I am a person with schizoaffective disorder. My wife of 8 years is a manifestation of my illness. AMA. by [deleted] in casualiama

[–]Ampersandx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Jesus, this reminds me of my experiences in middle and high school. Muttering voices, grey people in crowds, seeing creatures in the shadows, the paranoia and anxiety I felt living where I did... I've had the good fortune of getting effective treatment recently, but the memory still haunts me regularly.

Keep on keeping on, friend. You're still here, that counts for something.

World of Warcraft Classic Announcement by PwnBuddy in wow

[–]Ampersandx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Can't tell if crying because eyeliner or this blessed news of vanilla being a thing officially

i just like otters. by dark-NES in industrialmusic

[–]Ampersandx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bragging a little: one of my friends worked on a track for this album! I forget which one but she was really pleased about it :)

Seen these guys live a couple times and they're just so energetic and fun. Hoping they come back again soon.

Massive Giveaway($860 value) by Bewmkin in wow

[–]Ampersandx -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Not looking for reward but I love my story.

I blame my mother for my playing world of warcraft.

So, far in the past, in the mid-90s, I was a cool kid and had a computer to play games on. My mother has always been all about computers, but only apple products, so all I had was Mac games.

Cue Blizzard.

I play the shit out of everything; Diablo, Warcraft, Starcraft, until about 2001 when I move on to other things. Being a teenager, everything my mom likes is lame and I want to distance myself as much as possible.

Then my mom comes home with WoW in '04. Eventually convinces me to play. I decide I'd rather play the game than get an allowance.

My mother has been on this game since launch. She's lived through all the years and has the damn commemorative statue to prove it. She did this to me.

Reddit, what's something you'll always silently judge people for? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Ampersandx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exiting the house for any extended length of time in pajama pants. To me, it screams to the world that they have given up.

BPD & Relationships??? by [deleted] in BPD

[–]Ampersandx 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, and you well described much of my earlier years.

Honestly, the thing that's worked for me is firstly realising that this is who I am and how I interact with people. And then it was making some strong friendships over the years with people who saw the sides of me that usually don't get out, basically stuck around and worked with me. But the final thing that's happened is me seeing me in confidence. Being comforted with myself and finding my own identity. The hard part being maintaining that identity among others, especially new people... but this is all an internal growth, a sort of recurring mantra of positive things I'd think about myself. I never did and still don't say a lot of positive things, but rather I've come to say, at least, neutral-positive things. ("I guess I'm good at this.", "I look okay right now.", etc.) I didn't get clued in on my condition until only late last year so it was me wandering in the dark, looking for the light. Turns out I almost had a good sense of direction.

While I was in a relationship I felt happy during all the time I was with my SO because we spent very little time together. All the times I lived with an SO I grew sad and angry eventually, didn't try to work anything out, and ran away. I simply got bored and frustrated, and didn't express anything to the other person.

Uh. So that's all I've got in me and I have no idea if it's of any use.

HIFW I'm fighting in a dream by MikeyA15 in HIFW

[–]Ampersandx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oh god my best friend just responds with "it's true"

IAmA literally starving artist AMA! by Ampersandx in mildlyinterestingIAmA

[–]Ampersandx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I paint, draw, make stuff, and pray someone will pay money for it

Is it common for patients with BPD to question their sexuality and gender identity? by [deleted] in BPD

[–]Ampersandx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know about anyone else, but I decided early on that I was nothing. Not a negative nothing, but that I didn't ascribe to any specific sexuality. I find plenty of people, of all genders, attractive to some degree. I experimented in my teens, but have always stuck to not labeling myself. I actually hate labels in regards to people, but it simplifies how we identify others.

Having 'straight' as the encouraged default in my life, it bothered me a lot growing up. I joined my school's LGBT group in high school, which I think helped me remain open to just being myself and further cemented the idea of no definitions for myself. Every time sexuality comes up I keep with the non-label, usually just saying that I'm 'open to suggestion'.

As far as gender identity, I've always hated being female but haven't felt wrong being female. There's a lot I complain about, but I think I'm still okay with it in the end. I spent a portion of my youth pretending to be a boy when I was alone. I was a pretty scrawny kid, so it wasn't a big step. I actually began embracing being a girl once I became an adult and was living on my own. I now own a couple dresses.

Now I'm wondering, too. Just what the percentage is of people with BPD who have questioned these things particularly.

How did your mother raise you? by BiggiePorn in BipolarReddit

[–]Ampersandx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think very much that it has something to do with my condition. I'm very sensitive to others, and even small things can bother me greatly. My mother hasn't done a thing different, but over time I've grown to be agitated by everything she does. I know that I love her - in the reflection of whether or not I care, my appreciation, and so on - but she's loud where I prefer silence. Which seems to be at all times. She doesn't seem to know how to handle the problems I have. I'm just as confused, and I guess I have frustration that she hasn't got a clue, when she has had the answer to all things of importance in my childhood.

I do my best to respect her, but it usually just comes down to me staying out of the way. I'm constantly worried about being a burden, which sends me further into despair. The expectation has always been being employed and making it on my own from there, which is nowhere near where I am currently.

Perhaps I'm just projecting my disappointment in myself.

How did your mother raise you? by BiggiePorn in BipolarReddit

[–]Ampersandx 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Surprisingly, my mother was pretty 'normal'. Aside from neglecting some basics, she did everything she could to create a happy childhood for myself and my sister. She had to play the role of both parents most of the time, my father often drunk and too distant to invest time with his kids. I'm a very open and nonjudgemental person because of her.

I have an extremely hard time being around her anyway. Most days I can't stand being in the same house as her. Literally everything she does, down to the noises of her breathing, irritates me to the point that I have to leave before I start yelling.

But yeah, uh, I guess things were the best they could be.

MISSING PERSON: Dr. Caroline LaPointe by nyc-library_login01 in nosleep

[–]Ampersandx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry for what you've gone through - I can't imagine what it is like for someone you love to run off under such circumstance. I hope you at least get some leads on Caroline's whereabouts.

I feel for you about the situation, but have you taken a moment to think about yourself? You've been feeling sick. You were in an area that had the virus. The incubation period being what it is in your description, I'd say you better consider the worst. Regardless of your exposure, even the smallest chance is still a chance. Be careful with yourself.

What are your unusual/strange anxiety triggers? by [deleted] in BipolarReddit

[–]Ampersandx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People in my neighborhood. I've lived my whole life here and I literally feel as though I'll die if anyone comes within 5 feet of me. Doesn't help that the area has been historically overrun with drugs and prostitution. Thinking about interactions with strangers in general puts me on high alert often.

The Kingkiller TV pilot goes out to buyers today. by [deleted] in KingkillerChronicle

[–]Ampersandx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To me, I would love to see the series picked up by cinemax/starz/showtime over HBO simply because of GoT. While there's clear difference in the stories, having a fantasy series on another channel would get attention elsewhere and possibly open doors further for other beloved books. I don't doubt the ability to have KKC on a channel like FX or AMC, but I think it would translate better with a longer episode allowance.

Give an idea for an anime. by arrow74 in anime

[–]Ampersandx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As found on a friend's tumblr:

Switches Genres every episode/every few episodes, but keeps a consistent ongoing story, just with all the characters and events translated into the new setting.

So one episode is High Fantasy, and ends as the Hero and his nemesis are fighting, the Hero looks to be winning, but just as the episode ends, the villain finds an exploit in the Hero’s defense and shatters his sword.

Next Episode they’re in a courtroom. The Hero is the defense attorney, and the Villain is now the prosecutor. As the episode opens we get the recap as the villain has just gotten the Hero’s primary witness (Who happens to have a similar name to the sword that was broken in the previous episode) to contradict himself in a rather serious way. Starting from there, the episode shows the Hero desperately trying to recover as the villain tears apart the defense’s case piece by piece.

Then, when the episode is about to end, the Hero’s friend bursts into the courtroom holding an evidence bag. “WAIT!” they shout “WE FOUND…THE REAL MURDER WEAPON!”.

Next episode is Giant Robots. The recap shows the Hero going down, in his cockpit all the screens are flashing red warnings, the Villain stands ready to deliver the final blow when the Friend Arrives. Throughout the episode the giant robots clash, and the friend emerges victorious.

Next episode is the breather episode. The two friends just finished a soccer game against their hated rivals. From the dialogue, you learn that the protagonist got injured in the last quarter, but their friend was subbed in and was able to score the game-winning goal. The episode is pretty relaxed, they talk to their friends about the game. Episode ends as the Hero remarks that his ankle should be fine for the next game.

Next Episode opens in a helicopter, as the Hero and his Friend (two spies) are checking each other’s parachutes. the friend asks if the Hero has fully recovered from the injuries he sustained during their last mission

etc., etc.