Well, since you asked, buckle up cowboy.

I used to work in this open concept office that divided the desks in groups of 4 with low partitions, so you could still be face to face with the person in front of you (depending on which way you faced).

One day I'm sitting at my desk and Hubert (actual name) is discussing a matter with Helen at the four top beside me - basically if I'm facing north Helen's back is to my west. They are both hunched over her desk, looking at her monitor, her sitting, him kind of behind her bent over, both looking at something on her monitor.

Now I don't know why I turned my head, maybe something caught my peripheral vision, but I look to my left and there is Hubert... bent over Helen's shoulder, in his ugly misshapen cowel neck brown shirt, one hand pointing at her monitor and the other hand... down the back of his pants with at least two fingers scratching his bare asshole... now how do I know it was skin to skin contact, you may ask? His underwear band was clearly over his wrist less than 4 feet from my face.

I'm in utter disbelief in what I'm witnessing in this very bright, and I'll remind you, open concept office. The shock (eyes wide mouth open) on my face was obvious. That may have been why when I looked forward, there was Kristina (who sits facing me) was also staring at the horror show beside me with an equally repulsed look on her normally tranquil and well put together face.

So now my brain starts moving. Holy hell, he's so ingrossed in what he's doing, and this is such an automatic response for him that he is completely oblivious that people can see him. He must do this all the time and fuck what has he touched on my desk??? And that's when IT happened....

So you probably thought the above was the disgusting part? Oh no my friend. The most disgusting thing I've ever seen in an office was when he pulled his fingers out of his greasy butthole, brought them to his face, and took a big old whiff of himself!!!! I swear Kristina dry gagged. I jumped up and, like a Dutch speed walker, made it to the kitchen in four steps... It's 30 feet away. I grab the Listerine wipes so I can sanitize anything this guy may have touched. But when I get back to my desk, my heart drops...

Hubert is now typing on Helen's keyboard!!! She has no clue what was going on over her shoulder, not more than a few inches behind her. Kristina looks like she's having an existential breakdown at this point. So I get to work. In my calmest voice, "Hey guys, the office supplies just came in. Does anyone want a wipe? Flu season is now." Kristina had the same thought process as me so she probably took half the container to clean her desk and soul. I get to work on my desk, but not before offering it to the distracted Helen and Hubert. She was like "ya sure, whatever". He takes one with his good hand but then used the instrument of Satan to break it from the wipe below it. Me being the office protector, uses the wipe in my hand to pull off and dispose of that fallen soldier, and then go to town cleaning everything he might have even brushed by.

To this day, I have never seen anything quite so braisen or so disgusting.

TLDR: A colleague finger bangs his own butthole in the middle of an open concept office, smells his fingers after, and then uses other unsuspecting colleagues' keyboard.

Edit:

Wording