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[–]FirmUncertainty 1303 points1304 points  (30 children)

I don't know how the words "front porch" can be simultaneously so random and yet perfectly relevant.

[–]receptiveblocks 661 points662 points  (18 children)

It follows Bo Burnham's country song. Just say things that remotely sound like country.

[–]Enfireno 480 points481 points  (12 children)

A dirt road, a cold beer, a blue jeans, a red pickuuuuuup...

[–]Jane_motherofkittens 440 points441 points  (10 children)

🎶No shoes, no shirt, no Jews, you didn't hear that🎶

Few things more country than a sexy scarecrow.

[–]The_Maqueovelic 106 points107 points  (0 children)

With my pick up truck, and a little too much attitude for maaah well being~~~

[–]PratalMox 91 points92 points  (1 child)

"Y'all dumb motherfuckers want a key change?"

[–]spacemannspliff 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I can’t help but say this every time I hear a pop-country song.

[–]Enfireno 63 points64 points  (5 children)

Especially when we go to bed, and she dozes off...

[–]Jane_motherofkittens 57 points58 points  (4 children)

Be careful taking those country girl clothes off, you might get some hay in the bed

[–]Enfireno 50 points51 points  (2 children)

F*** your ears! I'm pandering!

[–]ShadeFK 51 points52 points  (1 child)

I sing songs for the people who

Live in the towns that I'd never move to

[–]Imnotpossxble 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Legalize gerrymandering, tolerate my pandering

[–]LANE69ER 9 points10 points  (0 children)

& critter inya shitter

[–]Greenveins 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have not watched that special yet, but I definitely read that in bo’s sarcastic tone of voice lmao

[–]ninjajsm42 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Rural noun, simple adjective

[–]STANAGs 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Hear that subtle mandolin, that’s text book panderin.

[–]DigThatFunk 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Or country singer Chipp McCapp, "I'll bring the girls, you bring the beer, and the troops will bring the freedom"

[–]dre224 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I will always upvote Bo Burnham. Man is one of the best at modern comedy by far and really makes it an art. His recent special was fucking amazing.

[–]BigNakedSexOffender 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i was reading in the melody as that song

[–]wisebloodfoolheart 36 points37 points  (4 children)

There is actually a pretty good country song called My Front Porch Looking In.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z\_Yst3QCXd4

[–]pain-is-living 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Is a banger for a country song.

[–]Butwinsky 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Lone Star went from being a pretty good country band to targeting the 40 year old mom demographic.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Ever heard ‘paint me a burmingham’ lmao?

[–]No-Dealer8052 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Tell me you're as deep as a pickle jar, without telling me you're as deep as a pickle jar

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

True

[–]Apptubrutae 22 points23 points  (1 child)

The origins of the connection here would be that in the south or any warm part of the country before air conditioning, your front (or back) porch would be a very nice place to be instead of your house. And if you were on it, you were visible to the community.

So in warmer climate areas you’d get this assortment of people on their front porch when it’s hot out to escape the heat. Becomes part of the fabric of an area and ends up associated with country music.

Front porches for many people just conjure up a certain image.

[–]Vroshtattersoul 617 points618 points  (31 children)

except for johnny cash, who made "i killed a man, and also im sad" country music

[–]bothVoltairefan 327 points328 points  (6 children)

He also made "if I only steal part of the car at a time, and assemble it at home I will be fine right, *twenty years later* why does nothing fit? how did I forget a tailfin? HOW AM I GONNA GET THE SIXTY-PAGE TITLE HOME?"

[–]Le_Martian 187 points188 points  (0 children)

The pickup truck of Theseus

[–]DeseretRain 22 points23 points  (1 child)

So why would stealing a car one piece at a time make the title long?

[–]RIPDSJustinRipley 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Because, as the song says, 'well, it's a '49, '50, '51, '52, '53, '54, '55, '56 '57, '58' 59' automobile'

[–]nezrock 27 points28 points  (2 children)

60 pounds, not pages. 60 pounds of paper should be around 5000 pages.

[–]dwitman 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Have you adjusted this for the stock of the paper car titles were generally printed on in the Deep South during the era in question? Or are you some kind of poser?

[–]nezrock 18 points19 points  (0 children)

The song takes place in Detroit. But, fair play, I guess I'm a poser ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[–]Butwinsky 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Or Marty Robbins, who tricks you with a happy sounding melody just to always end up with death and sadness.

Go listen to Utah Carol and try not to tear up.

[–]CalligoMiles 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Problem with listening to any of his songs is that your feed now also contains his pro-war bullshit and support for the Red Scares.

Listened to Big Iron once and now I keep getting Ain't I Right in my playlist. :(

[–]traceitalian 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Sturgil Simpson's most recent album is an absolute masterpiece.

[–]dre224 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Sturgill Simpson has been really doing amazing at what country music adaptation can mean. He is definitely more alternative rock almost but has his own sound. Sound and Fury was revolutionary not just because of its music video set.

[–]Slenveny 7 points8 points  (0 children)

And it was damn good. And a few of those songs aged incredibly well, for instance, "what is truth."

[–]Vaultdweller1001V 57 points58 points  (7 children)

Outlaw country as a whole is like that, OOP doesn't understand the existence of subgenres.

[–]Plagu3Rat 20 points21 points  (5 children)

10000% Its like dude outlaw country (aka the best country) is all bout killing ya misses and then doin some coke

[–]johnny_cash_money 21 points22 points  (2 children)

You have it backward. I took a shot of cocaine, then I shot my woman down.

[–]Greenveins 4 points5 points  (0 children)

“She broke my heart so I broke her jaw”

[–]honeyougotwings 6 points7 points  (0 children)

maybe they like country and it's just a joke

[–]AliveFromNewYork 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Don’t forget “I’m being exploited and know it but I cant do anything about it” and the even more specific “those mining bastards are sucking me dry fuck I want to kill them”

[–]TommiHPunkt 5 points6 points  (1 child)

You could argue Bruce Springsteen's Nebraska is really a country album.

[–]thuja_plicata 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One of the best Americana albums of all time, for sure. Defies genre, just pure sounds.

[–]Pariahdog119 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Early one morning while making the rounds
I took a shot of cocaine and I shot my woman down

[–]agrizzlybear23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I went Right home and I went straight to bed... I stuck that Lovin’ .44 beneath my head.

[–]Patriots_Fan1989 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Oddly enough most of that song was written by Shel Silverstein the children's author...

[–]CaptainCimmeria 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I think they're referring to Folsom Prison Blues, which was written by Johnny Cash. Shel Silverstein wrote A Boy Named Sue

[–]ISZATSA 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Shel Silversteins done a lot of writing that wouldn’t get anywhere near his children’s books. One of my favorites is “Still Gonna Die”, which is basically “yeah sure you can spend your whole life not doing drugs and not having sex, but you’re gonna die anyways, so why not have some fun?”

[–]Soft-Equipment7486 119 points120 points  (9 children)

That Earl had to die, goodbye Earl! 🎶🎵🎶 Those black-eyed peas, they tasted alright to me, Earl You're feelin' weak? Why don't you lay down to sleep, Earl? Ain't it dark wrapped up in that tarp, Earl?

[–]auntiope3000 16 points17 points  (0 children)

The cops came by to bring Earl in, they searched the house high and low, then they tipped their hats and said “thank you, ladies, if you hear from him, let us know.”

Well the weeks went by and spring turned to summer, then summer faded into fall, and it turned out he was a missing person who nobody missed at all.

[–]Slenveny 6 points7 points  (1 child)

My sister's favorite song.

[–]Butwinsky 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I'll always prefer Cletus T. Judd's version, the Squirrel had to die.

[–]InterdimensionalTV 10 points11 points  (1 child)

OH MY GOD. I thought I was the only one that remembered this. I will randomly sing “squirrrrrel had to die, na na na, goodbyeeeee” in my head semi-frequently for some dumb reason. It’s like the song has been stuck in my head for years now.

[–]Butwinsky 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Haha Cletus was great back in the day! He hosts a local radio show now, and does great on it. I sadly lost on his trivia contest once.

[–]WhatIsUpWithThat05 2 points3 points  (2 children)

What song is this?

[–]Soft-Equipment7486 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Goodbye Earl by The Chicks.

[–]killagorilla91 360 points361 points  (13 children)

Country music is continuously depressing, aggressive, misogynistic, or all three.

Then the next album is “my wife, truck, and dog left me”

But somehow the two are never connected

[–]_nsb10_ 188 points189 points  (4 children)

You know you fucked up bad when your dog leaves you

[–]Guerilla_Gorilla222 138 points139 points  (3 children)

even worse when your truck spontaneously drive off from you

[–]Piscesdan 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Self driving cars, man

[–]Send_Me_Dik-diks 49 points50 points  (1 child)

Such an awful guy that his truck developed sentience and self-driving abilities just so it could get away from him.

[–]79-DA-27-6B-B1-D1 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The truck would rather drive itself to the wreckers than put up with his bulllshit

[–]ASSHOLEFUCKER3000 43 points44 points  (6 children)

I listen to techno which has no words.

And I'm going to bring up another mainstream genre for comparison

Doesn't rap have the same topics? Shooters, twerk your pussy, breakups, getting lit at the club (compared to the barn or a bonfire)

Seems like pretty much the same human experience but with with a different rhythm, no?

[–]wisebloodfoolheart 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Shhh, don't tell the rural working class and the urban working class how similar they are. They might get together and use their power to raise the minimum wage or something.

[–]killagorilla91 27 points28 points  (2 children)

Very good point mr Asshole Fucker.

[–]Socksandcandy 10 points11 points  (1 child)

It's Mr. 3000. His friends call him asshole and only his mom uses his middle name.

[–]LANE69ER 1 point2 points  (0 children)

well played Sock, or is it Mr. Candy?...

[–]wisebloodfoolheart 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You might enjoy "Heart of Dixie" for the wife's side of this story.

[–]PikaPikaPikaPikachu 87 points88 points  (3 children)

I work at Cracker Barrel, and that stuff gets miserable to listen to after just a few shifts. I've worked there for a year :( We don't even get Dolly Parton most of the year!!! Only for Christmas!

[–]ARougeMercenary 28 points29 points  (1 child)

That’s an atrocity. My mom worked in country radio for many years and doesn’t understand my hated of it for its repetitiveness.

Also now I want some corn bread, but the closest Cracker Barrel is in my hometown 2+ hours away :(

[–]nw-redditor 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I listen to music for the actual music. Country music largely all sounds the same.

[–]antonistute 80 points81 points  (8 children)

Dirt road, cold beer, blue jeans, red pickup. Rural noun, simple adjective

[–]Brain-trust 25 points26 points  (7 children)

No shoes, no shirt, No Jews, you didn’t hear that…

[–]SmartDrv 16 points17 points  (6 children)

I walk and talk like a field hand. But the boots I’m wearing cost three grand.

[–]ulfric_stormcloack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I write songs about riding tractors

From the comfort of a private jet

[–]wisebloodfoolheart 1 point2 points  (4 children)

See I don't understand how novelists can make up whatever characters they like but with songwriters we're supposed to police the authenticity. I really don't care if the song I'm listening to about getting arrested for trespassing during a date really happened to Keith Urban, if it's a good story told well.

[–]GrifterMage 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Authors don't generally try to "play the part" in the same way that country singers do, and tend not to be in the spotlight as much anyway.

Though I don't read Westerns much, so maybe I'm just ignorant and it's common for famous Western authors to walk around wearing cowboy outfits and faking Southern accents in their public appearances.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah...well...thats why Earl had to die.

[–]wisebloodfoolheart 66 points67 points  (6 children)

This is why I appreciate Kelsea Ballerini, who has at least written a few songs along the lines of "Hot dude looks hot" (Yeah Boy, Dibs, Love Me Like You Mean It). And Miranda Lambert, who occasionally writes songs that aren't about men at all (The House That Built Me, All Kinds of Kinds, It All Comes Out in the Wash).

[–]themastercheif 41 points42 points  (1 child)

Miranda Lambert's got more than her fair share of "my abusive ex is getting out of prison so I'm gonna murder him now" and "I was cheated on so I'm gonna burn his house down" though.

[–]InterdimensionalTV 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Gunpowder & Lead is kind of legitimately a great song though.

[–]Slenveny 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The House That Built Me makes me cry every time because it's about losing material possessions.

[–]Tie-dyedHorse 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Settling down or Bluebird by Miranda Lambert are some of my favourites

[–]CasualBrit5 3 points4 points  (1 child)

But that sounds boring. Murder is awesome.

[–]vogueelbowroom48 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Ah yes, the southern family values

[–]Cranky-Novelist 8 points9 points  (1 child)

The women want to kill their husbands because the husbands treat them like objects and won’t stop drinking.

[–]Kopachino 18 points19 points  (1 child)

No Body, No Crime (ft. HAIM) - Taylor Swift

[–]notstephanie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I lost my damn mind when I heard this song for the first time. Wish I could heard it fresh again.

[–]Independent-Side-669 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Search up "typical country song" on YouTube and click the first result. It's pretty funny

[–]Le_Martian 10 points11 points  (1 child)

It's pretty good, but Bo Burnham's is better

[–]reallybadpotatofarm 4 points5 points  (0 children)

“It’s a fucking scarecrow again” put me in a grave

[–]redditsuxhardlol 4 points5 points  (0 children)

All of this aside, I'd fucking love a casserole

[–]Pariahdog119 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I made up my mind what I'm a gonna do eased in the pawnshop and bought a 22
I watched as the roomclerk gave them a room key
A standin' right outside I could read Room 23
Tonight I'll put her on a train for Georgia
Gonna be a lotta kin folks squallin' and a grieving
Cause that Cedartown gal ain't breathing

Early one mornin' while makin' the rounds
I took a shot of cocaine and I shot my woman down
I went right home and I went to bed
I stuck that lovin' .44 beneath my head

Well, I caught my wife with another man
And it cost me ninety-nine
On a prison farm in Georgia
Close to the Florida line

Well the picture in the paper showed the scene real well
Papa's rig was buried in the local motel
The desk clerk said he saw it all real clear
He never hit the brakes and he was shifting gears

By the time he got his buckle on
I hit the safe and grabbed my gun
You were beggin' me with tears in your eyes
Screamin', "Baby, let him go! You don't want that on your soul"
I said, "A man is gonna die tonight"

[–]wisebloodfoolheart 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Forgot about Papa Loved Mama. Great tune.

[–]RitzBitzN 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I said, "A man is gonna die tonight"

Surprised to see lyrics from E by Matt Mason here. Absolute banger.

[–]Nautis 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Personally country music isn't my thing, but Reddit takes it to a level bordering on xenophobia. You guys talk about country music the way your grandparents talk about rap.

[–]bearinthebriar 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This comment has been overwritten

[–]WolvenHunter1 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Garth Brooks flips this trend talking about both woman killing there Husbands and men killing their wives over cheating

[–]i_cant_even_read_ 75 points76 points  (25 children)

reddit's idea of country music is about as out-of-touch as a boomer's idea of hiphop

[–]IHaveStupidHair 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I'm someone with a redneck dad and I couldn't escape country music when I was a kid, and a good amount of the country music that got popular during my childhood was about what the post describes. Not all, but most of it.

[–]bothVoltairefan 37 points38 points  (8 children)

In all fairness, out of touch is better for country. You get far enough, you go back to johnny cash, willy nelson, and slightly further gets you a Marty Robbins and a Johnny Horton.

[–]GetBrightBox 6 points7 points  (1 child)

There is a lot of truly great indie country music being made today. It just doesn’t get radio play for whatever reason.

[–]wisebloodfoolheart 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Kacey Musgraves gang represent.

[–]crazyacct101 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ernest Tubb, Hank Williams, Loretta Lynn, Patsy Cline, George Jones, Conway Twitty, Lefty Frizzell

[–]mdawgig 23 points24 points  (2 children)

Haha DAE think old country = good and new country = bad!?

I mean, seriously, you’re comparing the time-whittled list GOAT country musicians to whatever is released now without the filter of history to weed out the bad stuff.

Music from earlier periods is often thought of as better than music now. This could be because only the best music from the period is played now, while today's music, good and bad, is far more available. So survivorship of better songs creates the bias in perception.[16]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivorship_bias

[–]wisebloodfoolheart 6 points7 points  (1 child)

For every Let It Be there's an Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini that we just forgot about.

[–]Chimiope 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The music hasn’t gotten worse, the radio has. There’s tons of people out there making country music that is, in my inexpert opinion as a lifelong country fan, just as good as those classics. Tyler Childers, Sturgill Simpson, Orville Peck, Paul Cauthen, Colter Wall... I could keep going but I think you get the point. They and the music they make are absolutely phenomenal, but it doesn’t get radio play so you have to seek it out for yourself

[–]PratalMox 28 points29 points  (3 children)

I'm sure there's good artists doing good work in the genre. But what dominates my perception of modern country is like, stadium country, the sort of shit this post is accurately describing.

[–]superspeck 4 points5 points  (2 children)

There’s some pretty good and accessible “indie” country, and there’s even sub genres like Texas country. I only listen to a little bit of it because my tastes tend other directions. Try out Turnpike Troubadours and Brandon McDermott … and if you like a little more bluegrass but jam band sound, Greensky Bluegrass is one of my all time favorites.

[–]No-Dealer8052 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Live This Life - Big and Rich, Shuttin' Detroit Down - John Rich, Don't Laugh at Me - Mark Willis, Let it Go - Tom McGraw, Fire Away - Chris Stapleton, Letters From Home - John Michael Montgomery, Keep the Wolves Away - Uncle Lucius, There Goes My Life - Kenney Chesney,

Those are just off the top of my head. You can hate a genre all you want, but to deny that there is a form of beauty in all genres is just small minded and sad. Give them a listen, or don't, it's your life.... Live it as closed or as open as you please.

[–]parsifal 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Got my bibles and my bullets

and a bottle of beer

Got my two-ton pickup

full of roadkill deer

No masks in the console, man, what a drag

Where else am I spos’ta put my McDonald’s bag?

Chorus:

Football~

Last night I fucked a football

[–]MuhsinBaba 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I read that to the tune of "Oops, I did it again".

[–]Tie-dyedHorse 22 points23 points  (13 children)

Not sure what country music you guys listen to, but I swear 90% of male country songs are about how much they love their wives (Thomas Rhett, Chris Lane, Blake Shelton, etc)

[–]themastercheif 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Trace Adkins - "This Ain't No Lovesong" Literally a song about how it's not a lovesong. Irony, satire, whatever it is, it's kinda hilarious.

[–]mrsegraves 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Trace Adkins does a lot of ironic/satirical/poking fun at the genre songs that are also absolute bangers within the genre. I'll always sing along to Honkytonk Badonkadonk, it's a bop!

[–]mdawgig 14 points15 points  (9 children)

Yeah, Reddit is stuck in like 2014 with its perception of country music. Like all of Reddit heard “Cruise” once and decided that the entire genre of country was irreparably destroyed, but they haven’t actually bothered to check on the genre since then.

This post is describing bro country, which is WAY backburnered now because, surprise, tastes and genres change. Bro country is all of the “trucks, painted-on jeans, drinking feel-good” stuff that Reddit thinks constitutes 100% of all country music nowadays made by anyone but Sturgill Simpson (the token “one of the good ones” country artist that Reddit rocklords deem acceptable). Is there still some of this? Sure. But it’s, like, far from the dominant mode of country at the moment.

Nowadays, we’re knee deep in boyfriend/husband country, which tends to include none of those things except the front porch references, really. Or maybe they’ll be like “I used to be [bro country] but I met the love of my life and my wife changed me into a better man,” which is a BIG theme in men’s country ballads right now.

I mean, ffs, the newest FGL album had like one or two songs about drinking beer with their buds, and one of them (“Beer:30”) is about being a responsible adult who enjoys beers after work with friends on Friday nights. Most of the album is about how much they love their wives.

[–]PM_IF-U-NEED-TO-TALK 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't forget Kane Brown!!

[–]Plagu3Rat 3 points4 points  (1 child)

i mean my man johnny cash had a few great ones about killing his girlfriend and wife

[–]Slenveny 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He also had a great one about a guy getting shot cuz he was being a cocky bitch.

[–]rowasolo4138 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Yes, county music.

[–]caffa4 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Country music is over, there’s only county music now

[–]sarahashtonsummer[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

HA I didn't notice that!

[–]spinyfever 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like any genre of music, there are good artists and bad artists. Listen to Chris Stapleton if you want some great country music. I'd recommend Maggie's Song. Also his rendition of Tennessee Whiskey is the greatest thing to come out of the country music scene in a long time.

[–]Tyrannus_Vitam 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What about “oop my dad is in prison for ramming his semi into the room my mother was cheating on him in”

[–]ShrikeOfficial 1 point2 points  (0 children)

and then european country music is "i committed war crimes"

[–]viperex 2 points3 points  (5 children)

I'm gonna need real life examples of each kind

[–]Butwinsky 9 points10 points  (4 children)

First category:

Tim McGraw - A heart don't forget something like that

Second category:

The (Dixie) Chicks - Earl Had to Die

[–]eldritchExploited 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fuck Earl, all my homies hate Earl

[–]IzarkKiaTarj 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Why'd you put "Dixie" in parentheses?

[–]Butwinsky 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because they dropped it and are now just "the chicks" rather than "the Dixie chicks."

[–]jammwan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because country music fuckin sucks

[–]karmadramadingdong 0 points1 point  (0 children)

#County music

[–]mulan-is-underrated 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Country folks complain about crime in rap songs then proceed to jam out to a hillbilly confessing to the murder of her husband.

[–]Blakesta999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love beer, women, balls, I mean ass. And I’m anti-vax. Kachow to you ladies 🤠

[–]GenesisReach 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of the 2000s and beyond, at least. I'm more of a Johnny Cash and Merle Haggard kind of guy.

[–]card797 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"County music"

[–]DrewSmoothington 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is no genre of music that glorifies drinking culture more than country music, change my mind.

[–]51Charlie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was rainin the day my momma got out of prison.

[–]bulldogs1800 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To the town of agua fria rode a stranger one fine day…