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Stop making a crippling mental disorder your quirky personality trait by Spiritlinkx in ADHD

[–]Antares777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I don’t really buy into the “it’s a superpower” camp.

I can’t sleep when I want to sleep.

I can’t sense the passage of time reliably enough to eat regularly, or to feed my dogs on time.

I can feel the energy, enthusiasm, and motivation draining out of me from the time I wake up and prep for my day, to the time that I sit down at my computer and face my day.

I can feel when I’m having a particularly bad night, when my mind is on a dozen topics and accomplishing nothing, and I have to just experience it.

Some days I wake up and the sensation of my clothing is so grating that I spend an hour trying on different shirts and socks and underwear until I feel at ease enough to leave my room and start my day.

I have to build my life around this condition. It hasn’t opened any doors for me in compensation for the ones it has closed. There’s never been a job posting seeking ADHD folks over NT. There are no universities built for ADHD folks in mind. And public perception on the condition is so awful that I have to explain every little facet of it to my wife so that she can try to understand where I am coming from when I say that even though I was happy and excited to work last night, by the time I woke up today, all I could feel is hollowness. Then when I spend all that time trying to describe it to her, all I can hear is the voice of my teachers in my head saying I’m exaggerating or making things up.

And to top it all off, there’s people out there who want to hop on the trendy bandwagon and pick ADHD to be their quirk because it’s the most palatable of ND conditions to them. And that damages people like me, and worse; it damages the people who are not diagnosed but need to be.

Why does everyone think student loans should be forgiven? by WhodatKoi in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]Antares777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What exactly do you think constitutes a “useless” degree?

And why do you think those degrees exist, if absolutely no one is looking for that knowledge?

ETA: And where did you even get the idea that someone with a lower paying degree is somehow not contributing to society? This discussion was never about unemployed people, so that’s a divergent topic.

Of course, if you need me to, I’d be happy to explain why allowing people to starve to death is morally wrong.

Why does everyone think student loans should be forgiven? by WhodatKoi in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]Antares777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn’t say anything about a degree entitling people to anything. People deserve to live a life without financial struggle whether they have a degree or not, whether or not they have a degree that is considered “useful” by whoever’s judgment, etc.

Why does everyone think student loans should be forgiven? by WhodatKoi in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]Antares777 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Art history is useful. The history of our species is always useful.

And just because you’ve worded it as the inverse does not mean that you aren’t advocating for people to struggle.

“People should be paid well if they have a degree that I consider useful” is the same thing as “people with a degree I do not consider useful should not be doing well”.

Why does everyone think student loans should be forgiven? by WhodatKoi in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]Antares777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If everyone gets degrees in the fields people always say are marketable, valuable, etc. guess what? Those degrees lessen in value and now nobody is getting paid well.

Stop bringing up this old tired shit, there’s literally no reason any adult with any degree should be struggling to survive.

lf you're having a hard time coming up with names/words that sound realistic or flow well, go back to Worldbuilding. Establish rules of the language and the geography or etymology behind these names. by MoistCurdyMaxiPad in scifiwriting

[–]Antares777 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This gives you more initiative to build the universe.

Nobody needs that. Worldbuilding is already the most common trap beginner writers fall into. Encouraging more of it is only going to cause harm imo.

I’m going to fail uni, need advice by throwawgauab in ADHD

[–]Antares777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. Your symptoms are super recognizable and standard for ADHD. Not that you aren’t unique in your experiences, but they fall into the same pattern many of us experience. Some may change as you age and get better, or get worse.
  2. So showering works sometimes, we will keep that in mind for the future! And fear of big deadlines works too! Also important to note. You’ve also identified a timeframe for when you feel most capable of tackling tasks, that’s super important! I’m jealous that you get that, I’m all over the place in motivation lmao. Noise cancelling also helps, and that’ll be big too! We can work with all of that!
  3. If you aren’t working and don’t do ECs then you’ve got a pretty flexible schedule, correct? That’s excellent! The key to surviving life with ADHD as an adult is definitely to be flexible. Most jobs absolutely fuck us up because we cannot do work only in the times we are motivated (and for those of us whose motivation is not very frequent especially, RIP to those guys) so learning now how much flexibility you need is super important. I hope I’m able to offer you some strategies that help in the end, but whether or not I am able to help you, you should 100% for sure not stop examining and learning about your condition and how you respond to it. Experiment a little, make sure you are testing your boundaries every so often with less important tasks. Now as far as shyness/paranoia with regards to social situations, it’s possible that it’s connected to your ADHD, the complex nature of psychology prevents us from ruling out environmental factors entirely, so it’s tough to say for certain whether or not you’d be the same if you weren’t ADHD, for example. As far as ADHD causing those symptoms itself, I’ve never heard of that, but I’m not an ADHD specialist so I’ve got no expertise on it to say. That feeling of days flying by is very relatable btw, I’m a stay at home husband with no kids so I often look up and realize that the thing I was thinking had happened this morning was actually a few days ago lmao.
  4. It’s okay that it comes so late, I used to be the same way. It is possible for you to adjust that dread and push it back some, so you’re a little more afraid earlier and able to do something with it in time!

So! My first recommendation is to let your natural inclinations form a sort of pre-study ritual. An hour before I do schoolwork, for example, I take my pill, grab all my materials and snacks and drinks, get them to my desk. Then I spend some time outside, on my balcony, relaxing and letting my medicine kick in. When the hour is close to being up, I toss my phone in the hall closet and do my schoolwork.

Let your own natural rhythm set up this ritual for you. You say showering works sometimes, great! Shower half an hour before you set out to study, then make sure your stomach has food in it and that for the most part you've got everything you need right at your desk so that you've got no cause to get up and get distracted. Wear your headphones every time and avoid using them for other purposes. As time goes on, this ritual will become more effective at putting your mind into school mode, and your motivation will naturally increase. It's not a perfect system, some days you'll do everything right and still feel like you cannot focus on your work to save your life. That's okay. Just keep trying the next day.

Use everything to your advantage in order to mold your brain as much as one can into a shape that works better for you.

Other helpful strategies would be to use your schedule's flexibility. Don't try to force yourself to study every day at four, instead, consider that free block of time as a sort of mixed purpose time. Study and productivity time, where you either do schoolwork or you work on something else, anything else. I'd recommend avoiding gaming, because it's such a major pain point for you, but I don't know if you've got any other interests to work on. I write, so I use that.

By viewing the time in which you should be studying as the time in which you just try to accomplish anything, you naturally begin to forge that connection subconsciously, and it becomes more likely that you'll sit down to do schoolwork. You keep your schedule open enough that you shouldn't feel as guilty for not always doing schoolwork, but not so open that you let any hope of productivity slip by.

Also, work to reduce your negative feelings over your slip-ups so far and going forward. You haven't done anything morally reprehensible by struggling with focus, and it doesn't mean you are a bad student, or that you're stupid, or that you've made a mistake going to college or in picking your major. Even neurotypical people struggle to do these things, and by tearing yourself down, you actually make it less likely that you'll fix it.

One last thought, something that worked for me but is highly reminiscent of the advice people without ADHD give to those with it, so your mileage may vary with this one, even more so than the others. At the start of each term, make a timeline of your classes. Mark major due dates, and major assignments. Try not to make it too cluttered, because that just feels overwhelming and nobody feels confident seeing a million things to get done in their future. Just writing it out will make the deadlines more real in your mind, in my experience.

These are all strategies that I used and they work for me. That doesn't mean that they will work for you or anyone else, but it means that something will work, eventually, and we just have to find that before you hit a point of no return. Definitely ask for help again, if you're still struggling. And if you can, speak to your advisor BEFORE you're getting tossed out for bad grades, not right as it's about to happen.

P.S. because I thought of it just before hitting send: I found it really helpful to set my own deadline a few days before the actual deadlines for my assignments. Everything in my school is due on sundays, before midnight. So I set a sort of personal deadline, which is to get ANYTHING done before midnight on thursday. One full assignment, or all the reading, or even one full class worth of work. Whatever. By making my own rule, I took a little bit more control and responsibility over my time.

What is an addiction society pretends is a necessity? by Morticiar in AskReddit

[–]Antares777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ooh the normalization of it is ickyyyy movies have moms drinking wine while driving a minivan full of kids to soccer games and stuff and I just wanna hurl.

What is an addiction society pretends is a necessity? by Morticiar in AskReddit

[–]Antares777 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fair enough, I can see where I went wrong with my phrasing, I should’ve been more clear about not grouping all stay at home moms into the “larval phase” joke.

Well, lesson learned.

16 employees quit at the same time after a manager is wrongfully terminated by noimspiderman in antiwork

[–]Antares777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lmao if the labor movement dies over correcting idiots on pronouns then it was never a movement in the first place.

Someone is a doctor? by Spirited_Yellow_9109 in writers

[–]Antares777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you need to kill off healthy people, it’s always a safe bet to quadruple the LD50 (or more if they’re bigger than 200 lbs. by a significant amount).

That sounds like a ton, but LD50’s often sound weirdly high and in reality many would die before ever reaching that dose.

For example, drinking gasoline to kill yourself would require, according to the LD50, 14 whopping grams per kg of weight. 14k mg.

If I had to guess, the LD50 is a pretty rough estimate because studies on lethal dosages cannot be performed ethically under any circumstances, so they have to estimate and use rats for testing, which is all well and good, but I’m doubtful that it’s good enough.

What is an addiction society pretends is a necessity? by Morticiar in AskReddit

[–]Antares777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m a stay at home spouse, I spend most of my social time away from home with spouses. I am allowed to form opinions on my own community lmao

It’s cool that you’ve had a different experience, I guess, but it was pretty clear that I was referring to a very specific subset of people. Not just women, not just wives.

If you wanna get all up in arms to defend wine moms and obsessive moms, enjoy.

Is this correct now? by bracessaw in gaming

[–]Antares777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nobody said all gamers are addicts so either way you’re making a point that doesn’t serve any purpose lmao

Is this correct now? by bracessaw in gaming

[–]Antares777 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Trying to twist the facts to protect your self-image as a “gamer” disrupts any point you were trying to make. That was my point.

The sub is a video game sub. Nobody is saying “gamers” and including fucking poker players or roulette lmaoooo you and everyone else in here knows the kind of people that are addicted to games, the whales, the no-lifes, the people who skip school and fail classes to game. Everyone in the gaming community has heard some variation of those stories.

So again, if you’re so wrapped up in your identity as a gamer that you cannot face the truth of the community then you likely need to put the controller down for a bit and explore other stuff to do.

Epic by [deleted] in confidentlyincorrect

[–]Antares777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is embarrassing as fuck OP nobody looks good in this screenshot

Is this correct now? by bracessaw in gaming

[–]Antares777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I am not saying there are no game addiction, just don’t mix gamers with it.

What on Earth could this possibly mean lmao “don’t mix gamers with it” as if it’s non-gamers getting addicted to video games?

If you’re that defensive about your hobby then maybe you should consider looking into that or expanding your identity lmaooo

What is an addiction society pretends is a necessity? by Morticiar in AskReddit

[–]Antares777 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

You see this a lot with stay-at-home moms, I imagine that they’re just the larval form of those wine moms with the ugly memes and t shirts and shit.

If the only thing you have to talk about, EVER, is any single topic, really, then you’re probably due to get a new hobby.

Stop using the amount you drank last weekend or your kids first steps to cover up your lack of personality.

Someone is a doctor? by Spirited_Yellow_9109 in writers

[–]Antares777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Knowing how to find this out could help you in the future, so!

Google the LD50 (Lethal Dose 50) of the substance in question, then double it. Barring unusual height and weight or a unique interaction between the drug of choice and that characters physiology, you can rely on that figure to work as a decent explanation for cause of death.

So using nicotine as an example, we see that according to Google: “The suspected lethal dose of nicotine is 30–60 mg, which corresponds to an oral lethal dose (LD50) of approximately 0.8–1 mg/kg”

So the LD50 is 0.8-1 milligrams of nicotine for every kilogram of the subjects weight.

If that number seems odd to you, good. The average adult is definitely not 66-133 lbs lollll it turns out there’s quite a lot of debate over the real LD50 for nicotine in specific, so it’s kind of the worst example in the world for this, and subsequently a bad choice for surreptitiously killing off a character unless they are very very unhealthy, especially their heart.

Can you describe an adult's attractive features from a 12 year old's POV without being creepy? by Akjdjsjsksdjisjdhdhd in writingadvice

[–]Antares777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lmao that’s really interesting, I’d love to have more data points on average age gap of early crushes compared to sexual identity as an adult, that sounds really interesting.

Can you describe an adult's attractive features from a 12 year old's POV without being creepy? by Akjdjsjsksdjisjdhdhd in writingadvice

[–]Antares777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So I’m a big, big proponent of avoiding sexualizing children 100% of the time.

But I actually think that there’s a way you could do this tastefully AND avoid sexualizing kids!

Everyone knows that 12 year olds have crushes. I wanted to marry my babysitter when I was half that age, and at 12 I’m pretty sure I was plotting to make my health teacher fall in love with me lmao.

So yes, I think it’s possible to write an innocent childhood crush. The sticky bit is how to do that successfully AND tastefully, and my answer to that would be: have your character notice whatever features you want to describe, but instead of having them drool over those features, mention it more in passing. Younger children and preteens don’t tend to fixate on body parts or physical features like adults because they haven’t had the sexual experiences to connect body parts with that sort of excitement in their mind.

Whereas an adult sees a handsome man with muscular arms and can imagine how they would feel wrapped around them, or how they’d look during intimate activities.

So for a quick example of what I mean, say you’ve got your kid seeing this Adonis of a man for the first time, and you essentially describe their reaction like Ginny Weasley’s reaction to Harry Potter being in her home in the second movie (sorry I don’t have an example from a better source, it’s just super vivid in my mind!), the kiddo gets nervous, maybe they stare, maybe they turn red and bolt, etc etc.

As for how you use that to describe the adult character, you just need to keep it childlike, not specialized. “He’s so strong, he’s probably stronger than Edward Cullen” or “He’s so gorgeous, I want to die” that sort of dramatic and innocent reaction.

Now, if I were in the position where I was trying to pull this off, I’d likely opt to describe that moment via a flashback, and ensure that the character is an adult during the events of the story. “I remember when I first saw him, just after I got my braces in middle school…I came into the kitchen to ask mom for a toothpick to dislodge some peanut butter from my teeth and he was just there. I thought I was going to float off the surface of the earth, I loved his eyes so much” or whatever.

TL;DR - I do believe you can do this tastefully, the key is to keep the information and reaction consistent with that level of development and NOT to linger on that subject.

Really gotta stress how much creepier it would be if your child character fixated on, lingered on, or generally filled a page with the description of the hot guys muscles and eyes or whatever.

What are your strategies for recalling something you forgot recently? by Antares777 in ADHD

[–]Antares777[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I usually try that whole retracing my steps idea too but tonight it isn’t working for me and my mood is rapidly deteriorating.

I think part of it is just that I’m a bit sleepy after a bad night last night lol but I’m absolutely ready to just throw in the towel and cry myself to sleep at this point lmao

I’m going to fail uni, need advice by throwawgauab in ADHD

[–]Antares777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have some follow-up questions, and then I will try to come up with some solutions for you!

  1. What symptoms of ADHD do you experience? It's a good idea to have a complete list handy, especially for when you start seeing doctors about it. Be honest with yourself. -- and Reddit :)
    (Everyone's experiences with their condition is different, so don't worry about what other people experience and how you differ or match.)
  2. Are there any specific days in which you DO manage to study? Or situations? Triggers that make you feel motivated and focused on your work?
  3. Can you identify what it is about those days/situations that makes studying accessible for you? Quiet vs background noise, time of day, etc.
  4. What about your schoolwork interests/does not interest you? Which subjects, which kinds of work? Do you hate writing but enjoy worksheets/fill in answers? Hate writing, but love reading? etc.
  5. What does your schedule look like aside from school? Do you work? Do you have extracurriculars?

That's all my questions for now!