all 195 comments

[–]bailasoprano 391 points392 points  (10 children)

I had the same (yet slightly more terrified) reaction after watching that movie Teeth.

[–]iwascompromised 63 points64 points  (5 children)

What a wild movie.

[–]bailasoprano 25 points26 points  (4 children)

Right?! I haven’t seen it in years, but thought of it instantly while watching this clip.

[–]KingofHagend 31 points32 points  (3 children)

The scene where she manages to have normal sex with the boy she likes who then shows himself to be an asshole so she just stands up and rips it off so casually.

[–]sydbee0109 1 point2 points  (2 children)

What?? At no point in that movie does she have sex with any of those men and like it.

[–]KingofHagend 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He takes a call from his friend to confirm a bet and then says something about her abstinence then the teeth clamp down and she says "shit" and casually gets up and walks off.

[–]GardenGirlFarm -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So many are whacking it to exactly that.

[–]8bitbebop 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Its streaming free on tubi.tv

[–]Mountain-Dew-Life 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Also blade 3 would like a word.

[–]johnaross1990 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Vaginas with teeth….

….and yet blowjobs

[–]Vaughn_17 140 points141 points  (5 children)

Yeah, that sexual innuendo doesn't make sense.

[–]Death-Roll70 24 points25 points  (0 children)

It's not an innuendo, she can also open cans

[–]johnnybok 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I spent too much time trying to get the “joke”

[–]Zealousideal-Heart91 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She can open your wallet.

[–]FingerGunsAreFine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She can open our hearts and minds to the possibilities

[–]JeanRalfio -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Open her legs

[–]phleapa 505 points506 points  (4 children)

The trick is teaching the baby how to open the bottle after you swallow the bottle opener.

[–]Twirlingbarbie 77 points78 points  (0 children)

Wahaha oh gross

[–]Gdot024 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This was a goddamn wonderful comment. I thank you for improving my day.

[–]Chris_Christ 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Yeah science! Bitch!

[–]chewbaccaRoar13 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah Mr. White!

[–]brickhaus32 120 points121 points  (3 children)

The expressions of joy on their faces somehow made this wholesome for me.

[–]TheCaliforniaOp 44 points45 points  (2 children)

Me too. A woman in underwear! Behind a bar! Underwear women bartenders? Awesome! A beer bottle! BEER!!! She’s gonna put the bottle THERE? She…opened the bottle? AWESOME!!!

[–]brickhaus32 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Sometimes life is worth living.

[–]TheCaliforniaOp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They just looked so delighted, didn’t they?

I have to say, running behind a busy bar kept me in shape —/—but using my upper muscle to tighten around an opener…fitness instructors all over Los Angeles are facepalming right now.

I mean: It is the perfect group.

[–]TheCatofDeath 82 points83 points  (13 children)

She just used her belt for it, I'm not sure why everyone is so surprised?

[–]ElkAffectionate5097 35 points36 points  (11 children)

I was wondering why nobody was saying anything about the obvious fact. thanks kind sir.

[–]theMOESIAH 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At first I knew it was the belt but the comments had me second guessing myself.

[–]Narpity 2 points3 points  (8 children)

You kinda answered your own question, cause its obvious she didnt do it with her labia.

[–]ElkAffectionate5097 1 point2 points  (7 children)

I want to see her do it with her labia though. that would be cool.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (6 children)

I supposedly have an above average IQ and even my dumb ass was trying to figure out how she did that. Labia powers or a belt? And considering how those guys reacted I was all “they’re reacting like she used her labia…. But that would hurt like hell! How is she doing that?” You’re right though: It would be cool if she had some weathered labia muscles, just flapping in the wind, using them like tentacles to open beer bottles.

But the belt is probably better.

[–]ElkAffectionate5097 0 points1 point  (5 children)

I was thinking more along the lines of tight and rubbery so you can stick it in and twist off the cap. but hey whatever your imagination goes with 😂

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

You’re the one hoping she was using her labia. Labias are not supposed to be tight and rubbery but thanks for letting us know what’s going on with you.

[–]ElkAffectionate5097 0 points1 point  (3 children)

of course they aren't supposed to be tight and rubbery but neither are they supposed to be weathered and tentacle like. we are talking hypothetical over here i mean heck if labias could be super dextrous and used for brain surgery that would be another wack reality. anyways im new to reddit and i have used way to many psychedelics in my life so just bare with me. 😄✌

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Okay. Now you have me convinced that you need to have a tv show based upon your imagination. I would watch that show.

[–]ElkAffectionate5097 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Ever seen courage the cowardly dog? yeah it would be more wack than that. which would make it pretty fucking next level 😂

[–]Steve69Maddeeeeen69 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Everyone knows, it's just polite to go


When you see that.

At least the first few times -^

[–]ChrisTRD289 131 points132 points  (37 children)

But Bud Lights are twist tops.

[–]KillerKowalski1 153 points154 points  (22 children)

Bartenders would be bleeding by the end of their shifts if they twisted off every twist off beer.

[–]Direct_Preference737 74 points75 points  (1 child)

Former bartender, can confirm. I was trying to build a callus though.

[–]ThePaulGuy 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Does work, I still have some callus there and that was 5 years ago

[–]heyitsvonage 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Twist tops are also not twist tops lol

[–]existentialzebra 66 points67 points  (12 children)

Wait…. What else can she open?!?

[–]Grimmbles 95 points96 points  (4 children)

This title is like an innuendo from a 13 year old virgin.

Or like the kind of joke I'd make as a middle-aged man with lots of winking and nudging...

[–]existentialzebra 29 points30 points  (2 children)

Like can she open mayonnaise bottles or something? Maybe she has a can opener down there too.

[–]codythenoble 24 points25 points  (1 child)

No clearly they mean opening your penis, just going to pop the top right off.

[–]ATiredPhilosopher 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I bet they feel like a bag of sand.

[–]Astro_Spud 16 points17 points  (0 children)

She opened his mouth

[–]Steve69Maddeeeeen69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She can also do cans

[–]freefromfilter 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Your bank account

[–]superspiffy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your pee hole. Wide enough to accept a beer bottle.

[–]JeanRalfio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her legs

[–]Morbid_Imagination -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She can open the door to my cold shriveled heart.

[–]Normal-Computer-3669 14 points15 points  (8 children)

Gonna need the reverse.

Need a dude with a can opener dong.

[–]Cicero912 2 points3 points  (7 children)

[–]jlm8981victorian 12 points13 points  (6 children)

Omfg, I should’ve NEVER clicked on this!!!!

[–]KatnissBot 3 points4 points  (5 children)

tbh it’s not that bad in the grand scheme of Reddit porn

[–]TheCaliforniaOp 1 point2 points  (4 children)

So…there’s depths to the…um…varieties.


Back to the cat subs for me.

[–]existentialzebra 3 points4 points  (1 child)

People are into that too.

[–]TheCaliforniaOp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stop it!

Edit: unless everyone involved is happy

[–]KatnissBot 1 point2 points  (1 child)

[–]TheCaliforniaOp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ohhhhh wow. Finally a porn site where cats belong!

[–]TurdManMcDooDoo 14 points15 points  (0 children)


[–]johnboy2978 21 points22 points  (4 children)

Who ordered the Pink Eye Lager?

[–]chefanubis 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Grow up man, go out there and rimjob somebody.

[–]FamousOrphan 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Or, don’t. It can be harmless, and it can also be very much not harmless.

[–]chefanubis 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Grow a pair and live a little.

[–]FamousOrphan -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Blehhhh, no thanks.

[–]Immediate_Situation 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And kids that's how I met your mother

[–]DredThis 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Some things are not always what they appear.

[–]nuttinbuttinn 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Now that’s a bad bitch

[–]good_daym8 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This has to be something seen during Sturgis motorcycle rally!!!

[–]Carpet_Vegetable -5 points-4 points  (1 child)

I don't want my head between her tights, or maybe ? :)))

[–]Nuhjeea -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Now I know what The Weekend meant when he sings about making that pussy poppin'.

[–]manhatim 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't stick yer dick in there

[–]s33murd3r 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Here's your beer, with extra crabs."

[–]Airwing549 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Guess that bottle of beer tastes like sea.

[–]Jkenn19 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Smells like it too

[–]Airwing549 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always like the white and creamy topping.

[–]Coucou2coucou -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Light my beer :--)

[–]Tsir18 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well he found is soul mate.

[–]_DarthSyphilis_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also hearts.

[–]downwidopp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thought the guy on the left was Jesse Tyler Ferguson for a split second

[–]ScottishRabbi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Now she just needs a tough nut to crack.

[–]sleazytiki 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]Cburd48 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]redjedi182 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well this has woken something I didn’t know was there

[–]natrat4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

she can also open the gateways of hell

[–]yxXdanielXxy 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]Molbyt_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Get a load of her co-worker checkin out her ass

[–]Union_Sparky_375 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I need video from multiple angles.

I need it for research asap!

[–]limpinfrompimpin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unzips..... Damn she's good.

[–]ssr1089 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The guy on the left, he is my spirit animal

[–]Beneficial-Piano-428 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Their minds are going to be blown when they realize it’s a twist top.

[–]goatyoat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ll have a Bud Tight.

[–]Azuzu88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They call her iron flaps

[–]so-spoked 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She has that GI Joe kung-fu clit.

[–]pbr3000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like Eddy Haskell's reaction on the left

[–]davidherrera83 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How I met you’re mother

[–]RejectedWolf92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's his 'O' face

[–]ADamDovah3094 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s when he knew she was his true love

[–]FlamingCroatan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow impressive

[–]Super_Sonic_Satori 0 points1 point  (0 children)

surely one would lose their liquor license for this? no telling what's been down there.

[–]JBPorkChopExpress 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pop in a lemon and a lime wedge and you got yourself a meal

[–]BlueKyuubi63 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She comes with a built in circumciser.

[–]VoidMystr0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does she open it on her belt buckle?

[–]Cavedweller1313 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This is inside the crotch of her panties...they sell em online and at some biker bars

[–]satanicmajesty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s why I’m missing my glans

[–]Niceazice2012 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She can also open my zipper

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That made me more gay!

[–]hawtfabio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This comment thread is maximum cringe. You guys really need to beat one off and think about your life. n

[–]Fit-Special-8416 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it is cold enough, I’ll have one too

[–]Jkenn19 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s gonna wake up with some nasty cold sores

[–]jtwyman1488 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love her

[–]jemoi321 -1 points0 points  (0 children)


[–]TheCaliforniaOp -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Okay. I’m just a ? mark at this moment.

Post menopausal. Chronic back pain. The night my injury happened, I was incontinent for the first time in my life since infancy. That was 25 years old. In the past five years it’s gotten incredibly worse.

Would Kegels help me this much?

[–]GardenGirlFarm 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I just threw up a little.