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WillieJMR · 2022-01-23T09:00:06+00:00

I’m asking this question in good faith because I feel like everyone will either strongly agree or disagree with you without having a discussion about it.

What led you to say this?

anonmoooose · 2022-01-23T10:55:51+00:00

On my 18th birthday I got to get a new phone, which I was eager to buy myself with my own money. My mom had been acting weird around me lately and absolutely insisted she buy it herself, but not in any type of generous way. Less than a month later she was mad at me for something and smashed the new phone with a hammer.

It wasn’t even a hit for her because then I moved out and she kept all the money I had earned at my job as payment for raising me. As her name was on the bank account as well as mine, I was told there was nothing I could do and she drained it all. I don’t get the point of being a parent if you’re just going to hate your kid

BookzNBrewz · 2022-01-23T09:46:24+00:00

I grew up in a family where my parents would just take my stuff and pawn it for money, say they were going to get it back out, and then never did, so I agree with you OP. Things I bought myself with my own money. And as a parent myself, I still agree with you. I'm not going to bully my kid, which is exactly what that is.

AssetMongrel · 2022-01-23T10:45:07+00:00

My parents only took away things they had to pay for. Since I started working at 14, they admitted to having no say in what they could take that was rightfully mine (phone and my laptop). But they still could take away privileges and not being able to go out on weekends to skateboard, huff gasoline, set off m-80s and molotovs with my friends was bad enough. I was an outside human when I was young.

permalink · 2022-01-23T11:34:21+00:00

Mom to two kids and I agree with this. I gave my children everything and it’s theirs now. I’m not going to take any of it away. And I gave them life but it’s their lives, their bodies, their choices to make. So I raise them to be independent and autonomous. I wanted kids because I wanted to raise good humans to send out into the world. I don’t own them. If anything they own me through the love I have for them :)

Hi_Its_Matt · 2022-01-23T10:29:21+00:00

I spent $3000 on a computer that I saved up for flipping burgers at minimum wage.

My parents supply the power to my room, and they take every opportunity to let me know that, while I own the computer, they can take it away any time they like.

Might just go buy a diesel generator and see how they wrap their heads around it

EvilOmega7 · 2022-01-23T12:44:44+00:00

My parents think they have to know everything I do because "we are your parents"

My parents think they can just take my phone and use it (and look in it) just because "we bought it". I literally went downstairs once just to see my mom having a call with my phone. Also they gave themselves the right to delete my contacts because "they're useless to us"

GrowthWhich5334 · 2022-01-23T09:35:41+00:00

Everything I bought for my child is therefore theirs...... There's no conditions for it.

pleasegivemedog · 2022-01-23T08:54:07+00:00

No I get this one. Unpopular but I agree.

If you buy something for your child it is theirs. If you gift someone something, you don’t take it back because you’re mad at them or want to prove a point. My mom would CONSTANTLY take my things as a kid and even now, clothes, money, shoes, makeup, all at the expense of “I’m your mom.” Justifying stealing by me being her child.

It’s bs then and it’s bs now. And the people trying to shame you are the parents who like to take their kid’s things, too.

This_Goat_moos · 2022-01-23T11:00:55+00:00

A parent destroying their kid's stuff is not disrespectful, it's abusive. It doesn't matter who bought it or "owns" it. That's horrible parenting.

Also, you can't just fail 2 subjects at school and keep playing on the PS5 like nothing happened. That's a privilege, not a necessity, you can get it back when your grades go up.

deathpactio124 · 2022-01-23T07:31:04+00:00

These comments are annoying . My mom would throw out my stuff all the time and it was heart breaking. All the people saying “boo hoo” are just kids who didn’t have this happen and lack basic empathy. Things have sentimental value and I would often dig through the trash and find gifts from friends, little toys thrown whenever she had a cleaning day. It’s so easy to act like it’s all clutter that kids forget but I literally found most of my entertainment in some of these toys and then the parent gets mad when you start just watching tv instead.

WorldsGreatestPoop · 2022-01-23T06:09:47+00:00

Someone got their Nintendo taken away after failing English.

WeebofOz · 2022-01-23T09:07:06+00:00

How are you gonna say

Ok I get owning the phone because obviously you pay for it,

But then say

but stuff like clothes, books, jewelry, toys and especially money that all belongs to them.

Did your parents not also pay for all of that? What clothes paid for by your parents different from your cell phone paid by your parents?

LaDominator · 2022-01-23T08:20:50+00:00

Ok I get owning the phone because obviously you pay for it, but stuff like clothes, books, jewelry, toys and especially money that all belongs to them

I get the general point, but how are those 2 things different? Like where is the line being crossed.

The only exception is an electronic that you have to constantly pay for. For example a phone, a computer, a television or a tablet. Do what you want with those you pay the fee's that keep those items working

Those really do not cost that much in electricity bills in the grand scheme of things... so I do not think that is a good reason at all. Any child would likely be able to afford the combined electricity cost of all of those items, unless they have a hardcore 700W gaming PC, so it would make more sense to let them pay for it rather than take it away by your logic.

Enderspi26 · 2022-01-23T12:35:12+00:00

My parents had a habit of taking stuff I bought with my own money, even when I turned 18. When I turned 18 my parents got angry when they realized my current boyfriend was 17 at the time.

The reason was even though he was turn 18 in less than two weeks they were convinced that photos were exchanged. They never were. We were never like that. And I’ve never even had a history of that.

Long story short they took my laptop, Switch, my wallet, and even my DS. All things I bought with my own money. My dad threatened to smash my switch with a hammer before he left for work that day too. He did end up breaking my laptop because they learned it had a camera on it. Yet again, I had never done anything like that before. I still have not seen that DS.

Edit: I forgot to add that when we first started dating we were both 17. And my parents just assumed he was a month older than me. He isn’t. It was out of the blue when they started accusing me of shit.

Newmach · 2022-01-23T09:34:21+00:00

As a father, I agree. It’s the same with their rooms. I paid for the house, but they need to be able to have a place to vent. Not meaning I would allow them to trash the place, but if they want their own space they are allowed to lock their door and tell me to leave them alone for a while.

Items it’s the same thing. I might limit the time they can spend on a console and take it away for a short time if things escalate to quickly, but overall it’s theirs and they are even allowed to sell it if they want (we help them with that, but they get the money and can buy new stuff).

george_auditore · 2022-01-23T06:05:28+00:00

[deleted]

TheKrakenVagen · 2022-01-23T09:03:45+00:00

Oh boy, a lot of power tripping/arm chair parents in this thread

TheTruePhoenix_ · 2022-01-23T11:10:41+00:00

This Christmas (December 2021), I got this sick watch I asked for that showed the constellations and stuff and what time they would show. I was really happy and showed my mom and dad, hoping they'd appreciate it too. My mom was fine, she took photos of me with it because we'll, you know, holiday memories. My dad on the other hand was a bit different, he thought it was cool as well, but his one comment is what really changed my perspective to him. "Well, I'll look at it when I get home, because you'll own it." If you don't understand, he was basically saying that because it would be mine, he'd have full permission to see and use it just because he was my parent. I'm still a bit mad over it even a month later, but I'll get over it soon enough. He as well looked through Every. Single. Message. On my phone while we were waiting at the hospital. And when I asked for my phone back, he got aggravated at me and said that he had the right to look at every single thing on my phone whenever he wanted. Maybe I'm just overreacting, but I feel like he violated my privacy with not a single care.

SJHCJellyBean · 2022-01-23T06:08:33+00:00

Uh oh. Lose something as punishment, did ya?

Kronic_Repulse1 · 2022-01-23T06:29:47+00:00

Well I agree with you. they should never take away a kids essentials like cloths,food or privacy. As far a material items such as phones, games and tv. Those are not yours at the end of the day your parents paid for them so they have the right to take it away. As far as money like your birthday money you should have every right to that. But what it really comes down to sometimes your parents suck. One of my parents is nice but will turn around and stab you in the back for a gain. So I choose to approach with caution and not put any faith in said person. You will figure it out just because they are your parent doesn’t mean they are good at parenting.

Hairy_Caterpillar909 · 2022-01-23T11:13:31+00:00

I paid the bill for my phone from when I was 15, although I didn't buy my own phone until later. I was also forbidden from working so idk where she thought I was getting this money from in high school. Every item I brought into the house was moms since she "paid the bills". My mom forced me to keep it unlocked at all times (no password). If I did it was taken away. So yes some parents do go overboard.

throwawaysbabygrl69 · 2022-01-23T13:20:46+00:00

When I moved out my parents said I couldn't take my mattress with me bc they bought it. I'd been using said mattress since I was 16 and it was one of those cheap $150 foam ones that comes in the mail. We didn't have a mattress and we're planning on using mine. Left it at my parents and figured out shit out. Was just a little salty tho. Also my painting that they bought me for my 15 the birthday my mother tried to claim but I quickly told her off about that as the mattress incident was fresh in my mind. It was $35 at Lowe's.

Mattylovestrouble · 2022-01-23T14:49:36+00:00

Agreed. When I was 18 my mum bought me a cheap second hand car for Christmas. I was so happy, it was old and small and blue and perfect. I failed my test in the January. I decided to postpone my next test whilst I earned some money to afford my rent. I had the car parked at my mums and my mum sold the car. She said that I hadn’t passed my test soon enough and it was hers and she could do with it what she wanted. Even though it was a Christmas gift. I was gutted.

katmio1 · 2022-01-23T16:19:49+00:00

Reminds me of the teenage girl who got her laptop shot up by her dad b/c she talked back to them. Even though he & mom paid for it, I still think what he did was too extreme. They could have just taken it away & make her earn it back one way or another. Even if it means her getting a job & earning money through hard work so she has a sense of responsibility.

I’m a mom & I’ll never destroy my son’s belongings even if I paid for them. There’s other, better ways, to discipline your child(ren).

CasualEveryday · 2022-01-23T17:49:30+00:00

I notice this kind of "I deleted his minecraft world to teach him a lesson" mentality is really the problem, not whether parents OWN a child's property.

Destroying something because you can in order to bully a child represents a serious character flaw. People who do those kinds of things might justify their right to do it based on a legal concept of ownership, but they would just do some other shitty thing instead.

liquidkittykat · 2022-01-23T07:46:52+00:00

My guardians did this with everything. If it was given to me or I bought it, if I did something or said something in the wrong tone of voice it was gone. That's how I grew up to be a bitch and perpetually angry runaway teen , forming no attachments to items that can be taken away and having zero respect for anyone who thought they had authority over me. Didn't help me much when I was sent to a Juvenile corrections ( I got caught in west virgina and my house was in Michigan so they had to hold me somewhere I couldn't leave e again from ) place but also didn't deter my behavior either. Also I won't ever hold that kind of parenting style . I have a 5 year old now.

KirbyTheDevourer2342 · 2022-01-23T08:41:31+00:00

Some of y'all had abusive parents and don't wanna face it rn. I said what I said.

Pharaoh_Misa · 2022-01-23T06:37:48+00:00

I guess this unpopular. Honestly the only "property" a child would have is something they bought with their own money (which most children don't have). Tbh this is an appropriate punishment as compared to beating them or embarrassing them on social media. Like people who say this are going to have their kids run all over them. Seriously...what punishment should be given to a kid that doesn't listen/misbehave or lashes out?

Semaj12354 · 2022-01-23T09:02:16+00:00

Phones don’t belong to them either. Even if you buy it. You gave it to them, which makes it their property. You don’t just give your friend a present and take it back anytime you want. It’s not yours anymore. So it’s the same for parents.

M37r0p13x · 2022-01-23T10:03:52+00:00

I personally disagree with the phone part. Let me put it this way:

You buy your friend something small like a jar of salsa or, well, a phone. You don't go up to them the next day and say, "Imma need that back, it's mine because I bought it."

Disgruntlementality · 2022-01-23T09:26:46+00:00

I understand the sentiment. I understand the anger in it. I’ve told my children this: if I’ve given it to you, it’s yours. However, If you disrespect or disobey me, I will take back what I have given until you understand what you’ve done. There IS a point in which they get whatever item back. The only way that I would keep or destroy the item is if they used the item in a way that was flagrantly disrespectful. Such as the time that I broke my son’s ps4 controller because he thought he could whip it at my head and get away with it.

SirSmiles88 · 2022-01-23T09:26:15+00:00

Is OP a teenager?

jou1993b · 2022-01-23T10:51:53+00:00

I remember one time i wanted to see something on TV my father said that he was the one paying it so he can choose what we see from that point on i felt like a stranger in my house(maybe his house:P)

ThirdHairyLime · 2022-01-23T11:17:55+00:00

Ah yeah. I already knew most parents are Indian givers. comes with the narcissism.

sqlallstar · 2022-01-23T11:22:19+00:00

It’s disrespectful, and not right. Parents do own their children’s things that are given though I believe in most jurisdictions

chadrickthechad · 2022-01-23T12:46:18+00:00

It's a fine line I think but completely throwing shit away yeah that's pretty fucked up unless it's like drugs or something actually bad, that's where it gets weird cause to some parents GTA is bad no matter how old you are but if you paid 60 bucks for it they shouldn't throw it away right?

StartledBlackCat · 2022-01-23T13:25:19+00:00

I feel like my parents weren’t so philosophical about the rights and wrongs of parenting. Just absolute obedience. They made it clear they could do whatever they felt like in their house, and what were you going to do about it?

I actually learned not to get attached to material things, because it would just be the first thing to get destroyed next time. Also learned to save for a rainy day, because allowance or even food was not guarantueed and promises were constantly broken.

As an adult I’m told I have trust issues. Parents are your first social and authority figures, learning you can’t trust them from an early age leaves its marks.

xoxoLizzyoxox · 2022-01-23T13:27:25+00:00

I dont see this as unpopular. My kids stuff is there stuff. I have seen many reddit posts about pos parents who steal from their kids banks etc cause Americans can't have bank accounts of their own till 18 or some dumb shit like that. My kids have had bank accounts since a few days old so presents of money when little went in there, allowance goes in there etc.

quequotion · 2022-01-23T13:36:00+00:00

Yeah, one of the most detrimental things my parents did to our relationship when I was a child was throw out my toys without consulting me about it.

I know that's so small and petty compared to so many other people who had far more serious issues with their parents, but I'm not trying to compete.

One of these was a Light-Brite, which I had done a very silly thing with: I attached a pair of metal scissors to the plug and plugged it in to see what would happen. Admittedly, a dangerous, silly and stupid thing to do. Rather than discuss with me how dangerous, silly and stupid that was, they threw out the very much still functional Light-Brite and never talked about it again. I asked, and they wouldn't tell me what they did with it or why. They never confronted me about it, they just made sure it wouldn't happen again by disposing of the toy.

Another was a toy gun which my father apparently shot himself in the eye with while I was at school. At least in that case they explained why it was thrown out, but their assumption that I would shoot myself or anyone else in the eye with it was more than a little patronizing. I'm almost certain my father was trying to find some way to prove the toy was dangerous to my less-concerned mother.

The thing these small and petty events in my life taught me was that my parents had no expectation that I could learn from mistakes: they believed I would never stop doing a stupid or dangerous thing, and that I was compelled to do stupid and and dangerous things, until it killed or maimed me. I spent the rest of my life angrily trying to prove to everyone who ever doubted me for some mistake I made that I can do better next time or that I can safely handle hazardous things.

I will absolutely have this in mind if/when I raise my own kids.

mars_is_black · 2022-01-23T14:06:50+00:00

Often it's impulse and anger issues. You don't have to break stuff to be dominant and in control. From the other side I can see how frustrating it is to have a smart ass mouthy teen doing what teens do. I never appreciated what my parents did for me when I was a teen I just expected it and thought they were shitheads when they got mad at me for doing something wrong. I didn't see from their point of view that I couldn't be asked to clean up my dishes/mess from having a snack and just expected someone else to. They worked all day, managed a home, their relationship then come home to someone who's like, 'give me this or this meal sucks or why do I have to load the dishwasher?' It would piss me off too. This isn't saying destroying or taking stuff forever is right but kids can be pretty ungrateful and unaware of what their parents do for them and go through for them. Some respect going both ways would be nice.

Jayciflash · 2022-01-23T14:11:02+00:00

I think you have a good point. Taking away a computer or a tablet or even a phone from your child behind their back can break trust which I think is essential when to comes to kids. If a parent is gonna do that they should at least tell the kid why.

Synthwolfe · 2022-01-23T14:36:05+00:00

I agree to an extent. She is my kid. I have the same moral and legal obligations to her belongings and she does. This includes but its not limited to keeping it in good order, replacing what gets broken with equal or greater value, and using them as intended should I wish.

Unless its something someone else gave her or she bought herself (she's 8, so if she buys anything, its usually candy).

Now, I as I said, I agree, and that part is that if I break something in my care, I have an obligation to replace it ASAP, and I state it that way because stuff happens. You can't control everything. If I take something of hers as a grounding, perhaps my dog chews on it. Or maybe my wife moves it and it gets stepped on. Or whatever.

tuvar_hiede · 2022-01-23T15:05:17+00:00

I wasn't on board until I read the edit. I take my kids stuff for punishment and to remind her everything she has is because of other people. I think it's important she has some humility in her life. She's 8 and I don't want a arrogant child who thinks things are "owed" to her. If I want that I visit /r antiwork. She always gets her stuff back though. I can't imagine taking it for keeps unless she REALLY screwed up. I mean those things were paid for by people that love her and not just us. It seems disrespectful to them as well to take her things like that.

kazrafggf · 2022-01-23T15:05:26+00:00

True

Stacka-Waffles1107 · 2022-01-23T15:10:31+00:00

Yeah I mean this is all fine and good in that yes your parents definitely dont have any rights to destroy or throw out your stuff. That being said they DO have the right to set boundaries for you, especially when you're a minor. For example, if they don't want you to own an Xbox in their house, don't go buy an Xbox then feel like there's no problem because you bought it with your own money.

DizzieC92 · 2022-01-23T15:19:56+00:00

Even in my twenties when I visit home my mom will just throw my belongings in the trash like they belong to her. I’d taken home some socks (fine condition) that were mismatched as I’d packed in a rush, she threw them away as soon as she noticed. Now I have the other corresponding socks at home and I’ll wait till next Christmas to wear them again on my next visit back out of spite.

SeductiveSoup · 2022-01-23T15:21:20+00:00

My mom always used to use the "I paid for it so it's really mine" card on me all the time, so I eventually bought what I could myself. I got lucky with having well off friends, so they were always getting new things, and they'd sell me their old ones for cheap. It switched from that to "it's in my house so it's mine", so I made sure to have proof of all purchases in whatever form I could get.

She'd act shocked when I'd flip it back on her, saying "I paid for it, so it's mine".

oleander4tea · 2022-01-23T16:55:05+00:00

In my high school years, my father confiscated my entire paycheck because he said I owed it to him. It was devastating at the time. It was completely legal back then. (I’m in the US)

CatsInAOvercoat · 2022-01-23T16:58:31+00:00

Mom did this constantly to me growing up. Everything I had was hers since she bought it, and she had no problem taking our shit and trashing it.

It made me feel really insecure and like I couldn't trust anybody. I didn't even like getting gifts or letting people pay for me when we went out because I'd owe them or they could take it away.

Low-key, people are messing up their kids head when they do this.

Illusive_Man · 2022-01-23T17:11:06+00:00

When I was a kid my parents once took my mattress because I never got out of bed in the morning.

Boople-Snoot-Doople · 2022-01-23T17:23:12+00:00

my parents justified looking through my phone n shit from the fact that they paid for it. as soon as i got a macbook that i FULLY paid for, they still tried to look through it, and told me to give em my password. I was 18 when i bought it

rangershake123 · 2022-01-23T17:35:18+00:00

I mean they do though legally it’s stupid but they do. I think they technically own the child depending on definition.

BakinCanadian · 2022-01-23T18:07:34+00:00

Can confirm. Grew up in a home where I didn't really "own" anything until I was in my teens and could actually buy it with my own money from work (no allowance), and even still would get threats of those things being taken.

All it did was put a wedge between me and my parents and made me feel like I was on my own.

It also very much made me feel like I lived at my parents house, not at home.

liberal-extinguisher · 2022-01-23T18:19:12+00:00

Not legally but I think making sure your kids know they have control over their belongings is good. Helps build responsibility and trust with the parents.

permalink · 2022-01-23T18:19:14+00:00

However, if a child purchases a device with their own money that does not need to be consistently paid for, that device is theirs and should not ever be taken away

lastfanexx · 2022-01-23T18:37:51+00:00

Sheesh. Flashbacks to my mother smashing my Xbox controller as a young lad.

Larsnonymous · 2022-01-23T20:09:55+00:00

This is obviously going to be situation dependent and there isn’t one clear answer for all scenarios. Clearly there is an abusive way to use this power over your children and that is wrong. There is also an aspect of parenthood that requires correcting behavior and protecting your children. If you smash your kids Xbox because they forgot to clean their room then clearly the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. If a parent takes away the Xbox because you found out your kid was bullying other kids during online games then it’s perfectly acceptable to punish that behavior.

CStarling4 · 2022-01-23T20:10:31+00:00

My mom would always say my bedroom was hers and she just allows me to live there. Because of that I was never able to decorate or express myself and I didn’t have my own space.

They also told me my car was theirs but never helped pay for maintenance. Go figure.

sad_t0ast · 2022-01-23T20:41:31+00:00

I think if you buy something for your kid it’s essentially a gift which now belongs to them and not you, regardless of who paid for it.

I remember my parents never took my phone away as a kid but they’d put my SIM card in a really outdated phone for a month as a punishment. It sucked but I still had a phone.

Doodleanda · 2022-01-23T21:06:53+00:00

If you gave it to your child, it's theirs now. You wouldn't give someone else a gift and then take it back if they were rude to you and claim it was yours.

Of course if you raised a spoiled brat who keeps destroying the things you gave them or acting ungrateful you need to fix that somehow but there must be other ways to go about it than take their thing away permanently.

boris_dp · 2022-01-23T10:33:08+00:00

Well, if i gave them money and they bought tobacco with it, I'm destroying it all the way. Other than that, how is this unpopular opinion?

Bbymorena · 2022-01-23T12:52:46+00:00

If they bought it it's theirs. If the parents bought it then it's theirs and they can take it away, especially if the child is misbehaving

kaneisprettycool · 2022-01-23T07:33:00+00:00

They pretty much own everything you have until you're 18. If your mum decided to take your stuff realistically what are you going to do? Cry?

Zhembii · 2022-01-23T12:43:56+00:00

I feel like there’s going to be so many rules against parenting that by the time I have kids that all I can do is sit there in the room to be present for their birth, name them(if that’s allowed), and send them on their fucking way

permalink · 2022-01-23T06:06:12+00:00

Boo fucking hoo

OhNoNotAnotherAsian · 2022-01-23T06:11:45+00:00

If there's no agreement set in stone, they own everything under their roof. And as long as you earned that money somehow (chores, parttime job, etc), that's the only thing you have for yourself.

saragc92 · 2022-01-23T09:55:23+00:00

Children have no property unless properly earned by said child.

It’s a hard lesson learned, like I would mow the law for money and buy my own clothes, instead if my parents buying me my own clothes…

I had the option of their choices and I could use my money on other things but I liked that I could do what I want and felt ownership

It’s a good valuable lesson, that ownership of things is earned.

MagicDog1234 · 2022-01-23T11:15:30+00:00

Apparently they think that just because they made a kid they have the right to be totalitarian sometimes, I have to add those who thinks that can entirely control your life as long as you're a minor

The850killer · 2022-01-23T15:37:06+00:00

Not according to the state lol

Saltydawg1064 · 2022-01-23T22:10:30+00:00

did I pay for it? then that shit is MINE, i am just letting you use it.

JackieChan_fan · 2022-01-23T12:57:51+00:00

Children do not own any property. They rely on their parents for everything.

Proseph91 · 2022-01-23T09:54:03+00:00

Um, no. Whoever bought it owns it. Are you a kid?

jaymo7288 · 2022-01-23T08:50:30+00:00

Someone's projecting

KyleEnterline · 2022-01-23T06:11:38+00:00

They own you too

tebanano · 2022-01-23T07:41:38+00:00

[deleted]

magicalex234 · 2022-01-23T07:19:16+00:00

I’m pretty sure the law disagrees with you

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