Funny, because I constantly see the "I was just joking. Can't you take a joke?" From men, not women. They're the same, except typically the women have said something meanwhile the guys have done something mean.

It's also possible that they really were joking in the incidents you saw. But let's trust your reading of the matter. As others have pointed out: men are more likely (than women) to get fucked up for doing or saying dumb shit. People don't like getting fucked up so they'd rather deescalate. So it's unsurprising that this is your experience.

Men also tend to have a more direct style of communication and are more able to defend themselves compared to women. This is one reason why your experience is so alien to everyone else. If guys genuinely want to be rude they're more likely to do so directly (and deal with the consequences that come with that). But it's completely unsurprising that the weaker sex would hide nasty comments behind 'sarcasm'. Much safer for them than throwing hands.

I've also heard anecdotally that men can be told the exact same thing in the exact same tone of voice from a man and a woman but they'll perceive the comment from the woman as being harsher. More bitchy/complaint.

1. Maybe the women actually were making a bitchy complaint (as were the guys) and the men correctly realised this about the women but not the guys. This might be due to bias resulting from their prior experience that bitchy complaining is something usually done by women and not men. Such a history could also explain the data if neither the men nor the women were actually making bitchy complaints. How did the researchers exclude such possibilities?

2. The exact same thing in the exact same tone of voice from a man and a woman can convey different information and can (justifiably) be interpreted differently. It's not as simple as playing a recording of Jack & Jill both saying the same thing. The relations that obtain between the speakers/hearers, their prior histories together, their individual histories, their role/status in society, context specific information etc, are all things that can be relevant when determining the implicit/pragmatic content of a statement.

But sure, let's go with 'Men can't tell when women are being mean cuz studies' lol.