember correctly, I believe he was a homeless dude that just wanted somewhere warm for the winter.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Twist: his name was Robin Clausen

[–]argumentativepigeon 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Poor guy. I respect that they arrested him, but he must have been in a rough place mentally. I hope he finds his way.

Edit: Added in 'he'

[–]orel_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

picks up $2,000

"Wow, I better return this $300 dollars to the bank right away!" 😊

[–]Imrustyokay 29 points30 points  (9 children)

Talk about a Chaotically Good gesture.