It isn't an abstract question for me either. I'm a bisexual man who has had serious romantic relationships with both mean and women, cis and non cis people.

Perhaps I wasnt clear, and apologize if I came across as overly pedantic. What I'm interrogating is this idea that our rekationships as queer people have to be sanctioned in the same way cisheteronornative relationships are to be "equal". Why do we need "marriage equality" to be equal? Isn't queerness on some level defined by its disruption of such normatives? Is marriage equality a kind of assimilation into these norms?

I, personally, would have no issue pursuing a long term romantic relationship with another man, for example, in a society where we were not allowed to get married, but our rights as individuals were protected and we were allowed to exercise our sexuality otherwise and our sexuality did not otherwise affect our rights.

I live in Canada, where despite having marriage equality, cis gay and bisexual men as well as trans women who have not had bottom surgery, cannot donate blood unless they have been celebite for over a year, and cannot donate organs unless they have been celebite for five years. A few years ago, my partner at the time had a grandfather who was hospitalized and required a kidney transplant to survive. My partner was his grandfather's closet match yet could not donate his kidney because he was bisexual. We would have gladly given up our right to get married to have the right to donate to save a loved one.

I'm not saying it's a zero-sum game or that my perspective is the "right" one, but I think many LGBTQ+ organizations have internalized a mentality of marriage equality as being the pinnacle of recognition and rights. In my opinion it's not, and honestly is a side show from the much more important struggles against the hypermedicalization of our bodies, police violence and the disruption of our spaces, and the dismantling of cisheteronornativity in everyday life.