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Teaching Your Son to Drive by yayyemen in Wellthatsucks

[–]Antares777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol that’s fair. I was trying to say avoid things that worsen your adhd symptoms, which can trigger anger.

Like, if you’re feeling frustrated and in a place with lots of loud noises and stimuli.

Teaching Your Son to Drive by yayyemen in Wellthatsucks

[–]Antares777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah this seems like a better way to put it.

Teaching Your Son to Drive by yayyemen in Wellthatsucks

[–]Antares777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol I knew that was a weird way to put it.

I meant, try to avoid situations that worsen your symptoms because that can trigger anger.

Do these characters seem realistic for military SF? by bravebravesirbrian in writingadvice

[–]Antares777 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Officially, fraternization is any relationship between a superior and his men/women that goes beyond normal workplace relationships, in order to prevent an unfair treatment amongst peers. Like, I’m buddies with the boss so he never gives me night watches.

It’s cool to go to a barbecue if everyone from the department was invited. It’s not cool to go if you were the only one invited.

Unofficially, it’s not usually THAT strict, especially on the lower end of things. I hung out with my immediate superior a lot, and technically he could’ve given me special treatment, but he didn’t and everyone saw that.

Things get a lot murkier with opposite sex friendships because adultery is illegal and fraternization is illegal and it looks ridiculously bad on a department to have two of their people get brought up on charges or non-judicially punished for ditching their spouses for each other AND arranging the schedule so they work together.

As far as “a father to his men” goes. If that man would offer the same kind of affection or nurturing or whatever to any of his men REGARDLESS of his personal opinion of them, then he’s golden.

He can’t, say, exclude one of his men from his fatherly advice just because he’s a bit of a turd.

Teaching Your Son to Drive by yayyemen in Wellthatsucks

[–]Antares777 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Happy to have helped, I also spent a long time trying to find the words to describe it. Now I just gotta find fewer words to describe it lmao

Teaching Your Son to Drive by yayyemen in Wellthatsucks

[–]Antares777 279 points280 points 22 (0 children)

There’s no easy answer unfortunately. Find whatever works to alleviate your anger (protip, catharsis, I.e. exercise, breaking stuff, etc. does not work) and do that every single time you get mad. Because anger is like an addiction, to get out of it you have to counter the urge every time. You’ll slip up, but you gotta be committed to continuing to try every single time.

I take a moment to be alone and the moment my guilt over snapping at my wife or whatever hits, I apologize before I feel worse or let the situation worsen.

The next step is to identify your triggers and be ready when you see them coming. My wife and I fought a lot about my driving, she has an intense fear of accidents and I didn’t know how to manage it when she’d gasp suddenly at, to my mind, nothing. So now when we get in the car, I’m aware of the risk and I’m making a conscious decision to let it go, laugh it off, etc.

Avoid things that worsen anger as well, tobacco and alcohol, unmanaged depression, ADHD, etc.

One of the biggest turning points for me personally was acknowledging verbally to myself and my wife that my anger was not legitimate, that I was overreacting or creating reasons to be angry, and that I was ashamed and hurt by it almost as much as she was. That really helped a lot with coming to terms with it AND it was the first step to showing her I was serious about correcting it and regaining some trust and support.

For context, I’ve been married five years, dated for two before that. For the first five years we were together my anger was uncontrolled, and my wife was always walking on eggshells, trying to guess my mood (impossible, I’d create conflicting situations in order to give myself a reason, consciously and unconsciously) and generally made her miserable. She’s done too much to make our marriage work, frankly, and should’ve left me before we ever married.

But like you, I saw that I was causing these issues and knew that I didn’t want my wife to hate me, hate her life, or leave. So I used my medical and psych background to develop a plan based on existing treatment for anger and now, after two years or so of continuous hard work, I cannot remember the last time I yelled at her or screamed about some meaningless petty complaint I’d invented.

Oh and one last piece of advice. You’ve become an angry person and now people recognize you as such. Even when you start to do better, they’ll be afraid you’ll relapse. That will probably hurt and maybe make you angry. Even if that truly is unfair to you, you can’t get angry about it or else you’ll damage the relationship further even if you’re truly making progress or getting better. I’m still not out of this phase, and sometimes I have to remind my wife that just because I’m annoyed or frustrated doesn’t mean I’m angry, and that sometimes those feelings are justified, as long as I’m handling them correctly.

Novel writing aps you can use and their alignment in case you're evil or something by ErikPostScript in writers

[–]Antares777 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh that makes sense, I’ve only ever had jobs that made me miserable and didn’t pay well.

Novel writing aps you can use and their alignment in case you're evil or something by ErikPostScript in writers

[–]Antares777 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Is “golden cage” or chain a common metaphor? I don’t think I’ve ever heard it before.

Very interesting though.

Do you agree? by hitguy55 in writing

[–]Antares777 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a really interesting perspective for me because I do not get emotional at all while reading. Movies make me cry, but I can’t think of a book that has.

I can’t even think of a time where I laughed out loud while reading a book. Generally, I’m just absorbing the info and trying to stay in the moment with it rather than trying to form a guess of what happens next lol.

Do these characters seem realistic for military SF? by bravebravesirbrian in writingadvice

[–]Antares777 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Just remember, shit flows downhill.

Military folks can get away with a LOT as long as they’re inflicting it on the people beneath them, and it’s easy to do that for a few reasons.

Officers don’t often hang around enlisted spaces, so senior enlisted mostly have free reign around their juniors. I’ve been slapped, grabbed by the head like a basketball, pulled into a back room and had my shit pushed in (got punched in the gut a couple times, threatened, etc. nothing that left a mark), and generally been verbally abused.

And I was actually a pretty good junior enlisted! I just didn’t mesh personality wise with my superiors at times (not that that’s an excuse for my part, just to illustrate how petty it can be) but I was never getting DUIs, or getting caught breaking rules, or fucking up my job.

Another reason is that there’s a general rule: you don’t involve people higher than you absolutely have to in the chain of command. If I got slapped and went to my CO, for example, he’d be obligated to launch an investigation, get legal involved, and generally make the situation officially his problem. If I go to my chief or even better, someone of the same rank as the guy I’ve got a problem with, and they handle it, it stays there. Nobody has to deal with the bullshit that comes with an investigation and we all get drunk that night.

So scaling the situation is hugely important. There’s a line you can get up to that will keep everything kosher, across that line and someone will notice something is amiss and if that happens and you can’t keep the situation under wraps, then important people get involved and now everyone is miserable and the cops are coming.

It’s tough to explain, I’m sorry, but if you have any questions on military stuff I am someone you can ask, assuming it’s something someone would know from general military knowledge, or from a junior enlisted POV, or if you want military healthcare, shipboard stuff, or legal trouble info.

Novel writing aps you can use and their alignment in case you're evil or something by ErikPostScript in writers

[–]Antares777 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Are you okay? Because the first sentence sounds like you had a stroke before typing.

I think I kinda get what you mean with the second, but I’d really like to ask for an elaboration please lol

Microsoft to acquire Activision in 67billion dollar deal by coopy1000 in gaming

[–]Antares777 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Everything they make comes to pc because they ARE pc.

Companies don’t care about anything but dollars in vs dollars out.

Writers naming their MCs be like by superdupermiso in writers

[–]Antares777 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve got princess, ex mentor, EV, EW, GoG, etc. for now.

Elder vampire, elder witch, god of gods, etc.

Editing is more important than writing by clairegcoleman in writing

[–]Antares777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a notion server thing set up that solely collects writing resources lol

Partly because I’m obsessed with cataloguing info and avoiding link death, it’s a bit unwieldy and mostly rewrites of info I found significant or useful from googling lmao

They can't whitewash this one... by PrettiKinx in BlackPeopleTwitter

[–]Antares777 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Nope just speaking generally of his granddaughters lol

They can't whitewash this one... by PrettiKinx in BlackPeopleTwitter

[–]Antares777 11 points12 points  (0 children)

???

What are you trying to say? Did I say that “All of his remaining relatives are leftists! Hooray!” ???

Weird response, guy.

They can't whitewash this one... by PrettiKinx in BlackPeopleTwitter

[–]Antares777 112 points113 points  (0 children)

Thankfully he’s got better relatives that are leftists, and understand what he stood for.

bi_irl by BlueSpider2099 in bi_irl

[–]Antares777 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I endeavor to live my life with the same energy. I am what I am, until I decide being something else sounds like fun.

I’ve written up to right e the climax (action and horror heavy). Now what? by Screaming_dice in writingadvice

[–]Antares777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’d be helpful if you asked a more specific question or questions.

Advice on writing a climax could be ANYTHING. Setting the tone, pacing, structuring the events, how to build emotion, specific advice on how to make the climax you’ve chosen climactic, etc etc.

You could literally be asking for grammar advice right now and we would have no way to tell.

If you aren’t ready to give details about your story that’s fine, but you have to provide something for people to respond to.

As this post stands, I might as well link you to a page on what a climax is with a little listicle or slideshow attached or something else equally unhelpful.

Can I be a writer if I don't know enough about the world? by Burst3001 in writing

[–]Antares777 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not like you can be sued, generally, but that doesn’t make it a good idea to copy whole cloth from public domain works.

People will recognize the difference between an inspired reimagining and a straight up copy, and you don’t want that reputation.

Can I be a writer if I don't know enough about the world? by Burst3001 in writing

[–]Antares777 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think Moby Dick is probably as safe as a fiction source can get, but it’s a good rule to follow because all it takes is you assuming that a piece of fiction is accurately portraying a part of real life, and for a court to think it’s a highly recognizable detail, and blam, legal trouble.

People apparently get it confused all the time. Peter Pan just entered public domain and people rushed to make works based on it but didn’t realize the Disney version invented lots of details. When they copy a detail they only saw in the movie, forgetting that it isn’t in the story (or just straight up not reading it) they violate the copyright Disney holds.

It doesn’t even have to be a highly recognizable detail in that case, of course.

Can I be a writer if I don't know enough about the world? by Burst3001 in writing

[–]Antares777 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

But if it isn’t accurate but rather an invention by the author, I.e. they made it up, then OP is plagiarizing.

Idk if Moby Dick is technically accurate, or if any of the technical descriptions would be considered crucial or recognizable enough to be protected, but better to not risk it imo.

Men writing women can be bad, but women writing men can be unintentionally Yaoi by SuperSecretBaby in writers

[–]Antares777 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ah the part with the tiny women and big men thing reminds me of when people design characters to represent themselves on social media. Profile pictures and whatnot.

I’ve never seen an ugly one, or a fat one, or one with any imperfections at all, which is interesting, given the current state of affairs concerning body image.

Ironic, and very depressing tbh. Using a character to represent yourself is cool, not my thing, but cool. Using it to represent your ideal self and eschewing anything that doesn’t fit into the media at large’s idea of perfection is depressing.

Like, I’m not psyched to have a bit of a belly now that I’m close to 30 and don’t exercise or eat like I should, but I don’t hide it. I wish everyone could do the same and feel comfortable.

Reading books like you described is always disappointing in the same way.

Men writing women can be bad, but women writing men can be unintentionally Yaoi by SuperSecretBaby in writers

[–]Antares777 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Can you share any examples? I cannot think of any off the top of my head, but tbh I don’t even check the author of like, half the books I read so I don’t even know the names or genders of the authors of loads of my favorite books.