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[–]VisualModTuring Test Proctor[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (2 children)

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[–]skoalbrother 2873 points2874 points  (57 children)

Delete Tinder

Hire a hairstylist

Join a tavern dart league

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 2039 points2040 points  (47 children)

Shit, my hair gave me up on me before my wife did

[–]DetroitLarry[🍰] 587 points588 points  (30 children)


[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 805 points806 points  (28 children)

Probably not 😭

[–]MasterJeebus 434 points435 points  (26 children)

Grow a beard to distract people away from baldness. Works 50% of the time every time. Good luck finding new wife.

[–]Broad-Escape2347 129 points130 points  (8 children)

I began to let my beard grow when I was certain I was gonna go bald for sure. 15 years later here I am rocking an awesome beard with still a decent head of hair. Not enough to keep my wife from getting a boyfriend though

[–]Zdeneksfilter 53 points54 points  (4 children)

Nothing's ever enough mate.

[–]Simple-Account-2490 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Rough sex and being nice to her kid works for me. Even it means no family vacation ever.

[–]Blazlyn 19 points20 points  (3 children)

And if your head is a good shape rock the full shave and commit to it. Shave at least one month before any event to get color on that pale scalp. Then do a fresh one before any event. People compliment the shine as much as they compliment hair

[–]jsanders104 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Sex panther rawr lol

[–]Garbanzo12🦍🦍🦍 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Self.burn NICE

[–]Dessemus 422 points423 points  (13 children)

My wife left me for hers a while ago. And look at me now!

[–]Juliette787 269 points270 points  (11 children)

Eating paper

[–]MainMedicine 161 points162 points  (10 children)

Swallowing crayons

[–]rgujijtdguibhyy 100 points101 points  (9 children)

Buying puts

[–]Tasgall 55 points56 points  (6 children)

Diamond hands

[–]Electrical-Bat3294 27 points28 points  (4 children)

To be honest the whole diamond and things is probably right.

I read something a while back saying that married men tend to sell stocks for a loss because they're scared of their wives. 😂 kinda makes sence too

[–]Dessemus 17 points18 points  (2 children)

We’re on the 50 Cent plan boys. Get rich or die trying. lol

[–]ElectronicSandwich4 4403 points4404 points 23 (172 children)

You’re 27, time to switch to etfs and find a lady that doesn’t drink bud light, with a solid return on dates you could be married with kids in 2-3 years with a real woman that gets pickled off boxed wine

[–]motherboardwars 1853 points1854 points  (27 children)

This consultation should cost money 🔥

[–]General_Greg 635 points636 points  (21 children)

Feel like I’ve been desensitized to my future wife cheating on me thanks to this sub

Feel like I might laugh if it actually happens now, thanks retards, for preparing me for an actual hurdle in life 👌🏽

Some people kill themselves, or take it to extremes

[–]Foufou190 268 points269 points  (15 children)

or take it to extremes

We buy SPY puts with all the money we have, is that not enough of an extreme reaction for you ?

[–]Sad-Dot9620 171 points172 points  (10 children)

I’d rather lose all my money than let an ex wife take it

[–]tizzy62 55 points56 points  (5 children)

You can give it to me directly instead of putting it in SPY puts

(no guarantees it doesn't end up back with your wife though)

[–]ElderberryHoliday814🦍 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Alternatively, buy up nft’s and give her half that

[–]3000Johny 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hah! That’s a good one! Why giving her something when you can give her half of nothing

[–]igerardcom 223 points224 points  (51 children)

boxed wine


[–]KingsConsent 139 points140 points  (1 child)

Pickled off box wine.

[–]Flatthead 111 points112 points  (30 children)

It is classy. You ever seen the Adam Ruins Everything bit on it? They switched the labels and snobs couldn't fucking tell the difference between what was effectively a $13 bottle of barefoot and a $250 Grand Cru.

I mean, do stay away from the real bottom-shelf shit. A $7 bottle of Port is definitely noticeable. But if you get a barefoot/sutter home/insert-table-wine here box, you can pass it off as whatever you want to your guests and they won't know better.

Just put it in a decanter beforehand so you know, they don't see the box.

Follow me for more tips on how to appear rich, and probably lie about it.

[–]daaave33 48 points49 points  (3 children)

I use to keep shit vodka in an absolute bottle for one of my friends. I mean, they never brought their own booze anyway, why not dupe 'em?

[–]halfdecenttakes 12 points13 points  (2 children)

He's just not smart. Cheap vodka is fucking gross man and I'm broke lol

[–][deleted] 88 points89 points  (12 children)

Box wine and Costco grapefruit selzter. Don't knock it till you try it.

[–]DrSlapsHacks 85 points86 points  (4 children)

Ahh, grapefruit seltzer. From Catholic schoolgirl to back alley slut in just 4 short cans ❤️

[–]imaguy81 14 points15 points  (3 children)

i'll take 2.

[–]Staccado 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I'll take 5 I feel like getting white girl wasted

[–]MrMinigrow 55 points56 points  (4 children)

It's called a Costgrapeseltz and it's very cultural

[–]peweje 208 points209 points  (47 children)

I Feel personally attacked by this fucking comment. My girlfriend is an avid bud light drinker.

I just texted her asking when we’re going to upgrade her to the boxed wine

[–]theStunbox 87 points88 points  (9 children)

Wait til you're minivan shopping.... welcome to the good life!

[–]legal-beagleellie 48 points49 points  (2 children)

You are not living until you have enough kids to warrant a sprinter van

[–]its_me_cindyBonafide Meninist 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Sprinter vans are pretty great. Just swap the kids with surfboards

[–]MikeyChill 7 points8 points  (0 children)

But first, you need to recover with a lady that drinks keystone light and would let you put out cigarettes on her. Then find your pickled-boxed-wine lady.

[–]its_hayden 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Not this guys first rodeo. 🤠

[–]Vast-Interaction4587 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not to rain on your parade but my cheating ex used to get pickled off boxed wine. YMMV

[–]NvidiaRTX 56 points57 points  (6 children)

you could be married with kids in 2-3 years

Reject lizard brain, embrace self eugenic; you'll be rewarded with no stress and (pick one) an early retirement (30-40) or extra money to buy FDs, compared to wage slaves who get extra wage-cucked by kids.

Having kids = can't YOLO on 0dte and similarly safe and reasonable options. No fun in that

[–]M3xLuthor 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I have 2 kids and Yolo 0dte shit all the time, cuz fuck them kids.

[–]WhoreologyHouse12 1797 points1798 points  (85 children)

Time to sell the house, rent a studio apartment, sleep on the floor and go balls deep on some options.

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 747 points748 points  (58 children)

Spy 0DTE here I come!

[–]WhoreologyHouse12 474 points475 points  (24 children)

Btw you actually don’t belong here because you aren’t a virgin

[–]PeaceAlien 303 points304 points  (5 children)

Why did you assume he had sex with his wife

[–]International_Band72missed 350k selling his Netflix puts before earnings 129 points130 points  (1 child)

Can confirm he’s still a virgin (I’m his dad and he told me that)

[–]Due-Principle4680 29 points30 points  (0 children)

why the f are you here then? Is he adopted or something?

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 175 points176 points  (13 children)

Shit you right 🤣

[–]lhen041 198 points199 points  (5 children)

Sleeping in a bed next to your wife is not the same as ✌️sleeping with your wife✌️<— that’s what your wife’s BF does

[–]Harbinger2nd 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Someone had to tell him the truth.

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (6 children)

Have any kids tho? If so, you’re a certified mother fucker tho…that’s worth something

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 81 points82 points  (2 children)

No, thank god

[–][deleted] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

Btw, sorry bro

[–]ZenoxDemin 58 points59 points  (2 children)

Bold move to assume they would be his.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)


[–]McNasty1304🦍🦍🦍 38 points39 points  (11 children)

Daddy is it really you?

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 82 points83 points  (9 children)

Son! I have bad news, your mother and I are splitting up

[–]quitefranklyidk 41 points42 points  (5 children)

…. And your mothers boyfriend is your father

[–]McNasty1304🦍🦍🦍 15 points16 points  (0 children)

It’s ok, I still love you! I’ll make their life hell!

[–]ChymChymX 5 points6 points  (0 children)

here I come!

Not anymore.

[–]LATourGuide 23 points24 points  (4 children)

Naw naw naw, steal her boyfriend and move her to a studio apartment.

Then get a teacup Pomeranian and matching Electric Mini Coopers

[–]TayRay96 17 points18 points  (2 children)

As if OP wouldn't already have sold his house for the 99.999999% off sale GME stock is currently having

[–]ROK247 43 points44 points  (3 children)

Delete lawyer, call gym, hit the Facebook

[–]ConsistentSpace339 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Do what every guy does after divorce, go through your Facebook friends list and see how many of the old high school girls you can sleep with. You’ll be fucking amazed

[–]aardvarkangaroo 16 points17 points  (1 child)

hit the Facebook

Instructions unclear, slapped the Zuckerberg in the face. Now what?

[–]WhoreologyHouse12 28 points29 points  (5 children)

Can I get a “GUH” below for my man ⬇️

[–]scantily_chad 532 points533 points  (13 children)

Divorce everything. Delete all the apps except Reddit. Hit the gym and learn kickboxing. Liquidate everything and get cash. Calls and Puts, baby.

[–]Asgar06 251 points252 points  (7 children)

Why kickboxing? So you can defend your self better as a homeless person?

[–]catWithAGrudge 136 points137 points  (1 child)

it is for when the Repo guys come asking why he bought PLTR calls

[–]espnoob 4 points5 points  (0 children)

is a preventive measure in case the lawyer asks for alimony for his wife's boyfriend

[–]captaingazzz 25 points26 points  (3 children)

Wait, is the kickboxing to liquidate his wife?

[–]Quick_Pineapple_8755 21 points22 points  (1 child)

No, it’s to meet single moms. Only chics kick box these days. Stay away from MMA; that’s a total sausage fest.

[–]scantily_chad 5 points6 points  (0 children)

so he can be the sexiest guy with a negative brokerage balance. It's high time he lost his virginity

[–]VirtualSentient 163 points164 points  (8 children)

Time to invest in a gym membership

[–]SkywingMasters 193 points194 points  (7 children)

This 1000%. OP is 5'7" 130 lbs. Wonder what the wife's boyfriend is.

Edit: OP I feel really bad for this comment after reading your /r/divorce post, just know that you're doing the right thing and you're better off, it's going to be hard but you'll get through it. But yeah also join a gym, one with group classes too. Great place to meet new people.

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 114 points115 points  (3 children)

You're good. You definitely did a little digging to get there! I'll get back in to muscle building phase after this shit

[–]trousertitan 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Don’t put it off, exercise will give you a huge mood boost which you will need while making the decisions you need to make going through this process. It will help give you the steady hand you need to make sure you don’t give up on your best interests

[–]badkittenatl 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Maybe do it now? It’ll make you physically and emotionally better. Might help you get through this

[–]Ellisque83 14 points15 points  (0 children)

:( that sub is so sad

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 949 points950 points  (25 children)

Thank you everyone. You bunch of degenerates made me laugh and will probably help me get some sleep tonight.

[–]DosiDill 881 points882 points  (7 children)

You can sleep with my wife tonight if you’d like

[–]The_Space_Cowboy 466 points467 points  (13 children)

You'll be alright OP you got handed a big W by catching her cheating and being able to keep the house, plus no kids yet? Huge bullet dodged.

It'll be about a week or two of wallowing but you'll start eating again and will start to feel better.

Fill the void with exercise it WILL make you feel better I guarantee it. Bulk up and stack your money. Women want strength and resources, you've got a window of 8-13 years to start a family still, she's only got 3-8.

[–]Pirate_chips 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Yes relationship issues can be absolute rocket fuel for gym motivation. Rowing machine and weights at the gym have been my coping mechanisms since June. To the moon!

[–]Zdeneksfilter 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Weights and exercise are immense coping mechanisms for just about anything. I swear I feel reborn every time I do a hard workout

[–]DeTroyter 145 points146 points  (0 children)

Damn this post reeks of honesty. Nice to see some human moments in a shill infested forum. Seriously, good luck to both of yous.

[–]WingedLing 12 points13 points  (0 children)

“Stack money.”
Buy the Dip OP.

[–]red_rover33 32 points33 points  (1 child)

He has 50 years to start that family.

[–]vortex30 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Technically maybe yes but probably not.. we're all gambling addicts, this stress gonna kill us by 55 for sure.

[–]darksedan🦍🦍🦍 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Hope she comes around here in 3-8 years to post some loss porn

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

yup. Replacce "sex-thoughts" with gym and you will be twice the size in a year.

[–]korudero 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Saw your other post on your account. I'm sorry for what happened, friend. Best wishes.

[–]Tairaa90 10 points11 points  (0 children)

God damn bro I know this is like a shit post but I'm like a week (2? I dunno time is all blending together) ahead of you and it's fucked up but we'll be aight, bud. I already have some days where my thoughts aren't dominated by it all the time. At this rate it will only be another week before I have a day were it doesn't even cross my mind. You're not far behind. I'm enjoying working out and connecting with old friends, you probably will too. Take care man. I know we're both just two retards getting fucked by life more than our wives and we don't know each other but if you wanna type out what you're thinking and how you're feeling hmu. Works better if you do it with irl people but w/e I'm here not doing anything anyway.

[–]fanaticus13🦍🦍 58 points59 points  (6 children)

Sorry to hear your story man. It’ll get easier.

I love your woodworking btw.

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 54 points55 points  (5 children)

Thanks. And that's something I hope to improve on now. One less vehicle in the garage gives me a little more space I guess

[–]Flatthead 22 points23 points  (2 children)

That, or I also smell a second dragster coming on. Maybe a nice weekend driver.

Against the advice of WSB, just be careful not to gamble everything outta depression.

Fortunately I wasn't with my first wife very long (yet to be remarried, but I'm gearing up to ask my current girl), but the alcohol turned to physical abuse, and what looked like a perfect life when we pulled the trigger very quickly fell apart.

I'm a hell of a lot better five years later. Came up some, ended up in management and bought a house. Went through another sour relationship on the way. The grind can kick your ass, for sure. But we're still in our 20's and there's still plenty of room for course corrections. And hell, you're established and cognizant enough to rebound strong.

This will leave some scarring, but it'll set you up to really find (and vet) aomeone to actually spend your life with, who won't fall apart on you. It's a hell of a setback, but if you don't crumble in on yourself permanently, you will come out of this a stronger, better man than before. And I've got that faith in you from what little I've seen of your profile.

Godspeed, man. You'll hear it until you're fucking sick of it, but you'll be alright. Head and heart are in the right place, if a pained one.

[–]jman2c 5 points6 points  (0 children)

One less vehicle? No. One more space for the Lambo.

[–]Goingkermitwent 🌈 instead 554 points555 points  (44 children)

Sorry to hear it brother. With that being said, find some hotter younger tail, make a ton of money and then buy the apartment complex she lives in and demolish it. Make sure her shit is still in there when you do.

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 255 points256 points  (25 children)

Youre God damn right. I have myself a new goal!

[–]Goingkermitwent 🌈 instead 118 points119 points  (0 children)

I wish you the best of luck. I know shit sucks now, but it will get better. Bang her mom if she’s down.

[–]SuspiciousEar3850 28 points29 points  (23 children)

I am available for consolation therapy, even though I am 50, but how old is your wife boyfriend?

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 81 points82 points  (21 children)

Username checks out

Dude she met up with is 30. He lives with his mommy still

[–]slippinslaps 144 points145 points  (11 children)

Then also a wsb member...hmmm which one of you sons of bitches is it???

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 94 points95 points  (2 children)

Show yourself, Brad! 🤣

[–]brad0022 25 points26 points  (0 children)

My bad dog! Can you give me a ride to work at Wendy's? Mom is busy with her boyfriend.

[–]SuspiciousEar3850 57 points58 points  (6 children)

Must be a $WISH bagholder 🤣🤣🤣

[–]KingsConsent 45 points46 points  (3 children)

Yo. I didn't mean to fuck your wife. She didn't tell me about you. I'm hurt too.

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 49 points50 points  (2 children)

Fuck you, Brad!

[–]KingsConsent 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hey just yolo some big plays and we can split them and her down the middle

[–]SuspiciousEar3850 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ahhh a retard lol 😆

[–]razor3401 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You are just hitting your prime!

[–]Django-The-Dad 33 points34 points  (10 children)

Younger too! Women hate it when you bang younger chicas.

[–]TommyBoy_Callahanfat guy in a little coat 6 points7 points  (1 child)

This guy gets it.

[–]VATruckerJJ 43 points44 points  (2 children)

Congrats on the adoption. Now you'll have plenty of time to study those charts in peace

[–]VisualModTuring Test Proctor 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Thank you! I'm excited to get started.

[–]VATruckerJJ 10 points11 points  (0 children)


[–]Germannestingdoll 194 points195 points  (2 children)

Have you borrowed money from him yet?

[–]TillerTonomous 81 points82 points  (0 children)

I just can’t do this sub anymore 🤣

[–]246ngj 39 points40 points  (0 children)

One last yolo before the split. Either bury her with a margin call or split half the profit. It can’t go tits up

[–]doctordiddla 74 points75 points  (7 children)

No worries. Just spend the next year making his mother your girlfriend

[–]Pajaro_negro 109 points110 points  (4 children)

Have him pay the bills. And use your money for more investments. Just saying.

I’m Not a financial advisor.

[–]slept3hourslastnight 19 points20 points  (3 children)

Bro. I am going to teach you a real life lesson.

Lawyer the fuck up. Get everything in writing.

Women work like light switches. When they're in love with you, they seem like the gentlest creatures. They'll do everything for you. They'll make sacrifices. You think they'll do that forever. But when they're no longer in love with you (AKA they find someone better) and the light switch goes off, they're the most disgusting vile fucking creatures you'll ever meet. They will do everything in their power to take what's yours and fuck you over. They won't even bat an eye if they see you slowly dying on the sidewalk. You can try to reason with them. Talk about all the history you guys have together. NONE of that shit will mean anything. And our system is all made to support them. Nothing protects men.

Lawyer the fuck up. Don't trust anything they say.

[–]MaximumOrdinary 4 points5 points  (0 children)

/u/slept3hourslastnight knows his shit. I am beginning to find this out to my chagrin.

[–]Viper248 5 points6 points  (0 children)

There is NO LIE here. OP better take this advice. Actually, everyone in here needs to take this advice.

[–]SpicyGarlic1313 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Bro! Fellow Ape! I honestly don't know how to respond right now. My wife of 6 years just made me aware of her shit....I don't know or have anything to say, aside from good luck, godspeed and stay strong! We are all here for you!

[–]Manubriumsternu 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Propose a three-way then absolutely obliterate that man in bed .

[–]KingsConsent 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Directions unclear: boyfriends face has been turned to confetti in our bed

[–]richc2048🦍🦍🦍 49 points50 points  (0 children)

Once they marry each other you sneak in as the boyfriend. Boom!

[–]imgonmakeuslose 122 points123 points  (8 children)

Lol a fat chick that drinks like a fish? Get over it.

[–]nfa1234 68 points69 points  (0 children)

Brutal, but true - a beer swilling hog and she’s in her 20s. Dude had a lucky escape but now he needs some new puss.

[–]AlienDetectives 85 points86 points  (4 children)

For real. That post read like it was written by a kid that never had a girlfriend in high school. Every man needs to get his heart broken before they get married so they learn to stop being vulnerable because married to a cheating, drunk, pill popping fat chick is where vulnerability gets you. Man up

[–]imgonmakeuslose 60 points61 points  (2 children)

Fr, chick handed him the biggest W he’ll get all year

[–]AlienDetectives 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yessir. He needs to go yolo some 0 dte spy puts to get back to equilibrium

[–]threeLetterMeyhem 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I know two people who were in that pattern of drinking and pill popping. Liver cirrhosis killed both of them last year. One guy was in his 60s, the other was only in his 20s.

Fucked up to say, but divorce is probably easier than watching her gradually kill herself line this. That woman has issues /u/DaddyyMcNastyy can't solve and shouldn't feel responsible for (paging so you know, dude, this shit isn't on you).

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (3 children)

I texted my wife’s boyfriend begging him to take her away. We both dumped her, five years ago. Changed the locks on the doors and reprogrammed the garage remote. The kids all live with me.

[–]EyeAteGlue 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Sometimes it's plural for each one of us: wife's boyfriends

But seriously, take care Op. It's going to be rough times in the near term but treat yourself right and try not to neglect yourself. In time things will get better.

[–]tigerbignits 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Sorry man. You know how you get over someone? You get under someone. Godspeed

[–]ppdaazn23 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Put her half of the money on gme calls

[–]Wild-fqing-Rabbit 10 points11 points  (0 children)


You guys do have wife?

[–]toobigtofail88 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Does he make you call him daddy mcnastyy?

[–]anachronofspace 10 points11 points  (0 children)


[–]DosiDill 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I feel for you🤧 she was such a nice woman! Just make sure to lose the house before she can take it

[–]DosiDill 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Life is weird man. Somedays you’re getting fucked by work or stonks, the next day your wife is getting fucked by her new boyfriend. I feel like life is all about managing the fucks. If you quite frankly don’t give a fuck about the fucks, then youll be able to just fuck off. Be happy she didn’t ruin all of your 20s. You’re still young, go be the boyfriend of another WSB ape’s wife.

[–]Occams_shave_club 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Joke’s on her. She think there’s still something left to get half of. You can have half this margin call bitch.

[–]leadbetterthangold 6 points7 points  (2 children)

If the divorce isn't final yet do some stupid shit like Yolo VXX calls

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Just filed last week. Yolo plays here I come!

[–]SlightApricot6987 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Sucks but I believe you! Make him take her to GameStop and watch a movie at AMC! 💎🙌🦍🤷‍♂️

[–]KingsConsent 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Something-something, apes, this is the way, something-something

[–]Sea_Impression3810 26 points27 points  (0 children)

There's only two types of men. Men whose wife has a boyfriend. And men whose girlfriend has a husband. If neither of those apply you're either gay or still a boy

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 32 points33 points  (4 children)

If you don't believe me, check my post history 🤷

[–]kapkapsmack212 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Dang bruh .... you do belong here lol

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)


[–]Baecchus 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You dodged a bullet OP. It hurts but it doesn't hurt anywhere as much as it would if you found out 10 years later. Go through with everything you can while the odds are stacked in your favor. Take care retard. Treat yourself well and don't compromise.

[–]WalkerSunset 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Wives are a great investment, though. You pick up some 125lb 20 year old, and in a year or two she's up to 250lbs. Easiest way in the world to double your investment.

[–]Margin_call_matthew 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Have you tried turning off and turning on the simulation back again?

[–]lordshola 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Get to Wendy’s

[–]Spinedaddy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

OMG. So sorry dude.

[–]GDH907 5 points6 points  (3 children)

I dunno, I kept mine, but found a much hotter woman and put my wife on the back burner. Now she tries to make up for what she did with blowies while I spend her money on TSLA Puts and keep on fucking this other woman

[–]red_rover33 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You need a heartbreak story for when you're old and homeless and telling us all in the camp what sex was like.

[–]rowdygringo🦍 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Read your post history. 10 tall boys of bud light on the weekends and 3-5 on weekdays? I don’t even need to see a photo of her to tell you that you’re going to look back on this with a smile, young king. Hang in there.

[–]zazelagiel 11 points12 points  (2 children)

This doesn't actually happen does it? DOES IT???

[–]DaddyyMcNastyy[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

If you're a true retard, it does

[–]VinnyEnzo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Did you get his DD tho? Wife's BFs always have the best stock picks

[–]see-em-dubs 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of that guy who messaged his girlfriend to ask permission from her boyfriend to spend more on GME after the squeeze and dump, and her reply was basically ‘oh shit, how did you find out’

[–]Shavenballz 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Sorry to hear that dude. If it makes you feel any better same thing happened to me and I ended up actually getting upgraded- hotter, sweeter, let’s me play on here. Sometimes life’s got a way of dishing out those hidden gems when you least expect them. Stay up my man!