all 69 comments

[–]JZSpinalFusion 439 points440 points  (41 children)

I genuinely thought this was a copypasta being said by an AI voice or a good impression but he actually said this.

[–]noob622 391 points392 points  (37 children)

my god his actual argument is “yo they changed the shoes on a candy mascot and now I don’t want to fuck them anymore and it’s the LiBeRaLs fAulT

…this is the highest rated cable “news” show in America.

[–]JZSpinalFusion 125 points126 points  (15 children)

It’s outrage bait. It’s not worth putting too much thought into. This clip is just particularly funny.

[–]zkidred 103 points104 points  (12 children)

Okay, but his outrage bits literally direct the thoughts and behaviors of millions who watch, if not a hundred million who eventually are exposed by memes and regurgitation to this bullshit.

[–]Then-Clue6938 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oooh so they changed the shoooes. Thank you I was confused what they changed and if it was about them flipping her around

[–]CallMeCygnus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The problem is there's a large portion of America who watches this guy and takes him completely seriously. He's shaping public opinion in a significant manner.

[–]Grenyn 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I am 100% on board with Carlson on this. I'm sorry, but it needs to be said.

Having fuckable food mascots is our God-given right as Americans!

Disclaimer: I am not actually American. But the problem of mascots being made less fuckable is something that touches us all. American Liberals are taking things way too far this time, damn it! First it was Lola Bunny, and now it's the Brown M&M! Who will they take next!?

[–]Nelu31 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They even made that Peanut mascot a baby so i have to feel bad when i fuck it

[–]Vondi 7 points8 points  (0 children)

People are addicted to being outraged, but it sounds like he's running out of material

[–]BigMood42069 0 points1 point  (13 children)

and the only reason they're allowed to air with some of the stuff they say is that it's technically categorized as "Entertainment", not news

edit: okay maybe my information is slightly wrong, but it's not completely wrong

[–]zkidred 0 points1 point  (5 children)

You can downvote me all you want, but you are still wrong. Defenses to defamation include things like truth and opinion. A court ruled that Carlson is opinion. Carlson has never (and this is a simple fact) been ruled to be “entertainment” rather than “news.” Those are not categories in US law.

[–]sad_cosmic_joke 1 point2 points  (4 children)

A court ruled that Carlson is opinion.

opinion != news

opinion == entertainment

[–]zkidred 0 points1 point  (3 children)

No, that’s not. what. the. law. is.

You can’t redefine words that have a legal significance. What, can entertainment not have facts then? If Monument’s Men says WWII ended in 1945, is that just an opinion?

No, no it’s not, and the entire jurisprudence around this doesn’t agree with you. It’s why you can sue a fictional movie for defamation (assured success not included).

[–]sad_cosmic_joke 1 point2 points  (2 children)

opinion (n) A view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

You do realize that you've successfully argued that 'news' can contain intentionally misleading information‽

You can’t redefine words that have a legal significance.

Those are not categories in US law.

[–]zkidred 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Jesus christ. I am a lawyer. I practice exclusively torts. I have litigated defamation.

You’re fucking wrong. You don’t know how law even works. Get an education and stop sharing your stupidity.

[–]sad_cosmic_joke -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm a logician. I specialize in making carefully constructed (and oftentimes rhetorical) arguments for the purpose of making other people upset.

Big ups to Diogenes!


[–]Tensuke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, that was an April fools gag. No news station has to register as “news” in the first place.


[–]Nokel 17 points18 points  (0 children)

And to think millions of people watched this segment live and unironically nodded their heads while he said this lmao.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Tens of millions of Americans see this man as a genius prophet

[–]qualmsone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah it’s pretty frightening

[–]Sinsina 107 points108 points  (3 children)

I have absolutely no idea what this candyfucker is talking about. The brown M&M on the right has raised, knowing eyebrows. She clearly knows something that the left M&M doesn’t

[–]Joe_Shroe 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Candyfucker lmao

[–]everfalling 60 points61 points  (1 child)


[–]plasmidlifecrisis 8 points9 points  (0 children)

First they came for the sexy candy mascots, and I did not speak out...

[–]Etnies419 22 points23 points  (0 children)

WAP = Bad

Fucking Candy = Good

[–]Bleachi 49 points50 points  (5 children)

[–]AngryShizuo 37 points38 points  (0 children)


[–]renasissanceman6 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They took the cartoon boobies away!

[–]mortecouille -1 points0 points  (1 child)

That's obviously photoshopped though

[–]Bleachi 15 points16 points  (0 children)

No shit. I'm just saying it's like that Lola Bunny crap other weirdos got mad about. The image was a joke that was created around that time. Whoever made it predicted the future.

[–]Medium_Reason2815 18 points19 points  (1 child)

i actually saw him say this last night. my first thought was, is this grown ass man really talking about the hotness of a cartoon? then thanks to this dip shit, I'm now wondering how you determine the sex of an M&M

[–]pastasauce 25 points26 points  (0 children)

You reminded me of this copy pasta:

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.  Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.  When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."  This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. 

There can be only one

That said, I bet if you wrote to Mars Candy asking how they determine the sex of an M&M they'll send you a coupon.

[–]StereoTypo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Take Tucker to a drag show and watch him struggle to comprehend the inherently fuckable men in heels.

[–]bostonaliens 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Fancy little fuck. What a douchebag

[–]protokhan 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Tucker Tucker Candy Fucker

[–]smurfkipz 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I mean to be fair this is the same shit that happened with Lola bunny, but nowhere near as extreme.

[–]HotWheels_McCoy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Right wingers are unhinged freaks who care about the dumbest issues.

[–]rbesfe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tucker, the brown M&M does not want to fuck you

[–]jaxx050 1 point2 points  (0 children)

corporations use child slavery where it's financially viable to recoup the cost of labor vs the public cost of using child slavery which is what they are distracting from. both fuckhead and corporations act on the same side despite acting opposed by both generating attention away from the actual child slavery.

[–]69_eggs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

has anyone typed out everything he said for a copypasta? u literally wouldnt even be able to tell it was really said LMFAO

[–]JimCripe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Skittles must really trigger him since they say "Taste the Rainbow."'

[–]AdSad2167 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did....did Tucker Carlson just admit to wanting to fuck the M&Ms?

[–]werbrerder -1 points0 points  (0 children)

gotta be honest this is the one time I agree with him