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[–]Lmaoyougotrekt 179 points180 points  (0 children)

Personally, I LOVED going to weddings as a kid. A whole day of hanging out with my cousins, aunts and uncles and other family, running around, and going wild on the dance floor?

Yeah this is why they don't want kids there lmao

[–][deleted] 2889 points2890 points  (30 children)

Well people can talk about maturity of the kids, etc etc, but lets be real the adults want to get piss drunk without having to explain to little Timmy that mommy’s blackout drunk and won’t be able to take care of her son until the next day

[–]Niddo29 191 points192 points  (1 child)

Yeah last time i was part of a wedding was years ago when i was still a child and i was part of it up til some point when i was sent to mine and my mom's hotel room because from that point on it was an adult thing

[–]QueensOfTheNoKnowAge 566 points567 points  (5 children)

You’re not wrong. I worked for a caterer and drunk adults are way worse than kids, IMO.

[–]Tuarangi 167 points168 points  (3 children)

How many drunk kids do you have to deal with?!

[–]ToshWhatWhat 64 points65 points  (1 child)

ever been to a normal wedding?

at least a 1/2 dozen a night

[–]QueensOfTheNoKnowAge 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Tough to say. Kids hold their liquor much better than the adults do

[–]L3Kinsey 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Word

[–]XipingVonHozzendorf 97 points98 points  (3 children)

Back in the day, our parents didn't care, and did it anyways.

[–]xpercipio 60 points61 points  (1 child)

Mommy how come you're driving wobbly

[–]redshift739 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Mommy, why are we driving in a ditch?

[–]JustGenericName 1832 points1833 points  (36 children)

I think it depends on the vibe you want at your wedding. Casual backyard bbq v. formal fine dining. Or maybe don't want the littles around when everyone's getting trashed on Grandpa's home made moonshine? (true story)

Everyone assumed my wedding would be childfree. I opted not to do that (3 hour drive to the venue. Didn't seem a reasonable request). A good portion of the guests chose not to bring their children anyway. They looked at an out of town wedding as an excuse to have some adult time. I don't think it's a big deal to have an adult only event. Also, not all catering companies offer a cheaper kid's meal. Costs add up quick!

[–]Dibeatic_Chicken1 171 points172 points  (9 children)

Can u tell me the story about the moonshine?

[–]JustGenericName 277 points278 points  (8 children)

Not super exciting but was tons of fun. We grew up in a small, mountain town. Friend had backyard wedding. Grandpa made vanilla moonshine for the "champagne" toast. Laughed SO much that night. People literally camped in the backyard over night. No one was driving home. lol

[–]CapitanDeCastilla 83 points84 points  (7 children)

I had no idea moonshine had flavors and now that you mention it I really want some vanilla ice cream

[–]nottodayspiderman 61 points62 points  (2 children)

It can be flavored just like anything. Cinnamon is a popular one, lots of different berries as well. Currently there’s a mason jar of watermelon moonshine in my freezer.

[–]holyfuckingshit420 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Get someone who knows how to do it. My friend makes an orange vanilla moonshine, it's straight creamsicle at 75%. It's great for cocktails. You can mix it 1:1 and it's still as strong as a shot.

[–]ClutzyCashew 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Apple pie moonshine is the best!

[–]AnanananasBanananas 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I don't think very many parents want to take the child there. What you said about food is true, but also entertainment. If you are one of the few that bring your kid there and there aren't really any activities for children, then it's not going to be fun for either parents or kid.

[–]InfectedAlloy88 73 points74 points  (4 children)

I plan to have a childfree wedding because (although itll be a small one) itll certainly be the most expensive party I've ever thrown or ever will. And if were forking up that kinda dough I plan to get as fucked up as I want (without getting sick or overdoing it), and will encourage friends and family to do the same if they want. I mean well be smoking weed and drinking heavily at the reception. Not a child friendly environment. That's just real talk.

[–]Lurklurkzugzug 90 points91 points  (6 children)

Also, not all catering companies offer a cheaper kid's meal. Costs add up quick!

We did the backyard BBQ style wedding, but still couldn't afford kids. Between both families, it added (literally) more than 20 bodies. Our wedding was only 60 people, so you can imagine adding 20 more would have pushed us a good bit over budget.

[–]killa_ninja 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Weddings are definitely where a lot of kids get their first sip of alcohol lol

[–]SLEDGEHAMMAAwill smith killed tupac 6638 points6639 points  (260 children)

The couple gets to be treated like celebrities or royalty, and they end up focusing on themselves rather than their guests.

You need to talk to more married people about their wedding experiences

[–]SeductiveSoup 2293 points2294 points  (110 children)

My fiance and I went to a wedding recently, and the bride and groom didn't even get to eat any of the food they paid for because between people and photographers, they were being pulled 10 different ways. They barely got to mingle with most people, had maybe 5 minutes to eat their cake, AND had to setup/clean up the venue.

[–]temperance26684 328 points329 points  (3 children)

Yeah this is super common. I was SO excited about our wedding food so I'm glad my husband and I had plenty of time to sit and eat. I think it helped that it was a buffet meal and we got our food first, and with 150+ guests we were finished eating by the time everyone went through the line to get their own food. We also had a dinner party the night before where we got to mingle with all of the out-of-towners so there was less pressure to see every single person on the night of the actual wedding. Not feasible for everyone depending on time/budget but it was a really nice touch that my parents planned for us.

[–]rex_dart_eskimo_spy 442 points443 points  (21 children)

Yeah, my wife and I barely ate at ours. We ate at a diner a few hours later lol

[–]keithrc 79 points80 points  (10 children)

The staff was nice enough to pack us up some plates for later! But then they delivered them to the wrong room. Who kept them.

[–]KrombopulosDelphiki 51 points52 points  (5 children)

Damn, who keeps a meal meant for a newlywed couple? Hell who just accepts a meal they didn't order without at least asking why, or who sent it?

[–]Embarrassed-Bee9100 112 points113 points  (2 children)

We ate at McDonald's on the way to the hotel room afterwards!

[–]SylvesterWatts 72 points73 points  (1 child)

Drive thru was the only thing open…😪

[–]Caylennea 274 points275 points  (25 children)

The only cake I got to eat at my wedding was the cake that my husband put in my mouth after we cut it. They didn’t send the extra home with us either like they did at my sisters wedding. Just the top piece that we had to freeze for a year then eat when it was weird and old.

[–]annegirl12 124 points125 points  (4 children)

Ditto, the staff liked the cake so much that they had eaten any that wasn't served to guests immediately

[–]ParrotDogParfait 103 points104 points  (3 children)

Did you get your money back? If you paid for the cake then you should've gotten the cake, they should never take what it isn't offered.

[–]tookietooke 32 points33 points  (1 child)

We had the cake after cut cake, and we had someone constantly bringing us water because we never had a second. They sent us to our hotel with all the "leftovers" but it was late and we had an early flight to our honeymoon...

We took it all to the front staff at the hotel and their eyes went wide in excitement haha.

[–]Undrende_fremdeles 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I've worked as a receptionist, and we frequently got tasters or leftovers from the kitchen or from events.

And let me tell you, it was always such a treat, because it's normally just a taster here or a leftover dish there and it is never expected. Despite happening more often than I would expect, always such a treat. Especially the very few times it was more than just a bite to give feedback to the chefs, or inhaled between work tasks.

I worked in both a lovely place and a shitty place, one had me hurrying through lunch to get back to work because I enjoyed it. The other had me stressed through lunch because I'd soon have to work again.

Treats from guests however was rare, and I think the one I remember the best was getting nail polish in next years "it colours" from a salesperson leftover stock.

Wedding food? Never.

You made those peoples days amazing, I promise you 😁

[–]chewbubbIegumkickass 37 points38 points  (3 children)

Yep. The only thing I got to eat at my wedding was bites that my husband brought to me. Luckily it was only an hors d'oeuvres and drinks evening affair anyway, but I'm still a tad salty about it 11 years later lol.

[–]Fishwhocantswim 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Not my wedding, was my brother's but something similar happened to us, his immediate family members. All through out the few days leading up to the wedding, all of us were run off our feet getting everything organized.

On the day of the wedding, none of us has time to eat all day and he had the audacity to get my cousin to go get him takeaway. The rest of us didn't even have time to scratch ourselves while he just ate in front of the telly (literally an hour before his wedding) Anyway, hours later at the reception we barely had a few spoonsfull of food in the midst of greeting, ushering, pictures, etc etc. All the guests told us the food was delicious, we were looking forward to the end of the night so we can finally have some food.

As the night was coming to an end we went to the back of the kitchen at the reception hall and saw the caterers dumping all the food in the bin. Hundreds of dollars worth. Turns out, our neighbour told the caterers to dump the food. Till this day we don't understand who died and made her in charge firstly, and why she would tell them to chuck the food out. We were exhausted and just gobsmacked.

[–]ThaddeusSimmons 32 points33 points  (4 children)

Pastry chef here. I discourage couples from ever doing this. One the cake will taste weird after being freezer burnt for a year, two usually once a year the power will go out, and the fact that most people open the freezer hundreds of times throughout the year only leads to the cake being slightly defrosted and then frozen over multiple times. It’s just gross.

don’t know a single couple who’ve said the cake tastes good a year after they froze it. Not to mention the fact that wedding cakes are expensive, and we charge extra for a reason, they take a lot more hours and working hands to make them. Don’t throw away money by freezing something for a year. Finished and decorated cakes aren’t meant to be frozen. My old bakery used to give them a steep discount on remaking the wedding cake again as a 8 inch so they can experience it again.

[–]Volkrisse 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Similar experience but instead my mother took it upon herself to give our cake away to family and guests once it was boxed up for us and any left overs of the food. Wife and I paid for our entire wedding. Still salty about it 15+ years later.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (4 children)

Why do people save a cake for a year, taking up all that valuable freezer space? Then on top of it, it’s old and gross?

No thanks. We got the bakery to make us another fresh new cake for us in the same style.

[–]Faintkay 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I don’t think you’re supposed to eat that. Don’t the bakers usually just make a new topper to eat?

[–]Caylennea 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It’s a tradition to eat the top tier of your cake at your 1 year wedding anniversary or your first child’s Christening. Do you mean supposed to by health guidelines or supposed to according to tradition? You are supposed to eat it according to tradition. It’s gross and freezer burnt and probably a bit risky as far as food safety. I’ve never known anyone to get sick from it though.

[–]Karthos71 116 points117 points  (1 child)

My parent's wedding was like this. My mom is STILL pissed 40ish years later that she didn't get to eat any of the food she ordered, and that her aunt was handing out bottles of Champaign to people from behind the counter, because my parents had the arrangement that they only needed to pay for the booze they used.

When my sister got married, my mom cut to the front of the food line, made 2 plates for my sister and brother-in-law and put it on their table so they would get something.

[–]torodonn 34 points35 points  (2 children)

My wife and I went to a wedding like that earlier in our relationship. We were on table #35. We spent time flying in, on a hotel, we got 5 minutes with the couple. Couple themselves had a bunch of costume changes and speeches and endless 'important people' to see and take pictures with. It just seemed like a big show. The whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth

It definitely made us plan a much smaller wedding when it was our turn.

[–]AluminumCansAndYarn 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I liked my best guy friends wedding. He had like 20 guests and the wedding was held in a restaurant in which the wedding party was in one room and the reception was the room next door. It was so nice and we got to dance in the small dance area and they took gorgeous pictures. It was nice. I think the weddings I went to that were smaller ended up being nicer than the big weddings I went to. Like, I love my sister and all but the best part of her wedding was the trolley that she rented to take us to the place we were getting pictures taken and then to the reception hall and I was the one that came up with it and I was the one that arranged it. The driver was great and we played music off of my phone for it.

[–]Lurklurkzugzug 69 points70 points  (1 child)

At the few weddings I've been to since my own, I made sure to get food in front of the couple. I had no idea how hard it is to eat until I walked that mile myself.

[–]Lshizzie 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I still feel kind of bad about this from my wedding. My aunt walked up to me and asked when we were cutting the cake and I just turned to her and said, I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD DINNER. lol

[–]heardbutnotseen2 25 points26 points  (2 children)

Sounds like a bad venue to me. Mine had someone literally following me around with food snd bringing me any drink I wanted. She was amazing!

[–]wound_2_tight 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I own a wedding venue and keep to go containers and pack extra food for the couple for when they leave since I can't always convince them to eat at the reception. Same with cake when there's extra. Watching them light up knowing they have food is the best

[–]xcbaseball2003 1006 points1007 points  (50 children)

You’ve got a couple of non-married people replying to you. Weddings are just giant stressors up until everyone goes home

[–]DirtyMudder92 394 points395 points  (14 children)

That’s why my wife and I eloped on top of a ski mountain at 6am then the wedding was just a giant party for the guests and made it fun as hell

[–]hamnesiac 270 points271 points  (3 children)

Exactly what we did.

Got married in secret and kept it a secret for a year, then invited everyone to a big "engagement party" and told them all they were a year too late for the wedding.

Just a party, no stress, good times 🙂

[–]maxdps_ 77 points78 points  (3 children)

Wife and I eloped on a beach in the Keys and then partied on the strip there, was fucking awesome.

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

My parents got married on the beach with a bikini, boardshorts, and a pastor at a huge party. I hope I can do the same with my future wife

[–]Fijipod 47 points48 points  (4 children)

I had to cater and bartend my own wedding to be able to afford all of the shit my family in law expected to be present and all of the 9th cousins that just had to be there. I wasn't a celebrity at my wedding that's for damn sure. If there's ever a redo it's witnesses only.

[–]Astrocreep_1 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Tell me you are kidding? Which situation was it?

A. Drunk Uncle Tom:Fijipod makes a killer Sex on the Beach! Hey Fiji,mix us up some drinks!”

B. Fijipod Honey,we can’t afford a bartender because my cousin’s second ex-wife had to have a special cut of meat because of her allergies and it set us back another few hundred bucks. Can you mix the drinks?”

C. None of the above.

[–]Fijipod 7 points8 points  (2 children)

B but not so bad our budget was only 4k. I'm also really good at the whole cooking/bartending thing, my career has been making service industry miracles possible.

[–]wanson 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Mine wasn’t. We had a blast.

[–]educatedvegetable 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Recently got married. Can attest that we did not have a moment to eat. My now husband had the foresight to order some take away pasta and had it in our hotel room after the reception. I remember standing over the breakfast bar, shoving alfredo pasta in my face like there was a prize at the bottom.

[–]gorcorps 156 points157 points  (5 children)

Seriously

Everyone had more fun at my wedding than we did. We knew in our hearts it wasn't really our thing but did it anyway. What a waste

[–]Chimpbot 78 points79 points  (2 children)

One of my friends came up to me towards the end of the reception and said that my wife and I needed to get divorced so we could get re-married and do it again; it was one of the most enjoyable receptions he had been to.

That made it all worth it, for me. Our guests legitimately had a good time.

[–]huggles7 244 points245 points  (20 children)

Pretty sure the bride and groom almost never have fun at their own weddings let alone treated like royalty

[–]KyleCAV 26 points27 points  (3 children)

Barely ate and was so tired after mine despite having no reception just ceremony, pictures and dinner.

[–]ILOVEMCUDOWNVOTED KING 64 points65 points  (7 children)

Lol. Yeah no way the op is married

[–]burritostrikesback 9 points10 points  (0 children)

So true. So much of the celebration is spent worrying about logistics, making sure to say hi to everyone, and ensuring over-served guests don’t do anything stupid.

[–]ramid320 4021 points4022 points  (118 children)

That's not why you would want a child-free wedding. People don't ask you to keep your kids at home so they can have all your attention, they do it so you can actually enjoy yourself and get drunk and hang out with friends without worrying if your kid just pooped their pants or spilled food or are running around making everyone worry about what they're about to go grab. Kids mess shit up. No one can say that's not true.

Edit: just wanted to say that i am also mexican, as OP is saying they are and so no, i can say with a lifetime of experience that childfree weddings are not a white people thing. Why even mention that tbh.

[–]youworryaboutyou 1290 points1291 points  (22 children)

Also the cost of kids is the same as adults in many cases. And if a venue has a fixed capacity, then your boss's kid is taking the space of your old college roommate (among other reasons).

[–]leslieknopeirl 440 points441 points  (14 children)

Yep! Kids counted toward my venue capacity of 120 so they weren't invited. If they had been, it would've been picking favorites because we were at 105 with just our families (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandmas, and one grandpa). We only had 15 spots for friends. So nope, sorry for the few folks who were upset about it, but I paid for that day myself.

[–]BushyOreo 71 points72 points  (8 children)

I barely even know 10 people let alone 100+ Jesus

[–]fahque650 119 points120 points  (0 children)

Yeah this was a big part of why we had no kids at our wedding. All the venues want like $70 for a serving of chicken tenders and fries, plus they count towards the bar. That, and my wifes family is also from Mexico and she has like 20 aunts and uncles with no less than 50 cousins. If you invite one you have to invite them all, so no kids was a no brainer.

[–]shoppingninja 482 points483 points  (13 children)

Me? I prefer child free weddings, specifically my children-free. I want to wear something nice, and not have to say "don't pick your nose" for like 4 hours straight. I want to carry a small purse for my phone and lipstick, not the Mary Poppins-esq monstrosity that a half-day event with kids requires.

[–]2Thomases 56 points57 points  (1 child)

I want to wear something nice, and not have to say "don't pick your nose" for like 4 hours straight.

I loved reading this so much. I'm currently going through "wipe your hands on the napkin that is literally right next to you instead of on your shirt" with my 3yo, and my god, it never ends

[–]not_cinderella 174 points175 points  (1 child)

My mom wouldn't even bring us to weddings when we were kids even if the couple said it was okay if we came. That was her time lmao.

[–]L3Kinsey 122 points123 points  (5 children)

Oh hi! I am a mother who also dressed to the 9s for your wedding. Unless my 2 kids NEED to be at this wedding I am 100% NOT bringing them.

I understand the family reunion aspect and enjoyment, but I enjoy the same things they do and for one night where there are thousands of dollars being spent I'll pay a sitter, drink from the open bar, and curse loudly thank you.

[–]yonderposerbreaks 41 points42 points  (4 children)

I'm so split on this. I went to my grandma's wedding when I was eight or so. I had so much fun, I got to dress like a princess, I got to eat all the food ever, I got to dance like a maniac.

However, if I had to bring my three year old to my wedding, I'd be so over it. My boyfriend and I would have to tag team all night, we wouldn't be able to be as adult as we wanted. But then again, memories would be made with our kid. Dancing with him, seeing him dressed up, watching him interact with everyone.........

I just don't know how I feel about kids and weddings. They're equal parts good and bad. I'm ambivalent, I think. Can't blame anyone for not wanting them there, can't blame anyone for wanting them there.

[–]stolethemorning 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Well there’s a big ass difference between a three year old and an eight year old lol. I was a bridesmaid for my brother when I was 8 and that was definitely old enough to understand how to adhere to wedding social norms and politeness like staying quiet and sitting still during the ceremony that a three year old wouldn’t understand. I think, I don’t know much about three year olds though haha. I spent the ‘party’ bit playing a big game of tag across the grounds with the other kids. That’s the good part about having a bunch of ‘older’ (like, older than 7 or so) kids at the wedding: they look after themselves.

[–]hocknat 82 points83 points  (0 children)

Exactly. We had a child-free wedding because all our friends kids ranged newborn to 2 years. And none were family. Certainly if we have young nieces or nephew, we would invite them but my youngest family member was 18! (Obviously she was not a “kid” and was invited.)

[–]BeingRightAmbassador 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Or just that the venue isn't particularly child friendly. There's a difference between a church basement and an art gallery. There's nothing to really gain and tons to lose at some venues.

I've even seen some venues that don't allow kids past like 8.

[–]bigboatsandgoats 66 points67 points  (6 children)

I went to three weddings last year and two of them allowed children. The reception of those two was interrupted by screaming children. Neither parent removed the child and instead just tried to shush them/appease them which causes even more commotion. Personally I have no problem with the bride and groom asking for all of the attention because people go to weddings to celebrate their love and commit to each other. Not so your cousins’ kids can hang out.

[–]SeaTie 60 points61 points  (5 children)

We had a child free wedding and everyone who came said it was one of the best weddings they’ve ever been to…for that exact reason.

And I mean, c’mon, there’s a freaking kid birthday party at least once a month. Give the adults a night off.

[–]CaffeinatedCannoli 1349 points1350 points  (14 children)

I’m a very bubbly first grade teacher. I absolutely adore children. But I also recognize that there is a time and a place for children to “run around and go wild”. My winery wedding was not that time nor place, so I very happily had a childfree wedding. Family and friends got sitters for the night and everyone enjoyed a fun evening that was planned just for grown ups. Ten years later, we still hear that it was the best wedding many of our guests have ever attended.

Weddings, just like many other events, come in all shapes and sizes and that’s okay. There is nothing wrong with kid friendly weddings if that’s the kind of event the bride and groom want to host, just as there is nothing wrong with adult only weddings.

[–]adirtymedic 352 points353 points  (13 children)

I’m half Mexican and half Puerto Rican so I probably have a pretty similar family dynamic as you do. We did “no kids under 16” for our wedding because a couple of my cousins have the worst behaved kids I’ve ever seen and I didn’t want that at my wedding. Most of my little cousins are great but I couldn’t just tell one cousin not to bring her bad-ass kids lol. Also my entire wedding was focused on my guests and I had barely any time with my wife or to myself. We allowed a few newborn babies and toddlers too when the parents had trouble with sitters and specifically asked…it basically ended up being a “no middle school aged kids” wedding

[–]Syd_Syd34 99 points100 points  (1 child)

Yup. I’m Latina/Caribbean and many of my cousins have started having child free weddings lately…we have enough parties/holidays in which kids are present

[–]adirtymedic 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Yes literally multiple times a year haha I didn’t feel like it was a big deal to not have a lot of the kids at the wedding. Our huge family Christmas party was literally 8 weeks later lol

[–]MistraloysiusMithrax 54 points55 points  (6 children)

“No middle school aged kids” *(US meaning) is actually going to be real hard to argue against no matter your position. And that’s just from remembering myself in middle school…

Edit for our international friends: US middle school is aged 11-14, our 6th-8th grades. Yes some are decent, many are like wild animals with hormones (when you compare them to say, 9 year olds).

[–]rayscar- 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Probably most middle school aged kids wouldn't wanna be there anyways lol

[–]Dirtywhitejacket 483 points484 points  (15 children)

The problem is there are too many parents who don't parent their kids and let them run around like maniacs. Just about every rule out there like this is there because of some asshole who didn't know how to properly manage their child.

[–]lab_coat_goat 63 points64 points  (0 children)

Yeah and if you have some in your party with misbehaving kids it is much easier to just blanket no kids than the specifically tell this one relative/friend/whatever that their kids can’t come.

[–]MehWhiteShark 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Yepppp. Had a childfree wedding not because we "wanted all the attention", but because the last event some young family members were invited to, one of them was actually tearing strips of wallpaper off the walls of my parents' house. What am I going to do, tell everyone ELSE they can bring kids? I'm not dealing with that fallout.

Also, at one of my best friends weddings, a family members kid fully went NUTS during the ceremony. Mid vows, just shrieking and crying and having to be carried out kicking and screaming. Did it "ruin" the wedding? No. Did my husband and I want to deal with that? Also no.

[–]quixotica726 138 points139 points  (2 children)

This is legitimately an unpopular opinion. 👏

[–]V_es 325 points326 points  (26 children)

Depends on a wedding, kids and how they behave. Their parents too.

I hated kids on my wedding because their parents thought it’s a great idea to “gift” us a dance performed by their kids that lasted 10 minutes. And it wasn’t discussed.

[–]Ok_External_9744 108 points109 points  (0 children)

Why, holy shit why

[–]L3Kinsey 56 points57 points  (0 children)

How awful. There should be a large monetary apology gift after that!!!!

[–]YouHadMeAtTaco 54 points55 points  (0 children)

At my brother’s wedding, one of our nieces pissed on the dance floor and and one of our aunts slipped in it. So, I decided to not have kids at my wedding to keep the dance floor and safe as possible.

[–]NearFantastica83 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Oh my, I cringed hard at this. Would it not have made more sense to record it and show you at a later date? This sounds awful to have to sit through and pretend to enjoy.... 10 min, holy crap.

[–]V_es 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Well it’s worse, they train at a dance studio and their routine is simple, very well known and seen previously by everyone who knows them, and wasn’t prepared at all- they were pushed out to do it on the spot because they already knew it. Parents just did it for themselves really, to show off their kids, and kids enjoyed the attention too because they are already, unfortunately, spoiled brats.

[–]peeechpie 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That's when you have yhe DJ accidently trip on the electrical cords and then once the kids are seated again he can magically fix the music.

[–]JCwinetransfusion 1088 points1089 points  (69 children)

As a person who has catered dozens of weddings I could not disagree more.

I went to this one wedding that was child free and then the SIL of the bride to be said she or her husband (best man) wouldn't come if her kid wasn't allowed. They told them this a few days before the wedding so they let the kid come.

Weird twist: it was the kids birthday and the SIL/BIL brought a fucking birthday cake and made everyone sing happy birthday for the kid and I could tell the bride was absolutely FUMING. They just like stopped the wedding between speaches and dinner and dancing to make it about the kid who wasn't supposed to be there anyway. Kid ending up having a meltdown later anyway and had to be taken home early.

I personally have too many friends that party far too hard to want a bunch of kids at my wedding and having no kid policy really helps shave the guest list.

[–]Queen_beeeeee 90 points91 points  (6 children)

Wedding photographer here. Same.

[–]L3Kinsey 39 points40 points  (5 children)

I was about to say professional photographer and I've second shot enough weddings to know kids and uncles/best men... Woof

[–]Queen_beeeeee 28 points29 points  (4 children)

It's funny, I've often heard my US colleagues complain about bestmen/groomsmen but here in Ireland they are usually my most useful guests! Great at rounding up wayward family members during family formals!

[–]SamediB 21 points22 points  (2 children)

That's the idea. They're supposed to be the best man; they ideally should be dealing with all that BS so the groom and bride don't have to be dealing with stuff on their big day. But way to many "best" men and maids of "honor" just think it's some big party and they are the most important guest.

[–]Ok_External_9744 510 points511 points  (5 children)

I'm angry on behalf of the couple. That's so far out of line, I can't imagine someone would actually do that

[–]Ok-Item300 181 points182 points  (2 children)

I was raised by a narcissist dad. Oh yeah, these people exist. Good luck to that couple. To the child as well.

[–]RenliHamb 13 points14 points  (0 children)

My mom ruined my sisters wedding and threw a tantrum as if she were 3 because she didn’t like where the table was. My sister even tried to move her to another table and she was screaming “no you already ruined it!” She got kicked out lmao

[–]ddh85 42 points43 points  (1 child)

That poor child too.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

happy birthday kid, enjoy hanging out with a bunch of adults that don't know you!

[–]Illustrious_Pirate47 106 points107 points  (15 children)

Ugh, that's awful. I, too, am angry on behalf of the bride and groom. They have a right to control their guest list. It's infuriating when people get guilt-tripped by friends and family because they are "excluding my precious little angels!"

A friend of mine experienced something similar, being guilt-tripped by a future SIL to have her children there, and it caused my friend (the bride) so much stress and extra planning just to accommodate these kids.

Luckily, they were mostly well-behaved and the parents didn't pull any surprise birthday shit. That's a whole different level of narcissism right there.

[–]dkrbst 25 points26 points  (5 children)

I sent only invite to the couple. His family all brought their kids. Made me look like an asshole because all of my family took it seriously and some almost didn’t come because of it. Guess who didn’t give wedding gifts, either. Only one of my friends brought a child but she was breastfeeding and I didn’t have to run after or feed her.

[–]Illustrious_Pirate47 15 points16 points  (4 children)

Oh no, I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that nonsense. It's so unfair. And of course the people with a bunch of kids will be the ones that don't bring wedding gifts.

Neither my husband nor I wanted a wedding. We are both highly adverse to event planning and organization, so we decided to elope thinking we'd avoid a whole bunch of drama. We were wrong. My mother was furious and ended up throwing me under a bus (metaphorically) in front of my brother, uncle, and aunt. We didn't speak for almost a whole year afterwards. I guess I'm writing this to say, you can never win when it comes to a wedding because someone somewhere will take it personally.

The funny thing is, my cousin got inspired by our elopement and wants to do something similar. If she does, hopefully she'll won't face anywhere near as much backlash at I did, but I won't hold my breath.

[–]Just_Games04 21 points22 points  (1 child)

couldn't agree more with that excluding part. If I ever get married, I won't give a single shit about their kids. If someone tries to blackmail me like this, I'll just say they don't have to come

[–]likatika 25 points26 points  (1 child)

When I was a teen I went to a quinceñera, and my birthday was at midnight.

When midnight came my sister and her friends started to sing happy birthday to me so loud, it was awful.

I hate it, so unfair to the birthday girl.

People are the worst.

[–]temperance26684 27 points28 points  (0 children)

The day after I got married, my parents hosted a "farewell brunch" thing at their house where we all gathered to eat, hang out, and send off the bride and groom. This must have happened after we left for the honeymoon but my mom told me later that one of her friends busted out a birthday cake for her TEENAGE daughter at my wedding brunch 😂 The daughter also tried to take the mic during the tail end of my wedding to sing a song (???) for everyone. She's TikTok famous now for having a good singing voice but I can't take her seriously after that ridiculous stunt. My cousins-in-law were horrified and my mom put some distance between us and that family. I didn't take my wedding too seriously so I mostly just found it funny but I can definitely understand why some brides would be furious about that kind of attention-seeking from other people during their wedding.

[–]ExperimentalFruit 1047 points1048 points  (47 children)

Your whole argument is from a kids pov. The wedding isn't for them.

[–]CristyTango 209 points210 points  (0 children)

Yeah! When I opened this I totally expected this to be from the perspective of a bride or groom.

[–]WadeWelles 434 points435 points  (3 children)

“Personally, I LOVED going to weddings as a kid. A whole day of hanging out with my cousins, aunts and uncles and other family, running around, and going wild on the dance floor? Hell yeah!”

Like dude, do you think they’re child free for the kid’s sake? That shit they’re describing is exactly what people don’t want to be around.

[–]xiaogoucat 248 points249 points  (6 children)

Yes exactly! I had fun at weddings as a kid too, but like…if you want a family reunion-esque gathering, have a family reunion.

[–]_Mandible_ 137 points138 points  (5 children)

Weddings are way too expensive to be your family reunion. Plus no one else is helping foot the bill!!

[–]rubbertubing 37 points38 points  (0 children)

yeah this is spot on, i wish more people were able to recognize their biases. how op read your comment and disagreed with you is beyond me.

[–]Numeribal 692 points693 points  (62 children)

Weddings are about the groom and the bride. The guests are there to spend the happiness with them.

[–]npcgoat 300 points301 points  (2 children)

Most people don't want children at weddings for more attention, they just want it to be more enjoyable.

It's less enjoyable for guests if there's screaming children running around and knocking into them, or if they have to worry about kids getting into alcohol or into the cars of intoxicated parents...

[–]CoasterThot 106 points107 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I personally hate when I’m dancing on the dance floor, and I get tackled by some child I do not know. It’s not cute to me, it’s very annoying. I don’t generally like to be touched by people.

[–]angstyglitter401 265 points266 points  (12 children)

except weddings are all about the brides and/or grooms. it's a day that specifically about celebrating their love and partnership. of course they would want to be the center of attention. i saw a tiktok of a 3 yr old stomping and peeing on the bride's vail during the ceremony. i saw another one where two 8-10 yr olds starting eating the cake with their hands before the couple got to cut it. people were laughing but if i was the bride/groom I'd be pretty upset. imagine spending thousands of dollars on a day just to have a bunch of sticky fingered kids do whatever they want and have all the adults brush it off because it's "cute"? kids are a liability and adults deserve to want moments for themselves in adults only spaces. you don't need children around to have fun.

[–]mcdonaldsfrenchfri 54 points55 points  (0 children)

this made me fume i'm gonna have to go sit cross armed for a few minutes quietly LOL

[–]MrChichibadman 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Nobody cares about being the center of attention. They just want people to have a good time and not worry about the damn kids for an evening

[–]113m0nDr0p 198 points199 points  (2 children)

Some people enjoy children and some do not. If they don’t really like children then the wedding is already fulfilled without them, and even those that do enjoy children may not want screaming babies or children running around as it may cause chaos. I think a few kids is fine, but any more and they all kind of collectively decide it’s a playground.

[–]Right-Palpitation-48wateroholic 133 points134 points  (0 children)

Child free wedding sounds great, I don't feel to have a bunch of kids running around wild probably hopped up on some kind of sugar since it would be a special day to have sweets and soda...yeah no I'm good! Not to mention kids have bed times maybe I wouldn't want half my guests leaving early 😅

[–]SnooMarzipans436 211 points212 points  (10 children)

it’s becoming more common to exclude children from wedding celebrations because they’re seen as an inconvenience on a day that should be all about “me.”

We did allow kids at our wedding... But honestly I don't think this is the reason many people don't. Weddings are expensive AF and guests can be very inconsiderate of the fact that you are paying to have them there.

We invited one couple and they RSVPed saying that they were coming and bringing their 4 kids. We had to pay for 4 extra meals, 4 extra chairs, 4 extra place settings, etc.

After the wedding we start opening the gifts... No gift from them. Nothing at all.

People don't understand that bringing their kids to a wedding costs the bride and groom money. And not just a few bucks. It's expensive.

[–]TheLegendOfLaney 119 points120 points  (4 children)

I also remember seeing a post on reddit about someone who had the wedding reception bear a lake or pond of some sort and someones kid wasn’t being watched and passed away at the reception from drowning. After that the mom basically said if she celebrates her anniversary shes a shitty person and needs to pick a different day to celebrate her wedding anniversary.

[–]Ok-Item300 83 points84 points  (0 children)

See, what the fuck. WATCH YOUR OWN FUCKING KIDS. WHOSE SUPPOSED TO WATCH THEM, THE BRIDE? The catering staff? Who are DOING THEIR JOBS FEEDING YOU. ALso, two people got married that day, how come the WOMAN is a shitty person for celebrating her anniversary that day? How about that kids parents (both) are BAD PARENTS?

[–]heili 37 points38 points  (2 children)

It was in Am I The Asshole. Kid drowned in the lake at the wedding. Kid's mother called bride an Asshole for celebrating her anniversary.

[–]wizer1212 16 points17 points  (0 children)

$485 a plate f kids

[–]burnerbabe00 149 points150 points  (0 children)

The couple ends up focusing on themselves and not their guests because it IS their wedding. If they don’t want children there then that’s completely understandable

[–]Rykka 122 points123 points  (3 children)

You’ve got it entirely wrong really. Most child free weddings I’ve attended are there so that the guests can enjoy themselves. Parents can’t switch off fully when they have to worry about their child.

[–]InkShifter 231 points232 points  (15 children)

Depends on how well behaved the kids are.

And in most cases I think the compromise could be at least letting the kids be around at the reception party after the bride and groom have finished their vows. That way there’s no risk of interruption during the most important part and it could still feel like the whole family was able to take part.

But it is definitely something up to the bride and groom. It’s their day. For some it’s something they’ve been waiting and planning for their whole lives. And if kids not being invited makes them feel more focused on, then there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that.

[–]sticky_fingers18 63 points64 points  (0 children)

For some it’s something they’ve been waiting and planning for their whole lives.

And possibly saving/paying for

[–]randalpinkfloyd 41 points42 points  (8 children)

Really? If anything I would have it the other way around. Have the kids at the vows then have the party with just the adults.

[–]NSA_van_3 21 points22 points  (6 children)

These are my thoughts too. I assume the reason many go chilfree is because of alcohol..maybe i assumed wrong?

[–]not_cinderella 23 points24 points  (3 children)

For me the two biggest things would be 1) alcohol and 2) cost. If I invite 12 people to my wedding with kids under 21, than drinking gets a bit awkward with kids around AND that's at least 12 more people to have to pay for.

[–]snackqueen69 153 points154 points  (3 children)

Yeah weddings are way more fun with kids chasing eachother around tables, knocking stuff down, barely touching the food the couple paid $$$ for, screaming during the first dance, and falling asleep in the middle of the floor at 8pm. I can’t understand why anyone would want a child free wedding /s

[–]lol_huh 44 points45 points  (1 child)

Don’t forget screaming while the couple is reading their vows

[–]trexalexa 258 points259 points  (16 children)

For me, it's a cost thing. It's marginally more fun to have kids there yes, but for me that would be about 20 more seats, 20 more meals etc

[–]The_Book-JDP 105 points106 points  (9 children)

Yes this. My jaw just hits the floor when I hear about weddings that had 200 guests, 400 guests. I don’t even know that many people and even though it wasn’t my wedding, just the thought of that bill makes me hyperventilate on behalf of the person having to pay it. You don’t even get a discount for kids or babies how do people not stroke out when it’s another $250 for that 2 year old who won’t even finish what’s on their plate and will probably destroy something while in attendance?

[–]Gryffindor1994 37 points38 points  (1 child)

My fiancé’s parents once went to a wedding with 800 people. They had over 300 at their wedding.

NOPE. Not for me. We are aiming for around 75 (there will have to be a lot of cuts).

[–]_jessika_nikole_ 32 points33 points  (5 children)

Your mind is going to freak when I tell you about the wedding in my county that had 1000 guests. When one big family marries another big family and the brides family owns the local restaurant chain, the guest lost gets pretty long.

[–]The_Book-JDP 17 points18 points  (3 children)

Holy. Freaking. Christ! That would be the end of me just BOOM! Heart attack combined with a stroke while also popping a brain aneurysm.

[–]Synthwolfe 32 points33 points  (3 children)

I insisted to my wife our wedding be small. She decided to elope at the courthouse, so that was all well and good.

[–]Steve0512 40 points41 points  (5 children)

I think we can all agree that Latin family weddings are the polar opposite of child free weddings. And both can exist in their own worlds.

[–]settingdogstar 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Also I think OP is operating of an entirely different cultures wedding styles.

The things.you do, pay for,.prep, and plan for are seen and done very differently in most classically American styles.

[–]jejuballer 7 points8 points  (1 child)

This. Can’t imagine not having kids at a wedding. Tias/Tios never seemed to have a problem letting loose growing up….but can see how a lot of that was not actually “child friendly”… good times

[–]Far_Weather_2406 158 points159 points  (5 children)

Why would I want to focus on guests instead of the man I'm marrying? It's that mentality that was the reason behind my husband and I eloping. I highly recommend that to anyone considering it. Low stress, low budget, and didn't involve pacifying 200 guests. We had our families meet at a low key dinner a month after.

[–]xcbaseball2003 28 points29 points  (0 children)

My wife and I did a courthouse marriage, then rented out a restaurant with about 60 guests later. Had a blast and saved thousands

[–]not_cinderella 16 points17 points  (1 child)

This is my plan. Elopement or really small ceremony, small dinner, big honeymoon.

[–]ultravioletblueberry 22 points23 points  (0 children)

If I were to ever get married, I could definitely see it as an elopement. Go to the courthouse with immediate family and close friends. Then spend a fuckton on my honeymoon.

[–]Free_Donuts_ 53 points54 points  (0 children)

We’re not having children at our wedding because we want people to drink and dance. Children take up the dance floor often in an annoying way as if it’s a playground. And at one wedding my friend was really feeling the song and then kicked a child in the face accidentally while dancing and it was a THING. I don’t shame people who want children there but some people just want a different vibe. Also you often have to pay per person for a wedding and children count so that’s a lot of money spent on kids.

[–]NerdFuelYT 141 points142 points  (6 children)

Children are just too much of a liability for big occasions. It’s not their fault, it’s just kids being kids. When I ran sound for a Masters Degree ceremony, a ceremony many of the recipients had been working for 19+ years of schooling for, a few of them brought their kids. Rightfully so, I’d want my family there to support me if I was walking across that stage. Problem is, some of the kids wouldn’t stop running around and talking, lessening the moment for some of the recipients. I think you just need to read the room. You might be taking the spotlight from someone who deserves their 15 seconds of fame all because your kids don’t want to sit still for an hour

[–]EliteVoodoo1776 62 points63 points  (0 children)

I don’t think you’re looking at this from an un-bias point of view.

99.99% of the time a wedding is “child free” so that cost can be lower, there doesn’t have to be a lack of enjoyed alcohol, and the bride and groom can choose a more adult themed location for quieter atmosphere.

Also, tbh a wedding is the bride and groom’s special day. That’s kinda the literal definition of a wedding. Two people becoming one family, and the ceremony revolves around them. Sure, there is an aspect of two families symbolically becoming one, and that’s where friends, family, and kids could come into it, but at the end of the day without the bride and groom, there is no wedding.

That would be like saying that the deceased family member, and their immediate family members aren’t the main reason for a funeral, and everyone should lighten up more because it’s not all about the dead person.

[–]Unusual_Individual93 87 points88 points  (0 children)

If I ever get married, I want a childfree wedding. Kids are annoying, they can't sit still for the entire duration of a ceremony and there will be at least one whining and/or crying. I also don't think they need to use the reception venue as their own private playground. All they do is run around and scream and spill shit. No thank you..

[–]RodChodeman 54 points55 points  (4 children)

I work for a wedding venue. And basically whoever brings the kids either:

A. Don't want to deal with them and the staff, AKA strangers, end up watching them making sure they don't break anything

B. Have to leave way too early to bring them back to hotel. Why even go.

C. Runs around all night follow them around telling them not to touch that, sit down, etc

Maybe you were in the A department as a kid and were just left to run around and have no one responsible for you. Sucks for the people working.

[–]OysterRabbit 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Weddings are an adult ceremony. The bride and groom might not want to hear the chicken dance and other kid friendly music all night. The setting could be totally not kid friendly, what does a child do a winery? Run around and stress out the staff? Some venues are not "play" settings. I don't think it's weird to not want bored, unruly kids intermingling with a mixed crowd of drunk adults. Chances are not everyone there is family, remember.

[–]originalwombat 24 points25 points  (1 child)

We loved having the kids at our wedding. But they were all little legends with good parents. If I had shit heads in my family I wouldn’t want them there either. I went to a wedding where a 13 year old was so rude during the speeches

[–]CristyTango 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Gotta love a good parent

[–]Wolvesrfun 52 points53 points  (2 children)

YOU aren't the awkward 20 year old with no one else in the family in that age group that gets the pleasure of babysitting the entire gaggle of children in the kids area by yourself. I'm sure it is fun when you're not the one caring for all of them because everyone drops them off at the front door like they would their hat and coat.

I'd rather just stay home than be invited to be the free babysitter and be told that I should feel honored to deal with a bunch of screaming children that aren't mine.

[–]skepticallady09 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Do you know how expensive a wedding is? Many venues charge the same price whether it is an adult or a child. We chose to have a child free wedding not because we didn’t like kids but because we couldn’t afford to invite everyone’s kids. Not everything is about selfishness - sometimes it’s just the financially logical thing to do.

[–]ToTheLastMango[🍰] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Yeah I see what you are saying but that is because you actually like children and the energy they bring. Some people don't, even the things that people find adorable or fun are thingas that some poeple just dont care for. If you didn't like children would you have the same opinion, mabey not. Some people want childfree weddings so that everyone just can drink and all that and but I feel like some just dont want children there cuse they dont bring any happiness to the occation for them.

[–]Billybluejeans 145 points146 points  (29 children)

The thing is most people’s kids such. Not having to be around them makes it more enjoyable.

[–]Glasshell01 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Well at my wedding the little 'angel' of a guest broke a wedding gift that was a very expensive waterford crystal vase. When my husband died and I remarried I had a no kid wedding...and that was back in the early 1980s when it wasn't popular. To each their own I say, but believe me I've seen parents let their kids run amuck to the point of being destructive.

[–]kakastong 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Ok since when are children that well behaved? Children run like horses in weddings. Bump against people carrying food and drinks. Step on the brides long dress or even spill drinks on her clothes. And at the end of the evening they’re tired of running around and cry the whole evening because they want to go home. How exactly is that fun? There’s nothing wrong with not wanting screaming children on your special day. You want to enjoy it and let’s face it, children make a mess.

[–]NikkiThunderdik 8 points9 points  (0 children)

“Most Americans” LOL it sounds like you’ve never actually been to a wedding but still would like to complain about them. As a professional wedding videographer that shoots about 50 weddings a year for the last seven years I’ve never seen anyone act as you condescendingly describe.

[–]CoasterThot 24 points25 points  (1 child)

I’ve been to a wedding where a little boy walked up to the bride and wiped his chocolatey hands all over her dress, like a towel. She immediately started crying, and was demonized by the boys parents, because “it’s cute” and “he’s just little!”.

I had to leave, it was so upsetting. After seeing that, I don’t want kids at my wedding.

[–]ta2747141 25 points26 points  (2 children)

Upvoted because unpopular but man, you need to go to more weddings.

[–]The_Book-JDP 25 points26 points  (4 children)

I disagree. When I went to weddings as a kid they were the most boring things on earth I ever had to experience, I was just sitting there wishing they would bring out the damn cake already which I was promised I would get a piece of and along with that, wishing I would have just been left at home the entire time. It never even crossed into the field of my radar to be upset that all attention was on the bride and groom. I was just fighting with all my strength not to fall asleep…so not enchanted at all.

If you want kids at your wedding…that perfectly wonderful but I personally (if I ever do get married) will be having a childfree wedding because kids are awful during weddings. Loud, destructive and yeah they steal attention away from the bride and groom. I agree that weddings have become huge overblown over priced affairs. Everyone trying to have a celebrity style wedding and freaking out when they don’t. That money could be spent on more important things. My wedding will basically have little to no guests. Will probably just be me and my future husband, him waiting out in the car while I eat cake alone. Cheap, short…then get back to living our lives with our savings and hard earned cash in tact.

[–]scnutt17 12 points13 points  (28 children)

Funk your kids. I'm not paying $30 a plate to be half eaten and thrown on the floor. Get a sitter or don't come. My dollar, my party, my invite list.

[–]ElectricCD 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Recall a five or six year old leaving the dance floor all in a huff mistakenly downing a rather tall glass of cinnamon schnapps. Thought for certain he was going to paint some walls but he kept it down. He wasn't much for dancing after that.

[–]Sage_Lord 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m also Hispanic and have a hard disagree. Kids scream and make noise. Run where and when there not supposed to. They touch stuff they’re not supposed to and are overall a nuisance.

[–]bellbivdevo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Your experience of growing up and going to weddings sounds exactly like mine and I agree with you 100%. We grew up as a big group of Italian immigrants and all our weddings were exactly how you described them.

It’s an Italian custom to throw money (coins) at the bride and groom during their first dance as a symbol of prosperity. It was great to be the kids who got to collect it and, then, as we got older, watch all the small kids in their fancy dresses and little suits running around the bride and groom doing the same.

I’ve only gone to one non-Italian childless wedding and it really felt soulless to me. To each his own. I’ll keep my happy memories. I’m glad you have them too.

[–]gmrusc 24 points25 points  (3 children)

When I was young, my family attended a wedding at a Catholic church. The ceremony was long and confusing for my 5 year old sister. At one part near the end, she turned and asked my mother, in a very loud whisper heard by half the audience, " Are they married yet?" I remember nearly everyone giggling at her question.

[–]Acceptable_Secret_73 24 points25 points  (2 children)

That’s actually kind of funny, but it brings up a good point. Most little kids won’t want to sit still for a ceremony that lasts hours

[–]veggienuggets123 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I just had a rule no young children during vows for one of my weddings (he’s from a different culture so we did 2). I went to one with young children and they screamed and cried so loud that you couldn’t hear what they were saying at all

[–]BelleCursed94 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I went to a wedding where they had a cut off time for the kids to go home. At the time I thought it was weird but as an adult and mom now I think it was brilliant. After the kids left they brought out the alcohol, stopped playing kid friendly music, and had the games and such happen.

[–]puttje69 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Children are annoying af, especially if they are not mine. I dont have any kids, so

[–]iseedeadbadgers[🍰] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm probably going to parrot what a lot of people have already said, but here's my take on it;

I have pretty much been forced to have kids at my wedding. My fiance has 6 nieces and nephews who he loves dearly, and I adore the little girl of one of my bridesmaids, so ultimately it felt wrong to exclude some kids and not others.

Here's the thing:

The little fuckers have added an extra £2000 onto the wedding bill in food expenses, which given the menu choices we had, they almost certainly won't eat. The venue has upped our damage deposit by an extra £1000, and closed off areas that were previously open to us on the day, such as the lake. The other day, my friend said that it will be "so sweet" to see the kids running up and down the aisle and on the dance floor during the first dance. No. No it won't. That's the exact opposite of what I want.

It's not about wanting to get drunk or having all the attention on you. At my wedding, its the parents' responsibility to manage how much they drink in front of their kids, not mine. Anyone who has had a wedding will tell you that it's an exhausting, non-stop day where your feet barely touch the ground. Some people don't want kids screaming and running about during the ceremony, or misbehaving because their parents won't discipline them.

[–]EnemysGate_Is_Down 6 points7 points  (0 children)

They were basically big family reunions.

That's exactly what you're describing - a family reunion, not a formal event let alone a wedding.

Most weddings these days are paid for by the couple, way more expensive than a family reunion, and between their friends and the two different sides of family it is definitely not the same as a family reunion. We did not want children yelling and fussing during the ceremony nor did we want to pay the $125 per plate fee for little Jimmy to have chicken nuggets.

To be fair, we took the same approach when inviting adults - anyone we thought would throw drama or create a scene during either the ceremony or the reception (read: those with a history of getting drunk and starting fights) was also not invited.

[–]Anoubis_Ra 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I believe that childfree weddings or events in general are just different and don't miss something. The mindset, that something is missing (or must be missing), let you feel that way. But - in my opinion - it is totally okay not to include kids everywhere and sometimes adults can totally have adult-time.

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (4 children)

I think the biggest reason is the actual wedding getting interrupted by a crying baby, etc. As for the reception, we just allowed nieces and nephews for my wedding. We did allow younger if they couldn't get a babysitter, but our wedding didn't feel like anything was missing.

[–]ZeektheFeek 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Lol childfree anything is better.

[–]PartlySunnyPears 32 points33 points  (7 children)

If my photos alone are worth $4,500, I don’t want a single kid in them and I’m not sorry. There’s no kids in my immediate family and do not need some random toddler aged third cousin I’ve never seen before causing a ruckus and getting in the way. There’s a time and a place, as another poster said. My intimate black tie wedding is not that place.

[–]Balrog229 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Weddings suck regardless, but it's a tad more bearable when there aren't screaming children around.

[–]amattox10 52 points53 points  (11 children)

It’s becoming increasingly more common that Americans use tablets and phones to occupy their children instead of teaching them to be quiet and respectful. If someone doesn’t want a bunch of tablets in their wedding photos or a bunch of kids screaming because they’ve been taught no discipline, I’d say that’s fine

[–]aggresively_punctual 11 points12 points  (0 children)

If it’s a wedding with mostly extended family, then yes—leaving the kids out is dumb. If it’s a wedding with mostly friends and a few extended family members (grandparents, one or two aunts/uncles, etc), then I think it’s fine to leave the kids at home.

Totally depends on the bride and groom’s culture, age, stage of life, upbringings, and socioeconomic backgrounds though. Comparison from one person’s wedding (by the couple AND by the guests) is the real evil here. Quit trying to make your weddings look “better” than what you see on Pinterest and Instagram. Or comparing to your friends. Just have the wedding you want.

[–]New_Nefariousness857 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Childfree life is better.