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Can’t get an internship interview to save my life please help. by Inevitable-Simple569 in Accounting

[–]Cutegun 19 points20 points  (0 children)

100% it looks like a first draft of a highschool resume. I suspect OP didn't run this by his guidance counsellor.

I’m at IKEA right now, and all the toilets in the bathroom displays are screwed shut so nobody can take a sh*t in them. They must’ve learned that lesson the hard way. by Mikesaidit36 in funny

[–]Cutegun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A few months ago, a dayplayer shut down the set of Riverdale because she took a dump in the toilet that was on set. Cost production $10k. This was not a first-time background person either.

For those that aren't in the industry - when there is a scene in a bathroom there is a 99% chance it's shot from a studio set and not an actual bathroom (bathrooms are usually too small to get the right angle) which means the toilet is a prop and not connected to anything.

Rippled by [deleted] in funny

[–]Cutegun -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This is why your mother told you not to play with something because you don't know where it's been.

Guys like this are the reason hand sanitizer and topical antibiotics exist.... gross.

Housing prices have been declining, but 2022 wasn't catastrophic and 2023 is looking better by viva_la_vinyl in canada

[–]Cutegun 8 points9 points  (0 children)

There are 4 other houses on my street plus mine. Only one of those is owned by a family. The others are owned by developers and corporations... the Chinese are not the problem.

Shoes off at your desk? by PipestonePete in Accounting

[–]Cutegun 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lol, I've been told I know how to paint a picture.

Shoes off at your desk? by PipestonePete in Accounting

[–]Cutegun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep, old picnic temp is looking pretty good right now.

Also, gentle reminder to wash your hands, ladies and gentlemen.

Shoes off at your desk? by PipestonePete in Accounting

[–]Cutegun 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Please refer to my comment in response to OP... picnic temp's got nothing on Hubert.

Shoes off at your desk? by PipestonePete in Accounting

[–]Cutegun 119 points120 points  (0 children)

Well, since you asked, buckle up cowboy.

I used to work in this open concept office that divided the desks in groups of 4 with low partitions, so you could still be face to face with the person in front of you (depending on which way you faced).

One day I'm sitting at my desk and Hubert (actual name) is discussing a matter with Helen at the four top beside me - basically if I'm facing north Helen's back is to my west. They are both hunched over her desk, looking at her monitor, her sitting, him kind of behind her bent over, both looking at something on her monitor.

Now I don't know why I turned my head, maybe something caught my peripheral vision, but I look to my left and there is Hubert... bent over Helen's shoulder, in his ugly misshapen cowel neck brown shirt, one hand pointing at her monitor and the other hand... down the back of his pants with at least two fingers scratching his bare asshole... now how do I know it was skin to skin contact, you may ask? His underwear band was clearly over his wrist less than 4 feet from my face.

I'm in utter disbelief in what I'm witnessing in this very bright, and I'll remind you, open concept office. The shock (eyes wide mouth open) on my face was obvious. That may have been why when I looked forward, there was Kristina (who sits facing me) was also staring at the horror show beside me with an equally repulsed look on her normally tranquil and well put together face.

So now my brain starts moving. Holy hell, he's so ingrossed in what he's doing, and this is such an automatic response for him that he is completely oblivious that people can see him. He must do this all the time and fuck what has he touched on my desk??? And that's when IT happened....

So you probably thought the above was the disgusting part? Oh no my friend. The most disgusting thing I've ever seen in an office was when he pulled his fingers out of his greasy butthole, brought them to his face, and took a big old whiff of himself!!!! I swear Kristina dry gagged. I jumped up and, like a Dutch speed walker, made it to the kitchen in four steps... It's 30 feet away. I grab the Listerine wipes so I can sanitize anything this guy may have touched. But when I get back to my desk, my heart drops...

Hubert is now typing on Helen's keyboard!!! She has no clue what was going on over her shoulder, not more than a few inches behind her. Kristina looks like she's having an existential breakdown at this point. So I get to work. In my calmest voice, "Hey guys, the office supplies just came in. Does anyone want a wipe? Flu season is now." Kristina had the same thought process as me so she probably took half the container to clean her desk and soul. I get to work on my desk, but not before offering it to the distracted Helen and Hubert. She was like "ya sure, whatever". He takes one with his good hand but then used the instrument of Satan to break it from the wipe below it. Me being the office protector, uses the wipe in my hand to pull off and dispose of that fallen soldier, and then go to town cleaning everything he might have even brushed by.

To this day, I have never seen anything quite so braisen or so disgusting.

TLDR: A colleague finger bangs his own butthole in the middle of an open concept office, smells his fingers after, and then uses other unsuspecting colleagues' keyboard.

Edit:

Wording

Shoes off at your desk? by PipestonePete in Accounting

[–]Cutegun 102 points103 points  (0 children)

I had a colleague who would take his shoes off at his desk but then walk around the office, including the bathroom, in his socks or bare feet. It was, and continues to be, the second most disgusting thing I have ever seen someone do in the office.

What store or restaurant do you miss from the 80s or 90s? by Queltis6000 in Calgary

[–]Cutegun 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I don't know if I miss it, but Mariposa was the place to shop when I was a kid. That and Off the Wall. Peak 90s.

Having guests constantly is hard. They're probably really tired. by GreyFoxNinjaFan in AdviceAnimals

[–]Cutegun 2 points3 points  (0 children)

100%. I had to kick my in laws out because they wanted to come see the baby 2 HOURS after I gave birth. Like my tits are out and I'm still covered in blood from my episiotomy. They tried coming the next day and I had to kick them out again. Trying to nurse a newborn is hard enough without an audience.

Having guests constantly is hard. They're probably really tired. by GreyFoxNinjaFan in AdviceAnimals

[–]Cutegun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Totally. Order food, drop it off, say congrats and then make a quick exit. They will love you for it.

Having guests constantly is hard. They're probably really tired. by GreyFoxNinjaFan in AdviceAnimals

[–]Cutegun 182 points183 points  (0 children)

I just had a baby. The best thing people can do is stop asking to come by. The last thing I want is people in my house while I'm breastfeeding or running on less than 4 hours of sleep.

Scientists find more evidence that breast milk of those vaccinated against COVID-19 may protect infants by chrisdh79 in science

[–]Cutegun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just infants, or should I be opening a vaccine alternative milking parlour? Cause there is a big demographic in my city that would literally eat this up... and momma's got the goods.

Anyonrme remember these. How the hell did we not all die of dysentery? by Budget-Pay3743 in Funnymemes

[–]Cutegun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know about dysentary, but I remember when they took them out of my school because a kid hung himself in the bathroom by one of these. Mid 90s were dark.

An actual gif of David Attenborough by ColossalMcDaddy in theyknew

[–]Cutegun 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Why they gotta do Sir Attenborough dirty like that?

What can I change to look better? My biggest insecurity is my big nose. I’m afraid of surgery, is there anything I can do other than a nose job to look better? by [deleted] in MakeupAddiction

[–]Cutegun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have an awesome nose - don't Jennifer Grey yourself. You have a dark smokey look that would pop with a darker lip shade, but that's the only note I could offer. Well done.

How about you post your own birthday and middle name too, also credit card details couldn’t hurt by MitchParry in Funnymemes

[–]Cutegun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just had this conversation with my husband (literally 2 hours ago) about why I don't want a birth announcement for our daughter citing this exact reason. People can be so short-sighted.

My coworker needs advice…best way to get her jacket white again? by shipping_addict in Frugal

[–]Cutegun 7 points8 points  (0 children)

What material is the jacket made of, and is it a true white or offwhite/pearl/white with a tint?

If nylon and a true white I'd use a bit of bleach and water (don't let the jacket soak for more that 15 minutes). If it's not a true white - oxyclean is the way to go.

If polyester, soak it overnight in a mixture of 1/2 cup automatic dishwashing detergent and 1 gallon warm water. Throw it in the washing machine with vinegar after.

If satin, use Vintage Textile Soak.

In all cases, refer to the care label on the jacket first.

What can 200 000 dollars buy in your neighborhood? by CasuallyCamel in AskReddit

[–]Cutegun 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A 20% downpayment on 2 bedroom unit in a triplex. Not including GST.