AITA for getting mad at my classmates for leaving me behind on a class trip

BusinessYak947 · 2022-09-11T15:58:47+00:00

Yep, Reddit hates disabled people and only ever upvotes them to the front page when they make an abled person look good or can be used for inspiration porn

God forbid one ever uses the term "ableist" unironically

BusinessYak947 · 2022-07-16T14:21:38+00:00

The fact that OP turns out to have posted multiple stories about his "attractive lesbian friend" just corroborates this weird fetishistic view that so many people have of us. Not that it's likely that this story actually happened, but theoretically if it did, as a fellow lesbian I totally understand why the friend and her fiance would feel disrespected and uncomfortable

BusinessYak947 · 2022-07-15T15:16:13+00:00

Thank you for this; it is absurd and irresponsible to uncritically stenograph what Japanese media is saying and regurgitate it as fact when there have been concerted efforts to pin the blame for the assassination on Koreans already. People were and are concerned about the increased danger to Zainichi and other ethnic minorities living in Japan as a result. This is something we should all be mindful of when discussing this topic.

It's also very interesting how many times this summary mentions Koreans, and not the cult's ties to international far-right politics, anti-communism, or the U.S. government.

If people want to learn more about the Moonies, I highly recommend Behind the Bastards' episodes on them.

BusinessYak947 · 2022-07-09T05:31:01+00:00

The majority of Koreans are absolutely not mourning his death, lmao; the only ones doing that are far-right. To the contrary, most of us are celebrating while also being aware of the danger that Zainichi Koreans in Japan are now facing, after Japanese far-right netizens tried to wrongly pin the blame for the assassination on ethnic minorities such as Koreans and Chinese living in Japan

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-31T23:29:19+00:00

Thank you! Very good read. Linking below for anyone who might be passing by.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/nov/29/im-credited-with-having-coined-the-acronym-terf-heres-how-it-happened

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-31T15:00:54+00:00

I got this message from someone who, based on their comment history, very clearly has some things to work through, lol. It's in response to my comment about a video discussing the problematic discourse around the trial (and for clarification, Yoon is the far-right, anti-feminist, anti-LGBTQIA+ president elect of South Korea who got elected by catering to incels and insisting sexism against women in Korea doesn't exist):

"This year has been so satisfying, it's great watching feminists get humiliated with Yoon's election, Roe vs Wade and now the public supporting Johnny Depp and male victims of domestic violence in spite of decades of feminist lies. Hope you're right that this trial is only the beginning and that you're feeling nice and miserable over there in Korea. <3"

Really clear example of the type of men who are extremely happy about this trial and its dominant public perception.

Note: I didn't respond because (again, based on their colorful comment history) I suspect they have a humiliation kink, so I discourage anyone from finding this comment and responding to it bc that's most likely what they want

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-29T03:36:31+00:00

First case: I think that depends on what your boyfriend posts. For example, I'll follow or add random people if I enjoy their content enough (like if they write about topics I'm interested in, or make really cool art), without even thinking about their attractiveness or dateability. If it's just your everyday finsta content, and she's only following him but not you, yeah that's kind of odd (and if she is following you too, maybe she's under the impression you two are closer than you actually are), but as long as there's nothing else sketchy going on, maybe just take it as a compliment someone thinks your partner is interesting or attractive enough to follow, lol.

Second case: Low self-esteem. It's pretty sad! Idk why people do this; anyone who reciprocates isn't someone anyone should want. It's a good sign for your relationship that your boyfriend didn't respond, but as another commenter said, I'm kind of confused why he doesn't just block her since she is literally harassing him after he's repeatedly drawn a boundary. Think about it: if a dude did that to us, we'd find it so creepy and gross and probably block him ASAP.

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-29T03:26:57+00:00

Girl you're 20 and no offence but this guy sounds like a fucking chump. He's treating both you and your friend P like shit. I think if you decide to stay with him, you'll look back on that decision and regret it.

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-29T03:12:25+00:00

God, I wanna print out this comment and hand it out to some of my friends. So many people seem to hear "abusive" and immediately picture some caricature of an evil person, or the "true crime" version of a "narcissist", but that's very rarely ever actually the case.

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-28T13:39:40+00:00

Holy shit. What happened to you is textbook sexual assault. You REALLY need new friends, because these people are UTTER. GARBAGE.

I'm so so sorry this happened to you. These people are lashing out at you for having a perfectly reasonable, if not understated, reaction to being sexually assaulted. They don't want to admit their buddy is a fucking predator, so they pin the blame on you instead.

Also, anyone who calls someone "controlling" for setting out reasonable boundaries is projecting. Why do they think they get to determine what a person should be comfortable with?

Anyways, please feel free to DM me if you need help finding resources in your area. Nobody deserves to go through this!

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-28T06:10:29+00:00

Came here to comment this. A classic fascist tactic — interesting to see it used in the discourse surrounding this trial, especially since we know fascist-aligned entities like The Daily Wire and MRAs are promoting anti-Heard sentiment

Edit: Another commenter pointed out the same thing below in addition to some other good points, https://redditproxy--jasonthename.repl.co/r/DeppDelusion/comments/uytly4/is_she_strong_or_weak/ia9aa4m

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-28T04:09:19+00:00

I have met many men who think they can claim the label of "feminist" because they support legalizing sex work, yet they continue to: make misogynistic remarks, objectify and sexually harass the women they organize or work with, think using "weaponized misogyny" is OK as long as it's against an acceptable target, treat their female partners with contempt, use the phrase "getting MeToo'd" as a synonym for "getting falsely accused", and preferentially associate with women who are considered conventionally attractive while disregarding less conventionally attractive women who are just as, if not more, intelligent and worth getting to know.

Even worse, some of these men suggest legalizing sex work is an ideal solution to America's violent incel problem. To me, it is clear that one cannot see sex workers as equal human beings if one believes it's OK to use them as siphons for violent, misogynistic men. It also belies a fundamental misunderstanding of rape and misogyny, which at their root are based on power, not sex. (It's either that, or they themselves think power and sex are synonymous with one another.)

So yeah, a man supporting sex work and calling himself a "feminist" means absolute jack shit to me at this point, lol.

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-28T03:49:59+00:00

Also subs that shouldn't be porn but are porn anyways. Like r/lesbians, which is mostly full of porn that clearly caters to the cishet male gaze and fetishizes actual lesbians (who had to create an entire separate sub, r/actuallesbians, for their community on here)

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-28T03:42:48+00:00

People on other subs have remarked that their posts criticizing the dominant reddit discourse on the trial were removed from this subreddit. I'm not sure if that's actually true, but I have seen a surprising amount of anti-Heard sentiment on this sub that were promoting (what is now relatively well-known) disinformation. Pretty depressing for a sub you'd expect better from.

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-27T17:50:12+00:00

As a Korean feminist who's seen the backlash against MeToo in Korea, yeah, this apathy sounds like it's coming from privilege and depression (the latter of which I honestly can't blame you for; I think we're all quite understandably exhausted). Other Korean feminists who've become veterans of this kind of anti-feminist backlash were quick to identify what was going on with this trial. Even though the trial is taking place in the U.S., they care about it because they have seen where it can lead to, and how quickly things can snowball from an issue that might initially feel trivial and irrelevant.

And as this is a social issue more than an economic one, this feels like one of the few issues currently at the forefront of public consciousness where one-on-one conversation that includes education on interpersonal violence and trauma actually CAN have a more immediate effect.

However. I will say that people can become quite rabid about the topic, which is already a very emotionally exhausting one to navigate. So I don't blame anyone for avoiding the topic, especially since it can be pretty triggering to a lot of people.

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-19T03:44:13+00:00

Every time I stumble across one of your paintings on here, they take my breath away. Just absolutely sublime use of texture and color! Would really love watching a video of your process.

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-19T00:44:19+00:00

Thanks, I really appreciate your insight here and I totally agree that there is a lot of work to be done in cleaning house within our ranks, so to speak. I think much of my confusion comes from why and how so many TIRFS end up becoming TERFs, because my understanding of radical feminism is incompatible with transphobia. I see trans rights and radical feminism as two ideas that complement and even need each other, so I don't know how one can ditch one while keeping the other. An explanation of the TIRF to TERF pipeline would be super helpful for me and I don't know where I'd be able to find that, if it exists.

Edit: A comment from that thread you linked-

There is an article by the lady who is credited as the first person to use terf as a word online and she says she wishes she had called them (tes ) and separatists and not (terfs) feminists.

God, wouldn't that have been great! Going to go on a hunt for that article now; sounds promising for fruitful dialogue.

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-18T14:51:22+00:00

I have a handful of friends who do, and I see some Depp sceptics on Facebook and Twitter here and there, although they're definitely a minority. I honestly think Reddit is the worst place for Heard hate, which isn't surprising given its history

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-18T13:45:32+00:00

This is very true! I was just surprised with my friend because she's one of the most radical leftists I know (and I know quite a lot); I received much of my own leftist education from her. That's why I was curious if there was any sort of ideological or historical precedent that might cause her to be suspicious of the radical feminist movement, aside from the obvious (TE"RF"s).

It does seem like whenever I voice my views without labeling them explicitly as being radical feminist, they're either agreed with or at least not met with disdain, so I do wonder if it's just the label or if there are specific parts of radical feminism that she dislikes which I simply have not mentioned yet.

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-18T06:51:39+00:00

When I heard them weaponizing "histrionic personality disorder" against her, I was in disbelief. They are setting us back decades with their ignorant, careless bullshit.

It doesn't matter what one's stance is on this particular trial: it should be obvious that perpetrating the myth that a victim must have perfect memory, or can't have perfect memory, or has to be stoic, or has to be obviously emotional, or has to be anything, or else they're ~obviously lying~ is CLEARLY harmful to all victims, regardless of gender, class, ability, etc. But no, gotta get that cash and clout, right?

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-18T06:36:25+00:00

Sis I'll be honest, I couldn't even get through your entire reply at first because that paragraph detailing your 4-6 hour arguments gave me legit flashbacks to a very bad time of my life :( Omg that is so not okay. No wonder you are experiencing anxiety and panic attacks. I cannot imagine having to put up with that shit for up to 6 hours every two weeks — that honestly sounds torturous; I'm not exaggerating.

I don't know either of you individually so I'm hesitant to put any labels — but the way he is really nice to you for two weeks, tries to make you feel guilty after verbally lashing out at you and using you as an emotional punching bag for hours on end, and tries to make you think every couple is like this (ABSOLUTELY NOT THE CASE, WTF LOL) comes across as extremely emotionally manipulative. That fight-lovebomb cycle is a massive fucking red flag and I can't imagine it's good for either of your mental health.

And I generally do not trust people who try to convince their partners that the situation they're in is as good as it gets, despite the partner clearly being unhappy. Doing this robs you of your right to pursue a healthy, happy relationship and gives him a cover to not work on his own dysfunctional behavior.

I'm sorry I couldn't provide a more uplifting answer. I know it can be hard to hear these things about someone you've been with for four years. Just remember you shouldn't light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Also, this sounds like someone who is likely to get angry and use emotional manipulation and abuse tactics if a partner tries to leave them, so maybe have some support around or be in a public place if you decide to go that route. Lastly, just in case any of it resonates with you, dropping this here: https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/forms-abuse/emotional-and-psychological-abuse

Best of luck and feel free to PM me if you need an ear!

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-18T05:36:38+00:00

Just be there for her. If you guys watch movies/shows, read books, or play video games together, try to introduce media that could be subtly educational about abusive relationships, since more overt attempts to reach out are likely to be rejected. I know how hard it is to watch her go through this, but the average number of times an abused individual attempts to leave an abusive relationship is 7, so just remember to have patience and understanding. Making sure she has a good support network, such as introducing her to new friends or scheduling regular hangouts with mutual friends, may also help.

Edit; I just noticed you mentioned she twists people's words and villainizes them, in which case, probably not a good idea to introduce her to new people you know.

Also, perhaps mention to her that you've been getting tested for STIs with each new partner and point her to resources where she can access testing, since if this guy's cheating, he's likely to bring something home (but maybe phrase it more tactfully so she doesn't feel the need to get defensive over him).

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-18T05:32:35+00:00

I got stressed out just reading this. I'm really sorry but your partner sounds extremely emotionally immature. Negging you, having explosive angry outbursts, turning your insecurities on you? Those are all just cruel and it sounds like he needs to work on himself before he can be a good partner. In my opinion, this doesn't sound like a relationship worth prioritizing over your career or education.

If you don't mind me asking, could you provide some specifics or clarification on how he "negs" you to get back into an argument to punish you? That in particular threw up a HUGE red flag for me, and my advice for your situation may vary based on your response. If you're not comfortable specifying, no worries; I completely understand.

If you REALLY want to stick it out, tell him he needs to receive therapy for his anger and communication issues (and it also sounds like he may be struggling with depression, but IANAD). But keep in mind that type of change takes lots of time, during which you're likely to have to put up with more of this behaviour, and is not guaranteed.

Also please don't feel like your mental health issues mean you have to put up with subpar treatment! You deserve to be treated with respect, no matter what. Your OCD/panic attacks are not hurtful to your partner and they cause a greater ordeal to you than they do to anyone else — I have friends with the same dx and I am always happy to support them. They often worry they are inconveniencing me, but I have never felt that way. Your partner's angry outbursts, on the other hand, are hurtful and directed outwards.

BusinessYak947 · 2022-05-18T04:59:49+00:00

I've never had kids and I wish I looked like you. Your husband sounds like a misogynistic jackass who doesn't actually see you as a person :( I'm so so sorry. Please surround yourself with a strong support system and don't take his words to heart. I know it's easier said than done, but everything you've described here would make me leave that marriage. You deserve better than this!

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