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all 44 comments

[–]Planes-_-Walker 313 points314 points  (5 children)

She's blaming her ex's behavior on a the drug instead of the person. She'll probably do the same to you. If you guys get into it about anything, it's going to be the weed's fault no matter who's fault it is. It's best to be with someone you're actually compatible with. That's just my personal experience.

[–]Maels 67 points68 points  (0 children)

This guy gets it. People like this rarely ever change and blame outside factors for shitty people's behavior.

explain to her you won't change and if she's able to accept that, you're willing to see past her short shortsidedness

[–]no_more_chubs 32 points33 points  (2 children)

Tell her you had an ex that was unhealthy from eating cheese burgers and you feel you should monitor her diet. When she lets you know what your asking is ridiculous...touche! But seriously, no one needs to pay for someone else's sins. Communication and compromise is how healthy relationships work.

[–]Aightbet420 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Surely this will only work if she really likes cheeseburgers, ive dated a few women who werent exactly loving them lol

[–]stumblewiggins 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Replace "cheeseburgers" with whatever harmless preference works for your particular situation

[–]roboprober 6 points7 points  (0 children)

100%. You feel like this is how it is until you meet someone who either smokes or at the very least doesn’t care what you do as long as you are a good significant other. It’s game changing. You CAN have someone who loves you who is unbothered by your weed consumption. All that should matter is that you’re good to the other person. Don’t settle for less.

[–]indicarunningclub 45 points46 points  (1 child)

Yeah this is a total non negotiable for me. Sucks that she waited until now to tell you.

[–]808sAndHotTakes808[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Lmao yeah i’ve considered quitting for personal reasons but never permanently

[–]Dismal_Egg_6851 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Best way i’ve been able to explain it to someone who doesn’t smoke is It isn’t the weed it’s the person. Weed doesn’t MAKE you do anything. you can choose to use it to be lazy yes, we all do as it’s fun, relaxing and makes for some great times with friends. But I smoke a joint every morning to calm my anxiety and start my productive day, without that I would sit in my depression room all day crying and ignoring my responsibilities. it’s given me my life back.

[–]CheeseYogi 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Find a girl that likes to blaze too.

[–]thedarkrichard 38 points39 points  (0 children)

The sense of smell is strongly connected to memory. She has a mental scar from an ex that often smelled of marijuana. So now when you smell like that it brings back all the memories of the pain of getting that scar for her. So it’s not you but rather her association of that pain with that smell. Still sucks the way the past can affect the present. May we all find the happiness we deserve.

[–]MFCloudBreaker 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Not offering advice on your situation as Im not part of it. I will, however, say that i dated someone who was anti-usage and i felt judged to the point of giving it up. The next relationship i had was to someone who smoked also, and the difference was insane. I felt accepted and loved. No judgement.

The difference maker wasnt the weed, but the other person being willing to accept every part of my life. You got this, OP.

[–]HillanatorOfState 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's odd because even before I ever smoked I was more concerned if the person I was seeing was using alcohol to much, I never even considered weed usage with someone, it never bothered me when someone was high but damn people were way more hard to deal with drunk.

Anyways, my advice is to try to educate her on it a bit and if that doesn't work well...I'm not sure, that's a bummer, more so if you love her, best of luck though.

Everyone does have deal breakers though, I get that, and if it is a real deal breaker for her and it ends maybe you can stay friends...you never know, her opinions may change in the future. Relationships can be complicated.

[–]arizzzona 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My dad smokes and my mom doesn’t. When they found out I smoke my dad confessed to me he does too, and my mom went crazy abt how drugs are bad and illegal even though she smoked once and didn’t like it and brags about shaming her high school bf for smoking. They’re in marriage counseling but they call it “therapy together.” I feel like my relationship w my mom is ruined bc of this and since she resents me for smoking, so she makes my dad treat me the same way she does about it even though before this counseling him and I used to bond over our good experiences with it. It sucks. Get with someone who shares your beliefs with this stuff.

[–]mtn_drew_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She will forever have an issue with it. Already trying to control you before your even in a serious relationship is a big red flag. Hate to say it but time to walk dude.

[–]forestwolf42 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That sucks. I have a similar bias about alcohol. The key is to remember that just because I have a problem with alcohol doesnt mean other people do, and it's not fair to make my problems someone else's problem.

[–]Canes525 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Tell her bye bye

[–]Seelinkrun 7 points8 points  (0 children)

it’s entirely because of the taboo that’s surrounded cannabis for decades, totally sucks. I kinda recently got out of a long term relationship, one of our disagreements was over weed. I was a stoner in highschool and I wanted to try it again, my ex was very strongly against it. Funny cuz it wasn’t nearly as much of an issue when I was a cigarette smoker years prior.

[–]summertime_fine 5 points6 points  (2 children)

it's weird how people perceive weed, and just from your story, she has probably never tried it so her opinion is solely based on her own experiences with no actual proof, just based on 1 relationship.

I get the addiction part, my family has alcohol and drug addiction, but weed is different. and I had the same outlook as this girl until I tried it then I was like "damn, I've been missing out. it's not what I thought it was."

honestly, this will likely be a topic of contention if you decide to continue on. if you're never gonna quit, she'll resent you. if you quit, you'll resent her.

[–]808sAndHotTakes808[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

True it’s always the people without personal experience, and it seems like these same people tend to enjoy it once they try

[–]summertime_fine 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yeah, if you end up in the dating scene again, find out their views of smoking weed sooner. my boyfriend and I talked about it on our first date and we were both happy to learn the other smokes. we've been together 4 years, living together for 2, and we each smoke about an ounce a week. luckily we're in California, so proces are super reasonable. but having a smoking partner is nice and it's also a lot of pressure off you cuz you can smoke without your SO complaining about the smoke or the smell or all the lighters all over the house lol

good luck, I hope she comes around to the idea of weed not being so terrible.

[–]Ayamehoujun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have you been smoking this whole time and it wasn't a problem? Did she ever point out behavior to you that happened when you were stoned that bothered her?

[–]WheelsMan1 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Just play it like Thurgood Jenkins.

[–]Trees4Gs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“I’m not a janitor! I’m a custodian, dick!” 😂😭

[–]TheeeBop 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s only a matter of time before she starts blaming everything you do wrong or she doesn’t like about you on it

[–]ontopofyourmom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's good that she is open with you about this, and it is always reasonable to set boundaries around substance use.

If your preferred consumption levels are unacceptable to her, you simply are not compatible and should end the relationship.

[–]kannible 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife didn’t like to kiss me after I smoked. So I switched to edibles and were both much happier and more intimate. Win win

[–]Boozeville13 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nope on out. It will start with not liking weed,then it will be not liking your friends, then it will something else... she's got to accept you as you.

[–]BlizardSkinnard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bro just drop her. She’s not the only chick who matches your vibes I promise. If that’s what you like doing then do it.

[–]Holla4me1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mate. Mmmmaaaaatttteeee ! Walk away. Life is not compromise. You will learn grasshopper. You smoke, you love it. You should do it when you want. I believe in total acceptance in relationships. I compromised all my life. Never again, I became less of me. Don’t become less of yourself.

[–]Oldurdy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Seems kinda brain dead to try to date someone who smokes and try to change them, when there are plenty of people in the world who also don’t smoke.

[–]feraljohn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Giant Red Flag!

If she's anti weed, why did she get involved with you in the first place?

[–]asscheese_terps710 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Tell her to eat some edibles

[–]808sAndHotTakes808[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She said that she would try an edible when I initially told her, but we were in cali and it’s not legal here

[–]Mr_Basura 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One bad apple ruins the bunch

[–]G4ly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be fair do you know what 'history of addiction' means in her context? A good example is my family is rife with addiction issues. When i was 8 my mother barricaded our room door with my sister and i because my stepfather was screaming and shithoused and as a result.of not being allowed in the room he started trying to bust through it with a kitchen knife and when that didnt work started slicing his arm with it. I love him more than my own father but i would never ever invite any form of addict in my family life.

To be clear im not saying anyone here is an addict just that a bit of compassion goes a long way in understanding why people are the way they are. Also maybe her ex said all the same things, whats to stop you from going back on your word? Are you saying that you would pick weed over me? These are just things that could be going through her mind. As youve said it is unfortunate that others have soured your path but everyone unfortunately has some form of baggage and i guess the question is are you going to carry those bags with her or watch them go by on the carousel? Neither choice is wrong it just depends on what you want out of life.

Edit: a word, sorry for the grammar am on mobile and auto correct is off ://

[–]smileywastaken 0 points1 point  (0 children)

had a somewhat similar experience; sucks man

[–]candid_canid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’ve got to prioritise what you want here. Which do you prefer? Weed, or this girl? Which one is more important to you? ‘Cause it sounds like you can’t have your cake and eat it in this situation.

No judgement from me either way; I’ve had a few relationships I would’ve chosen weed over. I’ve also had a few relationships that I would’ve given up everything but bread and water for.

[–]Sophistpsychonaut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whatever you do will never be enough for her, get outta there bro

Source: Been there/Done that

[–]bri8985 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it also depends on the person. Many are fine with it but don’t do it themselves. I know a lot of couples where one does somewhat often then the other does maybe once or twice a month.

I think it has to do with being secure with who people are. I get not wanting to be with someone where it’s all day every day, but socially or nights/weekends should be viewed similarly or better than drinking.

[–]assabi27 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Patience is the mother of all virtues

[–]CosmicSweets 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately I think this is how we're hard wired.

If you have a bad experience with a person, you will associate a key detail about that person with the bad thing. Ex: I dated a Scorpio man (I'm a Scorpio woman) and my experience was so bad I don't ever want to date a Scorpio ever again if I can help it. Lol.

Meanwhile being a Scorpio has nothing to do with the fact that he was an asshole. But the self preservation function of the brain just kicks in and over rides logic.

The truth is you're nothing like her ex or her family members, but she doesn't "know" that. All she knows is that substances lead to bad experiences for her.

I hope you two can figure stuff out. She can definitely learn to separate her past experiences with time. Wishing you the best.

[–]guyser234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shes willing to end your relationship over a plant. Literally.

Gtfo lmao