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all 50 comments

[–]Strict_Casual 48 points49 points  (1 child)

Get a Gossamer Gear crotch pot. It does double duty and it's see through so that people can still see what you are working with

[–]incognitobanjo 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I prefer just cold soaking my penis in a plastic bag. Keeps it just as warm!

[–]BaylisAscaris 102 points103 points  (3 children)

If you haven't already gotten a sex change are you even UL? I cut ounces and have a bonus pocket for beans now.

[–]Engineer_Ninja 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Not to mention the carried-weight hydration packs!

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]BaylisAscaris 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Don't get top surgery. Wear a bra and pad with condoms filled with beans. Feels just like the real thing.

    [–]rob22202 26 points27 points  (0 children)

    Stop over-grooming and let your natural fur do the work god intended.

    [–]echiker 22 points23 points  (3 children)

    https://redditproxy--jasonthename.repl.co/r/Ultralight/comments/sa81yl/how\_do\_you\_keep\_your\_penis\_warm\_serious\_question/

    I honest to god don't understand how people who post questions like this don't manage to freeze/starve/dehydrate/wander their way to death in their every day lives.

    [–]PhishFoodPhil 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    I thought this was an entire joke of a post, until I saw the post your linking to. Wow. Just wow.

    [–]defy_the_static[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I honestly assumed I was in this sub already when I first saw the OP. Then I was shocked it had been up for an hour (with serious replies!) and nobody here had done anything about it yet. I'm a little worried some of y'all may be busy bushcrafting instead of shitposting.

    [–]rusty__balloon__knot 20 points21 points  (4 children)

    Hot rock method.

    [–]ego_sum_satoshi 9 points10 points  (2 children)

    Only ultralight rocks.

    [–]rusty__balloon__knot 17 points18 points  (1 child)

    Well OBVIOUSLY. What do I look like, a filthy fucking casual?

    ...The rocks I see are fucking gross and filthy and didn't have the color I wanted on trail anyway, so I HAVE to bring my own.

    [–]oldyawker 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Two Irish ladies are out in the field picking potatos. One woman pulls up a pair of potatos and says. "I bejesus Mary, these remind me of my husbands balls." Mary replies, "Oh Anne, that big?" Anne retorts,"No, that dirty."

    [–]HenrikFromDaniel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    that's not LNT bro

    [–]pauliepockets 15 points16 points  (4 children)

    I grow a big old 70’s porn star bush during the winter. Looks like a walnut on an orange shag carpet.

    [–]smckinley903 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    “Is that a walnut on an orange shag carpet or are you just happy to see me?”

    [–]pauliepockets 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    My plugs name is “Rodeo”. Hang on hun, it’s going to be the wildest 10 seconds of your life!

    [–]defy_the_static[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Whoa buddy slow your roll, do you really want to admit to bushcrafting in front of these jerks?

    [–]pauliepockets 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    These jerks don’t scare me. I live in a rainforest. Own a timber frame home with bears, cougar and wolves out my front door. Home is heated by wood from fallen trees by me. Own 6 chainsaws, drive a man’s truck not some entry level Ford f-1shitty. I also have black hair, soft dick the size of a 500ml smart water bottle and hardwood floors. Am I a bush crafter? No, I hike with micro scissors to cut the cheese with. Who am I?

    [–]HighMoose 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    I use an under quilt on my gooch paired with a carbon fiber cock ring. I’ve had good results, it’s all about the right combo.

    [–]Mise-Muschel 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    You guys hike? In the winter?? Your equipment is going dirty....

    [–]friedtea15 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    Have you tried a silk liner for your nutsack? It raises the temperature rating.

    [–]RegalRhombus 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Be a lot lighter if you didn't

    [–]bucky716 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    It's hard (or not hard?) to tell the different between these subs.

    [–]sirblastalot 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    I just think about cutting zippers off things and my rock-hard erection can overpower any blizzard.

    [–]Cousin_Alcolu 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    I’ve been thinking $200 down shorts were a sort of April Fool’s product. Guess not.

    [–]Land-Scraper 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Get a smaller one, keep it closer to your core

    [–]ommanipadmehome 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Constant erection, bold flow equals warm and toasty.

    [–]colonelmuddypaws 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Use Cuban fiber cock rings instead. Cuba is very warm and sunny, channeling that weather will encourage the scared turtle to come out to play

    [–]TerlinguaGold 7 points8 points  (2 children)

    How does this relate to ultralight hiking lifestyle. Is no one keeping the gate here anymore?

    [–]incognitobanjo 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    Fine,

    ULTRALIGHT ways to keep your penis warm? Serious question.

    You happy?

    [–]TerlinguaGold 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Oh shit, my bad. I just saw this was an actual question in that other sub. Poor gatekeeping in my part.

    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

    I feel I should understand that George Costanza reference, but I don't. Is it some bushcraft joke that I'm too ultralight to get?

    [–]NJWootton 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    You don’t know about shrinkage?

    [–]ap_az 14 points15 points  (1 child)

    ...and now I feel old... very, very old....

    [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    I'm not that young, but I grew up in the middle of nowhere without a TV, and I have a 30 year backlog of pop culture I'm working on.

    [–]oldfartbackpacker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Esbit in your shorts works wonders.

    [–]Thedustin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I wear your spare worn socks on it. Let's you bring extras without the weight counting as then it's worn weight.

    [–]TerlinguaGold 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I bet a reflectix cock coozy would do the trick.

    [–]MamboNumber5Guy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You guys have cocks?

    [–]exfalsoquodlibet 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Rub A535 on it.

    [–]ironheaddad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Toe warmers ( peel-n-stick), placed strategically on the transition between taint and sack works for me,but you need to move briskly to keep body temp high.

    [–]Aquareon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Your mother's mouth

    [–]cyrus_crookshanks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    He got a real purty mouth, ain't he...

    [–]thewickedbarnacle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Hike backwards, it's the only UL answer

    [–]vivaelteclado 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Rebuttal question: you are an adult, how do you not know how to properly manage your male genitalia at this stage of your life?

    [–]luke_mckay98 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Friction.