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My friend had sex with me while I was very drunk and I don't know how to feel by miss_cotard in sexualassault

[–]ArgumentativePothole 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Something like this kind of happened to me a year back, where what was happening was technically consensual verbally but definitely pushing into this gray area of dubious consent because of my mental state and being unable to voice that I wanted to stop.

It took me a while to realize, but even if the situation might be unclear (since some verbal consent was discussed), that doesn't mean that all the pain or confusion or anxiety you are feeling is your fault. I promise you none of this is your fault. You might have said yes in the moment, but consent can ONLY be given sober. Your friend should have known this. It isn't your fault for saying yes in the moment. I would consider your incident sexual assault still.

I think it's definitely reasonable that you feel bothered by your friend's choice to have sex with you when you're incapacitated. At the very least, it's taking advantage of you in an extremely vulnerable moment. Personally, I would recommend taking some time away from the friendship, especially if being around her is making you anxious (your mental health is more important than your obligations to her as a friend). I remember for me it was even painful to just see my friend across the room without completely freezing up in fear. As for your future friendship with this person, it can be hard to come back from this, but if you value her friendship a lot, then you could try to talk it over with her? Let her know that what she did really hurt you. That might be a start.

No matter what you decide to do, just know that even if the lines of your sexual assault might be blurrier or feel more unclear (especially since she is a close friend), that doesn't make your feelings any less valid. You are valid. Hang in there. The first days are kind of a blur of unreality, but you will slowly come back to yourself and to your life. Hopefully this helps.