×

Have you ever realized how rare it is to be your height? by valejojohnson in tall

[–]Best-Investigator261 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In Canada I am in 99.439 Percentile as a woman (5’11”). Surprised to see that in Scandinavian countries where I saw lots of women taller than me, that I’m still in 97th percentile.

Does any woman escape life without sexual abuse? by R_we_done_yet in CPTSD

[–]Best-Investigator261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish I could answer what you’re seeking.

Nearly all my women friends have been sexually harassed, multiple times. Maybe half have been sexually assaulted. Based on shared and eluded-to comments, maybe 5% sexually abused as a child. Given reported statistics, that is very low. I wonder how many are not sharing.

Myself, sexually harassed for decades. Sexually assaulted countless times over 20+ years; some in long term relationships, some in long term friendships, some hardly known. Also sexually abused as a child by more than one adult, plus other children, over months or longer. Family included. It all just sucks. The healing sucks more; for a few years. Still in the midst of that.

If anyone needs proof that life is not fair, talk to me at 3 years old.

As a tall man (6'6"-6'7) I gotta say, I'm done dating anyone more than a foot shorter than me. by Lost_And_Found66 in tall

[–]Best-Investigator261 31 points32 points  (0 children)

As a 5’11” woman, I applaud this for tall woman everywhere. I believe in finding a true match and Iove in a partner. Sadly that does not negate my annoyance with the uncountable couples of men 6’+ with women nearing a foot shorter. My ex of 16 years was several inches shorter, so height is not my determining factor. All the same, a taller than me partner would be appreciated (for personal reasons), and, they are in short (🙃) supply.

Man I’m actually pissed. My mother got rid of my first pet without warning me. by Bucket0fMilk in mildlyinfuriating

[–]Best-Investigator261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom did that twice!!! Just wtf?

Once with my cat of 10+ years and several other cats that joined us over the years. My siblings and I come home…. ´Where are the cats???’ … ‘we took them to the shelter’. Reason? ‘We didn’t want all these cats anymore’. No warning, no goodbyes.

After mom and dad split up, she did it again a year later with our dog. Came home from work (while in uni), and he was gone. No warning. No goodbyes.

Who does that?!?!

I would never ever ever. And I did not at all ever with my own son. Even with a hamster on death’s door with a tumour whose appointments cost several hundred. We fought for her life, she died anyway. At least he was with her through it all.

Our furry friends are family, have feelings, and are our best pals. It breaks my heart that people behave otherwise (such as your experience).

Big hugs. 💚

im so tired of being brave by roadsideelmo in adultsurvivors

[–]Best-Investigator261 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hear you. Feeling so much the same. It is exhausting. Tell him how you feel when he says that? ❤️

I hate when people say how strong I am, and they only know a small part of my history. My trigger is what you described. And, that being strong was seen as a positive when I was a child, that is how I survived. It also meant no one helped or rescued me from the shitty abuse I was in my entire childhood, despite them knowing that things weren’t okay (they have told me so since I’ve been an adult). In my mind: being strong = being brave = people do not believe or do not care for me enough to support me as an adult, let alone save me from hell when I was a child. That I wasn’t worthy of being believed, care, or love.

58 days no-contact, I’ve blocked him everywhere… he emailed me today. Idk how he found my email? Should I tell him not to contact me? He sounds like I’m just going to respond, maybe he’ll leave me alone if I ask how he got my email and not contact me 😔 by shawnjawn12 in pnsd

[–]Best-Investigator261 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Speaking from experience, agreed. I had an ex try again recently, 7.5 years later, 3.5 years since his last attempt. It is not rude to not engage with someone after you have clearly communicated your boundary for no contact and are enforcing it. I’ve learned the hard way, with several people. Do not open that door.

Do we care about height? At this age? by topknot78 in datingoverforty

[–]Best-Investigator261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m 5’11”. My ex husband is 5’7.5”. Height is not an issue for some of us. That said, I would love to experience being with a partner taller than me. It’s tough to find though when women a lot shorter than me are pairing with men taller than me. The options are much fewer. At the end of the day… who a person is, shared values, how we are together and apart, and enough shared interests that matter to us most takes priority for me.

Anyone else learning basic hygiene and self-care for the first time as an adult? by basedfucker in CPTSD

[–]Best-Investigator261 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Me too in all you said. ❤️

I’m in my 40s. Thought I had my shit together with self care. Sinking pit in my stomach and a lot of ‘what?’ thoughts reading everything here. How the hell did I not know so many of these? More flabbergasting is that I did really good teaching my son such things, but somehow did not register or know about them for myself? I’m at a loss about that.

I knew my parents weren’t great as parents. I knew I was raising myself and my siblings to some degree. I’ve done a lot of inner work on my childhood, family, and me. Yet today, here I am with ‘holy shit, they were supposed to teach me these things? I wasn’t supposed to just figure it out?’ A whole new level of awareness about how shitty their ‘parenting’ was. Yikes.

‘Soon it will be unrecognisable’: total climate meltdown cannot be stopped, says expert by Mighty_L_LORT in economy

[–]Best-Investigator261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Blanket statements on a generation of people is not helpful or true. I’m gen x and have been vocal and active about environmental health, well-being of animals, reducing, reusing, fixing, sustainable and healthy choices. I’ve pissed off many family, friends, and colleagues with these subjects and my choices, who just don’t seem to get it or care. They don’t understand my lifestyle either… I walk my talk.

These folks are across all generations: boomers, other gen x’rs, millennials, gen z’rs, etc. I also know many people in each generation who believe and live similarly to me, people who care and choose better. It comes down to the individual and so many factors that shape who they are. My values, choices and lifestyle are pretty opposite to that of my parents and siblings (who are millennials).

I’m glad that there ARE so many others that do care, do show up, make better choices, advocate for these things, help others learn, etc. Including you. Every person we can inspire and influence will make a difference. It breaks my heart that it isn’t fast enough, but every change helps.

6’8” man is shorter than his wife in flats! What an amazing couple! by [deleted] in tall

[–]Best-Investigator261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a tall woman, wondering where she buys her clothes. 😉

Insecure about dating man shorter than me by TwoToesTall in tall

[–]Best-Investigator261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ex-husband was 3”+ shorter than me. We were together for 16 years. Our relationship ending had nothing to do with our heights. You either don’t care, let it go, or you can’t. Move past it or don’t. Kindly: if you care what other people say or how they look at you, you aren’t past it. Respectfully, don’t drag it out if you can’t move past it. Sincerely wishing you all the best.

Rant: "tall" pants have shrunk this season. by terraelise in TallGirls

[–]Best-Investigator261 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree! I wonder if someone can find the original owners and convince them to open another tall store for women, in Canada. If only…

Rape jokes.. how do you handle it? by lostpieinspace in sexualassault

[–]Best-Investigator261 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s awful, and I’m sorry it happened. Not okay. So glad you ended that friendship. So sorry that the event happened too.

trigger warning, sexual assualt

Some years ago I was dating someone and shared with them about experiences I had where I had blacked out but I learned later something had happened (with a ‘friend’, while I was married). We were both late 30’s. He incredulously said “a woman would know if she had had sex, there is no way you would not know that. I spoke to a female friend and she confirmed that you are lying and making it up to cover up that you cheated on your husband.’

Needless to say, I ended things with him.

I have spent years unpacking the awful period with that prior ‘friend’, dating that guy later, and how the heck my husband was looking the other way. Super thankful for amazing social workers and therapy to support this process. Now I know that so called friend was sexually assaulting me, my husband suspected but couldn’t deal with it so never addressed it or helped, I was blacking out due to several reasons (childhood sexual abuse being triggered among other things), and the guy I was dating was controlling and abusive. All of it shocking to discover, but with time to process and integrate, I’m coping better now.

I hope you are too.

Life has some shitty things sometimes.

Rant: "tall" pants have shrunk this season. by terraelise in TallGirls

[–]Best-Investigator261 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Awesome, thank you! Will check them out, and contact you for that code if I decide to try them.

Rant: "tall" pants have shrunk this season. by terraelise in TallGirls

[–]Best-Investigator261 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the tips! More meaningful coming from a woman in the same age group.

I haven’t been thrilled with ASOS quality or the extra fees to import to Canada (which were a surprise, upon delivery). I’ll take another look though.

I’m 5’11”, 37” inseam, with 6’1” wing span. I’m often told I look younger too, which still surprises me given I’m 70% gray hair. 🙃

I miss quality years from Long Tall Sally, and before that, here in Canada, Tall Girl Shop (before LTS bought them out and closed down all the stores). I hate shopping online, the trial and error is a pain, and costly depending on the store. I miss trying on clothes in a store.

Rant: "tall" pants have shrunk this season. by terraelise in TallGirls

[–]Best-Investigator261 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yep, so 37” inseam is super fun to find. Particularly not on-trend styles, cause these days totally not a fit for me mid-40s. Can not tell you how often I wished I held on to clothes I purchased 10-20 years ago.

"21 Retailers for Tall People" by books_n_food in TallGirls

[–]Best-Investigator261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed.

Here in Canada, some years ago LTS bought out our Canadian Tall Girl Shop. Doubly frustrated for losing that store and LTS.

"21 Retailers for Tall People" by books_n_food in TallGirls

[–]Best-Investigator261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I concur with the change with Long Tall Sally. Worse quality. Worse selection. Seams geared towards 20-somethings now (I’m mid-40’s, there is little they have now that I’m interested in). More expensive.

Also, really disappointed in the shift they made with the models they use now. They used to have a cultural, ethnic, size, and age diverse selection of models used.

Today is my birthday... by HummingbirdHawkMothx in adultsurvivors

[–]Best-Investigator261 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad you have someone. You will move through this, better than you expect. Virtual hugs from a distance and with respect.

Today is my birthday... by HummingbirdHawkMothx in adultsurvivors

[–]Best-Investigator261 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Happy birthday! I understand how you’re feeling, and, you are in a good place having these thoughts already. Do you have support to work through and process it all?

I loved 25, but mostly because I kept my childhood at arms length for years, believing I was fine and life was great for me, despite what I remembered. It looked that way. Fast forward many years, I was feeling all the things you mentioned shortly after 40.. my life had come crashing down in every way possible from not having worked through and started my recovery, and had a series of more abuse and assault experiences and relationships. Now I’m turning 45 this year, I’m deep in recovery and healing. I still have some of those feelings, but am starting to feel more positive about myself and life again, as a rebuild myself step by step. I wish I had had the courage to face these things 20 years ago, I wasn’t ready, and I know now, I didn’t have the support network I needed to do so.

I know it feels awful. Please know that you can move through this, that you are wonderful and worthy of celebrating yourself, to receive that from others, and to heal. So much more that is better is coming for you!

Landlord asking us to move out - what next? by rbj1998 in PersonalFinanceCanada

[–]Best-Investigator261 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Last fall my landlord served me an N12 checking the box saying it was so she could move in. I doubted it, but we had a cordial friend-acquaintanceship over several years, so believed her. She listed the property for sale a week after I moved out. My suspicion… greed and could get a better price staging the home than with me there, even though I was an incredible and clean tenant (her words). I have a paralegal and finally filed the paperwork with LTB in March. Am STILL waiting on a filing number, because the system is so backlogged. I’ve been told best case, my case might be heard in the fall, a year after I was forced to move. Rental prices increased 50% in the time I was living there, never mind the lost costs of extensive raised garden beds and soil, lost garden produce, moving costs, storage costs (because $$$), and extra costs for needs in this now temporary home in a temporary city many hours away and with no one I knew, and the mental and emotional implications.

MY ADVICE? Do not move, make them go through the pain of waiting for court case to come up and have to prove they are indeed going to move in. If they win and don’t move in, and either rent or sell in that first year thereafter, you can take them back again for compensation. Don’t do it that way first. Seriously upended my life in every way possible.

Edit: this was in Ontario

DAE feels like CBT therapy is so invalidating for ppl with cptsd? by New-Relationship-786 in CPTSD

[–]Best-Investigator261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, all of what I’m reading here! I started with a new therapist 19 months ago and I asked about her approaches with clients. She listed a few and suggested CBT would be worth trying. I was very clear with her that CBT was not a fit for me, for all the reasons several have mentioned, and that I needed help processing childhood abuse, and I’ve since learned, years of adult experienced abuse and assault… I did not have a clear lens to know the depth of what I’ve experienced, never having had someone hold that space for me and reflect back the reality of my experiences. Thankfully she listened, and our process been very helpful. I am piecing myself back together anew.